[If you want to critique me in a civilized manner, have at it in a review. I WELCOME that stuff! If you want to flame me, send it in a PM. There's no need to vent your hatred and rage at me where other people have to see it, that's simply harassing the general public and I'll report you for abuse. Just cuss me out all you want to in a private message, and I promise I will read it but not reply unless you ask me to. Thanks! :)

I warned you in the description, but I'll say it again here. THIS DRABBLE IS ALL ABOUT MAN-SEX! Seriously, there's no plot, there's no point, there's just...sex. Really hot sex. Between two really hot dudes. Have fun walking the slippery path to the dark side because this is pretty much what happened today:

Me: Wanna write, can't write, wanna write, can't write, WANNA WRITE, CAN'T WRITE, AAAARGH FUCK IT!
Brain: Oh! That's a good idea, let's roll with it! =D
Me: *blink* Woo! Okay! XD

This story has been translated into Chinese. The link is on my profile. ]

Say My Name

He was restless and fidgeting, scratching the back of his head as he stood in front of the Hokage. Damn Gai to hell. He hadn't wanted to report in the second they got back to Konoha, he wanted to be somewhere else! God, he wanted to be somewhere else so fucking bad he had to shift his weight and attempt to casually shove a hand into his pocket so he could keep his growing impatience from being noticed.

Why had the joint mission with Iwa taken so damn long?! He'd been away for weeks! And seriously?! Why the hell was Gai describing every minute detail of the mission?! IT WAS ALL WRITTEN DOWN, WASN'T IT?! Why was he even there?! No one was asking him questions, he was simply standing there writhing in misery. The whole thing was like a conspiracy! After nearly three weeks of reading the secret little notes filled with promises so dirty and lustful, he was on the verge of madness. But that wasn't the worst of it!

He'd spotted that lean muscular frame walking in the opposite direction, through the thin crowd of people on the street. Walking in that lazy way he had, careless of the light scuffs of dirt on his clothes. Walking like he didn't even KNOW what kinds of torturous hells he'd induced with those messages. Jumping on him and punishing him right then and there was only a burst of chakra away, but Gai had put a stop to it by grabbing the back of his collar and pretty much dragging him to the Hokage's office. He hated Gai. He really hated him. A lot.

As preoccupied as he was with his tragic situation, he wasn't so preoccupied that he missed the Hokage's dismissal. At least, he kind of guessed it was a dismissal, because he only heard the first few syllables before he vanished out of the room. He honestly didn't care at that point, he was focused on going to only one location. The gods were finally smiling down upon him, and he tumbled through the window onto the bed with a gasp of joy. The shower was running. Dear sweet merciful heaven, THANK YOU! Scrabbling at his collar, he felt his zipper get stuck half way down his chest.

He wrenched desperately at it as he stumbled toward the washroom while also trying to get out of his sandals. Fuck it! It wasn't like he needed his shirt off anyway! Or his shoes! Fuck them too! God damn it, why was the washroom door closed?! Why wasn't there just a straight obstacle-free lane to that naked body he had to have grinding up against him RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Tripping through the door, he pounced on the deliciously wet and fantastically startled figure standing under the water. His fingers raced across toned muscle and he groaned as he felt a sharp tug on the zipper stuck at his chest. Stupid clothes. The zipper refused to budge. Oh my god, stupid fucking clothes that were now all fucking wet and still not coming the fuck off! He shook his head and slipped past the frustrated hands trying to undress the wrong part of him, sinking his teeth delicately into that oh so sweet spot right where the shoulder meets the neck.

Arms pulled him in hard, grabbing hold of the material that separated their skin, and he pressed his body into the embrace while he scratched his nails down that bare back. There was a mouth on his, hot breath skating across his cheek as the water poured over his head. A tongue slipped past his lips as if taunting him with all those dirty promises he'd been imagining over the last few unbearably lonely weeks. Oh, the things that tongue could do...the things that tongue could fucking DO!

He shivered as the mesh of fantasy and reality collided, moving his hips forward insistently against the hardness that mirrored his own. He gripped the firm muscular back in desperation, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he battled and lost to that swift darting tongue. Hands quickly slid up his soaking wet shirt, seeking out the tender spots that could drive him wild. BUT THAT WAS THE WRONG GOD DAMN DIRECTION!

"I've had three weeks of foreplay," he murmured forcefully around tastes of that hungry mouth, trying to get his trembling fingers to loosen his belt. "I swear to god, if you don't fuck me right now I will kill you!"

The eager searching fingers were abruptly snatched back from under the shirt plastered to him, leaving goose bumps behind as the material clung to skin that could feel every last thread and drop of water pounding on him. He gave a short cry of relief through clenched teeth, throwing his head back and clawing impatiently at the cool tile walls as he was spun around. Nimble fingers took care of the belt, teeth sank magnificently into his shoulder, his trousers dropped and stuck to his thighs, the nakedness pressed against him and shivered, hot breath panted at his neck, and WHY WAS HE NOT BEING FUCKED YET!? HOLY SHIT, HAD HE NOT BEEN PERFECTLY CLEAR EARLIER?! WHAT WAS TAKING SO-

He gurgled out a laughing sigh as a finger slick with god only knew what but it was heaven slid into him, and his legs went mushy. Scratching at the narrow walls, an arm circled under his to wrap around his chest and help ease him down to his knees. Another finger, and he pushed back into the pressure, his head hanging between his arms where his elbows were flush on the wall.

The tingling itched at his skin as the fingers slowly started a rhythm, making everything feel too much of whatever it felt. Too hot, too cool, too soft, too hard, too wet, too clingy, too GOD DAMN FUCKING GOOD! His toes curled into the soles of his sandals as he tried to spread his legs, the movement hampered by the trousers caught around his thighs. But that didn't even matter because the fingers were replaced by something else pressing tantalizingly against him, and hands gripped his hips to maneuver him carefully.

He gasped and choked out something unintelligible as the pressure slid into him. Fabulously slippery, blissfully warm, magnificently firm, and unbearably slow! He pushed back, wanting more, needing more, and oh god the hands were between his legs. A shiver raced across his skin deliciously, and the hands grabbed onto him with the perfect amount of force. He cried out in drunken pleasure, but he still needed more, he wasn't deep enough yet, and teeth were sinking into the nape of his neck, and he bucked his hips, and OH DEAR GOD YES, THAT WAS THE FUCKING SPOT!

The weight on his back moved, clutching at him, sliding up and down, in and out, and he stuttered out words that didn't make much sense. Still, his point must have gotten across, because the hips behind him were moving faster, harder, more, please god more, faster damn it, more, more! He followed the pace relentlessly, pushing back and meeting those hips halfway, his eyes rolling back in his head with the unbelievable ecstasy of it all. It was like he was being fucked from his toes to the top of his head, and his spine vibrated with the intensity of every thrust. He couldn't feel his fingers anymore, and he just wanted to scream in blind euphoria.

A hand clamped over his mouth right as he started to shout a name, and a voice hissed furiously in his ear. Something about it being daytime, and people would hear, but he wasn't paying attention because the gloriously whispered voice was right there next to his god damn EAR, cussing at him and making him feel so fucking dirty with a hand over his mouth that tasted like himself. God, he felt like a porn star!

The words shifted to grunts and heavy panting, teeth nipping at his ear and down his neck as his arms shook from the effort of pushing himself away from the wall. His elbows finally gave in, and he fell forward with the weight on his back shoving him closer to the brink of madness. The grunting turned to halting shouts, and he could feel his entire body spiraling out of control. His brain shut off, and all he knew were the sensations cascading over and through him; pounding, filling, biting, rubbing, sliding, gripping, slapping, licking, sucking, tingling, pulling, pushing!

The pressure was too much, it was building like a tempest and he was the eye of the storm. The name he called out was muffled behind the hand still clamped firmly over his mouth, but who the fuck cared?! The storm broke over him like a tidal wave, slipping through his skin and setting every last nerve in his body to trembling. He clenched his muscles as reality exploded in a shuddering electric current of pleasure that ran from the tips of his fingers and toes to the top of his scalp, and down his spine to the hot release in his gut and between his legs.

That sweet fantastic moment of clarity pinged into his head as the voice behind him screamed his name, and the warmth filled him in ways beyond the physical realm. He collapsed forward and pressed his face against the cool wall, panting and feeling way too relaxed and incomprehensibly satisfied. The hand slid off his mouth, and the naked body pulled back to sag against the opposite wall.

"For someone who was worried about other people hearing, you sure were loud," he grinned, turning to gently sit with his back to the wall. It was a little awkward, with his clothes plastered to his slightly hyper-sensitive skin and the water showering over them both.

"There is a very big difference between me shouting your name, and you screaming out the name 'Edwardo'! God damn it, Kakashi, you need to stop penciling my name into your porn novels when you go out on extended missions," Naruto snapped, reaching up to adjust the water temperature from where he slouched on the tile floor.

"But you and Lola make such a cute couple," Kakashi pouted slightly, spreading his hands helplessly before tilting a leer. "Besides, you have to admit she's a great piece of ass."

Naruto gave a strangled sound and shoved his heel into the Jounin's shin, making a show of trying to boot Kakashi out of his shower. Kakashi just grabbed Naruto's foot and slithered toward the angry blonde, propping the heel on his shoulder so he could nibble at the inside of the ankle.

"Come on, say it," Kakashi murmured wickedly, kissing and nibbling his way up Naruto's calf. "Say Lola's a great piece of ass."

"Not a chance, get away from me!" Naruto sputtered, fighting back the exasperated humor as he attempted to pull his leg back.

"Say my name," Kakashi whispered, leaning in to lick the inside of Naruto's knee and refusing to let go of the leg slung over his shoulder.

"Kaka-aaaahhh damn it!" Naruto gasped, his words halted and blurred as the Jounin tenderly bit the soft flesh on the inside of the blonde's thigh that always made him squirm so delectably.

"Say my name," he repeated softly, insistently.

"Fuck. Kakash-shhhhhhagh shit!" Naruto's quick words were again scrambled as Kakashi darted forward to scrape his teeth and drag his tongue up the young man's side; that sensitive area from just above his hip to the muscles over his ribs that he knew would make the blonde wriggle and keen.

"Say my name," he growled with a lustful smile, letting his fingers trail teasingly over the curly hairs between Naruto's legs. The blonde was already starting to recover from their session, and Kakashi licked his lips at the thought of Naruto's stamina. It was a beautiful thing, really.

"I am not calling you Lola, you fucking pervert!" Naruto laughed, grabbing onto the lapels of Kakashi's vest and pulling him up to get a taste of his lips.

"It's more fun than you think," Kakashi continued persuasively, letting his tongue flick out between words so he could catch the flavor of the blonde's mouth. "Say my name, you know you want to give it a try." He dragged his gloved hand down between Naruto's legs to stroke the hardening flesh once before following the line underneath his tilting hips. "Tell me where that fantastic stuff you used as lube is, and say. My. Name," he hissed lewdly, letting his fingertip lazily brush the spot that had Naruto shivering and arching back.

"You want to know what I used?" Naruto asked, his breath coming quick as he leveled a fiery gaze at the Jounin and slid his fingers up the back of Kakashi's neck. "Well, you'll just have to figure that out yourself..." He tilted an arrogant grin and licked his lips seductively, hooking his fingers on the forehead protector still tied around Kakashi's head and pulling it down to cover the Jounin's open eye. "...Vincent."

"As you command, your majesty," Kakashi replied huskily, his skin tingling with delight.

It was too bad that the Queen's vassal wasn't allowed to see her naked or get undressed fully in front of her, but that just meant he could explore every inch of the writhing body under his hands with his mouth. And dear sweet god, what a delicious body it was.


[ I've had a couple people get to the end here and scratch their heads about the silly names, so here's an explanation! =D

It's a riff on how Kakashi is always reading his smutty novels, and now that he's actually in a relationship he can imagine Naruto being one of the characters in the book while he's the other character. Then he gets all kinky and wants to role-play because it's fun. Naruto isn't quite into it at first, and Kakashi has to do some smooth talking to get him to play along.

Of course, Kakashi's just irresistible when he puts his mind to convincing Naruto, and since Naruto has already pilfered most of Kakashi's stash of porn novels out of curiosity, he also knows a lot of the characters and story-lines. Hence, he gets a little revenge by agreeing to role-play as "Queen", while Kakashi is stuck trying to figure out how to ravish Naruto without being able to see or get undressed due to the "laws" he has to abide by from the story that Naruto chose to act out.

Basically...Kakashi is being a perv and loving every minute of it. XDDDD ]