Title: in this world
Summary: I've come to hate my body. LeahViolet
Author's Note: I wrote this ages ago so why not.
The title and summary belong to The Velvet Underground, from their song "Candy Says."
Does anyone even read AHS fanfiction
Put me up.
You know, there is a better place, somewhere. One where my nightmares aren't so real, and you can kiss me and it won't be a sin.
I'm a sinner and that's how sweet it tastes. Smoke in my throat even though I can barely stand it. I'm only half of what I was, like I was chopped down the middle. Maybe you would be my executor. Your boyfriend is always reflected in your eyes, and it's killing me slowly.
I can barely speak out of riddles anymore.
He is the devil and you love him.
I am the slave; the slave that has bled for her master. And you are my master, your whip coming down onto my back, and you are the person that ends the nightmares and brings the dreams. Your lips; smoke. Tangled, you have a sly smile but it's barely anything but greed. You skinned your knees too many times as a child, I can feel it. Did you fly beyond heaven and find us a better place?
Whisper lines from holy books in my ears. The Vedas, the Qur'an, the Torah. You don't like the Bible because it's all lies, you say. You grew up with God in your blood.
The blood you bleed, the pain you harbor – is him. Toxic blood that clots and you wish it wouldn't. You want me to bubble over and I'll die off like everyone else, if that means I can take the pain from you. Let me hold you tight, squeeze the suffering and the tears and the blood – all that blood.
You hate yourself, and I love you – want you, blood pumping from our systems and into your carpet. Stained belief systems taint pure white. You laughed when I told you I thought you were beautiful. I can just imagine you; white lace sleeves giving into red. You delude yourself with the cuts and the tears and you will never stop, even though you promised.
We are made of fragile stuff. Made of bone and blood and smoke and deluded gold. You are the tarnished silver on the coating of my heart.
I keep thinking about your fingers grazing my scars, the heavy burden of you and I am broken when you are near and when you are far. The booze and the pills don't mend you. They can't mend the gashes or the broken heart settled in my chest. They will never get rid of what goes bump in the night. The devil is not afraid of the burning in his throat. He will never fall asleep and dream with pills.
We are slaves to ourselves, and I am your slave, and you are my master, and I can barely breathe without you.
You make me tipsy just by meeting my eyes and I wish I had this before it all. I wish I had this before the devil and the nights spent with eyes wide open.
It makes me sad to think that my life before this was wasted. I wish I could've kissed you before you met him, let you take my soul with your soft petal lips and tasted cigarette smoke. I wish I relished in fighting you – let my hands stay on your flesh even if you burned me.
Oh yes, you have burned me.