Salutations! So this is just something silly that I wrote for fun since I'm working on a's humorous but it might come off a bit angsty too...I hope everyone likes this:)

Thanks to GrimmKitty6 for all her help and support!

Warning: Ichigo is going to be just a smidgen OOC and Grimmjow is going to be super OOC, but this is fanFICTION so that's okay, yeah?

Alright, on with the story:)

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...

"You're live with Kurosaki Ichigo. Let's keep it real."

"My boyfriend is still friends with his ex. I was okay with it in the beginning because it wasn't really an issue and they've been friends for a really long time, but now she's asking to move into his apartment and..."

"Stop right there, I've heard enough. This is a really simple one, babe. That's a straight up hell to the no. Doesn't matter how long they've been friends, at some point, they were more than that. If you aren't living with your boyfriend, then that's basically like leaving your cake with the fat kid."

"I trust my boyfriend, just not her."

"Well that's good to know. Just sit down with your boyfriend and lay it out straight. Tell him exactly how you feel and explain your reasons behind not wanting this to transpire. Don't base your argument solely on the fact that they used to date or you'll just sound jealous. Come up with some other sensible reasons and formulate a well-rounded argument. If he doesn't listen to your opinion and your reasons behind that opinion, then he's probably not even worth your time anyway."

"Way to keep it real, Ichigo. Thanks so much."

"You're welcome. Up next, we'll have my thought of the day, but right now here's Bulletproof Love by Pierce the Veil."

I stretch as the song starts up, giving my best friend the okay to come into the studio with me. Renji gives me a look as he takes a seat next to me.

"Dude, how do you sit around for six hours and listen to broads gripe about their boyfriend problems?" he asks.

"Dude, why am I still friends with someone who has no respect for women?" I respond. Renji rolls his eyes.

"You're gay, dude. How can you chastise me for anything?"

"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I don't have a healthy respect for women. They have capabilities of hypnotizing even the strongest of men with the bat of an eyelash. A swish of the hips as they walk, and the proudest man will be on his knees, begging for the pussy. That's what I don't like about women, Renji. I like women; I hate vaginas."

Renji erupts with laughter, clutching his sides and almost falling out of the chair.

"Way to keep it real, Ichigo." he says, once he stops laughing. I roll my eyes as the song reaches it's final stages.

"Get the fuck out, I got shit to do." I say, pushing him out of the chair. He catches himself before he falls and walks out of the door. "Alright that was Bulletproof Love. Now it's time for my thought of the day and it's a request from one of my callers. Today, I'm gonna talk about trust. When you meet someone, it's almost always about the physical attraction; you like what you see and you want it. But deep down, unless you're some kind of emotionless douche, you're interested in what's inside. You want to get to know this person and you want them as your own. So you approach them, and hopefully a relationship begins. You're basically trusting that person with your heart and if they break it, it's hella hard to get things back the way they were before. Want to know why? It's because trust is like a broken mirror; you can repair it, but you'll still see the cracks in the reflection. Once trust is lost, there is no hope for the relationship. Trust isn't about the bind, it's about the bond. To be trusted is almost greater than to be loved. So never trust someone who lies to you, and never lie to someone who trusts you. I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, and I'm keepin' it real. Here's You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring. Have a great night and may your hangovers be a pleasant reminder of your ever present stupidity."

Once I've signed off, Renji enters the room again, laughing boisterously.

"Dude, I don't know why people still listen to you. You're such a douche." he says. I just shrug and pull on my jacket.

"They listen to me because I'm right. That's all there is to it." I respond, nonchalantly. Renji laughs again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Later, dude." I wave as I exit the studio.

Once I'm outside, I walk briskly to my car and get inside it. I pull my phone from my pocket and turn it on. It immediately vibrates incessantly, just like it always does. I shake my head as I read the first of the text messages.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: Dinner?

Ichigo Kurosaki: No thanks.

See, here's the deal with me and Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. He's been trying to get in my pants since the moment he saw me. We met in chemistry class and we were assigned as lab partners. The first time I saw him, I lost the ability to speak for about half an hour. I mean the man is fucking gorgeous, but I'm not one to just give in the first time someone flashes me a smile. Grimmjow's smile is particularly feral and sexy as all hell, but that's really beside the point here. The point is, I don't want to be in a relationship.

I know what you're thinking. How can I give love advice when I don't even have a relationship of my own? That's very simple. Since I'm not blinded by the so called bliss of a relationship, I can give my perspective from the outside without bias. To some people, I sound cynical, but I just call things like I see them. I don't dance around the issues or try to spare people's feelings. I just say what I think, and most of the time I'm right.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: You're so mean :(

Ichigo Kurosaki: Sorry :)

The funny thing about Grimmjow is that around everyone else, he's an irrefutable douchebag. It's ridiculous how loud, obnoxious, and rude he can be sometimes. People still like him though, because his douchiness has kind of a charm to it. It also helps that he's so damn fine.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: Please?

Ichigo Kurosaki: I'm busy, sorry...

I'm not busy at all. I'm gonna go home and probably watch some Afro Samurai on the Internet. Seriously, I have nothing better to do; I just don't want Grimmjow to know that.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: I can come to your place.

Ichigo Kurosaki: I'd rather you didn't...

I start the engine in my car and drive out of the parking lot. Yeah, like I'd ever let Grimmjow come to my house. It's bad enough that he has my number. He only has it because of my meddling friend, Rukia, who seems to think I need to get laid. Why it has to be with Grimmjow specifically, I'll never know.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: Don't be so passive aggressive. Just say yes.

Ichigo Kurosaki: I'm driving. Later...

Persistent blue-haired fucker. He's been at this for about a year now. It just isn't going to happen though.

About twenty minutes later, I pull into the parking garage of the house I share with my friends Ulquiorra Cifer and Shuhei Hisagi. Ulquiorra's kind of a stick in the mud, all emotionless and blunt, but that's what I like about him. He keeps it real. He also has a girlfriend named Orihime. They're a pretty odd couple especially since Orihime is about as sparkly as a fucking unicorn and Ulquiorra is...well Ulquiorra is Ulquiorra. Shuhei is a little wilder, and super cool. He's also gay and has tried to get it on many occasions, all of which ended with me exploding with laughter. Yeah, because I'm totally dumb enough to bang someone I live with when I know I don't want to commit.

I walk up the stairs and into the front door, chuckling at the last message I received from Grimmjow.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: I luhh yhu...

He's so pathetic.

"Why don't you just go out with him?" the creepy monotonous voice I know belongs to Ulquiorra says. I sigh and drop my messenger bag by the door.

"I don't want to be in a relationship, Qui. You know that already, so this conversation is meaningless."

"That is true, but he's become rather pathetic as of late. Nnoitra informed me that he hasn't slept with anyone for about six months."

"So?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I've known Grimmjow since middle school. He's serious about you, Ichigo." Ulquiorra says. Oh yeah, guess I forgot he's one of Grimmjow's best friends. I just roll my eyes.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe he should get serious about someone else. It's not going to happen." I walk into the kitchen grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator.

"Keep telling yourself that, Ichi." Shuhei says as he walks in with a comically large sandwich. I laugh a little when he tries to bite it.

"Look, you guys. I'm not gonna go out with Grimmjow or anyone else. I'm fine being alone, and I prefer to keep it that way."

"Well, Grimmjow has a way of getting what he wants. Just letting you know that." Ulquiorra says. I scoff and ascend the stairs to my room, closing the door behind me.

Those idiots. If they think I'm just gonna fall at Grimmjow's feet because he bats those pretty blue eyelashes at me, then they don't know me at all.

I sit down at my computer desk and start up my laptop. In addition to the radio show, I have a Facebook page where I answer people's questions. These are mostly questions I can't really answer on air. Well I can, but my producer, Yoruichi, would probably have a coronary, so I suggested this Facebook page. To be honest, I hate Facebook and everything it stands for. I don't fucking care about the stupid shit people are doing or all their random updates like, "Just had sex with my bff's boyfriend...YOLO!" Seriously. Fuck that shit. But all that aside, I really love what I do, so I tolerate the bullshit so I'll be able to help people that seek me out.

I open the first of my messages and start to read:

Dear Kurosaki,

I've been in love with my best friend since the fifth grade. He's smart, funny, incredibly good-looking and just an all-around awesome guy. I wanted to tell him how I felt for the longest, and so I gathered up the nerve and confessed to him. He told me he liked me as a friend and nothing more and it really hurt. He wants to stay friends, but I don't know if I can do that because I'm still in love with him. Please help.


Can't Be Friends...

I sigh. Another one of these. I hate it when I get these kind of messages because I know all too well about unrequited love.

Byakuya Kuchiki, my first crush. He's Rukia's older brother. I saw him for the first time when I was in middle school and Rukia invited me over to study. He was tall and stoic and had the most gorgeous big dark eyes that seemed to stare into me. He didn't seem too pleased to be around me, but once I started hanging out with Rukia more, he warmed up to me. Sometimes, we'd talk for hours about random shit or just hang out playing video games. I realized I'd fallen for him by my freshman year. He was a senior by then and leaving for university soon. I decided to confess my feelings. When I did, he didn't speak to me for a week. When he did speak to me, it was only to say "I cannot return your feelings, but I'd like us to remain friends". Yeah, like that's gonna happen. I haven't spoken to Byakuya in like four years.

Anyway, back to the task at hand. I crack my knuckles before setting in to type my response:

Dear Can't Be Friends:

It's all a matter of choice when it comes to these things. If you really can't get over your feelings for this guy, then you shouldn't try to be friends with him. You'll only end up making yourself more miserable, especially if you have to watch him be in relationships with other women. If he insists, then sit down with him and explain why you don't want to continue to associate with him. However, if you can get past your feelings for him, you shouldn't hang your confession over his head. You should get over it and continue to be a friend to him, the same friend you were before your confession. This path is a lot harder than just walking away and never speaking to him again, so be sure it's really what you want. I hope this helps.


I know I'm a fucking hypocrite, so don't judge me. Like I said, staying friends is harder than walking away, which is why I chose to walk away. I really don't like looking like a fucking idiot, and that's what I felt like when Byakuya did that to me. So yeah, I'm a little committmentphobic after that whole ordeal, but what did you expect me to do? Dance around him like nothing happened? I'd sooner slit my abdomen and hang myself with my large intestine.

Dear Kurosaki,

I recently discovered that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with my best friend. I broke up with him, but now he wants me back claiming that he's changed and that he won't cheat again. I still love him, but I just don't know if I can trust him again. What should I do?


Say My Name

Ah, yes. Nothing like some good ol' infidelity. I have quite a few opinions on this one, but I'll try to stay on topic:

Dear Say My Name:

You want to know what you should do? You should break your foot off in his ass and tell him to fuck himself on it. Don't fall for that bullshit 'I won't do it again', line. That's completely ridiculous because if he did it once, he's obviously very capable of doing it again. Men are stupid, trust me, and you'd be stupid to put your trust in someone who would do that. I take it you're not stupid, so tell him to put a dick in his ear and fuck what he's heard because you're not having that shit.


I know I sound like a bitch, but I really can't fucking stand cheaters. Honestly, if you're not happy with someone, just break up with them. Don't be all, "hey, I'm not in love with this person anymore so I'll just go fuck someone else". That's fucking stupid and hurts a lot worse than breaking up with them does. I'm becoming irritated. I need to start my psychology paper anyway. No more questions tonight.

I grab my phone to send a quick text to Rukia to ask for her psyche notes and it vibrates. Oh who could that be?

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: I'm in your living room.

Okay, that is hella creepy. I sigh and throw my phone on the bed before stripping down to my boxers. Guess I'll take a shower before I text Rukia. I cross the hall to the bathroom and turn on the shower. Once it's hot enough, I step inside closing the frosted glass door behind me. Grabbing my shampoo, I pour some in my hand and lather up my spiky orange locks humming the tune of Lisa Baby by WALK THE MOON. I continue to hum as I rinse out my hair and get to work on cleaning the rest of me. By the time I'm done, I'm belting the chorus of the song like a fricking maniac. What can I say, it's a really catchy song. I shut the water off and step out of the shower still humming as I grab a fluffy towel to dry off with. The song is still in my head as I dry my hair and I shake my hips a little, thinking of the beat. A long whistle causes my heart to stop for a second and I think I'm dead when I turn around and see Grimmjow staring at me like I'm a fucking pork cutlet.

For a long moment I can't move or speak. Grimmjow's feral grin spreads across his face as his eyes rake hungrily over my naked form.

"Didn't know you had such nice moves, Ichi-baby." he says, lowly and I think I'm going to spontaneously combust from the heat of my blush.

"What? Don't call me Ichi-baby, and what the hell are you doing in here anyway, you pervert!" I yell, wrapping the towel around my waist as I realize I've been exposed to him for the past few minutes.

"Didn't you get my text? Ulqui invited me to play video games with him and Shuhei. I heard you singing and I just had to come see what was happening. Glad I did." He continues to smile creepily as he steps fully into the room and closes the door behind him. I immediately take a step back. "You're so damn fine, Ichigo."

I think I might have a heart attack. Oh, this specimen, this fine specimen is in my bathroom telling me I'm fine and looking at me like he's going to fuck me into a comatose state at any second. Yes. I'd be okay with that.

"You're creeping me out." I say, barely above a whisper. He invades my personal space so that our lips are almost touching. I know they will if I say anything else so I keep quiet. Here staring at Grimmjow, I realize just how blue his eyes are. It's insane, and they're so beautiful that I feel like he's hypnotizing me! Before I know it he's kissing me and I'm kissing back and wrapping my arms around his neck and he's touching me and I feel like I'm on fire and oh I just can't take this! It's too damn hot! Soon, my lungs burn from oxygen deprivation and I pull away panting.

"Damn, and you won't even go to dinner with me?" Grimmjow says, smugly. I glare at him. "How about we make a bet."

"What kind of bet?"

"If I can make you cum in less than five minutes, you have to go on a date with me." My mouth drops open at the boldness and the nerve. How lewd!

"And if you can't?" I ask, cheekily.

"Then I'll leave you alone." he says with a shrug.

I find that quite hard to believe. I'll let him do it. I'm not some kind of wanton whore with a ridiculous libido and no self control. It doesn't matter what he does to me, I can hold back. It shouldn't be that hard; he only has five minutes to do it.

"Deal." I say. Grimmjow smirks and kisses me again. Oh God, I'm hard.

His mouth moves from my lips to my jaw and then down to my neck. I bite back a moan as he licks my skin sensually before nipping harshly. God, that feels so damn good. No! I will not let him win this!

His hands move to pull away the towel that's hanging loosely around my hips. I suck in a breath when his warm hand wraps around my dick in the exact same moment that he bites down on one of my nipples.

"Oh God." I whisper. There's no way in hell I'll let Ulquiorra and Shuhei hear me moan. Never.

Two minutes thirty seconds and I'm practically about to blow up trying not to cum. Grimmjow smirks at my unraveled state and turns me around. I'm about to ask him just what the hell he's doing when I feel his clothed arousal grind against my ass. I let out a noise that's something between a moan and a whimper as his hand continues to move along my straining erection.

"It's just not fair for you to be this damn sexy, Ichigo." he says, huskily, punctuating his statement with another thrust of his hips. Damn it, I'm gonna cum if he keeps doing that. My breath is coming in pants and I know I'm blushing like a fucking virgin, but I can't open my eyes. We're facing a mirror and I just know if I see what's happening to me I'll cum on the spot. His left hand continues the steady rhythm and I feel his right hand gliding down my side to rest on my hip. Oh God no.

I almost scream when one of his fingers slides between my asscheeks and pokes at my entrance.

"Hey, fucking cheater!" I almost whine, assaulting my lower lip with my teeth trying to hold back the moan that's threatening to escape my throat. Grimmjow just chuckles lowly and I feel his finger slide inside me.

"You never said I couldn't do this. Plus, I'm running out of time so I'm just trying to speed things along." he taunts. Douche.

My body doesn't want to follow my mind. It takes all but thirty seconds and I'm pushing back onto Grimmjow's finger, simultaneously causing his strokes of my member to speed up. Damn it, I don't care anymore. I want to cum and if it means having to go on a date with him then so be it.

"Please...I can't take it anymore." I moan and Grimmjow's rhythm falters for a split second before I hear him smirk again.

"Open your eyes, Ichigo." he whispers in my ear. I slowly crack my eyes open, just as Grimmjow's finger brushes my prostate. Holy shit on a fuck sandwich.

A low moan rips from my throat and my body convulses harshly as I cum hard, dousing Grimmjow's hand with my seed. I breathe sporadically and can't tear my eyes away as Grimmjow licks my semen from his hand, as if it's the tastiest thing on the planet. God fucking damn him.

"Three minutes forty-eight seconds. I thank you very much." Grimmjow says. I want to junk punch him so hard, his kids will come out clutching their crotches. He turns me to face him again; curse him. I can't move on my own. He smiles and kisses my lips again. Jerk. I can't help but to kiss him back, letting his warm tongue invade my mouth. "So I'll pick you up at seven on Friday?"

"You rapist." I say, pitifully. Grimmjow just laughs.

"See you on Friday, Ichi-baby." I glare at him as he kisses my cheek and leaves the bathroom. Fuck my goddamned life.

So Friday is here and like hell if I'm going anywhere with Grimmjow. He's a fucking molester and I really, really, really just don't want to go. I just feel shitty today; I even called out from work and missed all my classes. I swear it's not because I'm supposed to go on a date with him. I just feel really crappy.

"Dude, you're like on fire. Maybe you should go to the doctor." Shuhei says, removing his hand from my forehead.

"Hospitals are for rich people. Just give me some Tamiflu and a bendy straw." I croak out. Damn, I sound pathetic. Shuhei shakes his head.

"You're not gonna drink Tamiflu like it's a fucking Kool-Aid Jammer." He leaves the room and comes back with Ulquiorra who stares down at me with his big ol' green eyes. He gets on my nerves. "What should we do? We can't leave him alone and I have to go to work. Don't you have class, Qui?"

"I do. We could call Grimmjow. He doesn't have any classes on Fridays." Ulquiorra muses. I want to kill him. I open my mouth to protest but nothing comes out. Right fucking time for me to lose my voice.

"Yeah, let's call him. He'll be glad to take care of his Ichi-baby." Shuhei says in a sing-song voice. I swear when I get some damn Tamiflu, I'm gonna tear him a new asshole. Ulquiorra leaves the room and I glare daggers at Shuhei who just laughs at me. "You know, you didn't have to make that bet, Ichigo."

I turn my head, a new blush covering the one I'd already had from the fever.

"Oh, I see. You wanted it, didn't you?" Shuhei's eyes dance with mirth as my mouth gapes open and closed like a fish. "I don't know why you're so stubborn, Ichigo. He obviously really likes you." It's quiet for a while as I contemplate this. The silence is broken by my vibrating phone. Shuhei picks it up from the desk. "Aww, look at that, here."

I take the phone from him and feel my blush spreading at an immensely rapid pace when I read the text message.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: I'm coming to take care of you, Ichi-baby. I luhh yhu.


"Well, I'm taking off. Qui will be here until Grimmjow comes and then he has to leave too. See you later, Ichigo."

I watch Shuhei leave glaring at his retreating form. I'm starting to wonder if he did this on purpose; he is majoring in microbiology after all. Yeah, he definitely slipped some influenza in my slice of pizza last night.

I stare at the ceiling for a while and before I know it, I'm waking up to something cool on my forehead. Yeah, that's the good stuff. My eyes flutter open and I stare at Grimmjow for a minute before scowling.

"Hey." he says, giving me a small smile. "Is there something you want?" I point at the bottle of Tamiflu on my desk. "Oh, well Ulqui told me not to let you have that, sorry."

I cross my arms across my chest petulantly. Stupid Ulquiorra won't let me drink my Tamiflu.

Grimmjow continues to stare at me and I refuse to look at him. Why the hell is he so damn nice to me? Seriously, he is a complete ass to everyone else, his friends included. Why am I so damn special, especially when I don't even halfway want to commit to him or anyone else for that matter? He can't possibly be that hard up for some ass, because he's fine as hell. I'm sure if he wants sex he could get it from anyone, male or female, so why does it have to be me?

"Ichi-baby, why are you scowling at the wall like that?" he asks. I turn towards him, a bored expression on my face. I really wish he'd stop fucking calling me that. I point at my laptop and he hands it to me. Might as well get some work done while I'm bedridden.

I log onto my Facebook page and answer some messages. After I'm done with that, I get psychology notes from Rukia via email and start my paper. And Grimmjow just watches me the whole time like I'm the most interesting man in the world. I test out my voice for the first time since I lost it. It hurts, but I can force out a whisper.

"You don't have to sit here and watch me all day, you know." I say. Grimmjow just smiles and props his feet up on my desk.

"I like watching you, Ichi-baby." he says. I snarl a little, which causes him to laugh more. "Hey, are you hungry or anything?"

I realize I haven't eaten all day and that I actually am extremely hungry, so I nod.

"Cool. I can make my mom's special get well soup. Sound good?" I shrug and then nod. He smiles at me again before leaving the room.

An hour later, and I'm sighing with contentment. Who knew a pretty boy like Grimmjow could cook? Then again, I have no room to talk. The only things I can make are Maruchan and ice. I lean back against my pillows. Damn my head hurts.

Grimmjow stands and takes our dirty dishes out of the room. He comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and two pills.

"Here, take these and try to get some sleep." he says. Is he reading my mind? I take the pills from him and kick back the water before giving the glass back to him.

"Thanks, Grimmjow." He turns and looks at me like I've sprouted wings and am about to take flight on a mystical cloud of pixie dust. I narrow my gaze. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that you've never said my name before." Then he walks out and I feel like a fucking idiot.

Way to make me feel like a fucking cunt Grimmjow. To be honest, I never noticed that I hadn't used his name before. Now that I think about it, during our chemistry class, I called him "idiot", outside of class "moron", "dumbass", "pervert", "jerk", and most recently, "rapist". Wow, here he is developing a pet name for me in six months, and it took me a goddamn year to use his given name. Wait, wait. Why the fuck do I care anyway? It's not like I like that stupid ass nickname or him for that matter. I don't need to be nice to him; I don't want to be in a relationship, and I definitely don't care if his feelings are hurt because of that. Damn right, I'm selfish. I don't need to be giving my heart to someone like him. Might as well stand in the damn highway and fucking wait to get hit by a Mack truck.

Grimmjow walks back in and I glare daggers at him.

"You get on my nerves." I say. He looks at me questioningly. "Why are you even here? All you want from me is sex right?"

"If that was all I wanted, I would've gotten it already." he states, evenly. I scoff at that statement. I'd like to see him try. "I'm serious about you, Ichigo."

"Well, get serious about someone else. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone, and I certainly don't want you."

I think I actually see Grimmjow's heart break. Shit, now I kind of feel bad. But what I said is true, and there's no need for him to set himself up for an even worse heartbreak when I'm letting him off easy. His facial expression changes from hurt to angry and he scowls at me.

"Fine, if that's how you feel, then I'm out."

Then he walks out. I don't care. At least I don't think I care.

I look at my phone for the fifth time and scowl. A month. That's how long it's been since I heard from Grimmjow. I have to admit, I kind of miss the idiot, and his stupid I luhh yhu text messages. I guess this is for the best though. No use in leading him on.

I get out of my car and make my way into the studio. I nod to Yoruichi before slumping down in my chair. Renji comes in and sits next to me.

"Still haven't heard from your one true love?" he asks, cheekily.

"Fuck you in the ass with something hard and sandpapery, Renji." I say, irritably. Renji lays a hand over his chest as if I hurt his feelings.

"No need for violence, Ichi-baby." he taunts. My scowl deepens at the use of the nickname I used to hate. "Why don't you just admit it?"

"Admit what?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. Renji sighs and rolls his eyes.

"That you like Grimmjow." I glare at him indignantly. Damn him for being my best friend and knowing me so damn well.

Alright, I'll admit it. I do like Grimmjow. I like his smile and his confidence. I like the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs and I love how these four strands of his vibrant blue hair always hang over his forehead. I love that he can be sensitive in his own way, and that he cared enough to take care of me when I was sick. And I love it when he calls me Ichi-baby.

But of course, instead of saying any of this out loud, I just continue to scowl.

"Fuck outta here. It's almost time for me to start."

I put on my headphones and wait for Yoruichi to give me the okay. Once she nods, I take a deep breath before beginning my show.

"You're tuned in for another segment of Keepin' It Real. I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, here to bestow my knowledge and my tunage onto each one of you listening tonight. So without further adieu, let's take our first caller. You're live with Kurosaki Ichigo, let's keep it real."

"My boyfriend flirts with other girls when I'm around and that really pisses me off. When I tried to talk to him about it, he told me he didn't see a problem. He said I was stupid for feeling that way, since I'm the one he's with. I don't just feel hurt, I feel embarrassed when he flirts. When he does it now, I just walk away. How can I get him to stop?"

"Well, that's simple. Tell him to knock it off or you're out. If he's so convinced that you're so stupid to feel pissed when he's flirting with other women in front of you because you're the one he's with, then he shouldn't be flirting in the first place. If he has you, you should be the only person he needs, and the only person he sees. The next time he does it, do something he'd find weird, like start flirting with the same girl he's flirting with and see how he likes it. If that doesn't work and he continues to flirt knowing that it upsets you, then he's not worth your time and needs to be dismissed pronto."

"Way to keep it real, Kurosaki. Thanks!"

"No problem, babe. Next caller, you're live with Kurosaki, let's keep it real."

"So there's this guy that I really like. I've kind of wanted to go out with him for about a year now and he knows how I feel, but he doesn't seem to care. We had a falling out about a month ago, and I haven't spoken to him because I wanted to give him some space to think about how he really felt about me. I can't wait anymore, because I know he feels the same, and all I want is to be with him. What should I do?"

Wait one goddamned minute. I know that voice. I'd know that voice anywhere. So that's how you want to play, Grimmjow? Alright. I'll play.

"If you don't mind me asking, caller, how exactly do you know that this person feels the same as you do? You said you haven't spoken to him since your falling out."

"One of his best friends told me." I immediately look at Renji, promising a slow death involving him being burned from the inside out. Renji just laughs and nudges Yoruichi who's smiling also.

"Oh, so you didn't actually hear this from the person to whom you're referring?"

"Well, no, but I know he likes me too. I'm irresistible." I roll my eyes. God, he's such a narcissist.

"Alright then, Mr. Irresistible, here's what you can do. Try talking to this person yourself instead of listening to the nonsense that seems to spew out of the mouth of his best friend like the symptoms of bubonic plague. You'll never know for sure how he really feels unless you hear it from him."

"And how do you feel, Ichigo?" The words echo around me, and I grimace. What the living fuck?

"Hey, turn your radio down, Grimmjow!" I yell, before I realize that I've just admitted to the rest of my audience that I know who this caller is. Shit.

"No need. I'm right behind you." A shiver inches down my spine at the sound of the voice I've been practically craving for for the past month. I slowly turn around in my chair. And there he is. I bite my lip. Irresistible indeed. "So, tell me, do you feel?"

I don't know what to say. I mean I do, but don't want to say it. I refuse. I turn away from him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Grimmjow heaves a sigh as if I'm exasperating him.

"What the hell are you so afraid of, Ichigo?" he asks. I don't turn around. I can't face him because I know he's right. That's the only reason I won't go out with Grimmjow or anyone else; I'm scared.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I've never had a stable relationship. Actually, I've never had a relationship. How I didn't notice before I'll never know. I guess after everything that happened with Byakuya, I didn't bother trying again. Sure I've had the occasional tryst, but I've never had an actual boyfriend. I don't think I'd know what to do if I was in a relationship. That's what freaks me out; not knowing how things will turn out. I don't want to end up hurt again.

"I like you, Grimmjow, I do, but...I'm afraid I'll get hurt."

For a long moment, Grimmjow is silent. I don't want to turn around because I'm practically dying from embarrassment. I basically just confessed my love for him. Oh yeah, I'm definitely in love with Grimmjow. Like hell if I'll say that out loud though.

"I'll never hurt you, Ichigo." I feel his warmth as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. "I love you too damn much to do that."

"Awww..." I glare at Yoruichi as her voice travels through my headset. "Cut to break, Ichigo. We'll give you two some privacy."

I nod dumbly. Damn, I forgot we were still live. Grimmjow lets go of me and I clear my throat before speaking again.

"Uh, sorry about that, everyone. We're gonna take a break and be back after some messages from our sponsors." I turn back around to face Grimmjow. His cyan eyes are boring into mine and I feel my cheeks burn. "Alright so I admitted that I like you...a lot, and you obviously feel the same. So now what?"

"I already told you, Ichi-baby. All I want is to be with you." Grimmjow pulls me in for a kiss. Damn, I missed him. I sigh when he pulls away.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, Grimmjow. I...I want to be with you too." Grimmjow grins and pushes me so that I'm sitting on my desk.

"Don't worry about any of the shit that's happened in the past, okay? All that matters is where we go from here." With that, his lips are on mine again, and I feel the heat of arousal spread all over me causing a tingling sensation. His hands tug at the hem of my t-shirt and I break away from the kiss.

"Grimm, what are you doing? We can't do that in here." I say, breathlessly. Grimmjow's lecherous grin stays etched onto his face. I know damn well he's not thinking about what I think he's thinking about.

"Don't worry, no one's watching." He kisses along my jawline, and my eyes flutter shut. "I want you so bad, Ichi-baby."

Oh God, yes.

"I want you too, Grimmjow." His kisses move to my neck and this time when he tugs at my shirt, I let him pull it off. His eyes ravage my body and, even though he's seen me naked before, I feel self-conscious. I try to cross my arms over my chest but Grimmjow isn't having it. He shakes his head before pushing me so that I'm lying flat on my back on the desk. He kisses me as he unbuttons my jeans. I toe off my Converse and let him slide my jeans off along with my boxer briefs. For a second he just stares at me, as if he's appreciating artwork.

"I really love you, you know that, right?" he asks. I blush before nodding. I can't say it back just yet, and I hope he understands.

"Just hurry up, idiot." I say. He smiles; he definitely understands what I meant. He divests himself of his unnecessary clothing and places an open-mouthed kiss on my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck, gripping his hair. "Grimm..."

His mouth begins a journey towards my nipples and my breath hitches when he takes one of the sensitive buds into his mouth. I'm burning up; it feels like I'm on fire everywhere that he's touched me. My back arches slightly as his tongue laves across my taut abdomen, dipping into my navel. I wiggle my hips in anticipation as his tongue nears my turgid erection, but he bypasses it. I peer down at him questioningly; he stares right back at me, mischief present in his vibrant blue eyes. He knows what I want, but he's not doing it. I moan in frustration as his tongue slides along my inner thigh, coming painfully close to where I want it to go but moving away when it gets there.

"Say it, Ichi-baby." Grimmjow taunts. He wants me to say that out loud? The debauchery!

"Just fucking do it!" I growl. Grimmjow chuckles, and I feel his breath fan across my length.

"Do what, Ichi-baby?" he asks. I glare down at him, and he actually looks like he's not going to continue unless I say it. Ugh, he pisses me off.

"Suck me, Grimm." I say, breathlessly. His eyes glaze over with lust and he stares right at me as he takes the head of my member into his mouth. My head falls back and I grab at his hair in case he wants to get cheeky again. His cheeks hollow around me as he takes me in all the way. "Shit..."

Suddenly, it's not enough. I love the feeling of his hot wet mouth surrounding me, but I want more. I want all of Grimmjow, right now, and quite possibly forever. But I'm getting way ahead of myself. I tug at Grimmjow's hair, pulling him off of me with an audible pop sound.

"What is it, Ichi-baby?" I shudder at the way his nickname for me rolls off his tongue. God I want this man.

"I want you inside me, Grimmjow." Grimmjow grins as he steps away from me and reaches for his discarded jeans. He roots around in the pocket for a bit before he comes back with a small bottle. I raise an eyebrow. "So you just knew this would happen, huh?"

"No. But then again, I am irresistible." he says, smugly. Ha fucking ha.

"Let's do this, Mr. Irresistible." I say, equally smug. He smirks before popping open the cap of the lubricant and dousing three of his fingers. I let out a groan that's muffled by his lips when the first of the slick appendages breaches my entrance. Damn, how long has it been since I had sex? I don't remember it being this good, and we haven't even started yet. Grimmjow adds another finger and I start to move my hips to meet his scissoring fingers.

"You're so sexy, Ichi-baby." he says lowly. God fucking damn him, I'm gonna cum if he keeps calling me that in that tone. A third finger is pushed inside of me and I can't take this anymore. I need Grimmjow, promptly.

"I'm ready, Grimm. C'mon..." He pauses in his actions long enough to spread a copious amount of lube onto his hardened member and then I feel the blunt tip pressing against me. I inhale sharply as he pushes forward; damn, that fucking hurts, but I swear I'll kill him if he stops.

"Damn, feel so good." Grimmjow's voice rumbles lowly and I can't breath. I want to say that he feels good too, amazing actually, but I can't form a coherent sentence. His pace quickens and he hits my prostate causing me to arch off of the desk.

"Faster..." I plead and Grimmjow complies, his thrusts reaching an almost inhuman velocity. "Say it..."

"Say what?" he asks. My eyes are half-lidded as I look at him with a smirk.

"My name." He smiles and a well placed snap of his hips wipes the smirk right off of my lips.

"Ichi-baby..." My eyes roll back at the erotic sound.



"Oh God, yes..."

Grimmjow wraps his hand around my straining erection, his rhythm matching the one he's set with his hips. The moans pouring from my lips are utterly emasculate, but I simply can't bring myself to care. This is what I want; I love this man with every fiber of my being, and since I'm too much of a pansy to say it, I'll show him. I pull Grimmjow down to my level and kiss him passionately. He nips at my lower lip, his tongue dancing with my own.

"One more time, Grimm..."

"Cum for me, Ichi-baby..."

I cry out in ecstasy as my release sends shockwaves through my body. Grimmjow follows soon after and I feel the warmth of his seed as he cums inside me. He pulls out slowly and I grimace at the feeling of semen running down my thigh. After a few minutes he helps me into a sitting position and kisses me softly.

"I can't believe we just did that." I say, and Grimmjow laughs.

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed."

Grimmjow and I dress in comfortable silence. I hear a tap on the window and I look in Yoruichi's direction. She gestures for me to put on my headset and I do.

"Uh, sorry, Ichigo. It seems I never actually took you off the air." she says, not-so-apologetically. "But good news! We've never had this many callers before!"

I just know I'm the color of a goddamned firetruck. Grimmjow raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"My entire audience just heard us having sex." I say, numbly. Grimmjow laughs boisterously before leaning towards my microphone.

"Hope you enjoyed the show, folks. I'm gonna have to steal Kurosaki away for the rest of the night though. He's just begging to get screwed into my mattress." My mouth drops open and I smack Grimmjow in the back of his head.

"Idiot, you can't say that on the air!" I yell.

"Uh, we just had sex on the air." he says, matter-of-factly. I narrow my gaze and sigh.

"Alright, people, this show, as well as my life-damn it was so short-is over. Have a great night and may your hangovers be a pleasant reminder of your ever present stupidity." Grimmjow chuckles as I deliver my signature closing line. I turn to him and scowl. "What's so funny, you miscreant?"

"I just find it hilarious that people still listen to your show when you call them stupid every night." he says. I shrug.

"I'm just keepin' it real. Can't hate me for that." I respond as we head out of the studio hand-in-hand.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Plus, I call you stupid all the time, and you still love me." Grimmjow grins and wraps his arms around me and kisses me softly.

"I do. I love you like a fat kid loves cake."


So, that's "Keepin' It Real"'s a little silly but I like it...anyways, thanks for reading and please review:)