A/N: Haha wow.
Can I just say I personally judge Clary to be a strong, strong female heroine and I think in any good sort of mind frame she WOULD keep a baby? In saying that you'll just have to wait and see where I take it haha...
You might be confused as to where Clary gets comfort from but I think it makes perfect sense, you'll see anyway I've done my best to explain it. Anyway as always thank you for your reviews and thoughts, I love you all! Sometimes I'm just as surprised where this story is going as you guys are.. I sit down and write chapters and it just goes completely in a different direction and I'm like okay wow, okay you tell the story then, go on now Clary, or go on now Jace haha.. anyway enjoy :D
Also, I leave for Sydney at 3 in the morning... which is like .. 6 or so hours away. I don't think I'll get a chance to update but if you review I'll try my hardest!
Clary had become the one thing she despised, the one thing she went out of her way to avoid becoming. Luckily, she had always had help from her mother, who was the strongest person she'd known, even before she had learned what she'd been through. She'd also been blessed with Simon, who was a constant rock and anchor in her what hard times she did have, in what stormy seas she was cast into. She had avoided drama, avoided boys and crushes when she could, had kept her feelings in check-Jace had been the first one to easily barrel his way into her walled heart-and had kept a straight head through any little problems she had encountered. Mostly thanks to Jocelyn, she had lived a very sheltered, easy life.
Karma was a bitch.
She had become the victim. She'd known she'd been dressed in the label as soon as the boys had grabbed her, as soon as they'd first stripped away her strength, rendering her weak. She hadn't been able to fight back, even though she was capable of handling herself. They'd replaced her strength by giving her fear, a fear so crippling that it had taken ahold of her, leaving all her bones, her limbs, her mentality frozen. No one outright said it, but she could see it in the sympathetic glances, the angry glances at the injustice of it all. She could feel it in the heavy gazes, the crinkled and narrowed eyes.
But now, as she sat waiting outside for her mother and the doctors to finish up, they had said it out loud, talking about police reports and pregnancies and the crime itself. As soon as the police had been mentioned, a blank Clary had simply said,
"I'm done here, right? I'll be outside then." She hadn't waited for a response before she grabbed her bag and pushed open the door with more force then necessary, leaving two worried woman staring after her.
She almost wished Simon was here, but she just couldn't stand conversation, she couldn't stand to keep up a front that she knew was useless, and one that she knew he'd see straight through. It was better for both of them if she was alone right now. There was a difference between being and alone and lonely, and Clary knew that she would feel those two separately for awhile. Being alone meant safe for her. If she was on her own, in her own safe place, then how could anyone hurt her? In her mind that's what she told herself, even though a logical part of her knew that it would just be more damaging. As it was these days, she ignored that part.
Her phone buzzed, and she looked down at it, lifting it up from under her knee. Clary remembered the days her phone had rarely gone off, that being because she'd had hardly any friends and the one friend she did have, she was always with. Now, especially, it went off constantly and Clary thought that she better check it before her phone exploded.
Or before other people exploded, because it was only so long that people tolerated certain things, and she knew the people in mind were not patient ones. As she expected, there were a bunch from Isabelle, Jace, a couple from Magnus Bane and even one from Alec. She felt her eyebrows go up as she bit her lip, curious to see what he had said. She ignored the others, and clicked into his message, leaning back as her eyes scanned over the words. She let her hands fall to her lap, the message still on display. Who would have thought that out of all the people, Alec would be someone she could find herself talking to? Was it because out of all of them, he was the least one she was closest to? Was it because he could care about her yet not have the same emotional investment that Izzy, Jace, Simon and even Magnus had? Or was it Jace and Alec loved each other fiercely as brothers, and Alec knew Jace best? In the end it could have been all those reasons, but Clary found her hands being lifted back up, and her fingers moving soundlessly yet quickly as she typed a response. She set her phone down, chewing her lip as she looked down the corridor. The urge to scream tugged at her like someone pulling her arm, and a lump formed and rose in her throat, only drowned when she jumped from the vibration of her phone. She was both surprised and unsurprised when she saw Alec's name and his message flash across the screen. It was short and simple.
Clary stood up, not even bothering to find her mother and tell her where she was going. Somewhere she knew that was selfish and cruel, her mother had always been worried about her safety, but there had always been some horrible reason to it. The truth about who she was, even though she didn't view it as a horrible thing now, it still hurt her to this day that her mother had lied to her. And now her mother would be worried because of what had just happened.
She wanted it to stop. So no, she didn't tell her mother was going, she just typed a reply to Alec.
-Okay, leaving now. See you soon. ~Clary.
Clary sat on the park bench, watching the mothers, fathers and children play. From a distance it all looked happy family, but when Clary squinted and paid attention to detail, she could see the flushed look on the mother's face as she would chase around her child, the bored or annoyed look of a father as he pushed his child on the swing. She was interrupted from her ogling when a tall, dark haired and blue eyed young man sat beside her, giving her enough berth yet making it obvious they were friends.
"Hello, Clary," As uncomfortable as she knew Alec must be, she had to admire him from keep it out of his tone and his expression as he glanced over at her.
"I'd ask how you were doing but...you're here with me." He gestured to himself, and Clary felt the corners of her mouth lift ever so slightly before she coughed, letting her gaze move to the playground again.
"Oh Alec, your company isn't bad. I'd like to think we've overcome our...I could say differences, but it was really our similarities." Alec let out a noise that sounded like a laugh, before a choked cough was quickly followed. Clary allowed herself to smile at this.
"Interesting choice of words, Clary. But yes, I'd like to think we've overcome them too."
"Oh, I'm sorry about what I said about Izzy." She turned her suddenly serious, wide eyes to Alec. He met her gaze calmly, waiting for her to continue. She felt inclined to apologise to him, to keep whatever this was stable. It was selfish and seemed cruel on Isabelle and Jace, but for now she needed someone who didn't love her as much. She needed an unbiased clarity.
"I was...I still am..." She trailed off, gesturing with her hand and hoping that Alec wouldn't press it, and that he would understand. He just nodded, still watching her as she started to fiddle with her fingers. She sucked in a breath and drew it slowly, letting her shoulders droop as some tension was released from them.
"What is it?" Alec asked her gently, his tone coaxing. She felt her head being pulled up slowly, as if it were a rubber band being stretched. His gaze didn't feel heavy with the burden of emotion. She didn't feel it piercing through her and burning her. She felt nothing but a small concern and calculation as he studied her, patiently waiting for her to say what she needed to say in her own time. Clary let herself stay in this moment, enjoying the small peace she felt and knew would be shattered with the words she was about to say. There were things that once were said, couldn't be taken back, and with them brought change so chaotic that things could never be the same after that. She felt as if it would soon become one of those moments. Clary opened her eyes, not realising she had closed them in the first place before turning to Alec.
"I'm, well I'm..." She took in a shuddering breath, her hands beginning to tremble in her lap. Alec once again surprised her; he reached out, and wrapped a big hand over her small ones, stopping them from shaking. She looked up at him, and he just gave her a small smile, nodding with encouragement.
"You're what, Clary?"
"I'm pregnant." She whispered. She felt Alec go still beside her, holding himself tightly as the words washed over him, before he let out a breath and leaned back in his seat. His hand never wavered from Clary's, and she was grateful for that more then Alec could ever know.
"I see. I don't want to say I'm sorry, because I don't think that's what you want to hear right now, as I've said in my texts. Blasted things phones are, aren't they? Anyway, people only apologise for things that they've done wrong. I'm offering you my support though, and my friendship through this Clary. I deeply regret what has been done, and deeply regret that the consequences are more severe and life changing than we once thought." Alec sighed a deep sigh, and Clary was almost speechless. Alec seemed to understand her in a way she didn't even understand herself. He managed to find what she needed and give it to her.
"I don't know what I should do...I would never blame the child and I would love him or her but Alec..." She looked up at him as she trailed off, her vision becoming blurry as the tears welled up. Alec began to look alarmed at the sight of the terrified, sniffling girl, who was staring at him as if he had all the answers to her every problem.
"I can't do this. Please, don't make me do this." She was childlike now, asking for his protection, for him to fix what could not be fixed, to erase what couldn't be erased, and to change back what couldn't be changed.
"Clary. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. If you do not think you are capable of having this child, then it is your decision. This happened to you, to your body, it would be your baby. I know Jace would disagree with it because he thinks you would regret it, but it is not him that is going through this. You need to do what's going to be right for you. This may sound horrible but you come first. You are not in the right mind to have this baby, I don't think nine months would change much. I know you could love them, and I know Jace could but the situation is too hard, too complicated for anyone, let alone an eighteen year old and a sixteen year old."
"Thank you," She breathed out, closing her eyes and suddenly feeling exhausted. Now that someone finally understood, it was as if some of the bad feelings and the anger she had at everyone treating her like a baby, and having to be treated like that, disappear, and even though she felt lighter, she also felt a weariness that sleep couldn't cure.
Alec inclined his head in acknowledgement.
"Can you do me a favour, Alec?"
"I could try," Alec sounded cautious, as if he knew what Clary was about to ask him. He didn't have time to think of an appropriate answer, or list the reasons for his answers.
"Will you come with me? Will you come with me to get an abortion?"
"For some dumb fucks, they sure cover their tracks well," Jace growled, throwing his weapons on the table, his ripped and muddy coat over it before storming out of the room, leaving a mess in his wake.
"Aren't you going to clean this up?" Isabelle huffed, but her heart wasn't in it, it lay in disappointment and bitterness. Both Isabelle and Jace had been trying to track down the humans, but humans were harder to find then demons. There was not extinct features on rapists, nothing that made them stand out, no spell to find them, no instructions to bind them...There was just what you could find and then your own skills. Jace had been furious, and very firm when Isabelle first asked to help him track. He had stared at her incredulously and said,
"You think I'm going to let my little sister help me find rapists? Are you fucking insane Isabelle?" And then none to gently had pushed past her, not bothering to let her answer.
"You need Alec and I." Isabelle had argued the second time after letting him cool off. He had ignored her for hours after the first time she had tried.
"Alec, yes. You, no. This isn't demon hunting, Isabelle. This is worse and I'm sure your brother would agree with me, right Alec?"
"Right," Alec had been walking past, and although his tone was casual, his face had had a firm and dangerous look to it. Alec rarely played the brother card and was usually subtle about it when he did. Jace was the fierce openly protective one. But when Alec played it, he was just as serious as Jace was. Isabelle wouldn't stand for it though. She felt so helpless, and even though she was trying to understand and give Clary the space she obviously wanted, she couldn't help feeling hurt.
So she exploded, causing Alec to stop in his walking and for Jace to drop the book he was currently reading.
"I have to do something! Don't you understand? I feel so helpless, being ignored and not being able to tend to my friend! If the guys go to touch me, I swear I'll walk away, I'll leave! But-please, you have to let me..." She was pleading, her large eyes swimming across face to face as Jace and Alec stared at her opened mouth.
Grudgingly, both had accepted. Jace had almost called it off today when Alec had gotten an important message and left without explaining, but Isabelle promised to do exactly what Jace told her to. Although if they had found them, Isabelle couldn't promise that she wouldn't help in dealing with them.
"No, you're a woman isn't that your job?" Jace threw over his shoulder. Isabelle picked up his book that he had also left on the table from earlier the morning and chucked it at him. Jace lazily turned around and caught it, before holding it up with an arrogant smirk.
"Thanks Izz! I wanted to do some reading!" She just rolled her eyes, not even bothering to respond, too weary from today's disappointments. She walked out, following Jace until something barrelled into her, causing her to stumble.
"Shoot, sorry Izzy," It was Alec, and he caught her easily, setting her back up right before turning to Jace, who had stopped at the commotion. He was frowning as he studied Alec, and as Isabelle realised why, she began to frown too. Alec never rushed, never ran into people like that. Also, the expression of alarm on his face was one to be worried about.
"Alec, what's wrong?" Jace's golden eyes were serious as he waited anxiously for his friend to answer.
"It's Clary, you have to stop her!"