"Timcanpy get out," a gruff grumble alerted the young woman that there was someone in the bathhouse with her. She, wrapped neatly in a towel, had sworn that the baths had been empty when she decided to enter. Her voice must not have traveled far enough when she'd initially inquired if it was in use. It was a bit of an inconvenience that the other bath was under construction, but it couldn't be helped. If she was quick enough, she could slip out and wait her turn just the same. Hopefully, this would be fixed soon. Having the men and women take turns was getting a bit ridiculous as some people liked to take longer than others; namely Kanda and his hair—which had been the owner of the voice that was shooing Allen's golden golem out of the bath.

She had half a mind to peek behind the privacy walls to see why exactly Timcanpy was in there with Kanda, but she changed her mind when the golem zipped by—nearly smacking into her head and zooming by her ear like it was being chased by a cat. "Tim?" She muttered meekly; almost afraid of what caused Tim to flee with that intensity.

"Fucking ball of dirt," a grumble reached her ears from behind.

She turned, lips parted for questioning, when she caught the subject in her vision. Her throat closed and her eyes widened. "Ka-…I…You," she stammered at Kanda for a moment. "What…Tim…"

"Stupid thing ends up snoozing on the rocks and then I go in there and it hassles me," he explained, seemingly missing the point of her gibbering. "How does a fucking golem sleep?"

"Maybe it…" She started and trailed off as her eyes wandered—inching down his body like it was a magnetic impulse. She felt so ashamed of the way her vision crawled down as if it was a necessary reaction for a girl to have when seeing a naked man before her. Her face felt hot enough to boil water if she dunked her head in it to cool off. This person had been a 'friend' since they were both young and she could still remember him being stick thin and awkward. Now she was having an entirely different picture painted and it was causing her to almost swallow her tongue. "Maybe it…uh, has an off …switch…"

"Off switch? Like it can turn itself off? But then how the shit would it turn back on?" He posed the thought, folding his arms across his well toned chest while she was busy trying to will herself to sneak peaks at anything but…

"A timer!" She offered, darting her eyes up and hoping her face wasn't turning purple from embarrassment. How could he be holding this conversation while she was flustering herself into an early grave and feasting her eyes on parts of him she really shouldn't be feasting her eyes on? "Maybe he can you know, put himself in sleep and wake up…yeah…haha…" She laughed nervously and nearly cried hysterically for the fact that he was doing this without a shred of shame.

"That sounds unnecessary," he replied, but seemed to be focused elsewhere. He could still see Tim flitting around the entrance and he was ready to punt the thing if it didn't exit while he was watching. "Go Timcanpy," he announced harshly.

It almost made Lenalee jump at the intensity of his voice, but she followed the sound of his voice just in time to see Timcanpy flit away—seemingly out of the room. She wanted so badly to keep her gaze that way to prevent from feeling like a pervert, but she had to turn back to save face. She just…

…Couldn't help…

...Immediately looking down.

She turned her face up and instinctively put her hands over her mouth like she'd just done a terrible thing and couldn't take it back. Of course he saw this, and she wanted to roll away and curl up in her bed at the way she swore she could see his lips curled at the corner into the grin she only ever saw when he was in the middle of battle and leeching off the smug high of being better than everything that got in his way. "Um…"

"I'll be out soon," he spoke again as her mind stopped blanking out. His face was impassive and she wondered if she had been just imagining that. There's no way he hadn't noticed her actually tracing the contours of his body.

Oh what would my brother think, she breathed slow and deep. "That's…that's okay, I'll come back…sorry to…uh," her eyes drifted again before shooting back up, "intrude! Uh yeah okay, I'm going to go now ahah." The nervous tick remained even as she put her exorcist coat on over her towel. She didn't even care; she had to get out of there immediately.

"Lenalee," Kanda spoke just before she got the zipper all the way up.


"It's bigger when it's erect."

Words flickered through her brain like it was a projection and she couldn't bite back the strangled squeal that bubbled up through her mouth. Her arm locked and snapped the zipper up so fast that she would have normally been afraid she broke it. Instead, her mind was only thinking in one direction and it wasn't a direction she wanted to have while she was looking directly at the man. "IhavetogookaybyeKanda," she murmured—just barely able to breathe it out before she made like Timcanpy and flitted away—leaving Kanda standing there, entirely naked and shameless.

Kanda unfolded his arms and listened for the sound of water sloshing around. After several moments, another figure emerged and he felt a warm arm slide around his shoulder and across his chest.

"It's bigger when it's erect?!" The other person nearly hissed in his ear, just a bit alarmed by Kanda's fluid choice in speech. "Why would you tell her that?"

Dark eyes rolled and Kanda turned his head to the side to catch the snowy-haired boy's eyes. "Am I wrong?"


"Would you rather she pressed on and figured out you were in here?"

"But that?"

"I've never seen a girl run away from me so fast," he commented, despite Allen's groan. "In fact, I've never seen anyone run from me so fast."

"Kanda, you're a dick."

"I bet Lenalee would love that statement."


"Ten pounds says she's going to go masturbate in her room."


A/N: I couldn't not share this.