[[ A/N: FIRSTLY, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS TURNED OUT TO BE LIKE THIS. When I first had the plot in my head, it was much simpler and shorter but when I started typing it out, it ended up with more things that I wasn't intending to type. IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE THIS LONG.
Before I knew it, it was already this long. Because of it's length, I was totally unmotivated to finish it when I actually wrote this like way before the last episode of K came out. But then, more information on their past from the anime and novel caused some of the plot to be rewritten and that made me lose interest even more.
So it took me this long to finish writing this. I know I should probably split this but I'm rather stubborn on this to be a one-shot so I'm rather unwilling to split this into chapters and much less know where to split it. I'm sorry for this selfishness of mine.
And there's probably grammar mistakes too since I wasn't interested in rereading everything and checking out the entire fic again once I finished. It's most likely OOC(?) Since I have no idea what I was writing anymore when it became further and further away from what I heard in mind so beware of the possible OOCness of the characters.
I guess that's all I want to say. Once again, I apologise for it be so long, especially if you're reading on your mobile or something. There might be mundane things there too but I was too lazy to decide on whether or not I should cut off some part… ]]
The world had always been a dull and colourless world to Fushimi. Everything was all so boring and uninteresting to him and each day was a bore to pass. He hated the world and he would not care less about what would happen to it. But that changed when he met Yata Misaki. He felt himself being pulled into the shorter male's pace and his world was filled with colours for the first time.
Yata's lively personality was refreshing to be with, someone that was pretty open with his emotions and everything. Yata was awfully cheerful, something that Fushimi never experienced before. The bubbly male was smiling despite what happen to them and those smiles were contagious enough for Fushimi to return it with his own small one at times. Maybe because Yata was always an open book to him that Fushimi started showing more real emotions and expressions to him.
When they first met in Middle School, Fushimi's first encounter with Yata was not a pleasant one but they ended up being friends somehow. Fushimi enjoyed teasing Yata to watch his expressions, Yata's reaction to it was always way too amusing for him to resist.
It was the first time that Fushimi ever caught an interest in anyone and he felt strangely entertained and drawn to him. Yata was blatantly honest, his emotions all exposed on his face, unlike all those people around him who were always putting on masks. The only one that had no ulterior motives in approaching him was just Yata and Fushimi soon started hanging out with him.
They spent most of the time together, eating together and hanging out together after school. Fushimi would listen as Yata chatter on and on about random things and he would say a snarky comment from time to time. They spent a lot of time at the game center, Yata would often ask him to go there with him after school and Fushimi would comply as he had no intention of returning home early like Yata.
Despite their clashing personalities that people believed that they hated each other, the both of them actually compliment each other well and work well together. Back then, Yata would eat all the vegetables that Fushimi detested and in return, Fushimi would drink the milk that Yata dislikes. He remembered teasing him about not growing because of that in the past.
That was all until a few months before they graduate and the signs of their broken families started being more obvious. The both of them chose to hang out together instead of their families and soon they started living together. It was a struggle with their young age but the both of them rather lived a life like that then continue staying with their families.
At least they are able to do what they want and Fushimi and Yata were much happier living like this. They got to do what they want and live the way they want instead of a life that has everything planned out for them and a broken family.
It was hard especially for Fushimi as he chose to let Yata have the best of everything while he took the scraps. Fushimi did not mind as long as he gotto see the smiles that Yata directs at him and stay by his side. Yata had no idea of what he was doing of course, Fushimi made sure to hid that.
Yata was still strangely pure at heart despite everything that he went through. Despite seeing the dirty sides of people and his fighting experience to struggle for life, Yata was still not tainted. Fushimi had long since been shrouded and tainted that his mind was not that innocent and hard for him to trust people besides Yata.
Besides his personality, the thing that drew him to Yata is how Yata fights. Yata's fighting used to be nice enough but Yata's fights turns even prettier with those red flames. The only thing that Fushimi was grateful to Suoh for.
With those red flames engulfing him when Yata fights was absolutely stunning and beautiful. Fushimi had never seen anything as beautiful as that before, the pretty colors flashing in his favourite thing, fights. The blood from the other party were fewer than he liked but Yata made up for it with his breathtaking moves and control. From his skills with his skateboard, Fushimi could tell that Yata was extremely flexible with an excellent sense of balance.
His control of his powers were really good. His moves were stunning with precise movements. Fushimi was completely taken by him after he saw such a fight and his love towards Yata grew stronger than it already was. He founds his days entertaining whenever he had Yata with him.
But that did not last long. Once Yata was no longer around, his world was once again colourless. The only times when the world seemed interesting and filled with colours was when Yata was with him. The time was just so short-lived and it was pretty pointless when the world seemed boring again if he was not with him.
The other thing that Fushimi hated more than anything was how Yata would always seem so happy when Suoh was around and how he was willing to lay down everything for him. The person that Fushimi viewed as most important actually had no thoughts about forgoing his own life if it was for Suoh.
It was like Suoh was Yata's everything that even his own life held no value and Fushimi absolutely detested that. Yata would be all smiles when Suoh was around and it was like Yata's entire being revolved around Suoh and nothing else mattered. The other members of Homra were the second most important things to him because they are Suoh's clan members. Fushimi was well aware that his place in Yata's heart had decreased long ago, Yata stopped looking at him properly ever since they joined Homra.
It took a while before Fushimi felt completely cut off from Yata's life. Yata had started mixing more and more with the rest, Kamamoto especially. The male seemed to be someone that Yata knew before he met Fushimi and Fushimi disliked him even more because of that. Kamamoto got to know about a Yata that Fushimi did not know about.
Yata seemed like he had been a part of Homra since forever while Fushimi felt completely out of place there. He was alright with that though since all that mattered to him is Yata although his place in Yata's heart is definitely lower than Suoh's.
Suoh might be their King and all but Fushimi still loathed that Suoh had all of Yata's attention and even when he is not around, Yata was still always thinking of him. Fushimi would not even be surprised if Yata thought of Suoh twenty-four-seven. Yata's world had already broadened wider, a world that no longer revolves around just the two of them.
Yata was the direct opposite of him, he was really loud and open in expressing his thoughts. Everything was all written on his face, happiness, anger and hatred. More importantly, how much he adored Suoh. To Fushimi, Suoh was just a person that was slightly more interesting than average but still not enough to hold much of his interest and a person that took in Yata and him.
Fushimi was always watching Yata and no he was not obsessed with him. Not at all. Yata just interests him and he founds him interesting, nothing more than that. Back before they joined Homra, the only one that Fushimi had was Yata and Yata's existence to Fushimi was really important. He has long since thought of Yata as his own and that he belonged to him. They were always together back then.
Fushimi had never met someone like Yata before and he was drawn to him almost instantly. Unlike him, Yata was never ever bored. He always had something to do and Yata found things to pass time and entertain himself quickly. Hence, there was never a dull moment with Yata around. If Fushimi was around Yata, boredom just kept away and he really liked that.
Fushimi was completely enthralled by him and the only thing that had ever taken his interest slightly was just fighting. Especially when there was the thrill of danger and blood, it made it all so enticing and exciting. Fighting beside Yata was very entertaining and he especially liked how flexible Yatawas.
Yata was easily angered too and people often pick fights with him and resulting in a brawl happening and Fushimi to fight alongside him. It was all so easy to spend his days like that without a care in the world and boredom was non-existent. Although the thing about Suoh still annoyed him a great deal when he wanted Yata's attention too.
Back in the past Fushimi had everything that he needed, Yata's attention and fights. Yata's complete attention was almost non-existent now, all of it directed towards Suoh now and Fushimi felt completely tossed aside and replaced. It was like Yata no longer needed him at all and Yata would not even notice if Fushimi was not even around sometimes when he sneaked out.
The both of them were in Yata's room when Fushimi finally reached the end of his tolerance. "Tch. Misaki." Yata had been chattering non-stop about Suoh's recent actions and how he looked really cool and all. It was already a normal occurrence for Yata to mention about Suoh when they talk but still, there was a limit to how much he could hear Yata go on and on about one person over and over.
"What?" Yata was pretty irritated that Fushimi interrupted him without stating why. Especially when he was just starting to get to the good part too. His tone was an annoyed one and an obvious irritated vein was appearing on Yata's forehead at being stopped in the midst of his sentence.
"Can you not talk about him just once?" Fushimi snapped back, answering back with the same tone that Yata used to answer him. He should be the angry one, not Yata. Yata would never even be able to imagine what he feels whenever he talks about Suoh. He was so irritated that he refused to mention Suoh by name.
"What's wrong with talking about Mikoto-san?" Yata had no idea why Fushimi was so against him talking about Suoh. That was just ridiculous and Fushimi was yelling at him just because he talked about Suoh? That must be something wrong with Fushimi today to start a fight with him over something like that.
Sure there was nothing wrong with talking about Suoh but when one had to listen about the same person daily, it was extremely irritating. "Not when Misaki talks nothing but him every time you speak to me." There was never once that Yata would talk so eagerly to him about that was not related to Suoh unlike in the past where almost everything seemed to excite him so much. Now, the only thing that excites Yata is just Suoh.
Yata was silent for a few seconds before he spoke up, taking the few seconds to ponder about what Fushimi had said. From his embarrassed expression, he had finally realised that he had been talking about Suoh non-stop.
"R-Really?" It was so like Yata not to apologise and Fushimi was fine with it. Especially when he could see a cute flushing Yata and he was the cause of it and not Suoh. Suoh was still indirectly involved but Fushimi pushed the small matter aside.
Fushimi smirked teasingly and nodded his head. "Misaki is always talking about him to me. Every time Misaki speaks to me,it's about him." That was mostly the truth and Yata really does talk to him about him more than anything else. His tone held disgust and annoyance too which Yata did not seem to notice. The times when they had casual talks no longer existed.
Yata flushed redder and he hastily turned his head away. "I can talk about what I want." He could not deny that he talks more about Suoh than anyone or anything else so he figured that he might as well just change the focus.
Yata was definitely pouting and it only churned Fushimi's teasing even more. "It is but the one who's listening has a choice to listen or not." Fushimi paused and peeked at Yata with a sad smile. This was something he never wanted to admit ever but he had to say it out.
"Almost like Misaki is in love with him." He whispered softly, his tone more of annoyance. Yata's eyes widened and his face grew a darker shade of red. Fushimi's teasing demeanour vanished the moment he spotted Yata's expression and his eyes narrowed when he heard what Yata said.
"I am not! I just admire Mikoto-san and besides it's not like I'm good enough for him." The second sentence angered him more than anything and from Yata's reaction, it was pretty apparent that he really did have a fondness for Suoh and maybe he was exactly spot on that Yata really did like Suoh.
"Misaki's like for him seems more than just admiration." Fushimi was just bitter that Yata only cared about Suoh and he did not even look at him directly. Even when they were alone, Yata still was not seeing him for him and he missed the times when the only one in Yata's eyes was just him. Fushimi could no longer spot himself in those eyes, Suoh being the only one reflected in them now and he was just a fellow member of Homra.
"Even if that's true, that has nothing to do with you." Yata had calmed down and his cheeks were no longer red. Fushimi scowled, of course it had something to do with him. He was the one that viewed Yata as important after all. Maybe it was just anger but he found himself already placing a finger on Yata's chin when he finally noticed what he had done.
"What the hell?" Yata shouted once Fushimi grew all silent and the way he was looking at him was weird. He even had a finger tilting his chin up so that they were having direct eye contact. That was just plain weird, their conversation earlier was strange too.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Fushimi replied huskily and Yata glared in response. Fushimi was just messing with him now and he was getting angrier by the second. What was Fushimi even thinking now?
"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you!" Yata growled angrily and Fushimi only snickered in response. An angry Yata was cute too and Fushimi could not resist teasing him further. It was all so hard to gain Yata's absolute attention and now that he had it, Fushimi was going to make good use of it.
"I don't know. Make a guess." He let his finger move up slightly before moving it back to it's original position. This would make Yata even more infuriated for sure and Fushimi was interested to see as many expressions from Yata as he could.
Yata glared angrily at him and slapped Fushimi's hand away. Fushimi simply chuckled in response. "So Misaki finally realised what Misaki could have done earlier." He had personally thought that Yata would shake him off earlier but it seemed like their conversation earlier had distracted him.
Yata clicked his tongue and made no response. He was so distracted earlier that he completely did not even think about that till now. There was no way he would admit that though. With a scowl on his face, he muttered displeasedly. "You just want me to talk about some other stuff right? If you're so picky about what you want people to say to you, why don't you just state what you want me to talk about?"
The last sentence was full of spite and Yata most likely said it as sarcasm. Regardless, Fushimi was still going to go along with it. "Talk about yourself then. I much rather listen about Misaki rather than him." Because that was how it used to be, Yata talking about his thoughts.
Yata blinked once and gaped at him in surprise. "You want me to talk about myself?" Yata personally thought that Suoh was much more interesting than he was any time. Why would Fushimi want him to talk about himself? Especially since Fushimi should already know about him before they joined Homra.
Fushimi nodded his head in response. To him, the only person that interest him is just Yata and no one else. Fushimi is always happy to learn anything about Yata, especially about his current thoughts and emotions. Who would not like to know more about the person they like?
Yata probably would not understand his reason and Fushimi could only smile bitterly at that. Why would he when his complete attention is always on Suoh? Yata hardly even look at him directly, much less know about his place in Fushimi's heart.
"Why should I tell you about myself?" Yata felt that it was a joke since Fushimi should know about all there is to know about him, even his weak side that he hated showing a single soul when they spent so much time together. So this had to be a joke, Fushimi was messing around with him earlier too.
Fushimi smiled, he could understand why Yata would say such a thing. He just had to open up a little and if he showed a genuine expression, Yata would believe that he is completely serious. "Because I'm always interested in Misaki and besides, haven't Misaki changed?"
Yata could only look at him puzzledly. Fushimi thought he changed? So that meant Fushimi admires him now? Oh well, Yata was more than happy to talk about himself to someone who understands that he is cool. "So that's how it is. You should have just told me that you admire me, Saruhiko!"
Fushimi fought the urge to laugh. Despite him so blatantly stating that he was interested in Yata, he actually did not grasp his meaning and thought that he admired him. Fushimi was alright with it though, as long as Yata talked about himself to him more.
"So, won't Misaki tell me about himself? Just like during the old times." Fushimi made no attempt to deny what Yata thought and simply smiled while he waited for Yata's response. Besides, seeing the smug look on Yata's was interesting. Neither did he lie either, he just played along and said nothing.
Yata supposed it was alright to talk about himself if Fushimi thought about him that way. Why should he say no to someone who admires him? He might not be as suave as Suoh but Yata still thought of himself as pretty cool. "What do you want to know?"
From that day on, Yata would talk about what he is currently feeling when they were alone with the occasionally mentioned Suoh, almost like their old days. Things were still the same when they were with the rest though, Yata would still blabber about Suoh most of the time.
Things were alright with Fushimi, this way the only one who would know about Yata best would be him alone. He never wants anyone to hear about what Yata tells him about himself, it was meant for his ears only. It was their little secret and Fushimi would keep it that way.
This would make him closer to Yata as compared to the rest and he likes that. Maybe Yata would really look at him again after that instead of just Suoh. He could hope after all, there was nothing wrong with that. There is always the possibility of that being a reality if Yata grows used to his presence and things would return to how it was. But when time passed, Fushimi realised that they only grew slightly closer to what they used to have and his place was still lower than Suoh's.
Yata was still more open with him more and Fushimi knew that he was the only one that knows about Yata's weak side and what affects him most. The amount of time that Yata spends with him had increased but despite that, Yata's mind was still full of Suoh. Yata would forget about him and leave him alone when Suoh was around to talk or listen to the King. Even though he apologises after that, Fushimi was still very bitter everything he got shoved aside when Suohwas around.
It was like he did not even exist in Yata's mind during those times and all he could do was watch Yata as he smiles happily at Suoh. During those times he would discreetly glare at Suoh for stealing Yata's attention from him. It was unfair how Suoh got Yata willing to do everything for him without even doing much while it took him so much effort to maintain a small place in Yata's heart.
The worst thing was how Yata's smile was always brighter when he is with Suoh. Fushimi liked all the smiles that Yata shows but the one that looks the best was the one that Yata directs to Suoh, one that used to be reserved for him alone. It hurted when the person you like stopped showing you such an expression but to someone else. Fushimi only shows most of his genuine expressions to Yata and lots of his smiles are reserved for Yata only which the latter was completely oblivious about.
It only showed how little he matters to Yata and how Yata failed to notice the difference between the him when they were alone and the him with the rest. No matter how much he wanted Yata to turn around and look at him properly, it was still nothing more than a want. Yata's complete love and devotion was only towards Suoh. Fushimi refused to give up just yet, he still had another trick up his sleeve.
"Misaki. You really do like him a lot don't you?" Yata did not have to ask who that 'him' refered to. Whenever they were alone, Fushimi always referred to Suoh as 'him' for reasons unknown to him. Fushimi often looked annoyed if he mentions about Suoh when they were alone too which puzzles him even more.
"Of course I do." Yata answered honestly. There was no reason to lie and it was not like he kept his adoration of Suoh a secret. He would do anything for him and he especially likef it when Suoh praised him and when he was one of the person that Suoh brings with him when he goes out to settle something.
Yata had practiced hard to master the strength given to him by Suoh so that he could be more useful to him. He was absolutely trilled when the members thought of him as one of the strongest few of the clan.
Fushimi scowled softly at Yata's answer. Yata really does think of nothing but Suoh. He knew that much but having Yata so honestly answering his question without spending time to think at all burns.
"So much that you'll go out with him if he asks?" Fushimi knew that he was digging his own grave now with that question when it was blatant what Yata would answer. He was not even clinging to any hope for any other answer but a yes. Yata would never disobey whatever Suoh says.
Yata's face flushed instantly and he was completely flustered as he tried to give an answer. "What are you talking about, Saru?" Really, what was Fushimi trying to ask him? Yata's brain could not process what Fushimi's intention was and he was way too flustered to give a proper response.
With a sad smile, Fushimi spoke up while watching Yata. A flustered Yata was beyond adorable and all but it lost some of it's value when the cause was because of Suoh. The chances of him causing that were rare even though he really wants to see it happen one day. Maybe he can if he did that plan of his today. "It's exactly what I asked. You like him that much that you will think about going out with him if he asks you to?"
"Huh? Why would Mikoto-san ask that?" Yata refused to give a straight answer and it did seem like Fushimi asked that on purpose. After knowing Fushimi for so long, he was aware that Fushimi tended to mess around and tease people sometimes and he believed that this was currently the case.
Fushimi shifted to look at Yata closer and spoke softly. "That's a yes isn't it?" From Yata's flushed cheeks, Fushimi knew he hit the nail on the head. There was no need to hear a verbal response when the shy expression on Yata's face made it all that apparent.
"..." Yata had no clue what to say. His cheeks felt warm and if he said no, it would be an insult to Suoh and therewa no way he will do that ever. Yata could feel himself burning up when he tried to image that and the thought was overwhelming him when he had no clue how he would react.
Fushimi seemed to be silent too and each second just caused Yata to be even more awkward. What was he supposed to say? If he spoke first, Fushimi would expect an answer from him and Yata would rather not answer it. Was he that open that Fushimi could tell that Yata had ever thought about that? But who would not want a cool lover like Suoh? To Yata, Suoh is the epitome of cool and there was no one else as awesome as Suoh.
Maybe it was out of irritation that no matter what he did, he could not measure up to Suoh in Yata's heart that he actually decided to act the way he did. If it was impossible for Yata to want such a thing from him from affections then this was all he could do to get a chance. Just maybe he could win his heart through this too, this was Fushimi's last attempt to try and win Yata's love.
Smirking, Fushimi moved closer towards Yata and like before, tilted Yata's face to face him with his finger. He was curious to see what Yata would do this time and whether or not things would end up the same as he thought.
"What are you trying to do now, Saru?" Yata asked once he broke out of his trance from being surprised by Fushimi's action. It was a big surprise for him when Fushimi gave him no warning what so ever and simply tilted his chin with a rather disturbing smirk.
Yata chose not to slap Fushimi's finger away out of wary as it was the first time he ever saw such an expression on Fushimi's face and it might be a wrong move. This Fushimi gave off a danger signal in his brain and his instinct told him that it would be a bad move if he put up a fight. Fushimi could be creepy sometimes and despite them interacting for so long, Yata still could not understand him completely and neither could he read what he was thinking.
Yata only knew about some of his quirks in his personality and nothing more. Now that he thought about it, he hardly knew much about Fushimi when Fushimi knew a lot about him. He made a mental note to learn more about Fushimi once he got an answer from him.
Fushimi's smirk widened, he had Yata's complete attention now and now he just had to convince Yata to agree to what he wanted. He kept his finger there as he made direct eye contact with Yata. "Why don't I offer my assistance?"
Of course he had no intention of it just being such a thing but he had to bait Yata to agree and the most effective method would be this. As much as he hated to use Suoh, he had to be honest that Suoh would be the only thing that would make Yata agree with what he was going to suggest.
Yata blinked and stared at Fushimi blankly, not getting what Fushimi was trying to say. "Offer your assistance in what?" Yata did not need help in anything so what exactly did Fushimi mean? Maybe another tease from him? Fushimi really must be out to make a mockery out of him today.
Yata really is innocent in that aspect and Fushimi broke into a chuckle, an amused grin taking the place of his smirk. "You really have no clue don't you, Misaki~?" He could just say it out straight but where was the fun in there? It would be more fun if he had Yata rifled up and puffing his cheeks in anger.
Fushimi's words only made Yata think that he was correct to believe that Fushimi is teasing him. Despite that, the danger he felt from Fushimi was still around so he fought back the urge to move away from him. "Just say it, Saru!"
Fushimi watched him keenly before relaxing and tilting Yata's chin so that they were facing each other again. "I wonder if this gives you a hint?" Fushimi used his the finger from his free hand to trace Yata's lips softly before pulling it back.
Yata felt his cheeks heating up again and he was angry that Fushimi was messing with him. "What are you trying to pull?" It was against his will that he was blushing and Fushimi's finger had left a tingling feeling on his lips which was foreign to him.
Fushimi shrugged, he was not really pulling anything here. His expression softened though since a blushing Yata always has been his soft spot. "You wound me, Misaki. Do I look like a plotting person?"
Yata nodded his head as an indication to show that he really did think that. He refused to believe that Fushimi was doing this for no reason. There must be something behind this for sure. Till he knows what Fushimi was plotting, Yata was not going to lower his guard.
"So Misaki thinks that badly of me. To think that I wanted to help you." It merely amused him that Yata thought of him that way. Fushimi knew he had to choose his words correctly if he wants to achieve what he wants.
"Help me?" It was like he was back to square one with things back to him being puzzled about what Fushimi meant about helping him. What exactly did Fushimi think he needed help with? After conversing for so long, Yata still had no answer to it.
Would Yata take the bait though? Probably yes and there would not be an answer if he did nothing anyway. "Are you really that naive? To help you be more experienced. You wouldn't want to make a mockery out of yourself when that happens right?" This was nothing but an excuse and he would prefer for it to be something mutual.
Could Fushimi be talking about gaining experience in what he thought it was? Yata had finally pieced together about all the things that Fushimi talked about earlier and resulting in his face heating up again when it had finally gone down. "W-What? What makes you think that I need your help with something like that?" It was embarrassing that Fushimi was actually suggesting such a thing, especially if he was really just teasing him.
"Have you ever kissed anyone though?" Fushimi questioned calmly. He already knew the answer to that, Yata had never dated before so it was quite obvious that he was right. Fushimi had discreetly asked him before and gauging from how Yata responded to it gave him his answer and the fact that the both of them had been together even before they joined Homra.
"..." Yata awkwardly turned away. He had no experience in that matter at all, not even a simple peck on the lips. But hell he would admit that so bluntly. "Why should I tell you?" It was none of Fushimi's business if he had ever kissed anyone or not.
Fushimi grinned triumphantly, he had gotten all the proof he needed. "Think about it, Misaki. What if you have a chance to kiss him and you totally blow it with how inexperience you are. Don't you want him to think of you as a good kisser? Or some other person that you end up taking a liking to." Of course Fushimi never wants that to happen.
He could not stop himself from saying his next choice of words either. Yata was just that fun to tease and most of the members probably had no idea about what he was going to say. "You can hardly even look at a girl without blushing so I can't imagine you kissing them."
Yata was just about to answer him when he heard Fushimi's next words. His eyebrows twitched in annoyance, that might be true but Fushimi had no reason to say it like that. His all-knowing tone pissed him off too. That was until his eyes widened and his cheeks turned red for the umpteem time when he finally realised that it should not be a fact that Fushimi should know about. How did Fushimi know about this when he did not remember ever mentioning it?
"I can look at a girl's face without blushing!" Yata resorted hastily. It would do him no good if he bluntly admit about that and he could probably get over it one day to make it true so it was not a lie. Yata could look at Anna just fine and she is definitely a girl.
"Anna and the girls with the people starting fights with us doesn't count, Misaki~ Children too~" Anna because she is a kid and Yata could look at those girls with the people fighting them just fine as they were enemies although he would never attack them. Yata was extremely weak against people asking him for help when they say things like 'Yata is the only one that could help them and he is the only one they could turn to'; especially females. The shorter male was just that simple and naive.
Yata hissed in displeasure. Fushimi was right and it irked him that Fushimi was correct. How did Fushimi even know about that when he hardly interacted with females and whenever they needed to get information, he would only question males. Yata was certain that he hardly mixed with females in class too, or people for that matter. "Shut up! How would you know about me anyway?"
The answer was obvious to Fushimi. It is because he is always watching Yata and how he acts around other people. Observing to pick up the different quirks that Yata has and that required him to watch him closely and keenly. "I know all that it's to know about Misaki~"
Yata had no idea if he should be creeped out or honoured that Fushimi paid so much attention to him. "Shut up!" Yata repeated again since he had no clue what to say to that. What was a person to say when a guy says that he knows all there is to know about you? Was he being stalked then? Or maybe it was not as what he imagined it to be.
"So Mi-Sa-Ki should just take up my offer~" Fushimi emphasised on his name purposely. "You won't kiss a girl and there's no way you'll ever try asking a guy to kiss you and neither will you let one to kiss you too." At least Fushimi would ensure that such a thing never happens when he is around. Like he would let any filthy person kiss his Misaki. The only one that could do that is him alone and he refused to allow anyone else to touch him.
Yata directed a glare over at Fushimi. Since ages ago Fushimi had been intent on calling him by his first name despite knowing that he disliked it. The name Misaki felt too uncool for him and even before they were close,Fushimi was insistent on calling him that for some reason. That did not seem to be the case for anyone else though. Fushimi's tone varies when he calls him by his name, something that happened after they joined Homra.
Yata had to admit that Fushimi was right though and if things continue, chances were that he would never get to experience one. Kissing a girl would most likely make him flustered and if some guy tries to kiss him, he had no idea how he would react. He would hit the person and wonder if the person was sick in the mind to kiss him because why else would a guy be kissing him?
Fushimi seemed twisted in the first place and hence why most of the members do not get along with him. Although he never expected Fushimi to suggest such a thing to him. As much as it annoys him that Fushimi was right to think so and it did seem pathetic that he had to take up someone's offer in order to experience kissing.
But at least this was just some amusement for Fushimi. Yata would rather it be some sort of entertainment for Fushimi so he would not have to think much about it being done with Fushimi and if there were some feelings involved. Because he had no idea what to think if it was something serious and there was no way he would agree with it if this was some sick fantasy of Fushimi's. Because Yata refused to be used as something for Fushimi to fulfil his fantasies with. That was just plain creepy if Fushimi thought of him like that.
But maybe it was because that it was Fushimi that Yata would agree to it. Fushimi was someone that Yata knows for a long time, a person that went through those hardships with him and the only one that ever saw his weak and pathetic side. Yata trusts Fushimi more than he lets on and he is a lot more at ease with Fushimi. Perhaps because the both of them used to sleep side by side when they were younger.
Yata considered a few more seconds before he made up his mind. "Think nothing of this. I'm just taking up your offer so that I won't disgrace Mikoto-san." Yata added the last part as a cover for why he agreed to it. He really hoped that Fushimi did not think much of it and think that he likes him or something. Because the truth was far from it. He was just using Fushimi to not make a fool of himself when he finds someone he likes. Or at least that was what he was telling him.
Fushimi instantly grinned smugly, the corners of his lips completely turned up. His plan had completely succeeded and he was really pleased that it turned out the way he wanted. He chose to tone out the mention of Suoh's name to not ruin his joy. "Of course you would accept it, Misaki. The chances of you experiencing a kiss otherwise is nearly zero. Think nothing about it? But it's Misaki's first kiss, why would I think nothing of it~?"
Hearing the last sentence made Yata wonder if Fushimi really do have some kind of thing for him and it was a bad idea for him to agree earlier. But if he changed his mind now, Fushimi would call him a coward for running away and going back on his word. It was much too late for him to say no now and besides, it must be just his imagination that it seemed that way to him.
"Tch. Whether it's my first kiss or not doesn't concern you and you speak like you have lots of experience in kissing." Yata hid his worry about Fushimi by changing the subject and hoping that Fushimi would stop saying anything weird and creepy.
Fushimi's smirk fell slightly, his eyes narrowing slightly when the thought of someone other than him taking Yata's first kiss. He refused to hand over Yata's first kiss to anyone else and if someone else had stolen it, he would make that person disappear. "Maybe I do. Who knows~ The ladies appreciate a good looking guy after all~ Are you interested to know about my kissing history?"
Yata hastily shook his head. He had no interest to listen to Fushimi gloat and he knows how much of a narcissist Fushimi can be. The guy just thinks too highly of himself and Yata was well aware of how big Fushimi's ego is. "Not at all."
"Hmm? Are you jealous, Misaki?" He could kiss him now but teasing Yata was so much fun too. Besides he had waited long enough to kiss him, a while longer would not hurt. Especially when he gets to see Yata's reaction to his words.
Yata's eyes widened in surprise before he narrowed them and scoffed. "As if. Why would I be jealous of who you kiss? You flatter yourself too much." It had nothing to do with him and why would he be jealous? Fushimi is not Suoh and it infuriates him that Fushimi thinks he would be jealous of a thing like that.
Fushimi smiled, he knew Yata would think of it this way. Even if Yata really was not jealous of that, he was still glad that he could tease him like this. "I wasn't talking about that though. I meant that you're jealous of my kissing experience. Didn't know that you were that bothered that I kissed others before you."
What? Looks like he had said the wrong things when Fushimi completely messed with him by implying that Yata was bothered that Fushimi kissed others before him that he misunderstood. Yata hissed irritatedly and fought the urge to just hit him. "Your ego really is too big." Yata was not going to be stupid and say anything that could be turned against him.
"Maybe." Looks like it was the end of the teasing. Fushimi pondered briefly to decide how should he act next, should he give Yata some warning or take him completely off guard? Which one of it would bring him a better reaction?
Lifting Yata's chin up, he playfully winked at him before closing the gap between them right after. That was the only hint he gave Yata to let him know what he was planning to do before he pressed their lips together. Taking him by surprise would let him see a fluster Yata and Fushimi really likes seeing him like that when the cause of it is him. The only times when he would be out of character would be because of Yata.
Because it is the only time that he truly gets Yata's undivided attention. Fushimi knows that things would go back to how it is once it is over but he wants to experience it again, to be the receiving end of Yata's attention. Fushimi watched silently as Yata's eyes grew wide and his cheeks turning a rosy colour. Kissing Yata had been something he wanted to do for a while already, this was not really the scenario he wants it to happen though. But that would be impossible and too much to ask.
Yata was taken by surprise when Fushimi kissed him all of a sudden. He should have guessed when Fushimi winked at him earlier and Yata stood there completely frozen to the ground and unresponsive. The sudden lick at his lips had him pushing Fushimi away in shock and he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. "What was that for?"
Yata had reacted the way that he had expected, Fushimi knew that Yata would push him away once he did that, instead of giving him the entrance that he wanted. He gleefully licked his own lips before speaking. "You taste pretty sweet and your lips are a little chapped."
Fushimi paused as Yata grew redder. A small tinge of pain was still present despite him already knowing that Yata would react that way. Anyone would feel that way when the object of your affection pulls away from you. "If you want me to be precise, I was trying to deepen the kiss but you obviously chickened out." This would be the best method to bait Yata to agree to it.
Yata frowned at the remark. It might be a fact that he pulled away but it was not because he was chickening out, he was just taken aback by that action. "Firstly, I don't care what you think I taste or feel like. Lastly, I did not chicken out. I just didn't know what you were doing earlier."
Yata had once again taken the bait like he thought. "Is that so? I suppose it's my fault for forgetting that Misaki had no experience in kissing. But now that you know, we can continue with it. Be sure not to chicken out and open your mouth this time."
Fushimi was messing with him again. He had lost count of how many times he had fallen to prey that already. "Tch. Just get on with it." He hated how he was being made fun of so many times by Fushimi, it was killing his pride. Although his pride already died the moment Fushimi offered his help and he accepted it. It was pathetic to gain experience in such a way and having his first kiss with a person who did it for amusement.
Yata was not alarmed by Fushimi's lips on his own this time and now that his mind was not in overdrive, he could feel the feeling of Fushimi's lips. It was not entirely unpleasant and soft? Yata blinked in surprise, he had thought that Fushimi's lips would be rougher than this but it was surprisingly soft. He pressed his own back to feel it better, feeling the corners of Fushimi's lips turning up.
It took him by surprise when Yata kissed him back and he could not stop his lips from forming a smirk. Did this mean he could take it up another level? Fushimi decided to test the water further before he did that and kissed him rougher by increasing the pressure of his lips. The gentle kiss was no longer enough now that Yata kissed him back, the initial content feeling of just being able to feel Yata's lips on his own disappeared. Fushimi was just teasing him earlier, he really was not planning on making it any deeper.
But things were different now. He watched as Yata kissed him back with the same pressure and fluttered his eyes shut slowly. Fushimi parted his lips and deliberately licked Yata's bottom lip slow and sensually. It should be worth a shot to see if he would be given entrance and he did Yata what to do earlier.
The sudden probing of Fushimi's tongue on his bottom lip right after he felt him opening his mouth felt a little weird for him and he was unsure how to react still he recalled what Fushimi mentioned earlier. Deciding to just go with the flow, he opened his mouth without much thought and waited to see what Fushimi would do next.
Getting the access to Yata's mouth as he hoped, Fushimi was in a really good mood. It took a lot less coaxing than he first thought and he eagerly pushed his tongue into Yata's mouth. He would not deny that he was terribly excited and thrilled to be able to taste Yata's mouth better. Fushimi wasted no time to assault Yata's mouth, giving his teeth an experimental lick before he licked the inner parts of Yata's gums.
Yata tasted much better than his lips and the taste was much stronger too. He was instantly intoxicated and hooked unto Yata's taste. If he could, he would like to be able to taste him again and again. Fushimi made a mental note to find ways to make Yata agree to kiss him again. For the moment, he would just make the moment last as long as it could. Seeing no response from Yata, Fushimi brushed his tongue against Yata's and tried to get him to response. Getting a small response from Yata, Fushimi lightly sucked Yata's tongue into his mouth, hoping that it would coax him to play.
Yata gasped into Fushimi's mouth when his tongue was sucked into Fushimi's mouth. It felt completely foreign when Fushimi's tongue first entered his mouth, especially when it kept moving and licking everywhere. The places where Fushimi licked felt warm though and Yata was not sure if he was feeling alright. Was it normal for him to have felt like that? Yata was unsure what to do though, Fushimi did not tell him anything earlier and Yata was too embarrassed to even watch or read about things. It was not his fault that he's shy, Yata could not control that.
Seeing that Fushimi kept trying to make his tongue move, Yata supposed that he was being asked to follow Fushimi's actions. It should be fine if he just brushed his tongue against his and lick around right? Deciding that it would be less embarrassing if he did not have to see Fushimi's face, which had a gleeful and satisfied expression for a while already.
Fushimi's expression was being less creepy than usual but when Yata looked into his eyes, the intensity of his gaze burnt and he found it hard to look at them because he knows he would be drawn into them if he stares into them too long. Yata had never seen those eyes on Fushimi before and it gave off a complete foreign feeling. He might be mistaken but he thought that he saw a tinge of sadness mixed in Fushimi's eyes.
But he could be wrong when it was the first time he ever saw clear emotions reflected in those azure blue eyes that were usually unreadable. Why would Fushimi lower his guard now though? Since he first met Fushimi, reading Fushimi had always been difficult. The taller male would lower his walls to him from time to time but never completely.
Yata filled his head with thoughts to distract himself from thinking about his current action. His tongue slowly brushed against Fushimi's, a little unsure of what to do. The best he could do was to copy whatever he could remember Fushimi doing earlier.
Fushimi chuckled into the kiss, to think that Yata would be so timid in his actions when he is usually so straightforward. It was cute that he was so shy in such actions that he even closed his eyes before he responded. He stopped laughing when the thought that Yata was imaging him as someone else hit him.
His eyes narrowed but there was nothing he could do about it when he used teaching Yata as an excuse to get to kiss him. Fushimi decided to just make use of the situation, the absolute truth that the one who took Yata's first kiss was him and the one that Yata is currently kissing is him too, regardless of what Yata thought of it.
Burying the bitter feeling of the chances of it ever being one of Yata reciprocating his feelings being almost impossible, he simply savoured the feeling of the warmth of Yata's tongue. Fushimi eagerly brushed his tongue against Yata's to show him how to move along with his after he pushed it back into Yata's mouth. It might be sloppy but Yata was mimicking his movements and the kiss turned out much fiercer. Seeing that Yata was breathing much heavier, Fushimi reluctantly pulled away from Yata's mouth and watched with fascination as a string of saliva connected their lips.
Yata shifted uncomfortably, now that his thoughts came back to him, he felt strange for letting himself pulled into Fushimi's pace and kissing him back. His breaths were heavy and uneven and Yata was rather creeped out by Fushimi. Fushimi seemed to be in some kind of trance and staring at something that Yata thinks is his mouth with some strange happy looking grin. He might or might not heard a soft dreamy sigh coming from Fushimi earlier too.
Yata shifted his gaze downwards, finally noticing what Fushimi was staring at. He blushed as he hastily broke the string connecting them and looked away. He felt extremely embarrassed that he had kissed Fushimi just to gain experience and to stop Fushimi from teasing him about his zero kissing experience. The thing that embarrassed him most of all was how he melted against Fushimi's kiss and losing to the pleasure and feeling of it.
Just like Fushimi's personality, his taste gave off a cooling taste, despite how heated and warm the kiss was. Yata did not want to look at Fushimi currently, feeling far too embarrassed and if he looked at him right now, he would remember the kiss and how it felt to have Fushimi's tongue thrusting into his mouth and moving around, licking the insides of his mouth.
Feeling himself getting warmer from remembering the kiss, Yata abruptly turned. "I-I have some matters to attend to so I'll see you tomorrow, Saruhiko." He dashed off instantly once he finished what he wanted to say, not stopping to look at Fushimi at all or waiting for his response.
Fushimi chortled loudly as he watched Yata's retreating back. He had long noticed how uncomfortable Yata was and how he seemed to avoid looking at him. It was a pity that Yata broke the string of saliva that showed their earlier interaction so soon though. It was incredibly adorable when Yata was obviously thinking about the kiss when his face heated up and he ran off out of embarrassment.
The fact that Yata called him by his first name was rare too. There were just a few times that Yata would call him Saruhiko lately, the nickname Saru seemed to stick especially when Yata is angry. Although there were the rare times that Yata would call him by his first name just like he used to without him realisng it.
Fushimi licked his lips, finding a faint trace of Yata's taste still present as he grinned widely. There was no way he would ever forget about today, the day when he took Yata's first kiss. "Misaki... You're mine, there's no way I'm going to let anyone else lay a finger on you... Especially not to him."
What belonged to him would always stay that way. Yata belonged to him and only to him. Every part of him, from his head to the tips of his toes belonged to him, even if the orange haired male did not realise that. He was never letting anyone to be able to touch Yata so intimately, even Suoh.
"Don't think too much about yesterday." Yata told him once he had spotted him the next day, much to the confusion of the other Homra members. Fushimi frowned, did Yata think that he could just brush off what happened yesterday just like that? Without saying anything, Fushimi grabbed Yata's hand and tugged him towards one of the empty rooms in the bar.
"Oi. Saruhiko. Where are you taking me?" Yata was rather surprised to see Fushimi so pissed by his words and he was unable to shake off the tight grip on his hand. In fact, the more he struggled, the tighter the grasp on his hand. Yata defeatedly allowed himself to be dragged seeing that he had no other choice and Fushimi's cold expression was giving off a rather suffocating aura.
"Saru. Can you just tell me what do you want already?" Yata was already irritated that Fushimi kept silent the entire time they walked and the door clicked, informing Yata that the door was locked. He blinked when he was shoved against the wall, Fushimi standing in front of him and his left arm on the wall above his head.
Fushimi smiled, he knew how uneasy Yata felt with the current situation. He purposely exhaled loudly, letting his breath brush Yata's cheek. It was sort of a punishment for brushing off what happened yesterday that easily. "Misaki~ How cruel of you to just say not to think much about yesterday, when you obviously enjoyed yourself."
Tracing Yata's lips with his free hand, Fushimi watched amusingly at how Yata turned red at his words and redder when his finger touched his lips. Fushimi withdrew his finger and placed it against his own lips, kissing it gently. He fought the urge to laugh when Yata blushed more and how adorably flustered he had made him.
"S-Shut up." Yata resorted weakly, he was unable to deny that he really did enjoy the kiss yesterday. It was even harder to deny when Fushimi brushed his finger against his lips, reminding him of how he had something else brushing against it yesterday. It got worst when Fushimi removed his finger from his lips and his mouth had actually missed the warmth.
His already warm cheeks heated up even more when the finger Fushimi had on his lips earlier was pressed against Fushimi's lips and he kissed it. Staring at those lips only made his situation even worst. It only made him want to feel them against his lips again when he could still remember the sensation of it. Yata bit his bottom lip lightly to distract himself from commenting anything. It would be bad if he said anything or gave in to the impulse to kiss Fushimi.
It was blatantly obvious that his actions were affecting Yata and where he was subconsciously staring at. Fushimi licked his lips on purpose, seeing how Yata gulped and looked away. It was all so easy to tempt a person who had experienced pleasure once before without any experience. It is human nature to seek something that they enjoyed before, especially when it was something they only experienced once recently. Even more so when it is pleasurable and something related to hormones.
In Yata's situation where he was completely inexperienced in such cases would be even easier to tempt. Yata had always been easy to affect and drawn to others' flow. That was how Yata always got drawn into fights and unable to back off. Fushimi moved closer, his body pressing against Yata's slightly. A big smirk plastered on his face when he remembered that the one that is affecting Yata so much is him. "You look like you have been staring at my lips earlier."
Yata shifted uncomfortably when he could feel the puffs of breath on his cheeks when Fushimi spoke. Their current close proximity unnerved him and the fact that Fushimi spotted him staring made him even more uncomfortable. "It's just your imagination. Stop flattering yourself so much, who would stare at your lips?" Looks like he gave Fushimi an even bigger ego by his actions.
Yata really should realise that he is a terrible liar. But he was not flattering himself, Fushimi knows that he has a good-looking face and his ego only swells when Yata reacted the way he did. "Is that so, Misaki?"
Fushimi stepped even closer and leaned down, causing their face to be even closer and their eyes facing directly. "Why don't you face me and repeat that looking at my lips doesn't affect you. It shouldn't be that hard if what you said was true and my eyes were just playing tricks on me and I was just self-flattering myself." Fushimi made sure that they were so close that their lips would brush slightly as he speaks.
Yata knew it was on purpose. Their current closeness and the way Fushimi phrased his words. Fushimi knows that he is lying and yet he taunted him by asking to face him and causing their lips to brush slightly every time his lips move as they speak. If he chose to keep his gaze away, it would be bad for him as Fushimi would only tease him that he is correct to think what he did.
Scowling to himself, Yata directed his gaze towards Fushimi. "I—" Yata regretted it the instant he noticed how close their gazes are and how closely Fushimi watched him. His words were lost as he felt his lips touching Fushimi's when he spoke earlier, instantly retracting away before the urge to press closer became too much to resist.
He was being horribly aware of how easy it would be to move a little to kiss him. The teasing from how their lips brushed when they speak and how he was completely looking directly into Fushimi's azure blue orbs. Those blue eyes were much prettier than he thought since he usually pays little mind to Fushimi's looks to look that intently and closely.
Now that he thinks about it, Fushimi's lips were soft too. Yata scoffed softly, it would not be unusual if Fushimi took good care of his face and his lips with how much of a narcisst he is. The sudden upward turn of Fushimi's lips gave warning bells in Yata's brain and he half-heartedly pushed Fushimi away. A part of him still wanted to move closer but he decided to follow his gut feeling instead.
"Go on. Why aren't you continuing?" Fushimi was pleased when Yata lost all words the instance he looked into his eyes. The effect he had on Yata was a lot more than he thought and it thrills him that his place in Yata's eyes had increased. He willingly took a step back to put some distance between them, smirking when Yata appeared to be surprised that he really did move away.
If he could not make Yata react with closeness, he might as well try another method and see if it works. He licked his lips again, watching that Yata's eyes followed the movement of his tongue. "Misaki. Are you listening?" Fushimi snapped his finger and taunted Yata to respond.
Yata swallowed as he forced his eyes to look elsewhere. "You're annoying." That was all he managed to say. Yata was started to loathe himself from being so affected by this one measly kiss that he was taunted to agree to. Why did he keep recalling about the kiss from yesterday when he told himself to not think about it and to forget the feeling of Fushimi's lips and tongue.
"Is that so?" Fushimi moved forward to peck Yata lightly, pulling away almost instantly and returning to his previous distance. He wanted to kiss him longer but this was not for self pleasure but to tempt Yata to want to kiss him again. He could force Yata to comply by kissing him but where was the fun in that?
Yata has to want it himself for it to be better. If he can not have Yata want it out of love, Fushimi would make do with Yata reacting out of desire. Anything as long as it is something that Yata desires himself. "Do you want me to leave then? If Misaki wants me to leave, I will." Fushimi shifted slightly, causing a short distance between their lips again. He was not going to move this time, it all goes down to Yata.
Yata nearly lost it when he felt Fushimi's lips on his but Fushimi pulled away faster than he could to decide whether or not to kiss him back. Yata gritted his teeth, unsure of whether he really wants Fushimi to leave or not. His mind was made up when Fushimi closer again. Yata knew he was anticipating for Fushimi to move forward but from the snug look Fushimi had, Yata knew it was unlikely.
"Screw it." Yata groaned as he leaned in and pressed his lips against Fushimi's. He could think and regret about his decision later, right now he only wanted to feel what he felt yesterday. Yata could feel Fushimi smirking into the kiss but he made no movement to take it any further.
Fushimi was overjoyed and his mind was processing that Yata was kissing him out of his own free will. Although most of it should just be him tempting him more than anything else but still, Yata was the one that leaned forward. Fushimi knew Yata was getting desperate when he continued to remain motionless, only kissing him back. That had caused Yata to press his lips harder against his out of frustration, allowing him to see an amusing scene.
It was like Yata was desperate to get him to respond and do something. Fushimi would like to of course, but Yata's current reaction was just too entertaining and he would much rather hold back and wait to see what Yata would do next. He decided mentally that he would respond only when Yata asked him to.
Yata hissed in frustration, no matter how hard he tried, Fushimi just would not do anything. Yata was already forgoing his pride by taking the initiative, what else did Fushimi want from him? That calculative bastard must definitely expect something from him. Yata pulled back annoyingly. "Saru, you..."
"What, Misaki?" Fushimi feigned ignorance, forming a fake puzzled expression on his face. His eyes reflected how he did know what Yata wanted when it was twinkling with mirth. An expecting face that showed he was waiting for something.
With that expression on Fushimi's face, Yata did not even have to ask to know that Fushimi wants him to say something. He was already aware of what Fushimi wants from him and Yata really wants to hit him for that. That was way too embarrassing and his pride was already wounded enough already. Was that kiss really worth it? Yata was much too shy to try to kiss someone else and would they give him the same feeling Fushimi gave him? They might laugh at how inexperience he is too. Stealing a peek at Fushimi, Yata felt the desire to kiss Fushimi rising up again.
If his pride had already been damaged earlier, a little more would not affect much. Yata was giving in to his desires now, he knows that the only one he could bring himself to kiss is Fushimi, with the guy that he first experienced it with. It was still awkward, but it was much better compared to other people and he was at least a little comfortable with Fushimi.
Especially if he thinks it as the 'help' that Fushimi offered, Yata could just think of it as a lesson and nothing more. "Didn't you say you're helping me? What kind of help it is if you just stay motionless and not kiss me?"
Fushimi laughed at Yata's words. No doubt something that the male would do, finding something to say it indirectly. But he did use helping Yata as an excuse to kiss him, it would never be out of the same reason Fushimi wants to kiss him anyway. Fushimi smiled sadly, he knew he would never get the only thing he ever wanted, but at least he had Yata's complete attention now. "You're right. I did offer to help you, why else would Misaki agree to kiss me."
It was a reminder to himself to not expect too much from this, all he would get would be desire. Fushimi is alright with that, as long as Yata seeks only him for this, he is satisfied, even if a part of him still craves for Yata's love. Fushimi tilted Yata's chin up, the sad smile still adorning on his face. The bitter fact that Yata still craves for Suoh and this meant nothing to Yata still hurts and thus, Fushimi buried his current emotions to just feel without thinking.
No matter what, being able to feel the person you like was still a happy thing. The desire to have physical contact with the one you like at least once was a normal thing and even more when it was a unrequited love. Fushimi was willing to do anything to get at least some of Yata that would sorely belong to him only. With all the different emotions he had, Fushimi immediately heated up the kiss. He pressed against Yata's lips roughly, biting his bottom lip to seek entrance.
His eyes gleamed slightly when he tasted blood and he eagerly lapped at it and licking the wound he inflicted, temporarily forgetting about his initial plan to gain entrance to Yata's mouth. All he could think of at the moment was the blood on Yata's lips and that he was the one to cause it. If it was anyone else's blood, Fushimi would not be reacting this way. Others' blood are much too filthy and Yata's blood is the only one he is interested to taste.
Yata yelped when he felt Fushimi's teeth breaking the skin of his lip and a tongue that instantly probed it. The blood from the wound was licked away by Fushimi and Yata was a little freaked out with the look Fushimi had in his eyes once he started bleeding. Yata had known that Fushimi gets extremely excited whenever his opponent starts bleeding and there is something twisted about him when his whole demeanor changes when he fights.
A blood fetish maybe? Yata supposed he could not complain when the one seeking for help was him and there must be a first for every different type of kisses he must experience. Maybe Fushimi was just teaching him the different kinds, this one probably one that appeals to him more than others. Yata had never thought of Fushimi as someone gentle in the first place, yesterday's rather gentle kiss felt a little out of character. Yata was not fragile and he was perfectly fine with rough kisses seeing that roughness suits his personality better. Yata was in no way gentle anyway and neither was Fushimi. Gentleness should be reserved for the one that Fushimi liked, a girl maybe since females were more fragile than males.
He more than welcomed Fushimi's tongue that entered his mouth after all the way too long time Fushimi spent on licking the wound he inflicted. Yata tasted blood on Fushimi's tongue, feeling a little strange at tasting his own blood from someone else. Yata moved his tongue, hoping that the taste would get diluted faster. Even Fushimi's own taste was better than blood and he prefered the icy cooling mint taste Fushimi had.
Fushimi was elated that Yata responded so quickly. He was already a little high from tasting his precious Yata's blood which tasted as sweet as he thought. To think that Yata did not complain about the wound inflicted on him was surprising and he quickly attempted to make it more heated. An unresponsive kiss was boring and there were so little you could do when your partner does nothing.
Now that Yata was more responsive and braver in his actions, he could be more aggressive. Fushimi was tired of holding back and being gentle already, he only did so yesterday to not scare Yata off. It was interesting to see Yata trying to keep up with his clumsy and uncertain movements and Fushimi looked forward to the time when Yata would be more experienced.
Yata panted heavily when Fushimi finally pulled away. The kiss was so much fiercer than before and he was displeased at how he was unable to keep up with Fushimi. Yata had to acknowledge that Fushimi is a good kisser, to him at least since he had zero experience and the only one he had ever kissed was Fushimi. His thoughts were distracted when a pair of familiar lips were back on his. Yata pushed Fushimi lightly, not pleased that he was kissed all of a sudden when he had not yet caught his breath. "Saru—"
Fushimi interrupted him by attaching his lips back to Yata's and taking advantage of his open mouth to thrust his tongue in. He began assaulting Yata's mouth relentlessly even when Yata only glared at him without responding. The earlier kiss was not enough, after getting Yata to finally respond willingly, it was hard to quirst his desire to kiss him over and over again.
The fear that it would be his last time to do so made it even harder to stop. He could feel Yata melt into the kiss when he felt the sound Yata made when he sucked on his tongue. Yata started responding after that, his eyes no longer glaring at him and closed shut. Yata's current expression especially made him want to make it deeper. It would be so much better if their feelings are mutual.
Fushimi fingered strands of Yata's hair before he angled his head for better access. He was not at all surprised at how coarse Yata's hair felt when the male had never been one to care about his appearance. Fushimi made up his mind to drag the shorter male for proper hair products later. If he left Yata alone, Yata would just brush him off and do nothing about it.
Yata was getting better, although he was still a little clumsy. It was amusing that Yata thought he would be able to win him in their fight for dominance when his skills were still pretty bad. A trait of Yata's that always amused him and he likes that about him. Fushimi likes everything about Yata, with Yata's admiration of Suoh being the only exception. The moment he recalled about Fushimi, his mood turned sour and his kisses turned rougher.
The kiss was getting more and more aggressive and Yata was puzzled at how Fushimi's attitude seemed to change all of a sudden. It was like something had angered him and Yata had no clue what triggered it. The fingers on his hair were rougher too and his hair were even pulled a little. Yata sighed in relief when Fushimi finally pulled away, he was starting to get lightheaded from the lack of oxygen.
Fushimi watched with a satisfied grin that he had turned Yata into a red panting mess. The orange-haired was panting heavily and he seemed completely out of breath and disheveled with his hair being a complete mess.
"What...were you trying to do...?" Yata managed to pant out while breathing heavily. The sudden kiss earlier was like a see-saw, Fushimi started off rather intensely, only to have it turned gentler before it ended up totally roughly. Yata straightened his hair and clothes as he looked for his discarded beanie. Fushimi had mixed expressions during the kiss too, maybe Fushimi had more irregularities that he thought. Yata brushed that aside though, it had nothing to do with their kissing.
Fushimi shrugged, his usual nonchalant face back on. He had used the time Yata used to fix himself to straighten himself and his thoughts. The emotions he showed earlier all being buried back inside. Fushimi could lie without any signs of it being a lie and what he thinks about it now. "I just wanted to teach the inexperience Mi-Sa-Ki the different types of kisses~"
Yata scowled angrily. Fushimi always drawled out his first name with lots of emphasis whenever he tried to mess with him. "I'm leaving." Yata announced, there was no reason for him to stay in the room any more.
Fushimi mentally panicked as Yata walked towards the door. No, he can not just let it end like this. Hastily, he grabbed hold of his hand to stop him. "That's just the beginning and besides, Misaki's kissing skills are still pretty non-existence. You're only just going to make a fool out of yourself like this. So it looks like I still have to practice with you." He would continue to use this excuse to tie down Yata to him, as long as he could kiss him, that would be fine.
"Whatever." Fushimi released him once he had Yata's words. Fushimi knew it was Yata's way of saying that he was fine with if. Glomping Yata lightly, Fushimi nuzzled against his head and grinned. His mood completely brightened that it would not be the last time he gets to kiss him. "Misaki, you should take better care of your hair, I couldn't comment on it before due to our living condition, but now that we have a stable place to stay and eat, you should start caring for it. It's all dry and coarse, such a pity when it's so pretty."
Yata scoffed, shaking Fushimi away from him. "I'm not some girl or narcisst like you, why the hell would I care about my hair?" What was the big deal with his hair? Yata never did care about it, even the shampoo he bought was something he randomly picked. What did Fushimi mean about his hair being pretty? It was just plain normal to him.
"Misaki really should watch your appearance more. Misaki might be cute and everything but you should still do proper care for your hair and your face." Fushimi watched as Yata gaped at his comment at him being cute, the male heating up in obvious anger.
That damn Fushimi was making fun of him yet again. Yata knew he might be short but that did not mean that Fushimi could tease him by calling him cute. "Oi. Who are you calling cute? Are your eyes blind? I'm a guy and a guy is no way cute." Girls should be the one being called cute, not guys and Yata did not see himself cute in anyway.
"But Misaki, you are cute. From your expression to how you act, especially when you're angry. Your personality is endearing too~" Fushimi purred with a big grin that could rival the Cheshire cat's. Everything about the shorter male is adorable to Fushimi, even how easily Yata gets provoked.
Yata twitched at Fushimi's words, Fushimi was infuriating him more and more. "There must be something messed up with your definition for cute then." He really did not appreciate being called cute, that is just strange. It did not settle well for him that Fushimi was teasing him about something like that.
At least that what was he thought till he tilted his head up to face Fushimi. The look of seriousness on Fushimi stunned him, Yata had rarely ever seen Fushimi being serious for real. "Misaki is cute, much cuter than those girls outside." Along with Fushimi's tone, Yata knew Fushimi really did mean what he said.
Not having experience anyone saying anything with complete seriousness about him before, Yata had no clue what to react. By right he should be mad that Fushimi thought of him as cute when it was not an aspect a guy should have. Despite that, he was flushing and Yata decided that the best way to deal with it was to change the topic. "Didn't you say that I should take better care of my hair? You have to tell me what to buy then. Because I honestly couldn't care less how not properly cared my hair is."
Fushimi smiled sadly, Yata never did take him seriously anyway. So it was not much of a surprise that he would brush his remark off and try to distract him. "Even if Misaki denies it and think otherwise, Misaki will always be cute to me." He remarked softly to himself before he fixed the expression on his face.
"Let's go before you change your mind then." Fushimi feigned boredness and tugged Yata's nearest hand with him as they returned back to where the rest. After announcing that they were going out to buy something, Fushimi opened the door to step out. He had ignored the looks the others directed towards their intertwined hands and Yata surprisingly did not pull away or say anything.
Yata really wanted to snatch his hand away when he saw everyone else staring at their linked hands but the fact that he had just ignored something that Fushimi said seriously made him guilty, especially when Fushimi is almost never serious about anything. But it was just too awkward to have someone call you cute seriously.
A small part of him felt nostalgia about having their hands linked together again when he recalled holding hands with a much younger Fushimi in the past. It had been a while since they held their hands together for no actual reason ever since they grown older. The only times they had held hands was during a fight when they had to drag the other away.
Much later, Yata was groaning that Fushimi asked in detail to see what type of hair he has before he starts hunting for a shampoo that he thinks will suit Yata best. That was a few minutes ago, Fushimi was really choosy in the properties of the shampoo and a smell he thinks will be best for him. "Saru. Aren't you done yet?" Yata whined, sick of looking at shelves of shampoo that make absolutely no difference to him.
"I need to find the best one for Misaki after all. One that brings out the best shine of Misaki's hair and the one with a smell that suits Misaki. Something sweet since Misaki tastes sweet." Fushimi was very serious about finding a shampoo that is the best for his precious Misaki. Yata tasted sweet, to find something close to what Yata tastes like was hard when Fushimi finds him sweeter than anything else.
Strawberry seemed too girly and Yata would throw a fuss if he makes him get it. Flowers would result in the same way so they were a no. A colour that would suit him too. Fushimi scanned through the shelves again, his eyes stopping at one of the bottles. Turning the bottle behind, Fushimi skimmed through the properties and beamed once he was done.
"Misaki, I found it~!" This one was perfect in a sense, the colour kind of reminds him of Yata's eyes and the shampoo would help to make Yata's hair softer and shinier. Fushimi gave the shampoo a sniff, the smell was okay too. He just needs to find a salesperson to ask whether or not the shampoo has any more good points.
Yata snatched the bottle away from Fushimi's hand and gave it a sniff. He could care less about what the shampoo would do for his hair and the smell was what matters to him. The smell was kind of sweet, not the kind that he would usually get but if it could end their trip here and leave, he was willing to take it. At least it was not some flower scented one or some other girly ones. "I guess it's okay."
Fushimi was already conversing with a salesgirl with the shampoo back in his hand. Yata scowled and waited in the corner, the girl obviously taken by Fushimi's looks. "Let's get it, Misaki." The girl had told him all he needed to make up his mind. For some reason, Yata seemed irritated and he was not even looking at him too. Did he do something to annoy him?
Yata took the bottle of shampoo away from him, heading for the cashier. "Whatever. Did you have fun flirting with that girl?" They were here to buy a shampoo for him but he was tossed aside instead. That was lame and stupid.
Fushimi's eyes lit up at the remark and he quickly placed his arm around Yata's shoulder. "Is Misaki jealous? There's no need to be since Misaki is way cuter and I only checked to see if the shampoo does what it claims." Fushimi was swimming with pride that Yata was actually irritated by him talking to a girl.
Yata attempted to get Fushimi to stop nuzzling against him. "Like hell I was jealous and quit calling me cute. Get off me." They were drawing the attention of the people around them, members from Homra was one thing, but the public was different.
Fushimi snuggled tighter, shaking his head. "No." He raised his hand and fingered Yata's hair softly. "Misaki should trim his hair a little if Misaki dislikes being compared to a girl so much." His hair has a rather pretty colour that suits his personality well. Whether or not Yata would take him seriously or not did not matter, he just wanted to say it.
Yata elbowed him hard and stepped aside. "Why should I listen to you?" Fushimi was stepping over the kindness Yata gave him, he already bought the damn hair shampoo he wanted him to get, what more did he want from him?
Regardless, Yata kept that remark in his mind. "Let's just get out of here." He hurriedly paid for it and dragged Fushimi out before he gets forced to buy any more things. Because who knows what other crazy idea Fushimi might have if they stayed in the store any longer.
"Misaki better be using that shampoo, I'll be checking~" Fushimi hummed as he allowed himself to be dragged out. No matter what the situation, having Yata to hold his hand is a good thing. A huff was Yata's response and Fushimi smiled slightly to himself. He had planted more of himself in Yata's life and Yata would remember him whenever he sees and uses that shampoo.
It was a matter of time before kisses were no longer enough for Fushimi. Greed made Fushimi yearn for more, he wanted more of Yata, something else that is Yata's first. Yata's kissing was progressing well after their sessions and Fushimi has a hunch that Yata had grown used to it that he hardly thought much of it any more.
The main thing that triggered Fushimi's greed that made him crave for more. He knows that Yata would not agree to it so easily and it takes time to plan and slowly trap Yata to agree. By that time, it would be too late for Yata to escape. He needs to be patient and things are always better after having to wait.
Fushimi started off with small touches that were not that obvious to get Yata used to physical contact with him. Even if Yata himself does not notice, his body will remember his touches and that was his aim. There was a limit to what he could do before Yata notices though, Fushimi knew that. Hence, he decided that that time would be when he commences his plan and let Yata know what he wants.
"Saru! Where do you think you're touching?!" Yata harshly elbowed Fushimi hard when he felt his hand moving underneath his shirt and on the bare skin of his back. He broke the kiss the instance he felt his hand and took a step back. It was ticklish and weird to have a hand moving on his back and he was unsure what Fushimi was trying to pull.
Fushimi merely smiled and shrugged. "Your back. Isn't that obvious?" It should be easy to bait Yata and he thought that it was about time he brought it up for the oblivious Yata to know what he has in mind.
Yata scowled, Fushimi was being sarcastic again. "Of course I know that. I meant what you were trying to pull." Somehow, he feels like he was being stringed along by Fushimi once more. He has a feeling that whatever Fushimi had in mind, he would not be able to get out of it.
"Hmm… I think Misaki knows what I'm planning though." Fushimi pulled Yata close, a big smirk on his face as he probed Yata's neck. His smirk widened even further when he saw Yata's expression changing at his touch. Looks like he had found one of the other male's sensitive spot and Fushimi knew he could use it to his advantage.
Yata bit his tongue lightly to prevent any sound from escaping his lips. His neck had always been sensitive but he never thought that he would be that sensitive towards Fushimi's touch. Fushimi seemed gleeful and he struggled to push him away before Fushimi decided to touch there again.
Looks like he was too late when he was taken by surprise when Fushimi's hair tickled his cheeks and a warm breath ghosting near his neck. "Saru. Stop it." Yata said under his breath, not understanding what exactly Fushimi was trying to pull. Or maybe not exactly. He thinks he know what Fushimi would attempt to do next, just not why.
Fushimi considered between answering Yata or just doing what he wants first before speaking. The latter half seemed like it would infuriate Yata more and he decided to just go along with it. It was rather hard when Yata kept struggling pointless but he managed to grab hold of him enough for him to give Yata's neck a lick.
The yelp that escaped from Yata's lips instantly amused him and he pulled back just so he could watch his expression. "I don't think so Misaki. But I guess you already know that." Fushimi poked the point that he licked earlier, rubbing his finger against it softly.
"Bastard." Yata answered and grabbed hold of the hand near his neck. Yata knew he should be feeling creep out more than anything but he felt embarrassed instead. In fact, there was no disgust at all that Fushimi actually licked him and that troubled him.
Had Fushimi's creepiness finally caught up to him that his thoughts had been influenced by him? Yata hoped not or maybe he had grown so used to Fushimi's touch that he hardly felt anything since his body would not be on guard against Fushimi. They were close ever since they were students and Yata recalled being the one to cling to Fushimi when they were younger. "Seriously, what are you trying to do Saru?"
"Don't tell me that Misaki is really just satisfied with something as minor as kissing?" Fushimi questioned using a teasing tone as he leaned closer, watching as his action caused Yata to blush. Even someone as dense as Yata should understand what he is hinting at now. It never failed to amuse him at how dense Yata could be and how easily he could make him blush. Fushimi is glad that no one else but him gets to see Yata like this.
Yata blinked once before his cheeks heated up when he finally got what Fushimi was trying to pull. "W-What? You mean… But… We're both males, what are you thinking?" This was starting to sound weird and awkward. He was familiar with Fushimi, that much was true. Yata was alright with kissing him but he was unsure of how far he was comfortable to go with Fushimi.
Besides, is it possible with two guys? Even if it is, Yata is not certain what he thinks about it. If that is true, he thinks that it would be much more normal for it to occur between people of opposite genders rather than the same gender. But normal seemed to be a word that never seem to suit Fushimi.
Even during their first meeting, Yata could tell that Fushimi was different from the rest. The way Fushimi's eyes look at people were a lot different than the others and he never thought that they would grow as close as they did. Initially, Yata felt that Fushimi was the type that he dislikes but they ended up getting along well and Yata was the one who invited Fushimi to outings.
"Tch. Oi. Misaki." Fushimi was about to answer Yata when he noticed that Yata was spacing out and he gently shook the male to get his attention back. He was irritated that Yata could get himself distracted during a time like this when he should be paying attention to him. Suoh was not around now, he expects Yata to look only at him.
Yata snapped out of it the instance Fushimi started shaking him. "What? I'm listening." He answered gruffly, not at all happy with their current situation. He might be used to Fushimi's touch but not on such a physical sense. It made him a lot more conscious of Fushimi and it felt really awkward.
"It's obviously possible between two guys. You really are a clueless virgin." Fushimi teased, poking his neck on purpose. Yata's neck is really sensitive, something that he picked up before. Fushimi already had his next move planned out, no matter what Yata would reply, he already knew what to say to make Yata agree.
Yata growled and pulled Fushimi down by his collar. "Shut up! Why would I learn something like that?" Yata argued indignantly. That was something that normal people would not learn about, although he really was clueless in even the normal one when he never read up on such things. He was not surprised that Fushimi would know of something like that though when his friend has always been the intellectual type.
Fushimi was mentally pleased that Yata really did not know anything about that, an obvious thing of Yata still being really pure at heart. The one to first taint Yata would reply be him, although he doubted that it would change Yata much.
Leaning closer, he brought Yata's hands that were on his collar towards the bare skin next to it. "So does the innocent midget virgin have the guts to give it a shot? Or is he too chicken to give it a try because he's afraid? Misaki, rather be inexperient and remain a virgin forever right?"
Now all he needed was for Yata to take the bait which he knew he would. Yata's short temper could be taken advantage of easily. Since it makes it really easy to get Yata to play into his hands by doing so. It makes Yata so easy to take advantage of and the one who exploits that is usually him.
"Who's a chicken? If you have the guts to try it out, then I suppose I'll play along." Yata was actually very nervous about it but his pride would never let him back out when Fushimi said it like that. He would have to swallow his nervousness and maintain a nonchalant face as Fushimi do whatever he wanted.
Things went along like what Fushimi expected although he was a little uncertain whether or not Yata would actually see through it to the end. Yata was a nervous wreck when Fushimi started stripping him but his taunts just made Yata feign that he was not affected at all.
It was hard at first with Yata trashing around with awkwardness but every time Yata wanted to back out, he ended up falling for Fushimi's tricks and forcing himself to tolerate it. He openly cursed and screamed that he would kill Fushimi for it later when the pain came from Fushimi entering him. The fingers were painful enough but they were of a tolerable level, this was a different story.
Yata glared hard at Fushimi, it was all so easy for Fushimi to tell him to relax when he was not the suffering from having his ass stretched more than it should and he cursed himself from agreeing to it. It would be lame if he had backed out at the last second and it was much too late now.
He was soon distracted enough by Fushimi's kiss though and the pain went away soon enough. But that did not mean that Yata had forgotten about his threat of wanting to beat Fushimi up even though it was starting to get more pleasurable.
It was way too embarrassing for him when he started giving out sounds that he never thought would ever escape from his lips and the position that he was in. The way Fushimi kept chanting his name in a low voice made his cheeks heat up even more especially when he locked gaze with Fushimi's heated eyes.
They had never been this physically close before and a small logical part of him wondered why he even let Fushimi do this and why he was not disgusted having a male treating him like a female. Because it was Fushimi ? He questioned himself mentally, the same thing he really should have asked himself when they first started kissing.
For some reason, Yata felt completely at ease and if he imagined it as someone else, he would have trashed even more and seriously injuring that person instead of merely throwing threats about killing and no doing anything to resist and much less agree to it.
If someone else taunted him like that, Yata would not even bother since it would not be worth it but because it was Fushimi, he would end up going along because he believes that Fushimi would not ever really harm him and the comfort that he finds with Fushimi is soothing.
Yata would never let Fushimi know that though, that would just make Fushimi tease him even more and even make him cockier than he already was. Yata groaned, his body hurt, he would make certain of his threat to kill Fushimi later when he wakes up.
For now, he just wanted to rest and catch some sleep. Yata kept quiet even when he felt Fushimi wrapping his arms around him and he closed his eyes as Fushimi's warmth seeped into his body and allowed himself to relax and fall asleep.
As revenge, Yata had kicked Fushimi off the bed the instance he woke up and stuck his tongue out at Fushimi childishly before he turned towards the bathroom. Fushimi snorted and got up, the fall was painful and he knew it was Yata's form of making his threats from earlier true.
The fact that Yata had gone along with him yesterday gave him some hope that he was still able to get the old Yata that he knew back and for him to be the main part of Yata's world again. He must be at least sort of special with him if Yata allowed him to touch him in that manner and he stopped himself from thinking further before it became more of his wishful thinking.
For now, he would just quietly observe and see if anything changes in their relationship which Fushimi hoped would happen. The chances were slim and he knew it would be too much to ask to have the past back when it was just the both of them, right now he would be content if he was the centre of Yata's world again.
Fushimi would be able to tolerate Homra if it was just that much since the main person in Yata's life is him. But only if that was the case, as it stand now, his rank was no way near the top and he really hated that. The times back when it was just them was so nostalgic and he was always silently pining for it.
Back then, he had wanted things to be better so that Yata could live more comfortably but what they had now was just not worth it. Especially when he lost the person most important to him and had to resort to tricks to get Yata's attention. Fushimi would do anything just to get Yata's attention and nothing would make him regret that.
Things remained the same though except for this physical relationship that they seemed to have developed. The next time it happened was pretty much a blur and Fushimi was not even sure who initiated it and how it became some kind of natural routine for them.
Yata seemed more at ease now with it and the one that initiated it sometimes were him but most of the time of it being done by Fushimi out of jealousy after seeing how Yata swoon over Suoh. It felt pathetic even for him that he could only tie Yata to him with something like a physical relationship, however he had no other choice.
It lasted for a while longer before Fushimi finally had enough. He knew his spot in Yata's heart was still lower than Suoh despite the so-called relationship that the both of them had. There was the inkling feeling that Yata might be using him as a substitute for Suoh all along but he pretended not to think of that since it was his name that Yata called out, not Suoh's.
Those might just be his own wishful thinking and hope that he could engraved himself deep into Yata's heart and a part of him felt frustrated whenever he held him. It was like no matter how many times he holds him, Yata still did not belong to him and it did not felt enough with him longing for more.
Fushimi made the decision to leave Homra, Yata has moved on while he continued staying put. Their fates and lives which had been closely entwined when they only had each other had already broken apart. The inseparable bond where they shared mutual reliance and dependency was broken by Yata when Yata allowed Homra into his life and fit in completely with them without any problems.
Yata stopped relying and depending on him, Yata's pillar of support is no longer him but Suoh Mikoto. Fushimi felt completely crushed that Yata could move on so easily and accept Homra when Fushimi was unable to fit in. Most of all, the fact that Yata could leave him behind so easily. He had tried to pull Yata back but Yata had not turned around to look at him at all.
He had enough, enough of all the unrequited feelings and the pain of seeing the only person he trusts be with people other than him. Day in and day out, he watched as Yata swooned over Suoh and put him before him. If Yata would continue relying on him and staying by his side, Fushimi would have been able to bear it and stay in Homra. But it was impossible when all he could do was watch Yata as he changes more and more into a different person who allows more people into his life.
Yata was always laughing and smiling like an idiot towards Suoh while Fushimi was left in a corner to watch all of it. It irritated him more than anything but he could only scowl when even if he called out to Yata, he would be ignored. It hurt being ignored and cast aside by Yata, just like a knife stabbing deep into his heart.
No matter how much Fushimi wants Yata to understand him, he knows that it is impossible for Yata to put himself in his shoes and understand his mindset. Fushimi is unable to say anything as well, his honest comments about liking Yata had never been taken seriously too so there was no way that his confession would matter too.
Their relationship probably had been one-sided since the beginning. Fushimi had put in effort to understand and know about Yata while the other male most likely barely even know anything about him. He had gone out of his way to know as much about Yata as he could, even those trivial information. The only one that he actually cares to know about is just Yata alone.
They took care of what the other dislike, such as Fushimi's vegetables and Yata's milk. In a way, the both of them looked after each other in their own small little way. Fushimi thinks of it as endearing and he treasures each of those moments where Yata shows him concern and care.
Nothing hurts more than to see the one that you cherish drift further and further away from you. The world they live in were no longer the same, maybe their different personalities only got along well because they had no one else to turn to back then. Fushimi misses those days when he always had Yata with him where they would cuddle together for warmth when they sleep.
Yata does not need him anymore and it hurts Fushimi more than anything to not be needed by Yata and be replaced. His entire being is dependent on him and the only one he needs and relies on is just Yata alone. Fushimi feels utterly betrayed by Yata but he could not bring himself to hate him, he could never do that. Despite all that, Fushimi still loves him way too deeply to actually hate Yata. Even if Yata is no longer the same one that Fushimi knows, Fushimi still loves him more than anyone else.
The only thing that he could hate is himself for being too powerless to protect what is important to him. If had power back then, Yata and him would not have needed Suoh and Yata would not have turned away. You have to make your way into the world with your own power, those powerless would be unable to survive and hence Fushimi desires power. Power for him to be able to depend on himself. If he stays in Homra, Fushimi knows he would not have the power he needs to protect himself since a part of him would continue to rely on Suoh.
By leaving Homra, he would make himself more dependent since that would mean that he has no one to watch his back anymore. Yata would not be around to fight beside him and his power would be his own. What he could achieve felt like he was leeching off Suoh and he hates that.
It is his own weakness that caused Yata to be taken away from him, he should have sought for power back then. If he had power, he would have been able to save his beloved and be his hero instead of being cast aside and replaced. Fushimi needs to gain power, maybe Yata's views on him would change after that.
Even when Yata drifted apart, Fushimi was still always watching him despite how painful it was to see other people in the spot he used to occupy in Yata's hearts and the things that Yata used to do with just him. Even the smiles Yata directs to him are the same as the other members of Homra now. The nickname that Yata has for him is no longer unique when the rest started calling him by that too. He was bothered at first but there was no point when Yata did not seem to care.
It thrilled him when they first gotten their Homra tattoo with them on almost the same spot, a spot that is close to the heart. As much as it pleases him that he had something in common with Yata, , it loses some of the value when he remembers that it is Suoh's mark on them. Suoh's mark that marks Yata as his and he angrily tries to damage the one he has. His bitter feelings were off the chart already, even more when he had to come to such a decision.
That is why he immediately attempted to scar it when Yata commented about it being their pride. Fushimi was happy at first when Yata seemed angry and desperate when he told him that he joined Scepter 4 but it all faded away once Yata mentioned why he joined the Blues, he knows Yata is mad because of Homra. Yata was not getting him back because he wanted him to stay with him, he wanted him back because he was a member of Suoh's precious Homra.
If he could help it, Fushimi would never want to leave Yata's side. But watching him from the outside was tiring and extremely hurting mentally, he had enough of all that pain. Fushimi knows there was nothing for him to say, nothing he says would affect Yata, especially about his thoughts on Suoh and Homra.
Fushimi ignored the pain and the blood dripping from the wound he inflicted himself, not being able to bring himself to scar it beyond recognition because it is still something that he shares with Yata. The tattoo still matters to him as it is impossible to pick where the tattoo would appear and he likes to believe that it is more than a mere coincidence for that.
The warmth he felt from Yata's fist on it earlier was missed immediately and he laughed inwardly at the irony of it being the last physical contact he is going to have with Yata before he leaves for Scepter 4. He truly is sick of Homra where they all pretend to play family and despite having power, they just spend their days lazing around.
"Stop laughing like a fool and look at me like that forever." Fushimi knows all he can get is hatred from Yata but that was alright. As long as he is the only recipient of an intense emotion from Yata that he directs to no one else but him and he ranks number one, Fushimi is fine. Yata would never show those fiery eyes towards Suoh so in a way, it is a side of Yata that is only shown towards him and belongs to him.
Fushimi refuses to move on even when Yata had because if he moves on too, that would mean that he has to change and it would be even more impossible to go back to the times he spent with Yata. The times when they both mutually needed each other and when his feelings were not an one-sided thing.
Fushimi does not want to forget how it was like with Yata in the past and if he still needs Yata, he would still have an anchor to this world. Because he has no one else but Yata, if he moves on, there is no one left for him to rely and turn to. The world would be colourless again with nothing to bind Fushimi to the world. Fushimi does not want to be alone again and at the same time, he knows that he would never be able to let someone that is not Yata to enter his world.
Thus, the only thing he can do is to remain as he is. He would not change his habits or anything, the only difference would be his current place to be. At least that was what Fushimi tries to do. Fushimi knows it is impossible to not change at all, so he tries to make it as minimal as possible while not moving on.
His attachment to Yata is the one thing he will never give up on as it is the only link he has to the world. He would not let go of their past, their share memories and the times of when there were only the two of them. Fushimi leaves knowing that he has given up affection for hate. From now on, the only thing that he can take is hatred from Yata.
That is fine, as long as he gets Yata's absolute attention and by betraying Homra, he would gain two important things. Power and Yata's strong emotions and feelings towards him. Homra being Yata's precious Suoh's family would definitely result in Yata hating him and seeking him out. He would be on the top of Yata's thoughts, at least higher that what he has now.
Hatred is alright, as long as Yata reacts strongly towards him anything is fine. It shows that he still has a place in Yata's heart and that he still matters, no matter what the reason for that. Fushimi desires to hold something that ties them together, something that would not break like what they had before.
Another part of him is thrilled that he would get to fight Yata, to have those movements that he admires so much directed towards him. The part of him that loves fights more than anything cannot help but be excited about it. Imagining it was enough to exhilarate him and he knows he can fight seriously if the other party is Yata.
Just like Fushimi expected, Yata had stormed towards when he found out about his betrayal. It was painful to know that Yata was mad because he betrayed Homra, not because he left Yata's side. Fushimi still refused to come to terms that he has no role in Yata's life anymore and that Yata would be fine without him.
Hence, he continues angering and taunting Yata to respond to him. The part of him that changed was how he acted towards Yata. Fushimi started teasing him more and pushing the buttons that he knows would rifle Yata up. To others it might appear that he has finally shown his real twisted self but this is all a cover.
A cover to hide all the hurt and bitter feelings he feels whenever he sees Yata. Only during those times that Fushimi actually show part of his actual self, his real self is completely sealed away ever since he joined Homra and Yata started drifting away from him. Within the sneering side he shows Yata, there are traces of them being part of his real self and words that he really means hidden in there.
Fushimi picks meaningless fights with Yata, they had to be just Yata and him with no one else involves. Because it would be pointless if it has someone else intruding on what he thinks as his private time with Yata that pisses him off whenever someone else interferes.
As much as he asks Yata to give it everything that he has, Fushimi himself is not at all completely serious in those fights. Fushimi likes pushing Yata to his limits, to have Yata fighting him with everything that he has makes him happy as Yata is putting in effort for him. So he tries to get him to fight him with a true intent to kill and it always enthralls him when that happens.
He enjoys getting the feeling of Yata responding so strongly towards him and he just enjoys any of the short time they have together when he is the centre of Yata's attention and thoughts where Yata only sees him and no one else.
Fushimi could injure him badly but he never does that. Light injuries that could heal quickly and never injuries that would risk Yata dying. Because that would make him lose all reason to live and he never wants Yata to die ever. He just wants to show Yata that he has grown stronger. Each time he inflicts a wound on him, it pleases him that he is the one that gets to injure him and leave a mark on him. It also shows him that Yata is alive.
He would never kill Yata ever, if Yata dies Fushimi would be all alone in this colourless world and he is afraid of that. After tasting what it is like to have someone with you, going back to being alone is extremely painful and cold. In a sense he is not alone now as Yata is still alive and gives him the attention that he wants when they fight.
He treats work in Scepter 4 as a chore, especially paperwork and over time. Fushimi does he work anyway since Awashima would nag at him if he ignores it. The only time when he does serious work is when it interests him and that is rarely. The only thing that can break his apathetic and bored shell is just Yata.
He might protect them sometimes but only because they had their usefulness and Munakata would just question him if he does nothing. Listening to him preach was something that Fushimi would rather not have, especially when Awashima is involved as well.
It pleased him greatly when he learnt that he still has an effect on Yata and still the only one that got to touch him physically. It was a joke at first when he first caught sight of Yata alone at night and dragged the unwilling male to an unsecluded place before kissing him. The desire to once again have those lips against his own again overwhelmed him even after he had chosen to take in hate instead. The feeling of wanting to have Yata as his own even if it is just physical is still there no matter what he does.
Yata fought him at first, until Fushimi touches his sensitive spot and Yata freezes for a long time before finally kissing him back. Before long, he already had Yata in his hands. Even if Yata himself does not want to admit it, his body still craves Fushimi's touch. The body would not be able to forget the warmth of Fushimi's body and the pleasure that he brings. Especially when the only one that Yata could have such physical contact is just him and it has been a while since he last touched him.
He drags Yata who put on a false front that he had not give it despite him willingly following him to his home. The shouts of him being a traitor was still there and Fushimi knows that this is physical voided of feelings even more than before. Yata only agreed because he fell to the temptation and lust and nothing more.
Fushimi suggested a truce. A truce when they are both alone at night without anyone else where they would just use each other for their own reason. Being well aware of how this would be the only way he could have Yata to agree to it, Fushimi allows his heart to break even further at how he will never be able to make love to him and it just being pure sex and nothing more.
It took some effort before Yata gave in and agreed, telling him that he is still a fucking traitor that he would kill on sight when he sees him during the day. Fushimi chortles softly, mostly at himself for still being so shallow as before to draw Yata in with lust and still wanting to have physical contact with Yata despite knowing that there would be feelings involved this time for sure. In the past there was still hope but now it was nothing but a dead end when they are enemies.
Even so, he still wants to be Yata's only one. He is aware of how Yata hates himself for always being unable to resist him and betraying his precious King by not just interacting with the enemy that betrayed them, but sleeping with him too. Despite that, Yata is unable to pull himself away and that pleases Fushimi.
That was his plan all along, to poison Yata with pleasure so much that he would be addicted to him and be unable to turn away and reject him. Fushimi wants Yata to desire him, even if it is simply just his body that Yata wants. This way, he would still be needed by Yata and he still has a reason to be by his side.
It was much rougher now, neither of them being gentle in their kisses or the rest. Fushimi starts leaving more bites on Yata, those that usually draw blood and bruise for a few days. Before, Yata would still stay around but now, once it ends one of them would leave, depending on whose house they are at.
There is another part of their relationship that is hidden from the others besides the physical one. It being more out of habit and familiarity that they still have it. Whenever Yata has nightmares or something that shakes him out badly, he would turn to Fushimi.
Depending on the situation, the location varies. They always slept side by side during those times though. If it is something that affects Yata slightly, he would call Fushimi. Even without him saying anything on the line, Fushimi understands and always tell him that he is on his way over there now. When that happens, Fushimi would go over to Yata's place and take a half-day leave for the next day.
Fushimi leaves once he makes sure that Yata is back to his usual self, smiling whenever Yata whispers a soft sincere thank you to him. Yata would make sure to feed him before he leaves too, often making sure that he would not take up much of his time so that Fushimi can return to work.
When the case is much worse, Yata would show up at his door. Without a word, Fushimi would pull him into his embrace that Yata would slowly return and the both of them would sleep together just like in the past in each others' arms. Fushimi would apply for a whole day off and accompany Yata the entire time.
During those times, things were a lot similar to before they were taken in by Suoh. It might be bad of him but Fushimi really likes those times since Yata's walls would be completely down and vulnerable. Yata clings to him a lot during that period of time and they would share a peaceful silence after Yata tells him about what is bothering him and Fushimi soothes and comforts him.
Another one of the times that Fushimi is aware that Yata hates himself for. Showing his weak and pathetic side to an enemy was bad but Fushimi is still the only one that Yata is comfortable to show it to and the only one that can relax him best is Fushimi because of the times they spent together.
Yata leaves the next day after apologising and thanking him for all the trouble. The last words were always shouts for him to stop slacking off and go back to work and that the tax-payers' money go to his salary, he should work what he earns. Fushimi smiles genuinely during those times as he knows it is Yata's way of showing concern for him.
The case is mutual. Whenever the same thing happens to Fushimi, he would turn to Yata. Half-day off when it is not that bad and a whole-day off when it is really bad. He turns up at Yata's door when it is not that severe and just popping into Yata's bed when he is really shaken.
Yata never turns him away during those times and wordlessly allow him in. Letting him enter his house and not kicking him out of the bed when that happens. Because Yata knows that he can never push Fushimi away when he shows him those eyes and expressions.
Yata always wordlessly let Fushimi cling to him, even when all Fushimi ever says is his name. He never asks because Yata knows that Fushimi is not a vocal person that keeps things to himself. Thus, he only urges him to say it if he wants to. He makes sure that Fushimi eats, something that his friend never cares much about.
The members of both Homra and Scepter 4 never asked why when it happens. How the rash skateboarder would not be spotted whenever Fushimi does not come for work and why they both look much more refreshed. Yata has an urging feeling that Kusanagi, Anna and Totsuka knows about it when they give him those strange looks when he does comes into the bar.
The night that Suoh died, Yata was pretty shaken and the others tried to cheer him up despite the fact that they were in pain as well. He had brushed them off, pretending that he was perfectly fine and that they had no need to worry about him.
He had cried earlier before when the realisation that Suoh died earlier with the others and he was sure that they were in the same amount of pain as him and he rather not show that weak side of him to them again.
Before he had even realised it, Yata had ended up dialing Fushimi's number and when he heard Fushimi's voice calling his name he instantly hanged up. He chuckled to himself that despite everything that happened, the only one he continued to turn to during such situations was Fushimi.
"Even though he's just a traitor…" Yata whispered to himself, feeling angry with himself again. He knew that Fushimi would show up at his doorstep soon, just like all those times that he ended up dialling Fushimi's number without him realising.
He was just plain pathetic, especially when he kept allowing Fushimi to hold him even when he joined Scepter 4. Just what was he doing exactly? When Fushimi shows up, Yata knew he would open the door and let him in for sure.
Yata was only able to seek comfort from him after all, his walls were only totally unguarded when it was just the both of them alone. When they were in front of the rest, Yata could manage to keep his walls up and think of him as nothing but a traitor.
But when they were alone, the image of the old Fushimi that was with him all the time kept overlapping with the current one and he just lost himself into it. It was just like he had went back to the time during Middle School when all he could see was Fushimi and his walls just crumbled away instantly.
Back then, the only he had that he could bare his entire self to was Fushimi and he just instinctively just continued relying on Fushimi. The only one that he was comfortable to show his weakened form was to Fushimi. There was nothing to hide when Fushimi had already seen him at his worst many times before already.
Maybe that was why he continued to turn to Fushimi. Yata had already long since accepted that the only one that he would allow to see this pathetic side of him would always be just Fushimi. He could be himself all he wanted and Fushimi would never judge him.
His eyes widened when he registered that fact and he ended up chuckling once more. That was all in the past. The present Fushimi was someone he acted hostile against and there was no way he could relax around him at all. Especially when Fushimi always taunted him and insulted Homra. He could not possibly accept anyone to insult Suoh or Homra ever.
However, when they were alone, it felt so much like it was the Fushimi that he knew that there was no way he could turn him away. It was so weird that the way they acted in front of people were so different from how they behave when they were alone. The irony that they were so heated in fights whenever they meet each other outside but things were so surreal when they were alone.
Just for tonight, Yata merely wanted a place where he could cry his heart out with the person that he feels most comfortable with without thinking of their current situation at all. Anything to make him forget his current pain of losing two people important to him in such a short time.
Fushimi showed up soon enough and Yata let him in without a word. The both of them sat in silence, neither of them speaking a word but Fushimi had sat down right beside him and a short moment later, Yata leaned towards him. The tears that he fought to shed again earlier all came out instantly and he was soon sobbing at Fushimi's chest.
Things were a blur right after that and he fell asleep without even knowing when that happened and what exactly happened to the both of them after he started crying. All he could remember was letting Fushimi in and him crying his heart out soon after.
Another night of waking up to see Fushimi in his bed, Yata shifted Fushimi's arm around him to a much more comfortable position and watched his face silently. Fushimi's sleeping face was the same as it used to, serene and peaceful unlike his usual expressions. Fushimi had always been more relaxed when he sleeps.
"Those are pretty deep bags." Yata muttered softly, reaching out to touch one of it softly. Did he overwork himself? Yata would not be surprised if he did, Fushimi had trouble sleeping at times and distract himself by making himself do work. He doubted that Fushimi even ate much too.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes and shifted closer. The warmth radiating from Fushimi's body was welcoming and he does sleep better when Fushimi is around. Part of the reason why he never turns Fushimi away is because he is unable to make himself pull away from the familiar comfortable warmth.
It was pretty awkward when morning came for Yata. He had no clue what to say every time and he chose not to look at Fushimi and talk to him the least as he could. "Are you better now?" If Fushimi answered no, Yata knows he would just end up staying in bed with him.
A nod was his answer and Yata proceeded to get Fushimi to eat. He made sure that there were no vegetables since he would be the one that ends up eating them overall. Yata watched him silently, this thing between them had been going on for a long time now.
Exactly how long were the both of them going to keep it up? Yata was confused how the both of them could act like nothing happened when they are alone and why Fushimi would always have that sad look on his face whenever they are together. Fushimi's words and actions differed so much between the two occasions.
If they met outside, Fushimi would bait him to start an argument or fight and yet things are different during these times. He was tired of this too, these meetings really made him feel like he was betraying Suoh more and more. Even more when Suoh died and here he was confiding with their enemy like it was nothing. Yata was curious to know what actually brought Fushimi here all the time when he called him.
It was all so weird and Yata was aware that his hatred for Fushimi was still very well present and yet he lets the male into his house and his bed like it was nothing. Fushimi should feel the same right? Since he kept telling him to keep hating him and start fights with him. While he was lost in his thoughts, Fushimi was already getting ready to leave.
Yata bit his lips, unsure whether or not he should ask. What was he going to do if he learns the answer to his question? Yata had been curious ever since this first started, what could possibly affect Fushimi? They were not like how they were in the past where they had no idea whether or not they would be able to survive the next day and even during those days, there were barely things that could shake Fushimi.
Fushimi was putting on his last boot now, his last chance to decide. Maybe it was because he was still affected by Suoh's and Totsuka's death that he felt more sentimental than usual and he was all so tired of everything currently. Watching Fushimi's back, Yata hesitantly spoke up. "Hey, Saruhiko."
Fushimi immediately turned around, usually when he leaves, Yata would keep quiet and not say a word to him unless he does and definitely not call him by his first name. Something was obviously up. Although Fushimi was well aware of that, he chose to mess with him anyway since his mind thought of the worst situation for what Yata was going to say, to break off this strange and complicated thing they had. "What is it? Does Misaki not want me to leave?"
Yata scowled, leave it to Fushimi to ruin the moment. Sighing, Yata made up his mind and forced himself to speak. "Why do you always come when I call? You usually give off this cool exterior like you don't care about anything and yet you come here completely shaken at times. And...why did you leave Homra?" His voice was shaking at the last part, maybe he only used his curiosity as a pretext for him to ask the true answer he wants the most.
The questions threw Fushimi off guard. He expected the last question but the first one was unexpected. It was rather obvious that Yata forced himself to ask the last question though. Both questions' answer were related in a sense though.
Fushimi stepped closer, smiling sadly as he answered. "Why do I come when you call? That's because Misaki is the one that's calling. There's no way I could leave Misaki alone when he calls for me and I'm happy that the one that Misaki calls for is me and no one else."
"The answer for why I turn up here seeming out of sort sometimes is easy. I dreamt that Misaki died. To me, the world is colourless when Misaki isn't around. The only times that I ever thought that the world is interesting and colourful is when Misaki is there." Fushimi knew his emotions were seeping into his words but that was fine. Just this once he would keep his walls unguarded and be honest.
"That's why I would always look for Misaki. I wanted to see for myself that Misaki is still here in this boring and colourless world." Because Yata Misaki is Fushimi Saruhiko's everything, without him, Fushimi would cease to exist because he could not stand to live in a colourless world again.
Fushimi stepped closer, cupping Yata's cheeks and flashed a genuine smile for once. He pressed their lips together gently for a few seconds before pulling back, the previous smile still present as he placed a finger on Yata's lips to keep him silent. "I left Homra because I didn't fit in there and mostly because I wanted to be first in Misaki's heart again. It might be stupid but more than anything I wanted Misaki's complete devotion. It was obvious that Misaki would never love me and for me to be your number one. Back then, all we had were each other and the only one in Misaki's eyes was me and me alone and I had all of your attention."
Fushimi paused and chuckled. "Love and hate rest on a really close line and the opposite of love is hate. If I couldn't have your love, the next best thing would be your hate. It didn't matter to me if I could never have you smile at me again since Misaki never did smile at me that happily again. Misaki's heart and smiles has long since belonged to Mikoto-san and no longer me. The only spot he wouldn't be able to outrank me would be the person that Misaki hates most because Misaki will never hate him. The easier way was to leave Homra and join Sceptor 4. Misaki who thinks of Mikoto-san's Homra more than anything would definitely hate me for betraying his precious Mikoto-san. As long as I can be number one in Misaki's heart, I don't care what is it for. Whenever you think of Sceptor 4 ,traitor, blue, glasses, kisses, the past, when Misaki is feeling low, someone calling you Misaki and lust you will think of me. I want to make more things in Misaki's life to remind Misaki of me, that way Misaki's thoughts will be filled of me. Even when Misaki is with his most precious person, Misaki will think of me whether Misaki wants to or not. I want to be always in Misaki's thoughts. Even if I crave for Misaki's love, as long as I Misaki's absolute attention and number one spot for something, that's enough for me."
Fushimi fingered Yata's left cheek gently, his smile turning sad. "But I couldn't have that either. Misaki's most hated person isn't me any more but the one who killed Totsuka-san. I'm back to being a nobody to Misaki who Misaki won't even think off unless Misaki sees me or need something from me. That day when we met in that school, I wanted to shout that the object of your hate should be me, not him. The one who tries to gain your hatred is me, not him. But like always, the most highest place I can hold is second place, your second importance. Everything is futile in the end but still I didn't want to give up and try again. Just like how I baited Misaki to agree to kiss me by using Mikoto-san's name and taking the time from the kissing to get Misaki addicted to me that he would have enough lust and desire to crave for me and agree to sleep with me. Even if I knew it wasn't out of the love that I wanted, I still wanted to be Misaki's first. I'm happy to be the only one that Misaki turns to for such things, being Misaki's first and only one, even if it's just lust and desire, that's fine. As long as Misaki doesn't turn to anyone else, that's fine."
Fushimi watched Yata's face with a pure gentle expression that has always been reserved for Yata only. This one more obvious than his usual ones which Yata obviously did not notice. "I always liked watching Misaki fight. The way those red flames engulf you as you fight and your movements are all really stunning. The usual Misaki is adorable enough but the fighting Misaki is breathtakingly beautiful. I enjoy fighting beside you the most back then, being around Misaki and being in the only thing that interested me before Misaki came along, fights. I like flesh and blood because the only time that people show their genuine side are during fights when their lives are on the line and the only proof that a person is alive is from blood. You're alive if you bleed; a corpse would run out of blood and be nothing more than remains. To the me who haven't met Misaki yet, the only thing to show that I'm alive is through fights when adrenaline floods my entire self and I lose myself completely. Each wound and blood shows that I'm alive. People are always putting on a facade and lying, I can't trust them. They only show you kindness when they need you and toss you aside after that. Just like how they offer help to the orphans on the street to satisfy their own desires. Misaki should understand that too."
"People when they fight are more honest and you can read them better. Fights make the world a lot less boring. Then, when I thought if fighting alongside Misaki is already so exhilarating, won't having Misaki fighting against me be better? Maybe Misaki would be able to understand me better and I get to see Misaki's fighting moves up close. Having your attention towards me and me only, the one your eyes are closely watching and being able to see and feel your string emotions. It's like we're in our own world and Misaki is just so beautiful when he fights. Each drop of blood tells me that we're both alive and during those times I'm number one in your eyes. Those eyes that burn so strongly with emotions that are all bare there for me to see and feel, the only times that Misaki actually make pure expressions for me alone." Because he has long since stopped being the only person in Yata's heart.
Fushimi's voice was laced with more and more emotions as he went on. "I could never keep away from Misaki for long, the days where I could see Misaki every day no longer existed. That makes each time I get to see you more exciting and I could look forward to the next time I get to see you. There's a limit to how much I can tolerate to not being able to see Misaki and I set a limit to look for you at night if I'm unable to bump into you during the day. It would be easy to find you at Kusanagi-san's bar during the day but that makes it less thrilling if I just meet you like that. Bumping into Misaki by coincidence is a lot better as it's like we're tied by fate. But reality isn't that easy. There are times when I thought I could see Misaki but I ended up seeing the other Homra members or having to just miss Misaki. When that happens, it reminds me of how Misaki will never be able to understand me or return my affections. I get grouchy when that happens and easily irritable. That's why I can never resist teasing you when we do meet by luck. It's so easy to push Misaki's buttons to get him to fight with me. I don't want to be ignored by Misaki any more, that's why I left. If anger is what fumes Misaki to me, then I want all of it directed to me. Because everything that Misaki gives to me is precious, Misaki's company and attention the most. As long as Misaki looks at me that's enough. Just like how Misaki always look at Mikoto-san when he's around. Misaki isn't like me, Misaki is alright without me and with others but for me, the only one that matters is Misaki alone."
This will be the end. If Misaki wants to end this physical relationship they have, Fushimi wants to at least be able to say this much. "Misaki doesn't need me. The one who needs Misaki is just me. Maybe it has always been that way. From when we first met till now, my importance to Misaki is less than half of what Misaki is to me. Do you remember the time when the both of were working at the mall, with Misaki being the monster? When we had that conversation? Misaki said that he pities me for not being saved but I was already saved a long time ago by Misaki. Misaki who always offer his hand to me without expecting anything from me and stays with me. I was happy with just Misaki with me. But it isn't the same with Misaki. Despite what we went through, Misaki still likes being around people. Being with me wasn't enough for Misaki, I learnt that after Mikoto-san brought us to Homra with him. Misaki started smiling more, all Misaki thinks and says after that is just 'Mikoto-san'. The Misaki who looks truly at me disappeared. Misaki stopped being with me much, I started watched Misaki more then being next to Misaki. I was alone again, I don't get along well with the others much, only with Totsuka-san slightly. I only joined Homra because Misaki wanted to. But I wasn't needed by Misaki any more and it hurted. The one who saved Misaki wasn't me, the time we spent together before joining Homra wasn't a happy time to Misaki. After joining Homra, I was still powerless like the powerless me of the past who didn't manage to save the one most important to him. If I had more power, I wouldn't have to depend on anyone, I would be able to protect myself and my important things by myself. "
Fushimi gave a hollow chuckle. "Heroes don't exist; the one that can help yourself is yourself. No one will save you if you just wait for a hero. Ultimately, reality will come crashing down on anyone you and you'll realise that you weren't really saved and the time is short-lived. Just like what happened to me... The happy family feeling doesn't stay long. It will end sooner or later, it will start falling apart quickly. People will drift apart too, no matter how close they used to be. Maybe we were never close, that's why Misaki drifted away so easily. Hey... Was Misaki enjoying himself when he's with me ever? Were those smiles really for me or Misaki just needed someone with him and Misaki pitied me for being alone? I'm afraid of the answer so don't answer it. I have more power now, enough to protect myself and the freedom to do what I want. But yet… I'm still alone… I thought that if I had power, I would have be able to take Misaki back. But even after gaining power, Misaki is still unreachable. Misaki still isn't looking at me properly. I don't expect those eyes filled affections from the past, I just want Misaki to see me for me not as something else or clouded with someone else. That was naïve of me wasn't it?"
Another dry laugh escaped Fushimi's lips as he laughed at his own stupidity. "The one who approaches and initiates anything first is always just me. Misaki never does turn to me first unless Misaki is completely out of it and unstable. Even if I speak genuinely and lower some of my walls, Misaki won't even notice. My presence is just that small and insignificant to Misaki. That's why even if the thing is small and because Misaki doesn't think much of me and out of familiarity that he shows his weak side to me reluctantly, I'm glad that Misaki turns to me anyway."
"Misaki might be saved by Mikoto-san, but to me that's not the case because Mikoto-san stole the one and only thing that's important to me. Did you realise that we were drifting apart more and more? Each day that Misaki spends with the other Homra members, the amount of time Misaki spends with me and pays attention to me decreases. Gradually, it felt that I was no longer part of Misaki's world. We used to live with each other as the center of our world but that's no longer the case. My place in Misaki's heart is no longer the same, I'm not Misaki's reason for living anymore and much less a person that affects Misaki. If I could choose, I much rather go back to the old times when it's just the two of us. Things might be harsh then but at least I still have Misaki with me. No matter what happened back then, I was happy just knowing that I would always have Misaki with me by my side. I was content with just that, having Misaki beside me was good enough." He knows that no matter how much he wishes, things can never be the same again.
"I'm not like Misaki or the others… I can't be happy there because I only want and need Misaki. Being in Homra was a torture as it was so lonely to watch as Misaki interacts with the others and leave me behind as we drift apart more and more. They suited Misaki better than me and I can't possibly feel happy at having the one that I cherished and treasured stolen away from me. It's not that I haven't moved on… I don't want to. If I move on, the times when I spend with Misaki will be a thing of the past. The thing that's holding me back from even attempting to eat vegetables is that I still hold hope that Misaki would eat them for me just like the old times and I really want to go back to that time when Misaki isn't so far apart. If I start eating them, it's like I'm tossing Misaki aside and not needing Misaki anymore. Even if Misaki doesn't need me anymore, I still need Misaki. I can't let go of you no matter how hard I try because my world still only centers around Misaki even now. The memories when it was just the two of us is the only precious thing that I have left now because Misaki is no longer looking at me. I was tossed aside, Misaki might not have realised that but that was how it felt to me. The special bond that we had were replaced with Misaki's feelings for Homra and they gave Misaki what he always wanted that I couldn't give… a family. I want to have the feeling of the world only revolving around the both of us again and the only times when that happens now is when I spur you on and we fight."
Fushimi smiled before kissing Yata's forehead. "Because I love Misaki no matter what happens and as long as Misaki is alive, my world won't be colourless. Even if the only thing that ties us together now is just enemies, that is alright. As long as we're still link together and I'm still part of Misaki's life, the feeling that Misaki is the most important to me will never change. The one who saved me is Misaki after all. The one who gave me a reason to live back then is Misaki, the hand that gave me warmth and that I was not alone. So even if Misaki wants to end this after knowing my feelings, it's okay. I won't blame Misaki, the one who stringed Misaki along is me after all and Misaki only agreed because Misaki thought it was nothing but physical without feelings. The only one who Misaki wants to be attached to is only Mikoto-san. Misaki doesn't need me, just like how he could smile even when I'm no longer there. So... Good bye, Misaki. It was nice while it lasted. I really do love you, Misaki, from before we joined Homra and now still even though Misaki no longer belongs to me now."
Fushimi removed his hand away from Yata's cheek forcefully, this is the last time he can do that and it hurt him more than he would ever admit. Fushimi never wants to part with this if he could, the chance to touch Yata so casually. He could not even fake an alright expression at all right now, it was certain that a pained expression must be on his face as he stole a pained quick peek at Yata before leaving.
The door closed shut and Yata let everything Fushimi said to register in his mind. Those were Fushimi's honest confession and Yata knows he had started tearing up. It had been ages since he was able to see a real expression from Fushimi.
Yata blinked, when did Fushimi stopped directing an actual expression to him and became unreadable? When did he actually accept it to be normal when that was not the case before they joined Homra. The real question was when did he stop looking at Fushimi closely? The person he went thick and thin with. Their current relationship is so complicated and like Fushimi said, purely physical and nothing more. "Stupid Saruhiko. Why didn't you say anything to me?" Not knowing what Fushimi felt, he had often hurt Fushimi by talking about Suoh so much.
But when Yata thinks about it, Fushimi had hinted his true thoughts very often. During the time that he said that he did not want to hear about Suoh anymore and if Yata likes Suoh. How Fushimi would stick to him and talk more to him than the rest, looking at him when they were not together and how Fushimi would smile at him from time to time that the others were shocked about.
Especially the time during one of the raids that Fushimi seemed to have no intention to go and referred to Homra as an outsider. It puzzled Yata then and he only responded that Homra belongs to Fushimi too and know that he recalls about that incident, Fushimi seemed completely surprised when he called him Saruhiko and asked him to go with the tone he always used when he tries to convince Fushimi to go to the Game Center with him after school. There were pieces around, Yata just did not piece them together.
Ever since he got rescued by Suoh and brought into Homra, Yata had forgotten about how anti-social Fushimi is. Because Fushimi was always with him, he had not thought much to how Fushimi rarely talk to anyone but him in the past. Yata had automatically assumed that Fushimi would click with the other members just like he did.
He had sought Fushimi out during those times when he is vulnerable because he craves Fushimi's warmth and heat that always make him feel safe and secure. Even after Fushimi betrayed them, Yata still feels that from Fushimi's embrace. The feeling that everything is alright when those arms wrap around him and Fushimi's scent easily caused his consciousness to drift off into slumber.
The best way for Yata to fall asleep is besides Fushimi. Back before they joined Homra, they had always been sleeping together for warmth and for security to know that they had someone with them. They stopped after Kusanagi commented that they could not possibly sleep together forever when they are not kids anymore and they would not be able to grow up or open their world if they keep sticking to each other.
Yata remembered how surprised Fushimi was when he mentioned that Kusanagi was right and that they should start sleeping apart from each other. Fushimi had answered that if that was what he wants and it took a long time for him to get used to sleeping alone. Even though he could fall asleep without Fushimi now, he still knows that he sleeps most soundly is when Fushimi is besides him.
Despite that, he wanted to appear more as a man to Suoh and put up a front that he is able to cope with it. Although Yata still continues to turn to Fushimi whenever he is badly shaken up and out of it, when those bad nightmares haunt him at night when he sleeps alone. Whenever that happens, the only way that he can sleep without a repeat is when Fushimi is with him.
Yata remembers clearly when he first had those nightmares and Fushimi offered to sleep beside him after that. They were still young and he was rather surprised that the other male would suggest such a thing. He had reluctantly accepted at first and when Yata woke up the next morning, he realised that he had slept soundly for the once time in a long while.
After that incident, the both of them had started sleeping together partly because of the cold weather and the other to keep the nightmares away for the both of them. Yata feels completely safe and content beside Fushimi and he knows that Fushimi thinks the same. For the both of them back then, this meant a lot.
Yata detested himself for being so weak when he still continued to turn to Fushimi for comfort whenever that happens even after Fushimi betrayed Homra, even more for not being able to stop himself from continuing to sleep with him. The experienced before pleasure was hard to resist when he could still remember how he feels before and his body craves Fushimi's touch whether he wants to admit it or not. His body is more honest than he is and he has grown so used to Fushimi's touch that even if he knows that it is wrong, he is unable to stop himself.
Whenever Fushimi shows him those eyes, those rarely seen vulnerable eyes, Yata is unable to turn him away or chase him away. Those eyes does not suit Fushimi and more than anything, Yata hates seeing them on him instead of the usual proud one that Fushimi carries himself well with.
He hugs Fushimi during those times because it pains him to see him like this and he curses whatever that is causing him harm besides wanting to comfort him. Yata is happy to know that just like him, the only one that can help Fushimi with it is just him. It makes him feel needed and for reasons unknown to him, makes Fushimi's betrayal less painful.
Yata is rather protective of him... at least he thought he was until he thinks back to Fushimi's time in Homra. Yata had been thrilled to finally have a place to belong to, somewhere to call home with people there to welcome him back. He was so engrossed in finally having what he always wanted that he completely forgot about Fushimi. Yata spent his time getting to know his new family and it was all so easy for him to fit in with them. The only times when he truly spent his time with Fushimi was when they slept, until they stopped sleeping in the same bed.
Yata scowled, he really should have noticed Fushimi's insecurity and feeling when Fushimi started teasing him and angering him, when Fushimi had never done such a thing in the past. Fushimi might be sarcastic and harsh in his words, but he had always been nice towards Yata. He might tease him from time to time, unlike the ones he does to anger Yata now. And he now knows that Fushimi does that to catch his attention, because that is the only way Fushimi knows how to get Yata to look at him properly. Fushimi was no longer a member of Homra and Yata's enemy now.
Even though that was the case, Fushimi still continued showing attention only to him. While Yata continued getting closer and closer to the rest, Fushimi must have felt hurt and left behind. Yata tried to picture it and his tears started falling more. The pain and hurt he inflicted on Fushimi must be more than he can imagine.
"How could he say I saved him? I offered him my hand, only to let go immediately after he stood up. What kind of half-hearted saving is that? Especially not without expecting anything. I depended on him when I had no one else and after I found other people, I completely tossed him aside like he's nothing." He detested himself for doing that and not noticing that he pushed the person that gave him strength to live away.
How could Fushimi think so much about him that he even loves him? Yata is a much swallower person that he thinks and a huge part of him treats Fushimi as someone that will always be there for him. Homra seemed so unreal that Yata always thought that it might be a dream and when he wakes up, there is nothing and the family he craves for does not exist.
That was why he likes being in the company of the other Homra members, it helps to prove that it is a reality to him. On the other hand, Yata has completely taken for granted that Fushimi would always be by his side no matter what happens. Hence why he thought that it would be alright even if he does not spend as much time with Fushimi now.
"So that's why my chest hurt so much when Saruhiko left… The one person I thought that would be with me forever actually left. I wasn't mad because he betrayed Homra… I was mad because Saruhiko…tossed me aside. I was upset and betrayed that he was actually able to leave me behind despite everything we went through but I didn't realise that the one that left first wasn't him, it was me… I tossed him away like he was nothing… Saruhiko must have struggled for a long time before he finally decided to leave. But even so, Saruhiko still looks for me and because of that, the worry that Saru would not be there for me anymore disappeared and it felt that nothing really changed when it's just the two of us. Because I was in denial that I needed him. I needed him more than anyone else… Homra gives me the family I always wanted but it's Saru that makes me feel like I'm me."
The reason why he could still smile even after Fushimi left Homra was due to Fushimi still showing concern for him and comforting him when he needs it. Along with the fact that Fushimi continues seeking him out and sleeping with him shows that Fushimi still needs him and that he has not replaced him with some other sleeping partner.
Because Fushimi never really left him and he was able to banish those thoughts away, making only the anger from Fushimi betraying Homra remaining. Yata without realising it, prevented himself from thinking much about his thoughts from that day.
He disillusioned himself to believe that he hates Fushimi but when they were alone, all pretext vanished and he ended up showing his true thoughts then. Yata had been unable to resist Fushimi because deep in his heart, he had no intention of backing away from Fushimi's warmth. That was the real cause of him always giving in after pretending to push Fushimi away.
Yata fears that denying Fushimi would mean losing the only link he has tying them together and Fushimi would finally leave him. So he makes it a point not to give in so easily to ensure that he still has Fushimi's interest, Yata knows that Fushimi hates boring predictable things.
Yata chuckled. What a hypocrite he is. He stopped depending on Fushimi much and yet he still wanted Fushimi to depend on him alone. Yata has to admit now that every time after he sees Fushimi, he would be able to sleep better and no matter how much he curses and complains about Fushimi angering him, his inner self is actually rather happy.
It might be annoying that Fushimi always attempt to anger him and tease him but Yata had long since accepted it as a good thing deep in his heart. Because Fushimi only shows that side to him, Fushimi never does the same to anyone else and neither does he show so much enthusiasm to someone other than him.
Yata likes that attention, even if he only notices it now. The fact that their world started off with just each other would not change. He just failed to realise that despite his world having more people around him, the one that matters the most to him is not Suoh, but Fushimi. He idolises Suoh and he is grateful to him for saving him and sure he likes him and everything but that is all. Yata does not depend on him as much as he does to Fushimi, the only one who Yata shows his weak side to is only just Fushimi.
As much as their personalities are complete opposites, they had always been most at ease with each other. Maybe it is because they are opposites that they are able to complement each other and make up for what the other lack. Sure that their personalities cause them to clash at times but at the end of the day, they would be back together like nothing happened.
Before Yata even noticed, Fushimi already has a huge role in his life. If Fushimi really leaves him alone now, Yata does not know what he will do. It hurts when he thinks of that and he never wants that to turn to reality. Yata could smile no matter what happened back then was all due to Fushimi being there with him.
Deep down, Yata knows that he would never be able to give Fushimi the finishing blow ever. Whenever they fight, a part of him would subconsciously hold back and prevent him from giving it his everything and when the chance comes for him to be able to kill Fushimi, Yata never does it.
Even though Yata often says that he would kill Fushimi one day, he would never be able to bring himself to give that blow. As much as he tries to make himself do it, he would stop at the last second when his chest ached and he would automatically halt his actions. As much as it infuriates him that he could not do it when Fushimi betrayed Homra, he prioritises his own personal need instead.
Because he knows, Fushimi Saruhiko is someone that is irreplaceable to Yata Misaki. To Yata Misaki, the only person that he can be most at ease with and to show his weakness to is just Fushimi Saruhiko. There is no one else that he would let them know about his inner dark and ugly sides and if Fushimi is no longer there, Yata would just keep everything to himself.
"The both of us are such idiots. We mutually depend on each other and yet we didn't even realise that the same applies to the other." Yata could not blame Fushimi though, if he was in Fushimi's shoes, he would assume the same thing that Fushimi did. Because it really did seem like he did not need Fushimi if he clings to Homra so much.
Yata did not want to lose Homra but at the same time he still wanted to keep Fushimi with him because he is selfish. Both of them are important to him, the much awaited family that he finally has after so long and the person he has always depended on.
If he was alone, there was no way he would be able to smile. Their relationship is more complex than a mutual dependency that even Yata cannot comprehend the entirety of it. Maybe even Fushimi does not know even with those smart brains of his.
They had both stopped showing their complete true inner to the other and they had both naively thought that the other would be able to understand. Just like how Yata had not understood why Fushimi left, Fushimi did not understand why Yata is alright without his company. Even if that is true, there are still things that are still special that they only show to the other person.
Their lives had been entwined ever since they met all those years ago, the thread that ties them together is still there, just tangled up and lost with other threads and making it seemed that it broke. It took some time but nevertheless, Yata finally managed to find the thread and untangle it from all the knots and all the other thread burying it.
The answer as to what Fushimi is to him seemed all so clear currently. Especially after he compared the feeling of losing Suoh to Fushimi. If the one that died was Fushimi, would he still be alright now? He was not that barely shaken up by Suoh's death because he still had Fushimi around with him.
If Fushimi died, there was no way that he would be able to recover at all because there would not be anyone that would be able to comfort him and he would keep everything to himself. A world without seeing Fushimi's face at all felt incredibly empty and it was something he never wants to experience ever.
But what should he say to Fushimi at this point of time? Yata still had no idea what their relationship is exactly, the only thing he settled was that Fushimi was irreplaceable to him. Yata did not want to face Fushimi without getting clear of his own feelings and it would be hard to make an arrangement to meet Fushimi when Fushimi had not been replying to his messages or answering his calls since he left.
Kusanagi had given him the last push that he needed when he showed up at the bar. Like what Yata suspected all along, Kusanagi was well aware of the complicated relationship that he had with Fushimi. "Yata-chan. Mikoto's and Totsuka's funeral arrangements are done, it's in two days time. Now that Mikoto isn't here anymore for you to use as an excuse, isn't it about time you come to terms with your own feelings, Yata-chan? You're always easily agitated when it comes to him, have you ever truly thought of the reason? The only one who can figure that out is yourself. I can only help you this much. If instead of Mikoto, the one who died was Fushimi, how would you feel?"
He already knew the answer to that since Yata already imagined that probability. Kusanagi left him be after informing him that he had informed Munakata about the funeral date and that they should expect him and the rest of Scepter 4 to show up.
Yata made up his mind, their relationship could not return to how it was before, he caused that himself. It would not be normal and simple with them on opposing teams. Even if Fushimi betrayed Homra, Fushimi had never really betrayed or left him. This had nothing to do with Homra or Sceptor 4, this is something just between the both of them and no one else.
Yata knows their relationship can not be that open but it would not be under wraps either. There is no reason to keep it a secret and although things might be complicated, it would still be better than what they have currently.
It took him a while before he typed out his message to Fushimi.
To: Fushimi Saruhiko
From: Yata Misaki
This is addressed to Fushimi Saruhiko, the Saruhiko that stayed with me despite all the hardship, the Saruhiko that always sleeps beside me and giving me warm, the Saruhiko who always drink my milk for me in exchange of giving me his vegetables, the usually apathetic and cold Saruhiko that smiles at me, the Sarhikou that always watches my back and fights with me, the Saruhiko who always stay with me and comfort me when I need it, the one that's always watching me and protecting me, the Saruhiko who thinks of me as the most important, the person called Fushimi Saruhiko, not Fushimi of Sceptor 4.
Mikoto-san's and Totsuka-san's funeral arrangements had been settled. It would be held in two days time, can you please come? There's something I need to talk about with you. I know another time and place would be better but there's no way you would meet with me alone right now right? Especially not after what you said to me.
If it's Totsuka-san's funeral, the chances of you turning up would be higher. Despite what you said about Mikoto-san, you're not the type to completely not show any respect towards the person at all and out of the others, Totsuka-san is someone who you could count as someone you can tolerate. Besides, I know that the Blue King would bring you along to the funeral anyway but I wanted to be the one to invite you personally.
This has nothing to do with Mikoto-san. I just want you to pay your last respect to them and I really have something important to say to you and it's something I want Mikoto-san and Totsuka-san to hear too. You have to at least let me say something to your confession, otherwise things would remain unsettled and half-done.
PS: This is from Yata Misaki, the Misaki who despite complaining about it being cramped but still sleeps beside you back then, the one that's always getting into trouble, the Misaki who's an idiot, the Misaki who depends on you more than anyone else, the Misaki that you treasure the most, the Misaki that is not Homra's Yatagarasu
Yata crossed his fingers and hoped that Fushimi does show up. He really had to clear the air and settle everything, for his own sake and for Fushimi. "It's my fault he turned this way..." Fushimi was strange back then but never as twisted as he is now.
On the day of the funeral, Yata was rather anxious on whether or not Fushimi would turn up. Yata had spent most of his time glancing at his watch for the time, Fushimi had not replied to his message at all. Maybe he would not show up? Fushimi had always replied whenever he messages him, even when he switched sides. This was the first time that he received nothing and as the time ticked by, he grew even more anxious of whether or not he turns up.
Yata had all but given up hope that Fushimi would appear and busied himself with other matters to distract his mind. Yata could hear footsteps and he turned over, just like how he did for the past few hours every time he heard someone approaching him.
He could hear the other members whispering among themselves, one of them even shouting. "What are you doing here, Blue King? Aren't you the one that killed him? And you even brought the guy that betrayed us! Here to fight—" Yata's eyes widened when he heard the remark about Fushimi and he instantly stood up.
The other Homra members were in a state of unrest, with half of them being rifled up while the other half trying to calm them down. "Saruhiko's here because I asked him here and the rest of you should have heard from Kusanagi-san that we should be expecting the Blue King." Yata interrupted, walking towards Fushimi.
Fushimi was expressionless, Yata understanding why. He could see the others glancing at him in surprise with Kusanagi only watching with a small smile. Yata stepped closer to Fushimi, shielding him from the others. "So if you guys want to attack him for coming here, you should attack me instead since I called him here. But the one that I called isn't the third-in-command of Sceptor 4's Fushimi but the person Fushimi Saruhiko and the rest of you should understand why the Blue King had to do what he had to."
It was hard for him to accept Suoh's death too before Kusanagi explained to him what would had happened if Munakata had not stopped him and it was something that Suoh knew all along would happen but still carried on with his decision. If it was what Suoh wanted, Yata knew he had to swallow the part of him that wanted to revenge him when there was nothing to revenge at all. From Munakata's current expression, it was most likely like what Kusnagai told him, the guy would rather had not done it.
Kusanagi interrupted right after that and asking them to leave the Scepter 4 members alone and show some respect to them and that Suoh's death was not something that they should blame on Munakata. Munakata and the other members had finished paying their respect to Suoh and Totsuka, and Yata hurriedly called out to him. "Hey...Saru..."
Yata's voice alerted him and Fushimi turned to look at him. It took a lot for him not to reply to Yata's message and he pondered for quite a while before he decided to come here. Fushimi remained silent though, waiting for Yata to speak up.
Munakata had eyed them both before patting Fushimi's on the back. "You can have the rest of the day off." He whispered softly to Fushimi to settle this and not end up like him and Fushimi gave a nod as his response. There was no way he could control how this would end and in a way, he was better than Munakata.
Fushimi could still do something since Yata is still alive while in Munakata's case, Suoh was already dead. Although maybe it was something that would turn out like this the instance that Totsuka died. This ending was most likely something that Suoh anticipated but still did because of Totsuka.
It was pretty blatant to him thatTotsuka was special in a way to Suoh back when he was still in Homra, Fushimi was just unsure of what it was exactly. It had nothing to do with him too, just like what exactly was Munakata's relationship with Suoh and Totsuka too.
"Come with me, we need to talk." Yata tugged on his arm and dragged him towards a place that was more private without anyone else. Fushimi sighed, allowing himself to be dragged. No matter how much he did not want to hear what Yata has to say, he had to settle this. A huge part of him was afraid of the rejection that he was sure to come.
The fact that Yata even wanted to talk to him showed that he had matured at least a little and the fact that Yata was changing more and more from the one that he used to know. How much does he know of the current Yata? Fushimi had no idea but no matter what, Yata would always be the most important to him.
Even if Yata was to outright reject him and completely cut off ties with him, Fushimi would still treasure Yata more than anything else. Without him, his world would just be completely colourless and that was why no matter what happened, even if he could only have Yata's hatred, he would still want Yata's attention.
Besides, it was not like he was expecting anything from Yata after what happened in the past with Homra. Fushimi had merely wanted to have the chance to confess when he still had the chance before it was too late and he would be filled with regret if he never managed to voice it out.
Back then when he left Homra, a part of him had wondered what would happen if he had just voiced out all the emotions and feelings he had and would things be better? It was too late for regret already and right now he could only brace himself and accept whatever Yata has to say to him.
This time for sure, Fushimi would let go all of his feelings for Yata along with all the expectations he had buried deep down in his heart all this time. Even if he gave up on Yata ever returning his feelings, it did not mean that Yata was any less important to him.
It only meant that he had resigned to only having Yata's hatred. That was more than enough for him, even now, Fushimi only wanted to be number one to Yata no matter what it was. The title traitor was something he managed to engraved deep into Yata's mind and he was glad of that. Whenever he thought of that word, Yata would think of him for sure.
He wanted to laugh so badly right now. Yata had not looked into his eyes like this in a long time and to think that after so long, it would be during such a moment. Fushimi wanted to remember this feeling as long as he could, being the only person reflected in Yata's eyes with his paying him with his absolute attention that he had been longing for so long.
Yata took a deep breath. Fushimi seemed to be lost in his thoughts and he had been waiting rather impatiently for Fushimi's attention to shift back to him and when that happened, he was very much nervous once again. Despite so, he still had to say what he had to say to Fushimi.
"I'm glad that you came and I'm sorry. I was so used to having you around that I took you for granted. Back then, we were always together and I thought it would always stay that way. When you first left, I didn't realised it but the real reason why I was so mad was because I was hurt and betrayed that you left. Not because you left Homra but because you left me. I stopped thinking that as you continued coming over even after you left, making me think that Saruhiko is still by my side and the angry feeling left with the anger of you betraying Mikoto-san being the only feeling remaining since the other one dissolved completely. " Yata laughed weakly at how blind he was towards his own feelings and emotions.
"I just wanted to apologise to you. I… didn't notice what you were feeling. I assumed that you would be able to fit in just because I did. I was so immersed in the fact that I finally have a family that I neglected you. I thought that no matter what happen, you would still be with me. I selfishly only turned to you when I needed you and even then, the one who makes the first move is still you. Like you said, the only one time when I would make the first move is when I'm completely shaken up that I would just turn up announced and automatically assume that you would be free and let me in. You spoil me too much, Saruhiko. You always give in to my demands, no matter how unreasonable it is and I end up being way too selfish with you." But the only one he could be selfish with had always been just Fushimi.
"That's because it's Misaki. I can't turn Misaki down after all. Despite all that, I'm still glad that the only one Misaki turns to is just me. That's why whenever Misaki turns to me, I accept it without another word. " Fushimi answered softly, staring at Yata with mixed emotions. He had no idea what Yata was trying to tell him and it was hard not to get his hopes up despite him deciding to give up on Yata earlier. What if this was all just his wishful thinking again?
Yata chortled at that. "Even after everything I did to you, you still think so dearly of me? You have bad taste, Saruhiko. A normal person would have moved on by now." He commented shakily, still not understanding what exactly did Fushimi see in him and why he had continued liking him even now. If he placed himself in Fushimi's shoes, there was no way he would continue the way Fushimi did.
A small smile adorned Fushimi's lips and he turned towards Yata. "I told you didn't I? The one that took me out of the colourless world into one with colours was you. The only times when the world seem bright is when I see you smile at me, although I don't have that now. Even so, even when you're in front of me as an enemy, my world is still filled with colours because you're there. If Misaki isn't here, everything will turn back to the boring colourless world."
Fushimi's smile widened, he wanted to show Yata how grateful he is for him to show up in his life and this was probably the last chance he had. "Did you know? When I'm with Misaki, I make so many new discoveries that I had long forgotten what that was like. Or perhaps I never knew that at all before I met Misaki, things that were that interesting and not boring at all. When Misaki smile or cry or even when Misaki's angry, it's like the colours of the world start glimmering for me, like the light out of a prism and it's what fills my world with colours. That's why Misaki doesn't have to apologise, I won't expect anything more from you anymore. I'll content myself with Misaki's presence. Misaki must be bothered by what I told you that morning right? Forget everything about it and continue hating me. This is going to be the last time that we're going to talk like this."
Fushimi stood up because if he lingered here any longer any self-restraint that he had would disappear. With a heavy heart, he had decided earlier that he would finally give up on gaining Yata's love. The decision was painful and he knows it would continue hurting for the rest of his life but even so, he still decided to go on with it. "That's why I'm moving on now. Misaki mentioned before that I haven't taken a step forward right? I'm going to do it now. The step that I refused to let myself take because I didn't want to leave the past behind. Misaki is still important to me, that won't change no matter what. But I'm tired now. Tired of always trying to earn a place in your heart and pretending that it's alright even if you won't love me back as long as I have your attention."
"Good bye." He wanted to leave as soon as possible. Fushimi did not want to break down here right, especially not in front of Yata. The toll of his decision was much heavier than he thought, his heart was already aching and he was so tempted to continue the way he was before, forever waiting for the day that Yata would understand and accept him. But he already knew that was impossible.
"Idiot. If that's what you really decided to do, don't show that kind of face to me. One that shows me how much you don't want to do it." Yata commented under his breath. Really, what was Fushimi trying to do when he looked incredibly pained when he said whatever he wanted to say to Yata?
Fushimi was an even bigger idiot if he thinks that Yata would believe him and like he would let him go after he heard what Fushimi told him earlier. Those were all things that he never knew, but how would he know if Fushimi never said it out loud? He was no mind reader after all."Oi. Saru. At least listen to me till the end before you decide to go along with something you don't even want to do." With a scowl, he tugged on Fushimi's arm harshly and causing the taller male to almost fall by the sudden force.
Without waiting for Fushimi to respond, Yata continued speaking. "You're as hateful as always. You're always in your own pace and you don't care about other people's opinion when you make your decision. I didn't call you out just to apologise. After you left, I did some thinking. I… I always pretended to push you away before I gave in when I really had no intention to. You make me show a side of me that I'm foreign with, a side that only appears when you're around. I lower all my walls when you're there, the strong façade that I put up crumbles away when I'm in front of you. If it's you, I don't mind showing you my weak pathetic side. I didn't want to be around you not because I no longer needed you but because I didn't want to turn back to my old self. If I'm with you, I won't be able to be stronger because I would depend on you just like how you always watched my back when we were younger. I would hold myself back because even if I make a mistake, I know you would be there to fix it for me. It's true that I clung to the other members because I was afraid that the whole time was a dream but that was the other reason I didn't notice till now. You're the only one that I'm always selfish to because you give in to every single one of my whims. If I didn't distance from you at least a little, I would always be depending on you without giving it my all."
Yata released Fushimi's arm, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face on the crook of Fushimi's shoulder. "You can't do this to me now. You can't leave me after you make me realise my feelings for you. That's just cruel, Saruhiko. I never wanted to acknowledge how much I depended on you and how much you mean to me. I didn't want to be a weak person that can't be by himself but you made me admit that without you, the current Yata Misaki won't be the way he is now. If you're not here anymore, I won't be able to smile as much as I can now. You said that I was fine without you because I could still smile even after you left Homra, but that's because Saruhiko, you didn't leave me, you left Homra. You continued to seek for me and things were still the same when we were alone, making it seem like everything is normal when it is just the both of us. I could continue staying in Homra because Saruhiko, you're still by my side. I still want to have you with me, the only one that I'm most comfortable with is you."
"Misaki, you're really selfish. If you say it like that, you know that I can't give up. I won't want to break away from Misaki and I will continue thinking that Misaki will one day love me back." Fushimi really did mean it when he said he was tired though. As much as he never wants to give up on Yata, Fushimi is aware that he has to stop if it bothers Yata.
Yata tightened his grip on Fushimi. "I'm asking you not to give up. Because the person Yata Misaki is in love with Fushimi Saruhiko, he's just too big of an idiot to realise that. He never thought about why he's so comfortable with you and how he automatically turns to you whenever he needs someone to comfort him. He's an idiot who didn't understand why he gets mad whenever girls flock around you and why he's glad that you only show sides of you only to him. Why he's happy that you still turn to him instead of someone else and why he's completely alright with sleeping with you when he would never do that with another person. So… don't leave… Because he-I really need you… Saru…What am I going to do now if even you leave?"
He was well aware that he was just way too selfish but Yata still did not want to lose him. "I don't think I can manage without you. I might be dense but perhaps a part of me long knew who you are to me. If it was someone else, especially a guy, I doubt that I would ever let them do what you do to me. I would never have permitted someone else to touch me in such a intimate manner and much less feel that there's nothing wrong with them. Because it's you that I ended up handing myself over to you. I always wondered why I was alright with that when I always felt highly embarrassed to be treated as a girl but still let you hold me and why I felt completely relaxed with it too. I never came up with an answer because I was afraid. Even more so when you left Homra. I was afraid that once I acknowledged what it is that I feel, I wouldn't be able to live without you. What will I do if you just leave me for someone else? If I don't acknowledge this feeling or come to terms with it, I can still be able to bear with it and continue on with my life and feign that your importance to me isn't that high. But when you said that you wanted to leave, I was really stunned."
Yata took a deep breath and looked up. "Because despite what I thought, it still hurt when you said that you're going to leave. I didn't want to imagine you with someone else and the thought of me not holding any importance to you hurt. That must be what you had been feeling all this time. I'm sorry that I didn't realise it. To protect myself, I ended up hurting you without realising it. Part of the reason why I lost myself in Homra wasn't just because it was the family that I always wanted. Another part of the reason why was because I wanted to distance myself from you. If my world just revolved around you, I didn't want to imagine what it would be like if you leave so I ended up broadening my world so that I would be fine even without you. I didn't have the guts like you to continue viewing me alone as someone important but right from the beginning, you're different from the others from Homra because you're special. You had always been special to me, there should never be any reason for you to compare yourself to Mikoto-san when the importance the both of you hold are different to me. Mikoto-san is someone who I view as a hero while you…you're someone who I view as the most important person that would always be with me. So…please don't leave… I…really do…love…you…"
Now that he had said all that had to be said, it was all up to Fushimi now. Yata waited nervously for Fushimi's answer, it must be the first time that he was impatiently anticipating a reply while being entirely nervous and contradicting by hoping that Fushimi not give him a response so soon.
Yata's words stunned him, Fushimi had no idea what to say. A large part of him was still wondering if this was all just his imagination, there was just no way that Yata would actually say that to him right when he wanted to give up right? He blinked and eyed Yata puzzledly, earning a nervous glance from Yata.
Fushimi bit his lips lightly, the pain informing him that everything was very much real. "Is Misaki really sure that he's in love with me though? Maybe Misaki is just confused and mistook my feelings for your own when you heard my confession." Even if this was real, there was still the uncertainty of whether or not Yata meant whatever he said.
After all the wishful thinking that Fushimi had kept up with all these years, he wanted to be sure that Yata really was serious in what he said. He did not want to think that he had a chance only to find out that it was just his misunderstanding again. Because he really was tired of keeping that up and lying to himself that Yata would one day look at him for sure.
It might be rude and cruel to Yata to doubt his words but Fushimi really need to the certainty before he would give a reply. It would just break him even further if this turned out to be another one of his wishful thinking and Fushimi was not sure if his heart could even take that much now when he had finally forced himself to give up.
Although it would anger Yata, Fushimi needed the confirmation no matter what and he glanced at Yata as he await for his response. He tried hard not to keep his hopes up and remain neutral no matter what answer that might be.
Yata scowled and losing himself to the anger that was raising up. He grabbed Fushimi by the collar and glared hard at him. "Are you doubting me now? Do you think I would say something embarrassing like that as a joke? If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't be this nervous now would I?"
It was not like Yata did not understand why Fushimi doubted him but he was still angry that the words that he had to gather up the courage to say ended up being doubted. Fushimi had no idea how much guts he had to muster before he was able to say that to Fushimi without blushing and dying of embarrassment.
Fushimi smiled, the fact that Yata got mad proved that they were all words that Yata said from the bottom of his heart. Despite knowing that he should be replying this seriously, a part of him could not resist teasing him. "So Misaki actually feels nervous? I guess it should be expected when Misaki is pretty much a virgin with zero experience with girls, much less anything related to a confession."
"Bastard! What kind of answer is that? And…I'm…not…a…" Yata was fuming more now and he was way too embarrassed to continue his words. . Fushimi had not given him a reply yet and here he was teasing him like always.
"But Mi-Sa-Ki~ You're still a virgin in a sense isn't it~?" Fushimi jested with a chuckle. It was all true after all, the form of virginity that Yata lost was not one that males should actually lose by right. Which he doubted that Yata ever thought about it in that sense.
Before Yata could say anything, Fushimi lightly grabbed Yata's hands away from his collar and towards his waist instead and rested his head on Yata's head. "Misaki just can't stop being overly selfish with me as always isn't it? But I guess it's one of the parts of Misaki that I like. I'm actually really proud that the only one that Misaki is selfish with is only me. Although Misaki can really be a handful during those times but it can't be helped when I'm the one that's completely smitten with you."
"Tch. You have to take responsibility for that. It's not my fault that you wriggled your way to my heart without me realising it and spoiling me rotten. You have to take responsibility for this other feeling too, there's no way I would ever realise it if you didn't force me to. You should prepare yourself, Saruhiko! Now that I know about it, there's no way I will ever leave you alone after you made me realise that a world without you with me feels way too empty." Yata mumbled into Fushimi's shirt, hugging him tightly.
Fushimi embraced him back, burying his face into Yata's head. Yata seemed to forgo the beanie he had been wearing recently and he was glad for that. He blinked when he smelt the familiar scent coming from Yata's hair, it was the shampoo that he had recommended to Yata back then and he smiled as he spoke up. "I will. Misaki should be the one preparing himself. How long does Misaki think my one-sided love lasted? Misaki doesn't know how much it took me to decide to give you up and yet you just dragged me back right after I hardened my heart to do it. It's too late for Misaki to regret now, there's no way I would ever let Misaki go again after Misaki willingly allowed himself to be captured by me."
"Shut up." Yata answered embarrassingly. The full force of his words registered to him at last and there was no way he would let Fushimi have the last word. He was well aware that it was childish and highly embarrassing if he said it out loud but despite that, he was going to say it anyway.
"You have to buy me a new pair of earphones too. It's your fault that I stopped using them and switched to headphones when they reminded me of you since you always shared yours with mine, I never had to buy one and when you left, I wasn't able to look at them without thinking of you when I prefer earphones as compared to headphones." It would be just like old times again and now that he had made up with Fushimi, he could use earphones again.
There was this emptiness whenever he looked at earphones since he was no longer sharing them with Fushimi and hence why he bought headphones when he could not even look at them without feeling angry at Fushimi. But now it was different, he could share them with Fushimi again.
"Yes, yes. I'll buy you a new pair. Is there anything else Misaki still needs?" Looks like some things never change, like Yata's childishness for example. Fushimi pulled away from the hug and gripping Yata's hand, signalling him to return to the others. Another smile adorned his face when Yata returned his grip and holding his hand tightly.
"There's nothing for now but that doesn't there isn't anything in the future. Let me think about it and I'll tell you later." Yata replied with a huge smirk, he was going to come up with a huge list and watch Fushimi suffer as he fulfils Yata's whim as his form of payback.
The both of them soon returned together, the other members eyeing them curiously, especially their linked hands. Kusanagi smiled at them and like what Yata always suspected, Kusanagi knew about what was going on with them. No wonder Kusanagi would always ask him how is he doing after an encounter with Fushimi and how he was currently feeling. "I see the both of you are finally making progress to fix that complex relationship you both have going on."
Kusanagi then turned to face Fushimi. "You're welcome to the bar if you come as a patron you know, I have no reason to turn you down if you're here as yourself. You should stop by and see Anna from time to time too." Anna nodded her head in agreement and grabbed Fushimi's free hand in her own.
"Saruhiko should visit more." Anna looked up at Fushimi, waiting for his reply and Fushimi was not at all surprise at how Kusanagi had already got him trapped with only one apparent answer. If he said no, there would be too much trouble and Kusanagi was just sly to use Anna.
With a sigh, he nodded his head. Besides, he was planning to do so anyway. "I will. I have to visit Misaki and make sure that he doesn't cause too much trouble too." Fushimi glanced at Yata with a big teasing smirk when he said that and mentally did a countdown as he waited for Yata to blow up.
"HEY! Who are you saying that causes trouble?" Yata yelled in protest, sending death glares to a smug looking Fushimi while Anna and Kusanagi smiled as they watched the pair. It was good to have the usual lively Yata back and for Fushimi to stop by again. At least there is a happy ending out of everything that happened.
"You know, Saruhiko. All this would not have happened if you just told me how you felt back then instead of being all dramatic and leaving Homra." Yata mentioned once the thought registered in his head. The both of them had calmed down and were sipping drinks when he finally realised that. Fushimi made him and himself go through all that pain for nothing when he could have just confessed to him back then.
Sure he was dense but Yata was certain that he would end up with the same answer he did right now. "Hn." That was all he heard from Fushimi and Yata merely laughed. He could tell that Fushimi was way too embarrassed to give him a reply and he was content with that for now.
Fushimi tightened his grip on Yata's hand, looks like he was finally really saved from the colourless world he was trapped in. He would make this last as long as he could since he would just return to the usual colourless world if Yata was not around. There was no way he would ever let him go again.
[[ A/N: I wonder if anyone even made it this far to reach here. I'm not exactly satisfied with this since it became something out of my control nut since I already wrote so much, I thought I might as well just publish it.
If there's anything that anyone doesn't understand, feel free to ask and I will try to reply as well as I can. And erm… thanks for reading this really dragging and way too long fic! ]]