Hey guys! It's Em once again. I want to thank those people who've reviewed my work: koete1995, wolfgirlholo62, Professor KanZe, plegurl16 (gives hug- HUGE Ikuto fan as well), and Salazar-Tipton, thank you so much for my first reviews, I hope you continue to like what I write.

Now I read a fanfic the other day where someone was upset that Kaoru is normally the one that cuts himself- I am a huge Kaoru fangirl that would marry him (well from this manga anyway) if he wasn't so right with Hikaru, and the only reason I did the whole cutting thing was that I read this fanfiction that ended suddenly so I sort of bended the idea and added more onto it- not to mention it was a good way to start of the piece. But in this one there is no cutting just another chance for people to fangirl- or freak out if you're a guy reading this.

Warning: Yaoi. Lemon yaoi. If you don't like it you don't have to read it. You have been warned. If you don't like it don't look things up in the boyxboy 'M' side of fanfiction. Thank you very much and have a pleasant day.

Disclaimer: Bisco Hatori owns OHCHC- not me. . . no matter how much I wouldn't mind stealing the characters and locking them in my closet.

Read, review, and fangirl on! ~ Enjoy!

Every day slowly inches by as if father time himself is against me in my quest not to lose control. I hate that I can't help but stare- even if I do it when no one else is looking.

Summer break had officially started, and the Host club (for the most part) was worry free and out from under the ruling gaze of the shadow king. I, on the other hand, am not. While Kyoya isn't looking over my shoulder, having to be with Hikaru every day is driving me insane with an impure sense of longing that I want to address.

Stay cool, Kaoru. You've kept it in for this long- you can last the rest of your life without anything going wrong. If you can last through the summer you'll be fine. I tell myself over and over. I might be younger than Hikaru, but I am the more mature twin. It would freak him out to know what I thought about him, and having to hide my true feelings, well, that's just part of my duty as his caretaker. But as the days passed it was becoming progressively harder and harder. My lust for him was growing- but that isn't the problem. I can keep the lust in check. Haruhi's the problem. I have a hard time keeping the jealousy in. And although I adore Haruhi to no end, she spends too much 'quality' time with my twin. I just want to kidnap back what's rightfully mine- that shouldn't be so bad. But it is. Incest is a forbidden act (at least in most countries), and 'twincest' they say is even worse. I don't want, I can't want to put Hikaru through my selfish desires.

He deserves to have a meaningful relationship with someone he loves more than me. My heart twinges at that thought, and I sigh while watching the countryside whiz by me.

"You okay, Kaoru?" A voice comes from next me. I turn my head slightly to glance at my twin beside me in the suddenly un-spacious car.

"I'm fine," I say with practiced cheer, "just tired of the ride."

"Amen to that," Hikaru agrees, leaning back as far as his seat will allow him to. I can't help but stare at his lean body strapped in tight pants and loose tank top that ripples gently as he stretches his arms above his head, "I wish we'd just be at the beach house already. Pity that Haruhi couldn't come with us."

"Yeah," I smile sympathetically at him, God! Can't she stay out of ONE conversation! "she should have come. It would have been fun."

Hikaru smiles back at me. It really is breathtaking to see him smile like that, and I take in a small breath while keeping up my fa├žade. Damn he's hot, I really want to see him smile while I run my hands up and down his-. I mentally shake my head, Nope! Not thinking this right now! Thoughts denied!

"Young masters," Came the voice of the driver as he pulls to a stop, "we have arrived."

We're out of the car in seconds, and fly towards the door of the slightly smaller mansion- just a small distance from the water. Hikaru and I have used this house before, it had been a time when our mother had joined us for our excursion- but now it was just Hikaru and me. Private beach, private home, private room, privacy from parents. . .and private thoughts, that I can't help but think.

Hikaru doesn't know all the secrets I keep from him. It's better that it stays that way.

We follow the long corridors to the shared room where we would be sleeping, and after throwing open the doors we flop onto to the bed with a simultaneous 'whoosh' and 'thump'.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asks after a minute, turning towards me on the bed where we still lay.

"Yes?" I reply.

"Lets go swimming!" He grins wide at me.

I can't say 'no' to him- despite the fact that seeing him in water trunks will make me hold on tighter to my control reigns, "Yep." I tell him, and we both push ourselves off the bed to search through our luggage that we sent ahead two days previously.

I hear Hikaru's pants drop behind me as I strip mine, and I resist the urge to turn around. Getting hard in a pair of trunks was NOT a good idea- you could see everything.

I pull mine on and then turn to face him after I was sure I was safe.

I have to stifle a gasp.

It takes all I have not to stare at Hikaru. He looks stunning in those dark green swim bottoms, with just the tiniest bit of light emerald at the tips of the legs- their one of the newest in the collection line that our mother created. It's a strange difference form the pink or orange that people have associated with him after we dyed our hair for that prank.

"Ready?" My brother asks.

"As I'll ever be."

We bolt out the door, both eager to get in the water- Hikaru to reduce the heat he has suffered that day, and me to flush away the heat, longing, attraction, and forbidden need for my twin. . . at least for a little while.

The water was such a color that even my chromium sapphire and cobalt swim suit blended into the it. But that was earlier, now the light was dimming and we were sitting on the comfortably warm porch balcony that served as our relaxation spot after a day of hardcore splashing and strained movements in order not to attack and force Hikaru into an act that he would not have been fine with.

Hikaru is lying down on a chaise lounge while I lean against the railing- staring out at the ocean.

I can feel that Hikaru is behind me, but it startles me when he suddenly speaks, "Hey Kao," he says softly- using my pet name from when we were little, "is there something wrong?"

I turn to look at him- my back to the captivating blue. I hoist myself up onto the rail- my feet not too far from the floor, "Nope," I tell him in a matter of fact voice, yes there is, but he doesn't EVER need to know that, "why do you ask?"

Hikaru looks uncomfortable after I reply, "You just. Well you just. . ."

"Yes?" I prompt.

"You look tense, and you've been that way since the car ride this morning."

I stare and then shake my head after the appropriate amount of time that needed to pass before I told him my lie, "Really? I guess it's cause' I'm tired, " lie, "I didn't get that much sleep last night," now that's the truth, "I guess I'll go to bed then- I don't want to worry you." I grin at Hikaru and hop off the rail, maneuvering myself around him on his lounge so I can enter the door to our abode.

"Wait!" Hikaru starts, and grabs my arm before I can cross the threshold into the tan room.

"What Hikaru?" I ask, adding the perfect amount of exasperation into my voice, "I'm really tired and I just want some rest."

"Are you sure that you're alright? You've seemed paler than usual- and you've haven't been eating as much lately either. I know there's something going on and I want to know!"

"Pale? No food? Are you going to make me ask permission to enter the house- cause' if so then you got it. You've already guessed my problem from the looks of it. You got me. I'm a vampire." I tell him sarcastically.

"I'm trying to be serious here Kaoru. You're my little brother, I care about whats happening to you."

"And so am I Hikaru. There is nothing wrong with me. It's just your imagination."

I try to pull away my arm but Hikaru's hold grows tighter as he stands up in front of me, "No it's not," he tells me forcefully, "I'm not sure what it is- but I know you too well Kao, I can tell these things."

"Are your twin senses tingling?"

"If you continue to use those crappy hinting metaphorical puns then I'm going to hit you." Hikaru scowls at me.

"Do you really want to know whats wrong?" I ask him, leaning in closer to his ear, time to dissuade him from this topic.

"Yes." He demands.

"Really?" I say getting ever closer. He shivers.

"Yes." He says again, force wavering with my close proximity. My control was really straining.

"I'll tell you then," My mouth right at his ear, "I love you Hikaru, more than any brother should."

Hikaru jerks back, and I stare intensely at the ground, hands behind my back.

Silence rings out.

"Did you. . . just say that you love m-"

"Just kidding!" I announce to him, bringing my head up- a highly practiced, fake, but fooling smile plastered on my unreadable face. I clap my hand onto his shoulder as I walk around him- while he still staring wide eyed at the place I was just standing, "God, Hikaru, you're so gullible sometimes. I can't believe you fell for that. I've been practicing that one for weeks, waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it on you." I grin wider as I walk inside, "Trust me, I'm fine. I'm just gonna' go take a shower. Feel free to go to bed when you feel like it." With that I leave him standing there on the balcony and make my way into the bathroom- locking the door securely behind me.

I strip and turn the spray on high. After entering the small enclosed area of the shower I slink to the ground- burying my eyes into my hands. The tears run down my face, and I rack silent sobs. I just ruined any chance of him ever loving me as I love him. And any chance of me ever saying that to him again. But this is what should happen right? I ask myself, Now he'll be able to be with Haruhi or any other girl that he wants. I won't be on the side lines, with him even thinking that I might love him as more than a brother, This has sealed the deal. As long as he's happy I've done my job. I know this, but still I can't stop the tears. If I made any noise with my crying they were drowned out by the pounding of the water. Washing away traces of my blinded sight, and trying to rid myself of what the salty water could not- my unconditional, unrequited love.

Hikaru's in bed when I leave the shower. His breathing is steady enough that I'm pretty sure he's asleep. I quickly slip on pj bottoms and lay down as far as I can in the bed from Kaoru- not bothering to tuck myself under the covers.

I wake up the next morning groggy, warm, and even more tired than the night before. I glance at my watch I had thrown on the bedside table earlier the previ- scratch that, I think, it's still dark out that means it's night. My watch reads 2:30 am, but as long as it's dark out it doesn't count as morning in my book. Three hours of sleep. I sit up and push my pale orange (well pale, in my opinion, compared to Hikaru's) hair out of my bleary eyes. The bed sheets slips down to my hips. And I look at it curiously. I didn't cover up when I went to bed. I remember, and my gaze slips to the right of me. Hikaru's not there, I note.

"Hikaru?" I ask, wiping the sleep out of my eyes, "Hikaru, where are you?" I allow my returned sight to work it's way around the room. After a few worried, painstaking moments I see him again lying on the chaise lounge outside. I glass door is shut, but I can see that he's asleep and shivering. I sigh at my brother's stupidity, and walk over to the door. I open it and manage to hoist him up without waking him, (he has always been a sound sleeper) then proceed to set him down in my warm spot on the bed and cover him with the sheet, plus another blanket. He sighs appreciatively in his sleep, while snuggling deeper under the warm covers. I shut the glass door.

"Kaoru," I hear mumbled. I whirl around, and then breath a sigh of relief as I realize that Hikaru's just talking in his sleep. I move closer to catch his next words, "I'm so s. . . sorry." I wait for another minute to see if he says anything else.

Nothing comes.

"Whatever it is you're sorry about," I whisper to him, "I forgive you for. Even if it's leaving me." and then, acting on impulse, I lean forward and kiss his forehead softly, and then his cheek. I want to kiss those beautiful, full lips of his- but I don't want to push my luck. I've already done enough for an entire lifetime.

I stand up and stretch before leaving the room to go downstairs. After waking up there's no chance in hell that I can go back to sleep. It's almost always that way. Hikaru is the only one that can send me back to dreamland after I wake up in the middle of the night- its been that way ever since we were born. Neither mother, nor father, nor none of the maids or nannies could ever get me to sleep in the middle of the night. But one soft touch or word from Hikaru could knock me out quicker than sedation. But lately I would leave the bed that we share and opt for one in another room, if at all, because in other rooms if I somehow managed to conk myself out the nightmares would return. Nightmares that I hadn't had in many years. Ones that if Hikaru knew I had again he would never let me go at night. And that was not good for our current situation. Lately total fear and insecurity was a safer option than the safe security that I found when with Hikaru.

I didn't sleep any more that night. So with time on my hands I fixed breakfast. Simple things- eggs, toast, the works. Hikaru finally made his way staggering down the stairs at a quarter after noon- so I guess at this point it was brunch.

I smile at him and he slides into a seat next to me. I pretend that nothing happened last night. It's the easiest way, and Hikaru makes no attempt to stop me- but then again he is a little out of it in the mornings (not as bad as low blood pressure king). I scoot over the food to him- which he eats ravenously. We talk about little things, like about the weather, what we want to do today, and what the other members of the Host club are doing.

Kyoya: Sleeping- or at least trying to.

Tamaki: Bothering Kyoya to get up.

Hunny: Training and/or eating cake.

Mori: Looking after Hunny.

And then we came to Haruhi. I assumed she was at the super market. And Hikaru supposed she was reading. Our discussion lasted longer on her than it did on the other members, and I clenched my hands under the table.

After food I cleared away the plates and left them on the counter for the arriving maids to clean up.

Hikaru and I went scuba diving afterwords. It was pleasant, but the atmosphere between us seemed forced.

But just as all days do it reversed back to night. And Hikaru and I are back in a stalemate. This night I only get an hour and a half of sleep before I leave the room. The nightmares have even started to invade the place I thought I was free of them.

I tread lightly down the halls to a room that's fall enough from the shared room that even if I scream I shouldn't wake Hikaru.

I know that I need sleep and I perform my amazing trick of holding my breath until I faint so I at least get another couples of hours.

I don't even get one.

I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. I can't see the- darkness is still there, all around me. I call for Hikaru, as I always do- but I don't expect anyone to come. I'm too far away for him to hear me. I made sure of that.

I feel strong arms envelope me and I scream again- pushing at the foreign objects. I need Hikaru!

"Kao! Kao, wake up! It's only a dream. It's only a dream." Hikaru's voice carries around me, and the arms tighten. I open my eyes and look right into my twins face.

"Hika?" I ask, "Hika? Hika?"

"It's me," He says soothingly, "it's me and I'm not going anywhere."

I can sense the tears running down my cheeks, but I can't bring myself to care. I grasp my shaking hands into the back of his shirt, holding him closer to me as I press my face into his chest. I'm still sobbing and I can't let him go- I need him right now, so screw the small conscious part of my brain telling me that this isn't a good idea.

Hikaru continues to hold me and whisper to me that it was just a dream.

I finally calm down just enough to form coherent sentences when he starts to ask me the routine question.

"Which one was it?" Hikaru asks, worry clear in his voice.

"The- the one, where, where I- I'm stuck in the box. The sm- small box, and it's all, a- ,all dark," My voice quivers as I continue to weep, "I'm chain- chained to the inside. And I'm fight- ing, fighting to g- get out. Th- then the chains co- come off, and I, I, I fall through the bot- bot, bottom. Into comp- complete darkness. And the- the fall does- doesn't stop."

"Shh, now. Everything's gonna' be alright. I'm here, and I won't allow that to happen. You know that right?"

I nod at him while not removing my face, "Hika- Hika won't hurt me. Hika's al- always there for me. That's probably w- why I lo- love him so much."

Hikaru's breathing freezes, and I begin to look up. It starts again and he presses my head back down, "You're in shock, you don't know what you're saying."

"Wha- what did I say?"

"Exactly my point."

"About me loving you?"


"If you say so."


"If you say so." I whisper once again. My breathing finally back to normal, and the tears beginning to quiet.

"Say so to what?"

"That I'm in shock." I mumble- even quieter. God! What am I saying! I guess I can chalk this one up to shock, I need to stop talking- but I'm too far gone to stop now. I might as well play this one out and hope the cards fall in my favor- or at least hope he won't hate me completely.


"If you say that I'm in shock, then I must be in shock." I say a bit louder.


"Never mind," I tell him as I begin to push away from him, losing my resolve, "it's nothing. Thank you for the help, but I'm fine now. You probably want to go back to sleep."

Hikaru removes his arms from around me and with one hand grabs my wrists, then in the other holds my chin and angles it up so I can see in his eyes, "Kaoru, are you in love with me?"

"No." I tell him, short, sweet, simple, and to the point.

Hikaru glares at me, "You suck at lying after you've had an episode. Now tell me the truth- and no lip this time got it? Now, are you in love with me."

I really can't lie to those eyes anymore. He's mad and wants the true answer. I guess he'll finally get his real answer, "Yes. Yes I do." I finally answer.

Hikaru looks into my eyes before smiling brightly, "Thank you." was all he says before he presses his lips tightly against mine.

I can't stop my body. This is what I've wanted for so long. To feel him, to feel this. I pull my wrists away from him and wrap my fingers in his vibrant hair to pull him closer to me as I kiss him back with my whole being.

"Hi- Hika. . . ru. . .?" I gasp as he pulls away for air.

"Wh- what?" He pants.

"Why ar- are you doing this?"

"Because, I love you. Idiot?" He attempts to go in for another kiss and I let him.

Hikaru gently bites my lower lip- asking for a permission that wasn't needed. His tongue ravishes my mouth and I suck on it softly before he pulls it out.

He quickly removes my nightshirt and nips at the skin covering my collarbone. I gasp and moan as he bites and sucks that surprisingly sensitive place while moving one of his hands all over my body. Hikaru pushes me back on the bed in order to use both hands, and I finally get a chance between moans to voice my question, "I tho- thought you were in lo. . . love with Haru- Ahh! Haruhi?"

I feel the vibrations of Hikaru's laughter as he moves his lips down my torso, "No, not at all," Hikaru gently takes one of my erect nipples into his mouth, coating it in warm, heavy saliva before he gives it a nip that causes my back to arch and a loud moan to escape my lips, "I just wanted her advice on you."

"Me?-" I ask then gasp. While Hikaru had taken my other nipple into his mouth his hand had moved down to cup my hardening bulge.

"Yes, you." Hikaru tells me lazily, all the while rubbing his hand on the top of my need. It might be through cloth but I love the pleasure that it gives, "I told her that I'm in love with you and asked if she had any tips after dealing with boss."

Hikaru slips off his shirt and then my pants- taking my erect member in his hand, making me gasp and buck into it, "She told me that I should wait until you were ready, that if I came on early that I might lose you forever. We both know you're very sensitive. . ." And with that Hikaru took my length and licked it from base to tip before engulfing it into that warm magical place that could only be called his mouth.

My hands grow tighter in his hair as he sucks my member into a hardness that I never expected to experience, "Hikaru," I moan as he bobs his head up and down- holding down my thrusts with a confident hand on my hip, and I throw my head when he bites down gently on the sensitive skin, "Hi- Hika . . ." is the only warning I can give him before my back arches and I cum into his mouth. Hikaru swallows all of it and pulls his head back, staring at me as I ride out my orgasm. I collapse back onto the bed for a quick moment before I sit up and bring my lips back to his.

It was my turn to pleasure him.

I push Hikaru back while my lips are still on his. I move one of my hands down to tweak his nipples and feel him gasp into my mouth.

I slowly move my lips from his and maneuver them over to his earlobe where I bite down gently before whispering,

"It's my turn. . ." I trail off and I feel him moan with every small lick and nip I give his body on my way down to his prize.

I slip my hands into the waistband of his pajamas and run my tongue over the skin there. Hikaru backs and I pull my head back and give him a small shake of my head, "That won't do Hika," I whisper his pet name seductively and I feel him shiver under my touch, "do you want me to take off these tight bottoms?" I slowly use one of my fingers to draw circles on his erect member and he nods furiously.

"What?" I ask him, I want him to say it.

"Yes." Hikaru finally squeaks out, and I comply. Taking my time I remove his pants nipping at all the sensitive skin that isn't what he wants me to pay attention to. His last item of cloth disappear over the side of the bed, and I ask him permission with my eyes. Hikaru nods at me once again and I engulf his need.

I brace one of my hands on is hip to keep him from bucking and choking me. The other I grasp in the sheets- using it to keep me stead and prevent me from falling over.

"Ka- Kao. . ." Hikaru moans, and I chuckle. His eyes go wide and trys once again to buck into my mouth.

I bob up and down while alternating between sucks and bites. Then without any warning on his part Hikaru wrenches my head from his now swollen erection.

I kook at him, confused, before he smiles and answers my asking gaze, "If you keep going anymore then I'll cum, and that can't happen yet. Not until the end."

I feel a blush rise on my face as he moves in to kiss again. Our lips connect and he pushes me onto my back. As he once again moves his tongue into my mouth he runs his hand over my needy member.

"Hikaru!" I gasp when he pulls his head from mine.

"What?" he asks, gently nibbling on my earlobe.

"Please! Do it now!"

"Do what now?" He teases, knowing perfectly well what I want- but forcing me to say it.

"Love me! Fuck me! Push your cock into me! Pick whichever version that you just want- but PLEASE just do it!"

"You finally said it," Hikaru said grinning, and then presented his fingers to my mouth, "suck."

I easily agreed- taking all of them into my mouth and coating them in warm saliva. Hikaru takes them out after a moment and I struggle to take them back into my mouth- he laughs at me for that. Hikaru moves down my body and opens my legs before placing one wet finger on my entrance.

If it isn't for the fact that my body is hyper sensitive right now I wouldn't have even noticed when Hikaru entered his first digit. I had done things like this to my body before and it wasn't exactly a new feeling to me. Then Hikaru entered a second finger. That one makes me squirm- more than one never feels very good. The scissoring motion helps everything, and then I squeak when he adds the third and final digit. Hikaru kisses me and waits until I'm comfortable to continue stretching me.

I finally get used to the fingers and then they disappear. I gasp and prop myself up on my elbows.

What I see is Hikaru positioning himself at my entrance.

"This will hurt," He informs me, "I promise to be as gentle as possible- but are you sure that you want to go through with this?"

"Yes," I inform him, "I want this with my entire being."

"Okay." He smiles and slowly pushes himself into me.

The pain is almost unbearable and I throw my head back in a silent screams as my elbows give out. Hikaru freezes in his movements, completely scared that he has seriously hurt me. After a moment I wave him onward- to continue on what he's doing. He starts again, more careful this time then before. And soon his entire length is sheathed within me. He waits until I give the sign before he moves again.

"I'm. . . okay," I pant, pain now turning into pleasure, "go ahead."

And with those words Hikaru starts his rhythmic thrusts in and out of me, getting faster with each thrust. I start to meet his thrusts and then suddenly he hits my nerves- my prostate and I scream as an overwhelming wave of sensation hits my entire body with an earth-shattering force.

"HIKARU!" I yell, and catching my point he hits that spot again, and again.

I feel my ending coming, and apparently so does Hikaru because he takes my cock into his hand and begin to pump it furiously to the motion of his thrusts and my moans become more frequent and faster.

My end comes quicker then I expect, "Hikaru!" I gasp as my seed covers both of our stomachs.

Hikaru thrusts twice more inside of me before his body gives out and he releases into me with a moan of my name.

We lay there for a few minutes, well minutes that seem like an eternity, before Hikaru pulls out of me with a gasp, and wipes us off with the bed sheet that fell to the floor and then covers us with a spare blanket he brought with him.

I snuggle closer to his warm body and sigh with content. He holds me close with protective arms.

"Hey, Kao?" Hikaru asks.


"I love you. In a way more than any brother should."

I smile- a real smile, at his words, "I love you too. More than what's healthy for any person."

"Don't get sick on me now."

"I don't plan on it."

Hikaru is quiet for a few moments, "Actually," he says, "go ahead and get sick. That way I can nurse you back to health."

"Pervert. . ." I mutter, "Hika?"


"I'm gonna' sleep now."

"You do that. You need it."

I wonder how Hikaru knew that I hasn't been getting any sleep lately. . .

"I'm generally awake when you wake up, and then you never come back to bed. And since wasn't asleep I heard you scream earlier."

"Did I say that out loud?"


I nod in lazy response and then doze off.

That was the first extensive amount of sleep I'd gotten without having a nightmare in a very long time.

Thanks for reading. I hope you liked it and the ending didn't totally suck. . . or the plot. I have another Hikaoru (I found that on a fanfic as well!) and I'm planning to write a couple more. I also have a KuroFai one that I'm uploading after this, and a KazaRikuo one after that. There is a ClowxYue one in the making as well. Hope you read again soon!