It wasn't long before you realized how distant he had been.
Millefiore? Perfect world?
He was far from that.
You weren't particular when he sent you to dangerous missions that could easily whip your life away in seconds, but you never declined in taking them. Others often questioned you about why you took them up — was it for the money, or was it for Byakuran?
You shook your head each time with a shrug.
It was like any other day; you returning from a day's hard work, and you unwound in the bathroom. Things between you and the boss of Millefiore happened too quickly, to the point you couldn't even follow how you landed yourself in this position.
He was unpredictable.
Some days, he would shower you with affection and whisper sweet nothings beside your ear late into the night; but others, he would simply shrug you off with a wave of his hand, returning to his bowl of dessert. It never failed to annoy you.
"You're so selfish..." You muttered weakly, trying to suppressing a moan; his head was in between your legs while his tongue brushed against your core. Amused at your response, he slowly slipped a finger in you to earn a torrent of gasp as he increased the pace of his thrusts.
"B-Byakuran..." The name came out weakly. It sounded raspy and powerless; was it really your voice?
You could feel his lips curve into a smile, his wet appendage prodding at your vulnerable spots whilst your sounds of pleasure echoed in the enclosed area; you weren't looking at him, neither was he at you, but he knew that drowsiness was already overcoming you, and you wouldn't be able to hold yourself up any longer.
"Hm~ I suppose this is normal... after going through this sort of ordeal...~"
Byakuran slowly pulled himself away, and you were jolted back to reality; but in that very moment, your legs gave way. And before you crashed onto the hard and slippery floor, he interrupted your fall and picked you up. Your mind was fogged, but through that, you could feel yourself being placed on a soft bed; you were not sure whether it was really him at the side when you felt a soft depression beside you; softly, you mumbled his name.
"Go to sleep," he assured. "You must be tired."
You succumbed to fatigue immediately.
When you woke up, he wasn't there anymore; sitting up, you looked about you curiously, and realization immediately hit you. You were in Byakuran's room; and it was his bed you were sleeping in. You were used to it, no doubt, but you couldn't help but blush a little.
It was weird, you might think; after all, you had no idea how many times the both of you had bed each other. And every single time, it was Byakuran who started it. His whispers and smirks could spark of a cascade of events you weren't half sure they were really happening. But it was worth it.
He made you live through a fulfilling life. You should've thanked him for it.
He was someone extremely precious to you, even though you had your uncertainties about his feelings towards you. He was nice, yes. Nice to everyone, and not solely you; he would set aside some time for the both of you at most, but that was that. He wasn't the type for usual dates; neither was he the type to go for romantic dinner.
To you, he was sex driven.
But was could you say? What could you do?
He was your boss. And he still is. Nothing could change that. Defy him, and it would be as good as courting death; you weren't that dumb. You don't have a say in anything, and you never will. Everything was up to him; you didn't have a choice.
"Byakuran... You've... changed..." You muttered to yourself. You couldn't help but to think of the past, where he would be carefree and not dominating without any heart for anyone; you wanted his old self back, but was that possible?
His personality had changed over the years; for the better or worse, you weren't sure. He had finally bothered to dedicate some time to his work instead of just pushing everything to Shouichi, but that meant that he would be spending much lesser time with you.
You were desperate one night; so desperate that you resorted to overdosing yourself.
You weren't sure what happened after that, but seconds after you took the medicines, you were wincing in pain and excruciation from the burning feeling in your throat and stomach. Flashes of white appeared; you didn't want to live anymore, especially when the only person you loved had been twisted by the cruelty of this world. A pair of soft hands supported you, and you could hear a bundle of worried sentences this person was pouring; your vision blurred.
"Why are you so stupid...?" Byakuran.
A smile slowly graced your face; at least he still had the heart to care about you, not that you mind.
Your eyes jolt open; you were at the same corridor last night, except with an extra Millefiore jacket around you. You left the hallway slowly, and the floor felt cold beneath your feet as you made your way lethargically to the bathroom. But of course, that was after your eyes lingered on the spot you sat, a small orange cylinder with pills haphazardly scattered lay on the white-washed ground.
Byakuran had stopped you from doing something reckless. Or at least, he prevented your death.
You tore your gaze from that area, making your way to the washroom and staring at your reflection in the mirror. You were a complete wreck, so to say. Your hair was generally messier than it should be, and some dried blood was promptly smeared across your face.
You glanced at yourself for one last time before stepping into the bathtub, deciding it was time to take a bath. The water was hot, but that was what you really needed; solid comfort. You disregarding your natural instincts that told you to get out of the burning water, even plunging yourself down to enjoy the warmth thoroughly, staying down as long as your lungs allowed.
Eventually, you tugged the plug, letting the lukewarm water slip through the drain. Dragging your feet across the tiled floor, you started to space out.
Since when did Byakuran said the words you wanted to hear the most?
At least three years ago.
When was the last time... he ever comforted you?
The questions brought up in your mind kept you off in your very own comfort zone, and you were only brought back to reality by someone's shuffling of feet when he entered.
"Stop acting so recklessly. You nearly lost your life there." He muttered. You had this feeling that he was staring at you, like a child who did something wrong. But really, it was your fault anyway; so who's complaining?
"... I need to get dressed," you replied, pushing him aside gently while heading to the closet. You didn't want to argue with him, so of course you avoided his statement.
You could hear him sigh; and with a gentle tug, you landed on his chest. He was embracing you. You were used to this; it's the usual thing he does whenever he needed you to forgive him. Lately, he had found out that you wanted to quit Millefiore because of personal matters; but he knew.
He knew you were referring to him.
Personal matters? Screw that. He had hurt you terribly by not acting like himself; he hadn't been spending much time with you either. Slowly, you looked up at him; you knew this was going to happen one day.
Was it even possible for him to pay special mind to you? Would he always be able to pull you back from the edge? Was his affection for you even faltering?
You hadn't paid any attention to it. All you wanted now was to stay like this.
Soon enough, Shouichi came in with a tray; there was enough food for two. You gazed at him slowly; he smiled. "It'd be nice to have lunch with someone I've been neglecting."
You stared at the food for a moment before tucking in, but you mostly ate in silence. He, instead, made a few gestures to you, but you decided that they were just to gain your attention.
Towards the end of the meal, he spoke up.
You could tell he was going to ask you something serious, especially the tone in his voice; was he going to question about your feelings towards him? You didn't know. But if that was really the question, you were well prepared for it.
"What is it?"
He opened his mouth, hesitating for a moment before whispering. "How long more are you staying?"
There were traces of doubt in his voice, but you decided to ignore them. His gaze softened as he tilted your chin up, making you look straight at him.
You felt unsure, but you said your answer anyway. "Forever."
A smile found its way to your face; it felt foreign at first, but you were truly happy.