Kay, guys, half of this had been sitting on my desktop for weeks now and I finally, at 2am, finished it. I've read it over numerous times and I'm relatively sure that I caught all of the mistakes and what not, but, well, you know. Its 2am and my brain started to die somewhere around 1am. Anyways, as always, enjoy the show boys and girls!
It was all warmth, need, and lust. Hands splayed across pale, muscled shoulders, lips locked in a battle for dominance, teeth clacking and tongues fighting. Blonde hair plastered to a sweaty forehead and gre- Harry woke with a start, hands scrambling at the sheets next to him. His breath was coming in pants and he fell back against the bed when his hands hit cold sheets in the spot next to him. "Ugh," he groaned, hands coming up to cover his eyes, the sheet pooled around his naked waist. He really shouldnt have thought last night was going to be any different; he really should have known that Draco would be gone when he woke up, just like he had been every Saturday morning for the last six months.
It was what they did; they got smashed every Friday night after work at the same bar and then fell into Harry's bed, a completely different sort of fighting going on then what they did in school. And every Saturday morning Harry woke to cold sheets and a twisting stomach, trying desperately to push away the thoughts that were working their way deeper into his mind every time this happened.
Harry groaned again and dropped his hands, throwing the sheet off of him and perching on the side of his bed, head in his hands. His mouth tasted like old liquor and stale cigarettes and he smelled like dried sweat and sex. Taking a deep breath he stood up, trudging slowly over to his wardrobe and bending down to pick up a pair of shorts from the floor in front of them, smelling them before shrugging and bending down again to pull them over his hips.
He was in desperate need of a shower but first he was going to need coffee and a cigarette to calm his nerves. Walking out of the door to his bedroom, he stopped and hit play on the stereo that was sitting in the little alcove by the door, classical music beginning to fill the empty spaces in his flat. Sighing and walking slowly down the hall, he grabbed a cigarette off of the breakfast bar before walking around it and into the kitchen, staring at the floor as he made his way over to the coffee maker. He was so busy beating himself up over his stupidity that he didn't notice Draco perched on a chair at the kitchen table, his grey eyes tracking Harry's every movement.
"Do you always listen to classical music this bloody loud on a Saturday morning when you should, by every right, have a hang over?" Harry jumped nearly a foot in the air, his fingers snapping his cigarette in half as he scrambled for the wand that he usually kept close at hand as he whirled around to face Draco. He swore loudly when he realized he'd forgotten his wand in the bedroom and even more loudly when he saw who his 'attacker' was.
"Merlin, Malfoy, you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!" Draco snorted and shrugged his shoulders, not looking at all sorry. Harry huffed as he turned around once again to turn on the coffee maker, his heart pounding extremely hard in his chest, but not just from being startled. This was the longest Draco had ever stayed and maybe Harry could finally scrape up the courage he needed to talk to him about what exactly was going on between them, the courage he'd been trying to find for the last few months.
"I thought you'd be gone by now," he said, flipping the switch on the coffee maker and bending down to pick up the remnants of his cigarette, his mind whirling. Draco watched him move and shrugged his shoulders again, watching as Harry threw away the cigarette and walked over to the breakfast bar for another one. Harrys fingers skirted over the top of the breakfast bar and closed around a cigarette, his heart pounding wildly as he brought it to his lips and lit it, his back still turned to Draco. There were so many thoughts that were trying to claw their way out of his mouth and he had to make a fist, his fingernails biting harshly into his palm in order to keep himself in check as he took a deep drag from his cigarette, finally composed enough to turn around to face Draco.
"Well?" he prompted, leaning back against the bar and watching Dracos face closely. The other man looked down at the table top and bit his lip, his fingers clasped around each other as he tried to work out what he was going to say.
"I...well, we need to talk." Harry raised an eyebrow and pushed off of the counter to walk over to the table, taking a seat across from Draco and flicking some of the ash from his cigarette into the ashtray sitting between them.
"Okay. About what?"
Draco sighed loudly and dragged his eyes up from the table top to Harry's face, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. "About...this. I mean, about us. Er, what we're doing, I mean."
The tips of Draco's ears went pink and Harry had to smile at that, taking a drag from his cigarette again and nodding his head. Maybe he wouldn't have to scrounge up that courage after all, not if Draco was going to bring it up first and that made him almost giddy with relief. " Alright. Lets talk."
Draco sighed again and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and gripping his elbows. He wasn't even sure how to approach this subject but he'd been up for most of the night, leaving the bedroom after Harry had fallen asleep, thinking about this and not leaving like he normally did.
Draco didn't like feelings and he could practically see the ones that Harry had been developing over the last few months and it was beginning to make his stomach twist with anxiety. And as much as Draco didn't want to think about it, he may or may not have been also developing feelings of his own and there was abso-fucking-lutely no way he was going there.
So, he took a deep breath and did what he did best in situations that made him uncomfortable: lied through his teeth. "This thing we're doing, I don't...want to anymore," he said slowly, wincing inwardly at how awful that sounded and hoping to Godric that the other man wouldn't see right through it.
Harry swallowed visibly, his adams apple moving up and down with the effort and his fingers tightened around his cigarette, nearly breaking this one in half, too. "You don't want to anymore?" His brain was having problems understanding exactly what Draco was saying because this was so not how he had pictured this conversation going.
Draco bit the inside of his cheek but nodded, letting go of his elbows and sitting up straight in his chair. If he was going to act like a pompous ass he might as well sit up straight and at least look like he meant what he was saying. "I just...it was fun while it lasted but we both knew this wasn't going anywhere and truthfully, its become a bit boring."
Harry simply stared at him, his cigarette completely burned out and his jaw clenched tight. "Boring? So I was only good enough to fuck for a short period of time, yeah?"
Draco made sure to keep his face as impassive as he possibly could and nodded, splaying his hands out on the table and pushing himself out of his seat. "Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I wouldn't be at the bar next Friday and that, well, we're just done, really," he said, taking his coat from the back of the chair and pulling it on. He turned and began walking towards the door because if he stayed there staring at Harry for much longer, his resolve was going to crumble and he hated admitting to himself that he might actually feel something for this man.
Harry leaned back in his chair and dropped the cigarette into the ashtray, still staring at the spot that Draco had just occupied. He felt like he'd just been punched in the stomach and his heart had sunk to somewhere down by his feet. "So thats it," he called after the blonde and Draco stopped walking but didn't turn around.
"Yeah. Thats it." He gritted his teeth and walked out the door, shutting it behind him with a click.
Harry stayed sitting at the kitchen table for a good ten minutes after the other man left, his eyes moving from the chair across from him to the door, as if expecting Draco to walk back in. He didnt and Harry let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding and rubbed his hands hard over his face, his brain sluggishly processing what the hell had just happened.
"Well, that didn't go exactly how I'd planned in my head," he spoke to the empty kitchen, dropping his hands from his face and standing shakily from his chair. For some reason he felt like his chest had just been forcibly opened and his heart extracted and then stepped on before being given back to him, making it very hard to breathe. He took a few deep breaths and walked into the living room, practically throwing himself on the couch and sinking into it, his eyes staring at a random spot on the wall. This was almost too much for him to process and all he really wanted to do was curl up and go back to sleep, though there was no way he was sleeping in his bed because the left side of it still smelled like Draco. So, Harry did what he did best when he was forced into situations that made him uncomfortable and upset: he shut down and didn't deal with it, instead curling up into a tiny ball on the couch and closing his eyes, the music from his stereo filling the empty spaces in his flat that now seemed so much larger.
It was Monday morning, exactly two days since Draco had walked out of Harry's flat. He had stood outside the door for a good ten minutes before he had walked down the stairs and out into the London rain, his heart somewhere down by his feet. His weekend had gone horribly slow and he had spent the majority of it on his couch, debating between drinking himself into oblivion or walking back over to Harry's to tell him how he really felt. In the end, drinking himself into oblivion had won out, but even then he had had to force himself to put the floo powder back down twice, Harry's address dying on his lips.
Now, he sat at his desk, hands raking through his hair for probably the 10th time in the last 15 minutes and stared at the crumpled pieces of paper scattered about his desk and littering the floor around it. Today had not been a good day and his current state showed that.
The door to his office opened and Pansy strode in, not bothering to knock, her eyes roving over Draco's form as she shut the door behind her. She took in the paper littering his otherwise immaculate office and stepped further into the room, crossing her arms as she did so. "Is something the matter darling?"
Draco made a sound low in his throat and tilted his head back to lean it against the back of his chair, bringing his hands up to rub at his face. "I...I don't think...I mean...ugh, I broke it off with Potter."
Pansy's eyes grew wide and she stood stock still for a moment, her mind whirling. Draco and Potter had been doing...whatever it was that they had been doing for the last six months (which in and of itself was a miracle because Draco never stayed with anyone for more than three months, and by staying with them she meant fucking them) and while she was well aware that they weren't exclusive, it had seemed like it had been going well. Draco had been the happiest that she'd ever seen him, which really, was good for everyone because when Draco wasn't happy, he was a snarky bastard and damn near unbearable.
Loath as she was to admit it, whatever they'd had had been good and Potter had been good for Draco, even if he had no social etiquette at all and looked like he'd rolled right out of bed and come into work in the same clothes that he'd gone to sleep in, a stark contrast to Draco's need for perfection and elegance.
Draco let out an exasperated sigh and tilted his head forward again, his eyes on Pansy. "Well, say something!"
Pansy seemed to shake herself out of her thoughts and tilted her head slightly to the side for a moment before righting herself and walking to the chair in front of Draco's desk, taking a seat and simply staring at him for a few moments. "Why?" she asked simply and Draco practically growled, slamming his hands onto his desk and splaying his fingers over the wood.
"I don't...things were getting too...feely," he said and Pansy raised her eyebrows, relatively sure that 'feely' wasn't a word but deciding against pointing it out. Draco sighed again; that was becoming a habit of late, and not a very good one. He raised his eyes to hers and shrugged his shoulders, removing his hands from his desk and leaning back in his chair once again. "It wasn't supposed to have anything to do with feelings. But it was starting to, I could see it in his eyes the last couple of months. And not just after sex, either. He'd look at me when we were drinking or when I'd go down to drop off a report and there was just this...look." He knew that he wasn't really making any sense, which only seemed to frustrate him more and he groaned, tilting his head back again to stare at the ceiling.
Pansy bit her lip and took a deep breath, weighing her next words carefully. Draco wasn't one to talk about feelings but she knew that he wasn't just talking about Potter, here. She knew him too well to not have noticed the way his eyes lit up whenever he saw Potter or the way he'd find any excuse to casually touch the other man, when there really was no need for it at all. She also hadn't missed how often he went down to the Auror offices when he had a perfectly capable secretary to do it for him, because after all, he was head of the Magical Law Enforcement offices and his secretary was one of the most capable ones there was. "Draco, I'm not going to beat around the bush here just to protect your ego, alright? Potter wasn't the only one developing feelings during this whole thing and you can't even disagree with me on that one so why exactly did you decide that it would be a brilliant idea to end the whole thing?"
Draco drug his eyes away from the ceiling and glared at her, his jaw twitching as he clenched it. She stared at him cooly and simply folded her hands in her lap, knowing full well that it would take him a few minutes to collect himself again before he would speak; after all, he liked to think that no one could see past the mask he normally wore to cover up his emotions and she had just blown that all to shreds.
He spent a few more minutes glowering at her before he finally sighed (really, he needed to stop doing that) and tilted his head forward to drop it into his hands, a miserable groan emitting from him. "At this point, I really don't know and I'm beginning to hate myself for it," he replied and she had to resist the urge to snort, leaning forward to put her elbow on his desk, resting her chin on her palm.
"Come now, Draco, give me a better answer than that."
Draco made a sound low in his throat and pressed his hands harder into his face, wanting desperately to sink into his chair. In all reality, he knew it was because he was scared but that was almost the worst possible emotion he could feel, at least in his opinion. "I..." he trailed off and said nothing more and Pansy made a sound, dropping her hand from her chin and reaching it out across the desk to touch his arm.
"Because you're scared?" she asked gently and Draco made a noncommittal noise, really not wanting to admit anything at all but knowing she was going to push until he said something.
"No...well...I don't know," he said and Pansy rolled her eyes.
"Draco, I'm your best friend, I've known you since we were 3 years old, so can you please at least talk to me about whatever is going on in that thick skull of yours?"
He dropped his hands from his face and looked at her for a moment before his mask cracked and his face practically crumpled. "Yes because I'm scared, alright? I don't do feelings and you know that but I could feel him developing them and worst of all, I could feel myself developing them. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
Pansy smiled slightly at that and Draco glared at her again, his face trying to set itself back into the mask that he normally wore, so she hurried to say what she had to say. "I know you're scared. You haven't let anyone in since your mother died, but Draco, that was two years ago. You can't keep hanging on to it and eventually, you've got to let someone into the ice box that is your heart. And believe me, you could do worse than Harry Potter."
Draco blinked at her and made a face, knowing full well that she was right but not wanting to say anything about it for fear that it would just inflate her ego more, because Pansy already thought she knew everything (which in this case she sort of did but there was no way in hell that he was going to tell her that).
"Listen, I don't know what you said or what you did to him but I suggest that you fix it, and fast. If you don't do something about it fast he's going to convince himself that he never really had feelings for you in the first place and I promise you that you will regret that," she said, letting go of his arm and standing up from her chair, turning to walk towards the door.
"So I'm just supposed to talk to him and tell him that I really do want him and that I fucked up and made a mistake?"
She stopped walking and turned to look over her shoulder at him, smiling at him the way he imaged a snake would smile at its prey right before they ate it, that was, if snakes could actually smile. "Yes, thats precisely what you're supposed to do. Don't make me have to come in here twice just to ream your sorry arse for the same thing, Draco. I want this done by the end of the day and believe me, I will find out if you haven't done it." And with that she stalked out of his door and shut it behind her, not slamming it exactly, but he could feel the repressed emotion of her wanting to.
Draco groaned out loud and rubbed at his face hard, again, before getting up from his desk and making his way over to the door, his resolve to stay away from Harry and continue to ignore his feelings, crumbling completely. As he opened the door and stepped out, he refused to believe that it had absolutely anything to do with the nosey woman that he called his best friend.
Harrys weekend hadn't really gone much better than Draco's; he'd spent the majority of it curled up on his couch, ignoring the numerous fire calls he'd gotten and the pounding on his door. He really didn't want to deal with anyone, especially Hermione, who was just going to tell him that he needed to talk to Draco but there was absolutely no way in hell he was going to do that. The other man had left him feeling used and worn and now he was simply tired down to his bones from all of the thinking that he had finally forced himself to do. He hadn't showered, he hadn't eaten, hadn't even really moved, spending most of his time wallowing in self pity.
Really, what had he expected to happen? He knew full well when they had started the whole thing that Draco wasn't in it for feelings, but he had hoped that somewhere along the way the other man had changed his mind. Now, though, he saw how completely wrong he had been and that was driving him up the wall because he hated being wrong. His emotions had been all over the place since Draco had left and now he felt emotionally wrung out, his mind setting itself to auto pilot as he lay curled up on the couch.
Somewhere around 3am Monday morning he had come to the realization that he couldn't stay curled up on his couch forever and as much as he would have liked to forget the entire thing had happened, he was going to have to deal with it and move on. So, he had showered, shaved and eaten something before getting himself ready for work, heading out the door at exactly 6:30am, all the while telling himself that he was over the whole thing and most definitely over Draco.
He had buried himself in work all day, dealing with the reports that he had been pushing to the very edge of his desk for the last few months. Reports for the week always came in on Fridays but because he'd been meeting Draco for the past six months, those reports had slowly begun to pile up. Now, however, he was more than happy to do them, losing himself in the mind numbing activity and barely acknowledging anything at all.
So when there was knock on his office door, he looked up from the reports and blinked owlishly, glancing up at the clock above the door and sighing; it was after 8pm and he was supposed to be out of the office by 5. "Come in," he called out, dropping the quill that he had been holding and leaning back in his chair, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his eyes tiredly. He heard the door open but kept rubbing his eyes for a few more moments before putting his glasses back on his face and looking up to see who, besides himself, was working this late.
Draco stood uncertainly before his desk, hands in his pockets and head down.
Harry blinked, his heart instantly beginning to pound against his ribs and his fingers gripped the arms of his chair tightly. "What do you want?" he asked, a lot more harshly than he had meant to.
Draco winced at his tone and finally looked up, his eyes searching Harry's face. "I...I don't really know what to say," he said quietly, shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously. Harry scowled at him and finally released his grip on the chair, crossing his arms over his chest and continuing to stare at the other man.
"Well, what exactly did you come down here for, then?"
Draco bit his lip and dropped his head down to stare at the floor again before looking back up nervously. "To say I'm sorry. And that I fucked up and made a huge mistake. I didn't mean the things I said and...and...I'm just sorry, alright?" Harry's face softened a bit but he didn't drop his arms, instead gripping his elbows tightly and biting his lip, hard.
"So you thought that coming down here and apologizing would just make everything alright?" he asked and Draco shook his head.
"No, but I don't know what else to do and Pansy was threatening me." Harry raised his eyebrows and Draco realized exactly how that had sounded. "Not that I didn't want to come down and apologize, I did, really, I just..." Oh, this was coming out all wrong and Draco groaned out loud before removing his hands from his pockets and walking around Harry's desk, coming to stand next to his chair. He leaned down and put a hand gently under Harry's chin, turning his head to face him. "I'm a pompous arse, alright? And the things I said, I didn't mean them. I just don't really know how to do this and the fact that you wanted something more from me than just sex, terrified the hell out of me. Still does, but I realized, well, Pansy made me realize, that I can't just freeze my emotions and let my fear win out."
Harry stared at him for a moment, his eyes very large behind his glasses, before dropping his arms and bringing up a hand to grip Dracos wrist. "If you don't mean something, you shouldn't say it," he said and Draco smiled weakly at him before nodding.
"I know and I'm sorry. You weren't, and aren't, just someone for me to fuck for a while before I became bored." Harry swallowed hard and then nodded, reaching out his other hand to grip the front of Draco's shirt, pulling the other man down towards him.
He looked uncertainly at the blonde before leaning up to press his lips against Draco's and he smiled into the kiss when he felt Draco sway into him, his other hand moving to also grip the front of his shirt. Draco moved his hand from under Harry's chin and brought it up to cradle his jaw, his mouth moving slowly against Harry's. They finally broke apart and Draco leaned his forehead against Harry's, his lips red and swollen, much like Harry's were at the moment. "Just for the record, you never became boring," he said and Harry snorted, dropping his hands from Draco's shirt and pushing himself roughly away from his desk before reaching out his hands once more and setting them on Draco's hips. He drug the other man forward and tugged on his hips harshly, causing Draco to tumble forward and into his lap. Draco let out a tiny yelp and then righted himself in Harry's lap, glaring at the other man as he sat perched on his knees.
"Sorry," Harry said, not looking at all sorry. Draco rolled his eyes but finally smiled, moving so that he was straddling Harry instead of sitting awkwardly on his knees, Harry's hands coming back up to rest on his hips.
"I think I'm the one who needs to be saying sorry, here." Harry smiled, but didn't disagree and Draco wanted desperately to show him that he really was sorry. He looped his arms loosely around the other mans neck and leaned into him, pressing his lips gently against the side of Harry's neck. He felt Harry shiver under him and he smiled, trailing kisses from his neck all the way to his jaw line, kissing over it until he reached his lips. "I really am sorry, you know," he said before leaning in and pressing his lips against Harry's, much more forcibly than the first time. Harry groaned into the kiss and opened his mouth, slipping his tongue out and running it across Draco's bottom lip. Draco gladly opened his mouth and met Harry's tongue with his own, moving his hands to tangle in the back of Harry's hair.
He could feel Harry's erection growing underneath him and he ground down against it, his own cock already pushing against the front of his trousers. Harry slid his hands from Draco's hip to the front of his trousers and deftly un-did the button and zipper, sliding one hand inside and groaning loudly into Draco's mouth when he realized he wasn't wearing anything underneath them.
Draco chuckled but then groaned when Harry wrapped his hand around him, breaking away from the kiss to throw his head back. It felt amazing and much different than when he was drunk, which apparently was a very good thing.
Harry began to move his hand up and down Draco's cock slowly, using his thumb to spread the precome around the head and down the shaft, his eyes trained solely on Draco's face. This wasn't something that he had ever gotten to do before, let alone see, and he didn't want to miss any of it.
After a few more minutes of Harry working him with his hand and Draco moaning loudly, the blonde finally untangled his hands from Harry's hair and reached down, catching Harry's wrist in his hand and stopping his movement. "If you don't stop that, I'm going to come before we even really get started," he said and Harry smiled wolfishly, but nodded and removed his hand from Draco's cock, but not before giving it a good squeeze first.
Draco panted harshly for a few moments and Harry gripped his hip once again, grinding his now fully hard cock up against Draco's arse. He had to bite back a whimper and Draco licked his lips, moving his hand to Harry's desk to scramble for the wand that was lying on it. He waved it once and Harry groaned when he felt his now bare cock rub up against Draco's very bare arse, realizing very quickly that Draco had vanished their clothing.
"I really hope you can get those back because I am not walking home starkers," he said breathlessly and Draco laughed, grinding down against Harry and biting his lip when he felt his cock rubbing up against his entrance. Harry's cock was leaking precome and that more than lubricated Draco's entrance, and besides, Draco felt far too impatient to bother with preparation. When he raised himself up slightly and took hold of Harrys cock, Harry looked at him uncertainly and swallowed hard, his brain trying to form the right words that he needed.
"You aren't even prep-" Draco cut him off with a shake of his head and slowly sank down onto his cock, biting his lip at the burn of the stretch but even more at the overwhelming pleasure.
"Dont care," he gasped out, his body shaking and his hands coming up to grip Harry's shoulders. "Want you." Harry swallowed very hard but nodded, his eyes falling shut at the sensations that were currently lighting his nerve endings on fire. After a few moments, Draco got impatient and began to move, rotating his hips in a circular motion and groaning as Harry's cock brushed against his prostate. Harry groaned out loud as well, gripping Draco's hips tightly and letting the other man ride him slowly. Draco continued his slow movements but it wasn't long before Harry was opening his eyes and moving his hands up to the nape of Draco's neck, pulling his face down to his and attaching his lips to Draco's while he began to thrust up into him, slowly at first and then more harshly when Draco began to whimper. Harry's cock was brushing against his prostate now with every thrust and he tore his mouth away from Harry's, dropping his head down to rest against his shoulder as he let Harry fuck him, hard.
"Oh, fuck," he groaned and Harry said nothing, simply kept up his pace, sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. Draco let out another whimper and then slid a hand between them, wrapping it around his own cock and pulling on it harshly, setting the rhythm of his strokes with Harry's thrust. Harry could feel his balls begin to tighten up but he gritted his teeth and kept up his pace, determined to make Draco come before he did. He glanced down and saw Draco's hand moving over his cock quickly, the head swollen and purple as it disappeared into his fist with every stroke. Harry bit his lip and had to put all of his concentration into not coming because the sight of Draco jerking himself in time to his thrusts was hotter than anything he had seen before. Dracos hand was moving faster and faster over himself and he barely had time to warn Harry before his orgasm was ripping through him and he was groaning loudly, his whole body tightening up as he came, emptying himself all over his hand and Harry's stomach.
Once Harry felt Draco come, he released all of the control that he had been using to keep himself in check and finally let himself fall over that edge, his orgasm being pulled from him so violently that he thought he felt his heart stop and his blood boil. Draco stayed still and let Harry continue thrust up into him for a few moments, his head still resting against the other mans shoulder. When Harry had finally emptied all of himself into Draco, he slowly stopped thrusting and simply sat there, his entire body boneless and heavy. He finally released his hold on Draco's hips and slid his arms up to wrap around Draco's back, pulling him tightly against himself.
Draco let Harry hold him and moved his head from Harry's shoulder to press it into his neck, his breath ghosting over the skin there gently. "Does this mean you forgive me?" he asked and Harry laughed, his arms tightening around the other man.
"Does this mean you're actually going to admit that you have feelings for me and give us a try?"
"Yes," Draco said quietly and Harry turned his head to press his lips into Draco's hair.
"Then yes, this means I forgive you." Draco let out a happy sigh and closed his eyes, his fingers drawing lazy shapes on Harry's sides.
"Good, because thats the best apology that you're ever going to get." Harry snorted at that but nodded his head, deciding that Draco was very right about that and wondering if he would apologize the same way every time they fought, and silently hoping that he would.