"There's something up between Taichi and Sora," Mimi commented.
"There's always something up between Taichi and Sora," Yamato replied without bothering to look at her. He was getting really tired of people coming up to him and informing him of the budding romance between his two best friends. Like, seriously. He had moved on and so should everyone else. He hated it when people continued to pair him with Sora since it was so obvious that Taichi was far better for her. Besides, the very point of his character development in the first season was so that he could learn to be happy for them and not interfere in their relationship later on.
But when Yamato spotted the two of them making their way over to their table, he was overcome by a surge of jealousy. Taichi had his arm around Sora's waist and she was laughing and blushing at what he was saying. Yamato thought that he had resolved all his insecurities with regard to his best friend. But they always seemed to crop up at the most inopportune moment. And he was definitely getting all angsty and jealous now.
Mimi pouted. Yamato never understood the subtle hints that she kept dropping. He wasn't even looking at her despite all her eyelash fluttering!
Yamato brooded. He really wanted Sora... but he also really wanted Taichi too. He was so confused. And that just made him brood even more. He could usually deal with it by writing angsty songs and cheating on people - the most plausible go-to response of those defined by friendship and loyalty when confused about their sexuality and which of their best friends to bone. But lately, he was feeling the urge to turn into a raging alcoholic and a chain smoker too. Everyone knew that Yamato Ishida couldn't be trusted to look after himself.
Sora thought that she had decided once and for all whom she was going to give her precious Christmas cookies to. Taichi was the one. They had played football together from the ages of seven to twelve for heaven's sake! What other basis for a relationship could anyone possibly want? But when she saw Yamato, sitting casually with his top buttons undone and brooding away deliciously, she felt herself being thrown into emotional turmoil yet again.
"I can't do this anymore!" she cried as she approached the table and untangled herself from Taichi's embrace. "I have so much in common with Taichi... but... but... Yamato, you're so damn fine!"
Yamato nodded. It was true. He was.
"Why don't we put it to a vote?" Sora said diplomatically before the two of them could argue.
Right on cue, the rest of the gang arrived.
Takari was first. Yes, Takari. At one point in time, Takeru Takaishi and Hikari Yagami had been two separate people. But the obscene amount of time they spent with each other had accelerated the process in which they had merged into one monolithic blob identity that no-one seemed to find strange at all considering this was Digimon. Taichi had actually been secretly pleased regarding this unusual turn of events. He didn't have to worry about Takeru making a move on his sister any more since the younger blond essentially was his sister now.
"I vote for me," Taichi said immediately. He had to be the first to answer since he was the leader after all.
"I also vote for Taichi," added the brooder. He could never bring himself to voice what he was really thinking because he was so bloody conflicted and moody.
Takari spoke up. "What he means is that he's lonely and desperate for love." It was incredibly useful that Takari was always on hand to explain the inner secrets held by his brother's heart.
"I'll put that down as one vote each then," Koushiro commented. He took out a pad of paper and started tallying up the votes. Every now and then, he took a moment out of his urgent, world-saving computer programming to pay attention to what his friends were saying and actually be involved in the plot.
"I think I should get Yamato," Mimi piped up.
Miyako inhaled the wonderful pink, perfumed aroma that surrounded her pretty, pink princess.
"Hmm... but that wasn't ever an option," Sora responded.
Mimi was heartbroken. Ever since their adventure in the Digital World, she had done her best to stand next to Yamato as much as possible. It didn't seem like a lot because Taichi was always getting in the way and holding his hand or whatever, but those precious few seconds when she and Yamato were almost facing one another had always made her pure, little heart skip a beat in delight. Not to mention that their passion for music and their implied obsession with hair products was just as solid a foundation for love as football was for Taichi and Sora!
Miyako gazed at Mimi longingly. How could she be so devastatingly beautiful even when she was distraught? When was she going to see her as a woman rather than just an annoying little sister? Why did fan fiction and fanart always have to focus on yaoi instead of yuri?
Yamato supposed he could sleep with Mimi too. That was what she wanted, right? He'd have to start making a list to make sure he got round to everyone.
Takari was the most conflicted. On the one hand, Takari wanted to see Nii-san happy while not upsetting Nii-san. Takari also really wanted Sora to be her sister-in law, but then again, Takari really wanted Sora to be his sister-in-law too.
"I think I'll have to vote for Taichi," Koushiro added because he was better friends with the brunet.
"We found our crests together," Yamato reminded him.
Koushiro changed his mind immediately. Tiny - mostly irrelevant - details like this were known to make or break the plausibility of headcanons.
Taichi scowled at him.
"We've known each other the longest," he pleaded to Sora.
"Love is friendship set on fire," Yamato argued.
"It takes courage to love," Taichi counteracted. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that his bravery started and ended with Sora. Always. Without except. At every plot point.
"I'm really nice to look at," Yamato added because this was something that was never said enough.
"You are!" a fangirl - created for the sole purpose of emphasising how popular this fourteen year old mother fucker really was – cried from behind them. She stood up on the table and waved her pompoms around.
"He is!" yelled another rabid fangirl with a similar point of existence.
"I AGREE!" Jun screamed as she tore off her clothes and streaked through the school grounds.
Daisuke groaned because his sister was fucking embarrassing.
"Be supportive," Yamato warned the younger gogglehead as a very naked Jun Motomiya started climbing on the school statue in the background.
"Let's get back to more pressing matters," Sora nagged.
"But I live so close by," Taichi insisted as if there hadn't been any interruptions. It was true. He did.
"I'm broody and misunderstood."
"I complete the childhood best friend cliché."
"I pulled her out of her dark place."
"She was only there because she feels the need to please me so much!"
Sora huffed. "I did have the fate of the Digital World on my shoulders too. I remember being much more affected about that."
"Exactly!" Yamato added.
Taichi scowled. "I told her that I wouldn't let anything happen to her."
"Only in the English dub," Yamato said, rolling his eyes.
"I've interacted with her the most!"
"I had loads of off-screen interaction with her that you only wish you knew about."
"She was my friend first!"
"We can relate to each other's family problems!"
"I wrote her a poetic email with metaphors. There was a freaking tsunami happening and she was still reading it!"
"You managed to upset her with a hair clip."
"And fixed it in spectacular fashion!"
"I wrote her a song!"
"Yes. Turn around! Turn around! Vey romantic. Turn around and fuck off, why don't you?"
"I'm in a band," Yamato huffed.
Taichi fell silent for a few seconds. Seriously, how could he compete with Yamato being in a band? Especially considering how shallow Sora had become over the past few years. "You better treat her right. Otherwise I'll have to punch you," he threatened.
Yamato sighed. He really needed this well-articulated lecture from his best friend. The truth was the he'd only been courting Sora because he needed to prove that he was better than Taichi. And he had plans to make her cry afterwards. Thank goodness for their leader's words of wisdom that had made him see the error of his ways.
"If I do win... I mean, if I get her... I mean, if she chooses me, I'll be nice. Thanks, Taichi. You're a good friend."
Taichi nodded. "Had our roles been reversed, you would've knocked some sense into me too, Yamato."
Emotion threatened to overwhelm Yamato at Taichi's words. Infact, he was feeling so many feelings that he didn't know what to do with them all. And he hated it when people saw him cry. "Excuse me. I need to go find an obscure corner to feel awkward in more comfortably."
The others nodded. This happened from time to time. But they all knew that Yamato Ishida would be back. He never let them down.
Mimi wailed because she wasn't getting nearly enough attention. But the sound was so high-pitched that no-one actually heard her. It did result in Jyou having a nose bleed though.
Seeing Mimi's silent distress, Jyou covered his nose with a tissue and looked over at her sympathetically. "Mimi, Koushiro and I are still available," he said, because what are unique and non-predictable ships?
"You're so insensitive, Jyou! I don't want to be with you or Koushiro!"
Jyou winced at her tone.
Mimi glared at him.
Mimi continued to glare.
Mimi raised a single perfectly plucked, condescending eyebrow.
Luckily, he had become a minor character by then and no-one was paying much attention.
Mimi decided she hadn't created enough of a scene so she proceeded to burst into tears. Tiny drops of the pink milkshake she had been drinking spurted from her mouth as she sobbed. When she still wasn't getting the attention she wanted, she picked up her designer handbag and ran out of the canteen, took a taxi to the airport, hoped on a plane and flew to America.
Back at school, Miyako quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching. Then, she lowered her head and licked the drops of liquid that had fallen on the table.
Ken – who no longer had a personality after he decided to stop being the Kaiser – continued to sit quietly by himself and have kind thoughts. He was a little startled by the looks Miyako suddenly started giving him though.
Miyako was beginning to come to the painful realisation that Mimi was never going to see her in anything more than a platonic way. In choosing a new mate for herself, her eyes settled on Ken. She supposed that he'd do. Anyone was better than Daisuke.
Yamato decided to return at this stage because he figured that he had been gone long enough to make a point. Taichi and Sora welcomed him back enthusiastically. Jyou was still a puddle on the floor. Koushiro had gone back to his love affair with his laptop.
Little known to the older Digidestined, another equally annoying but less complex rivalry was brewing. Daisuke Motomiya pined after Hikari. He wanted to merge with her just as Takeru had – without Takeru being involved of course. Sure, Takeru had known Hikari longer. Sure, Hikari and Takeru both had older brothers while he only had an insane sister. Sure, Angewomon and Angemon made subtle sexual references about one another. Sure, he was only a dim-witted airhead without any real character traits except being stubborn and obscenely enthusiastic at the weirdest shit. But none of that meant he couldn't have Hikari all to himself!
Dausike's unrequited feelings, however, were ignored by all. Oddly, even Taichi didn't seem to care despite his ordinarily pathological over-protectiveness regarding his sister.
Sora sighed. Why was deciding who to love always to difficult? "OT3?" she said finally.
"OT3," the boys agreed.
After seeing the resolution of the older kids' shipping problems, Daisuke turned to Takari eagerly. "OT3?" he asked excitedly.
Takari just snickered.
There is most likely going to be more of this. And it will probably be horrendous... I apologise in advance.