A/N: So I am totally obsessed and in love with this whole series, I read 2 of the books in 24 hours. I love Jace and would like to tie myself to him and be with him forever. Unfortunately I'm not Clary and it's not real, and I think I have problems.
Anyway it's my first time writing them, probably stuffed it up, probably don't care, probably going to flame me anyway, probably don't also care about that...
^And before anyone has a cry of how rude I sound, I'm not trying to be rude it's just how I am...which is not rude...I just don't care for people that like to sit behind a computer all day and flame people that really actually try. It's cruel.
Anyway whatever you have to say about it will all be appreciated, if you can take the time to say anything :)
Don't let Jace see.
She was almost chanting it over and over in her head, teeth grinding against teeth, her bones feeling like lead as she forced herself down the last street. Maybe she was going into shock or something because-no, she couldn't think about it, not yet-well, just because. Because all she could feel was those four words riveting through her, almost as sure as the blood pumping through her veins, the beating of her heart that was at a much faster pace than it should be. That was probably the adrenaline.
She should be feeling all sorts of other things, not this strength of motivation.
She could just imagine the two Lightwood's reactions.
"Humans? You let a human do this? Clary, what were you thinking? I sure as hell wouldn't have let him even touch me." That would be Isabelle scoffing, her eyes incredulous, shaking her head with disapproval.
"See? Her lack of knowledge and training in situations as dire as these are just going to end up hurting us all." And that would be Alec, glaring at her. Maybe his glare would be a bit softer as he realised she did actually get hurt.
And Jace, well Jace…
She could almost feel his eyes burning through her, and she looked down at her chest just in case.
Nope, unbelievably she was still intact.
Don't let Jace see.
She blew out a shaky breath as unsteady legs carried her to the first step. She stopped, bringing her jacket tighter around her, ignoring her body as it protested at these slight movements. Movements that she shouldn't even have to think about, that her brain was already programmed to do.
Movements that only hurt because-
Well. Just because.
Don't think about it. You can break as soon as you're in the room. Just focus on what will happen if you run into Jace. If you run into anyone.
She blew out another breath, trying to draw strength from the stale air around her. But all that it did was bring echoes of what had happened a few blocks earlier, and she started to shiver even harder.
Maybe she should just go home tonight. That wouldn't be weird, right? She could just say she called her mother-Jocelyn would be thrilled to have her home for the night. She started to turn away, when the old door groaned, and then creaked open slowly. Clary glared at it.
"Traitor." She hissed.
Knowing that now she had now had no other choice, she started the painful ascent. No matter how slow she went, trying to adjust her movements to ease the pain of her body, it still seemed to scream at her with every step. She felt like screaming back, and never stopping. She was unsure if the tightness of her chest was because of the pain, or because of the small stabs of fear she was beginning to experience. She stopped at the door, where darkness lay ahead of her. Breathing out a sarcastic chuckle at the irony of that, she made her way in, the door closing quietly behind her, as if saying, I'm not a traitor, I can help you, see how quiet I am?
Clary padded down the hallway, pressing her toes into the tiles as small lights flickered on. She passed the kitchen where she could hear the familiar murmur of voices, hear the opening of the fridge and cupboards and items being set down.
"Isabelle really-I'm fine."
"You are not fine, Alec. You're sick, and I'm going to cook you something to make you better!"
"If you cook him something, Izzy, it will make him more sick." Jace said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"There is nothing wrong with my cooking!" Isabelle screeched, and Clary could imagine her eyes shooting sparks, an object pointing at Jace's chest, almost digging into it with each word.
Clary trudged past, holding her breath.
"Izzy dear. Everything is wrong with your cooking."
"Yeah? Well everything is wrong with you!" She head Alec's snort which was poorly covered by a dry sounding cough.
"Iz, you've been eating your cooking too much. It's gone to your head. Clearly you were meant to say nothing is wrong with me."
"Why on earth would I say that?"
"Because, well, have you looked at me?"
Clary could imagine his cocky grin, the way his golden eyes would brighten and crinkle around the edges as he tossed a careless hand through his tousled hair, that was also as golden as his eyes. It was unfair to be as good looking as Jace Wayland.
Except for her, of course.
Clary kept walking.
And walked straight into the door.
She rebounded, staggering backwards, and slipped over her two feet.
There was a silence in the kitchen.
"Well, I guess Clary is home." That was Alec.
Shit, shit shit.
Footsteps sounded dangerously close to her, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her, brought her hands up to her hair and smoothed it around her face before standing up slowly.
"Clary, are you alright?" That was Isabelle, and although there was some concern in that tone, there was also amusement. She felt gentle hands on her arms, which steered her around to face the trio.
Jace. She kept her eyes trained onto the floor; she didn't need to see him to feel his calculating look.
"I'm just tired, obviously wasn't looking. Don't worry, Alec, I'll work on it in my training." It was as if she was replying to the cruel one in her head.
Alec and Jace glanced at each other, Alex's eyebrows knitted in confusion, and one of Jace's cocked in response. This motion went unnoticed by Clary.
"Clary." She loved the way he said her name. Like he treasured saying it, his love for her coming out all in those five letters. It was as if he took great care in saying her name, letting his tongue caress it gently.
But she didn't love it right now. She loved confinement and safety and being alone.
"What's happened?" Concern rolled off Jace in waves that threatened to crush her, his eyes boring into her with an intensity that wrapped around her neck, almost choking her. Alec and Isabelle also stood watching Clary and scrutinising her.
She went to turn around, but Jace's hands only tightened around her arms, keeping her firmly in place. Isabelle stepped forward, trying to have a closer look at the girl she considered a best friend. She knew something was wrong by the way Clary was holding herself and not meeting anyone's eyes, and Isabelle felt a strong response to these observations.
Clary felt this, and tried to take another step backwards. The tension in the air grew thick as they began to realize that something was wrong. Clary began to tremble at this shift. She hadn't even said anything, shown anything. They could pick up on it by the way she was acting. She felt oddly touched at this, before it hit her why she was hiding this and why they couldn't know.
A surge of adrenaline pulsed through Clary, spreading through her and up to her hands, causing them to reach out and to shove Jace.
Yes, tiny, weak Clary managed to send Jace a few good feet away. She then turned on her heel and, calling upon the strength that the adrenaline had given her, set off in a sprint, leaving them dumbfounded.
"What the actual fuck?" She heard Alec's cry of disbelief.
"I've got it Izzy." Jace's voice sounded cool, but even in her state Clary could hear the cracks in it.
"She may need a girl, Jace!"
"Well she's getting me whether she likes it or not!"
"Jace, let me go. You can go in after me."
"There is something wrong. You can't expect me to just wait. You know I don't operate like that, not when it comes to Clary."
She made it to her room, shutting the door behind her, cutting off their conversation. She hurried to her bedside and pulled out the steele that was hanging off one of the bedposts. Quickly she drew on the door, cringing at the fact that Robert and Mayrse would throw a fit at the mess she was making.
Oh, and Jace and Izzy probably wouldn't be happy when they figured it out either. She had just finished and placed the steele back in its place, and had curled up under the covers when the knocking started.
The doorknob rattled, and then there were muffled curses.
"Guys I'm okay. I just-I, I just need to be alone! It happens, ask Izzy!"
In the moment's silence, Clary congratulated herself at how she had managed to keep her voice steady and had given a reasonable excuse.
She was one step away from saying "it's that time of the month!"
"Izzy screeches and gets angry. Or she gets depressed. She doesn't act scared, Clary." Jace had caught on.
"Scared was putting it midly." Izzy put in gently, concern wrapping around each word.
"You got that out of a minute?"
"Yep!" Jace popped the "p".
"I know you Clary. That's why I know something is wrong. Now open this door or else I'll kick it down."
"You will do no such thing Jace. Clary, do you want a girl to talk to?"
Clary was tempted by Izzy's offer, but she knew the girl would have no choice but to tell. So all Clary said was,
"I'd like to see you try."
Her voice was soft and smug all at the same time. There was a heavy silence before Jace replied to this challenge.
"You put up a rune." His voice was so soft that it was deadly. Her body trembled under the stabs of fear that went through her as she realized the gravity of what she had just done.
She had just sealed their suspicions into revelations-there was something wrong.
"Clary." Jace said in that same tone, and Clary felt chills racing each other down her spine, leaving behind a tingling sensation.
"Open this door." She gripped the blankets tighter, her fingers going white.
"No," she choked out.
"Clary, please." The emotional force behind those two words drove Clary under the blankets. Jace sounded, well, he sounded a lot of things but he also sounded hurt that she was pushing him away like this.
"It's nothing Jace. I just want to go to bed. Please leave me alone."
"I can't." His tone had dropped to a whisper.
"I can never leave you alone." Clary's heart faltered against her chest, and she pressed a hand over her chest to make sure it hadn't stopped. Breaths tore out of her throat, and she could hear her gasps as well as feel them as her body shuddered through each one.
"Jace, listen to her. Something is wrong. I know you love her but she's obviously stressed. She needs a girl. I am an expert on this, go!"
"And I am an expert on Clary. " Jace was glaring at Isabelle now, his arms folded against his chest.
"Jace." Isabelle whispered, her expression understanding and her eyes unusually soft.
"I think something bad happened. I think-I think you will scare her or she's scared of your reaction."
Jace froze at this.
"Something bad." He repeated, his glare hardening, his fists clenching. His mouth felt dry, and his body felt too-it felt too tight.
Isabelle watched him carefully.
"See how you're already reacting-"
"Damn well I'm reacting this way, Izzy! It's Clary, if-"
"And!" Isabelle practically screeched as she cut him off before lowering her voice.
"You will scare her."
They stared each other down. Jace was not a force to be reckoned with, especially when it came to those that he fiercely loved, and Clary was on the top of that list.
"Do this for her. I'm not saying I won't tell you or she won't, I'm not saying she doesn't need you. But we don't know what happened Jace and you getting angry will not help." Her voice was now soothing, and she placed a hand softly onto his shoulder and squeezed. Jace closed his eyes and massaged his hand into his face, suddenly feeling bone aching weary.
"I know." She squeezed his shoulder again and lifted her hand, pointing. And then said, with an apologetic look,
"Go." Jace hesitated before turning on his heel, doing the one thing he didn't want to do.
Isabelle watched him go with conflicting emotions, before turning back to the door and resting her head against it. She didn't know exactly how to do this, to be a friend to a girl. Although Isabelle's characteristic included fierceness and protectiveness, she wasn't used to having to use them for something that didn't involve a battle, for a daily life issue. She was just used to Alec who hardly needed protection, and Jace who was much like herself. They threw themselves into battle without thinking of the consequences. Isabelle found that she wanted to do this, to be a friend to Clary, to protect the girl and to help her.
"Clary, it's just me. Please open up. We won't let this slide, and it's probably best if you talk to me first." Her voice came out soft and soothing, something that was unusual for her.
There was a pregnant pause before Clary spoke.
"Please just let it go Izzy? There's nothing wrong. Just a bad night."
Isabelle thought about this.
"Clary, it goes further than that. You were…well, you were terrified."
"But I wasn't-I'm not. You're wrong."
Clary was as stubborn as Jace, no wonder the two were so good together.
"Clary. I'm not moving, and Jace won't be patient for much longer. Open this door." There was a reluctant sigh before Isabelle heard the sounds of someone moving. Feet cascaded to the door, and the sharp sound of metal against wood pierced at Isabelle's ears. Wincing, she took a step back, and then the door swung open.
Clary had moved back to the bed by the time Isabelle had walked in and shut the door quietly behind her. She stood appraising the girl thoughtfully, eyes narrowing as they skimmed over the shorter girl. Clary wrapped her jacket around herself defensively, covering her face into her knees. Isabelle had the sudden urge to wrap Clary in her arms, but just as quickly as she'd had it, it was gone. She walked over carefully, as if Clary was an injured animal and one wrong step could send her into frenzy flight.
"Clary will you please look at me?" Isabelle bent down to her level, eyes still skimming her over. Clary shook her head.
Isabelle stretched a hesitant hand forward, and lifted Clary's chin up.
Her eyes popped open wide, her mouth dropping in horror, but to her credit she did not stumble backward although her knees were a fraction away of giving out. Across Clary's face, ugly marks decorated the once beautiful pale skin, some streaked with dry blood and others starting to form bruises.
"Clary, what happened?" She breathed, eyes darting across her face before settling on her eyes. Clary's eyes were spitting green fires.
"Ran into a demon. I'm fine."
"Clary…" Isabelle didn't believe her. She took reached to take the jacket off, but Clary hugged it possessively around herself.
"Clary take off the jacket." Although she demanded this request, she made sure her voice was still gentle.
"No." Clary's voice was definite, so Isabelle changed tactics.
"Why won't you take it off then?"
This stumped Clary, she seemed at loss for words and excuses as she glared at the corner of the room. Isabelle bit her lip, frowning at this, before standing up and sighing.
"You say this was a demon, yes?"
"Yes, it was." The response came automatically, as if programmed there. It seemed, to Isabelle, wrong. She looked carefully at Clary, and Clary dropped her gaze.
"I don't believe you. If this was a demon attack you would have come in and told us about it. You wouldn't be as scared as you were now, you wouldn't want to hide it from us. Which leads me to believe that a human did this to you."
She watched as Clary's body froze, and her chest began to heave. Her fists clenched into her jacket and gasps began to tear from an aching throat.
"What happened, what did they do to you?" Isabelle pressed on, her voice firmer now that she knew she was on the right track.
"It was, I… I can't…." Clary was panting now, and Isabelle moved to sit beside her. She placed an arm around Clary's shaking shoulders, pulling her into her side, and wrapped the other arm to shelter her.
"You can. You're safe now. What happened?"
"Jace will be furious, you and Alec will-"
"We'll what, Clary?" Isabelle cut her off, her voice sounding sharper than she'd meant it to.
"You think we'll judge you?" She couldn't help that some of the hurt she felt seeped into her words.
"I was weak." Clary breathed out.
"Being afraid isn't weak. This attack was by humans, Clary. We aren't supposed to be on the watch for them too. Humans aren't meant to be scarier then demons. Demons are inhumane, humans aren't mean to be inhumane Clary." And somehow, Clary's aching body managed to push out a sob that choked her.
"What happened?" Isabelle tried again.
"You can't tell Jace." Clary managed to get out, clinging onto Isabelle like a small child. Isabelle propped Clary up so that the two were eye to eye.
"Take off your jacket, Clary. I think, this goes deeper then abuse, doesn't it?" Isabelle whispered. Clary's eyes widened and Isabelle didn't have time to hold onto her as she shot out of her arms.
"Oh Clary." Isabelle's heart broke, because although Clary hadn't said anything, she had confirmed it with her actions.
"You have to tell Jace. We have to-"
"We have to forget about it." Clary's eyes were darting around the room wildly and Isabelle stood up carefully.
"No, we can't. You can't."
"Don't tell me what I can and can't do! This happened to me. I get to decide how to handle it. I at least get that choice!" Clary was yelling at this point, and Isabelle felt herself shattering at her words. Her heart was pounding so hard against her chest that it hurt, and her throat was dry when she swallowed up the words that all seemed wrong now.
"You can't forget this because it is impossible. It happened, Clary." Isabelle tried.
"It didn't, I can forget about it!"
"Not when Jace finds out." There was a dangerous silence to the room, both girls eyes locked to one another.
"Don't tell him." Clary choked out, her face twisted with pleading.
"I have to."
"You don't have to! This is my business. You can't. Please. You can tell him about the abuse but-"
"This hurt, this goes a lot deeper Clary. Abuse is one thing but-"
"Nothing else happened!" Clary screeched, grabbing her hair in clenched fists and tugging at it in her rage.
"Jace!" Isabelle called, defeated. Clary shook her head madly, tugging at her hair with tears racing down her face.
"Don't Izzy!" Clary saw her one last chance of escape by the far corner of her room.
The window. It called to her, promising her freedom and ignorance. She hurried over to it, ignoring the cries of her body, ignoring Isabelle yelling something as she pushed her out of the way. She had just gotten a leg through when arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her back in. Although she knew these arms, loved these arms, she still thrashed, trying to get out of their protective hold.
"Clary, Clary stop!" Jace's voice thundered over hers. The change in it had the desire effect on her, but for a different reason. Jace's voice, usually a soft, velvety musical voice, was now cracked from strains of emotions that filtered through, leaving it sounding dry and rough.
And not like Jace.
And Clary broke.