A/N: Takes place during ME2
"Commander, you are needed on the bridge." EDI's voice woke Commander Shepard from a deep sleep—the first she'd had in days, it seemed. There was always some nightmare or another keeping her up.
"What's the problem EDI?" Shepard sloughed off the rumpled sheets and climbed out of her bed.
"Mr. Moreau spilled his beverage on a control panel. He has gone to the medical bay to repair damage his body, however since he will be away for an unspecified amount of time, I would prefer it to be repaired sooner rather than later."
"Is he okay?"
"The damage was minor, commander. I believe he merely scalded his upper thigh and wished to change his clothing."
"Damned Joker." Shepard grumbled. She pulled on her pants and a tank over her bare skin and shoved her feet into boots, not bothering to buckle them.
"Why do you need me and not just any tech?"
"Since the control panel is for the navigational systems, your authorization is required for these repairs."
"On my way up EDI."
Shepard arrived at the bridge at the same time as Garrus, to her surprise.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"I saw Joker on his way to the med bay and he told me what happened. EDI hooked me up with the replacement parts so that you wouldn't have to run around looking for them. Do you need any help installing it?"
"I could use the company, unless you're eager to get back to sleep. What time is it?"
"0200 I believe. "
Shepard groaned and took the hardware from Garrus. She spotted the sparking control panel and the crumpled coffee cup on the main navigational controls and swore.
"Commander, I have temporarily rerouted navigational systems in order to maintain our course, however I am unable to exit FTL travel until the panel is repaired."
"Got it EDI," Shepard pulled back the pilot's chair and uncovered the casing to access the panels under the damaged control panel. Garrus handed her parts and tools that she needed, and EDI provided instructions.
"Hold on EDI, I can't see what I'm doing. Garrus, can you take a look? You Turians have sharp eyes."
"Hold on, let me take off this armor." Garrus said. He unclasped his chest piece from its back and set it aside, then got down on the floor beside Shepard and inched his way under the control panel. There really wasn't room for two people under there, so they were squeezed tight together. He was highly aware that Shepard's chest was only a few inches away from his.
"EDI said to connect all the reds to red and the greens to green but I can't tell which one is which from here." Shepard said. She did her best to breath shallowly in order to keep from pressing against him, as tempting as it was. When he spoke, his voice was loud in her ear and seemed to shake her from head to toe. Even his breath on her face was sending a strange thrill through her.
"I can see them just fine. If you hold the light, I'll connect them right now."
Shepard pointed the pen light in the appropriate direction and watched Garrus work. His taloned fingers were deft and flexible, working as efficiently on the tiny wires as any human's five-fingered grasp. Shepard momentarily let her mind wander, imagining those fingers running along her body, her neck, her thigh…
The doors to the Bridge suddenly swished open and Joker took in the scene before him; discarded armor lying around and two pairs of legs hanging out from under his nav console.
"What the…oh sick—uh—Sorry Commander!"
The sound of Joker's voice made both Shepard and Garrus start. Shepard was hyper aware of her breasts suddenly crushed against Garrus' chest and her face smooshed against his. She dropped the pen light and they scrambled out from under the console, only to see the discarded armor and realize what Joker had thought upon entering the cock pit.
"Commander," EDI chimed in unhelpfully, "I believe that Joker believes he just witnessed you and Officer Vakarian engaging in sexual intercourse under his nav console."
Shepard's face burned red with embarrassment. "I can see that EDI." She smashed the door control and it opened on a retreating Jeff Moreau. Fortunately he hadn't gotten far on his crutches.
"Get back here Joker!" Shepard said. "We were just repairing the console!"
He turned back to look at them, his face frozen in terror. "Yeah, sorry about that. I'm gonna…go. Somewhere else. For about an hour."
Shepard groaned and let him go. Garrus was laughing.
"I can think of a lot more comfortable places to fuck you than under that console." Shepard admitted before she could stop herself. When she realized what she said she squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed a hand through her hair. "That came out wrong."
"I understand Shepard. I can think of a few good places myself. Not that I'm suggesting that we…do it."
"Well if you were suggesting, I wouldn't necessarily mind."
Garrus' voice rose and his mandibles flared. "Really?"
"I mean, we do have an hour and this pilot chair is currently unoccupied."
Garrus put a hand on her cheek. "I think an hour might be enough time."
"EDI, lock the door to the cockpit and turn off the cameras please."
"Yes commander." EDI replied.
Shepard kicked off her boots and pants and sat in the pilot's chair. "Let's get started then Garrus."
When Joker returned to the cockpit (well over an hour later) he was relieved to find it empty and the control panel repaired…until he noticed a pair of black service-issue panties on the floor under the console.
"Repairing the console…sure." Just to be safe, he sprayed down his leather seat with disinfectant and wiped it thoroughly.
"I don't want to know EDI," He said before the AI could comment on his actions. "I just don't want to know.