Title: Xanadu
Author: dietcokechic
Email: dietcokechic@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 (but will become R later on)
Category: Adventure/Angst/Romance
Season: Late 4/early 5. Since Jack and Sam are together this must be an AU. If
asked I would say this takes place 4 months after Seven Days- The Return Home.
As to what happened in between? I'm working on it!

Summary: SG-1 find themselves captured on a planet and forced into a most
unusual situation.

Notes: This is a pretty wacked out story I admit, but it's a scenario that has been
going through my mind for quite some time. I am NOT going to get all graphic on
everyone so all those wanting explicit sex scenes should look elsewhere.

Chapter 1

Colonel Jack O'Neill adjusted his glasses as the wormhole disengaged –it was bright
on this planet.

"Remind you of anyplace Daniel?" Daniel couldn't help but smile; this place WAS a
lot like Abydos.

"This time YOU can receive the welcome gift though, ok?" After 6 years he could
actually crack small jokes about their first trip through the gate.

"Nahh." Jack O'Neill said glancing quickly at his 2IC, Major Samantha Carter. "I say
we give the honor to Teal'c."

"What is this honor you speak of O'Neill?"

Jack smiled. "You'll have to ask Dr. Jackson on that one. Let's move it out people!"

The planet was nothing more than a giant desert and a desolate one at that. No
discernible plant or animal life but a high concentration of naquada somewhere due
west of the gate. The twin suns blazed unrelentingly down on the 4 humans as they
slowly made their way across the sands.

"Are we at least getting close Major?" Jack asked in what he hope wasn't a whiny
voice. As much as he complained about trees, he really did prefer the temperate
climates. Daniel of course was happy as a bug in a rug. Well maybe not THAT
happy- the lack of buildings or other signs of civilization were an enigma. There
were plenty of planets with gates that didn't support human life, but usually there
was a reason for that - natural disasters, planetary wars, something. This planet
was eerily quiet.

"I think we're getting close Sir." Samantha Carter said stopping for a swig of water.
Sam could feel the small granules of sand getting under her clothes and into the
small folds of her skin. It wasn't exactly pleasant. "I just wish I could shake this
feeling that something is seriously off with this planet."

"Off?" Jack echoed incredulously. What could be off? They were surrounded by
sand for crying out loud. They had been walking for over three hours and had seen
nothing but rolling planes of sand.

"I, too feel uncomfortable here."

Teal'c AND Sam. Jack didn't like how that sounded one bit. "OK then. Everyone
keep his eyes open, ok? With luck we'll find the source, nab us some naquada and
tootle on back to the Stargate just in time for tonight's episode of Buffy." As always,
Sam smiled slightly.

15 minutes later Daniel discovered something. The opening would have been easy
to miss if they hadn't been walking in a fairly straight line from the gate. Quickly
and quietly all four fell into position as Jack gave hand signals indicating where he
wanted everyone to be. Cautiously they entered the structure and slowly made their
way around the perimeter. It appeared to be deserted.

"Doesn't seem to be a lot here." Jack remarked still holding his P-90 firmly across
his chest. "Daniel?"

"No discernible writings Jack. Which is odd considering the size and shape of this
structure. In Ancient Egypt…" Daniel's educational ramblings were cut short by

"We are not alone O'Neill."

"I feel it too, Sir."

Needing no further confirmation Jack ordered the group to fall back. They were
almost to the doorway when the entire room seemed to fill at once with at least a
dozen old men holding zat weapons. *Huh? This was so not how the Goa'uld usually

Jack was the first to assess the situation. They were completely surrounded and the
surroundees, however old and short they might appear to be, were pointing weapons
at them. "Hold your fire!" He shouted holding his hands up and away from his
weapon. "Daniel? You're on."

Before Daniel could open his mouth to begin the standard Earth 'We come in peace'
welcome speech Sam interrupted.

"They're Goa'uld Sir. All of them. We're surrounded by Goa'ulds."


Colonel Jack O'Neill was not a happy camper. The old snake heads had taken their
weapons and led the SG unit through a maze of underground structures. After
nearly 10 minutes they were led through an antechamber and into a great hall filled
with somber looking elderly Asian men. None of them could be much taller than five
foot and all of them looked older than dirt. They were dressed in what were once
obviously nice robes of rich fabric but now hung on their lean frames in tatters.

"Well this is different." Jack said to no one in particular.

"My name is Oghul and I am Khan on this planet." Jack couldn't help but grimace at
the sound of the snake's voice. Always rated on his nerves.

"Right. Listen Oogie, not sure what you folks are doing here but if you give us back
our weapons we'll be on our merry way."

"We cannot do that." Oghul replied simply staring at his four captives with cold

"Didn't think so." Jack mumbled.

"Sir, do you notice anything strange about this?" Sam whispered quietly.

"Being captured by snake-heads in the middle of nowhere? What can be strange
about that Major?"

Sam ignored Jack's rant and continued. "There are no slaves."

"She's right Jack!" An animated Daniel Jackson interrupted. "I see about a dozen of
these elderly men but no slaves."

"Which means?" Jack said impatiently.

"I don't know Jack, but it is definitely unusual." The khans continued to stare silently
at the group. "Judging by Oghul's name, I believe these men are descended from
the Yuan dynasty in China. I believe that was in the 13th century."

"Looks like the original guys." Jack said glancing up at their jailers.

"You have entered Xanadu."

"You have GOT to be kidding. Xanadu? As in 'Xanadu, Kublai Khan and pleasure

"You read the Coleridge poem Sir?"

"Who?" Jack said distracted. "Nahh, Frankie Goes To Hollywood was popular in Iraq
the last time I was over there. Heads up! These guys suddenly seem to be quite
interested in us."

Interested was an understatement. All 11 khans were talking at once and gesturing
towards the group. Oghul held up his hand for silence and turned his gaze onto

"You are a woman." He said pointing at Sam.

Sam unconsciously took a small step backwards as she made eye contact with Jack.
She did NOT like the way everyone was staring at her. What she wouldn't give for a
nice matriarchal planet…

"Good eye there Grasshopper." Jack said trying to sound nonchalant. No weapons,
surrounded by snakes and they're beginning to eye Carter. Nope this just wasn't a
good scene at all.

"You dress like a warrior, but you are a woman." Sam just continued to stare at the
wizened old man trying to quell the ball of fear forming in her stomach.

The elder Goa'uld turned his back on the SG-1 team and began to quietly talk with
the remaining members of his clan in an ancient Chinese dialect.

"Jack?" Daniel asked nervously.

"Don't know Danny. Don't know. Teal'c! Ever hear of this group of bozos?"

"I have indeed O'Neill. They were banished from their home over 200 years ago
after an attempted coup failed. Coups and wars among the fake gods happened
frequently only this time there was a difference. The leader of this group planned
something completely different and attempted to win favor with one of the gods in
the guise of a young boy. All 12 of the coup members were under the age of 10 as
they believed young hosts would succeed where others failed. They were incorrect.
The Goa'uld leader at the time did not kill them but banished the boys to an
unknown world. It is said that they are cursed to live out their lives trapped in a
single body for all of eternity."

"Peachy. Too bad we couldn't have arrived after eternity was up." Jack was about
to say something more when he noticed how animated the ancient Asian men had
become. A decision of some kind had been made. Jack really didn't like the way
they were gesturing at Sam.

"Anything Daniel?" Jack whispered.

"I'm sorry Jack- I just don't speak Chinese." Daniel said feeling helpless. If..no
WHEN they returned from this, he was adding Chinese to his list of 23 known

The small Asian man turned to face the SG-1 group. "We wish to be educated."

"Gotta mid-term coming up do ya?" Jack joked. Educated. They could do educated.
Or at least Carter could. Maybe throw some Newtonian physics their way or

"On human mating rituals."

*Aw crap!*