I'm back! I really want to finish this up before season nine kicks off. As always, hope you enjoy!

Tag to episode 8.07, "A Little Slice of Kevin."

Synopsis: Crowley has kidnapped the rest of the prophets that might be able to read the Word of God. Kevin and his mother are working with a witch who can help them build demon bombs to use against Crowley's forces. Castiel mysteriously returns from Purgatory and helps Sam and Dean rescue Kevin once things go south with the witch.

(The boys are browsing the gun store for ammo and talking. Castiel is in the car, listening to some old dubstep from Sam's Stanford days on his iPod.)

DEAN: We got off to a great start – a good old fashioned Demonic Teleportation Tornado. Nice to see such staples of canon making a comeback.

SAM: Yeah, what was that about? Conspicuous much?

DEAN: Never happens again, either.

SAM: To be fair, a lot of things happen in this episode that we'll never see or reference again.

DEAN: What, like the earth splitting open when demons kidnap prophets? And the demon bombs?

SAM: And did any of that stuff happen when Lilith came for Chuck? Or when Crowley or Dick kidnapped Kevin?

DEAN: I think the plot forgot about them.

SAM: And hey! Look who's back!

DEAN: Ah, yes. Pointless character number three hundred and forty seven: Samandiriel.

SAM: Looks like I'll get a break from being the damsel in distress tied to a chair in a basement this season.

DEAN: Poor little guy, with his striped shirt. His sole purpose: get tortured, make the audience cringe slash weep, and die.

SAM: Adam 2.0?

DEAN: (laughing) He even kind of favors the kid, doesn't he?

SAM: And all for the list of prophets? Is he an archangel?

DEAN: Guess heaven's such a mess that Waldo here is in charge of Prophet Protection. Explains why Kevin's been up shit's creek since you dipped out on him.

SAM: (rolling his eyes at the dig) Speaking of whom, here comes number three-forty-eight: Kevin's mom.

DEAN: Why does this mysterious-witch-who-can-help-us plot exist?

SAM: They've just established that only demons can get the demon bomb ingredients, and now there's a random witch here who just happens to have them all? And she claims to be new?! Come on! Could she be any more obviously evil?

DEAN: Not without flying monkeys and a dog in a basket.

SAM: And they're so surprised when she betrays them.

DEAN: God, she even talks like Ruby did right before you started banging her, with the sexy modulated tones and the dusky gaze…

SAM: "Dusky gaze?"

DEAN: Yeah, you know…the one she was wearing during your grief scene in that flashback episode when she pinned you to that chair…

SAM: (rolling his eyes)

DEAN: (mocking Ruby's voice) "Because it's bad and it's wrong, and we shouldn't?"

SAM: (looks uncomfortable and steps away from Dean)

DEAN: What? You're the one who wanted me to watch more of your sex scenes!

SAM: (shakes his head, examining a .30 gauge in a glass case)

DEAN: It was research on the development of our characters, man. You might get some more nookie next season, and you wanna show some growth in that department. I mean, don't get me wrong, you look damn good, but the roughly-pinning-her-to-the-wall-and-driving-it-hom e thing is getting a little formulaic, don't you think?

SAM: (clearing throat loudly)

DEAN: I'm just saying, you might want to try letting her get on top once in a while –

SAM: Keep that in mind for when you can Cas finally get a love scene, why don't you.

DEAN: Oh, don't start –

SAM: You were hallucinating him as you look dreamily out your window, man. That's love.

DEAN: How can you belittle me about that scene? Look at me! I was tortured and full of angst. I was forced to leave my spirit guide behind to die while I escaped with my new, sexy-voiced brother-in-arms. Have a little compassion, you zombie.

SAM: Oh, please! Cas isn't really dead, Dean. You know it. I know it. The audience knew it from jump. Stop beating us with this contrived plot non-point; he's back now.

DEAN: (lip quivering) Contrived or not, my pain is real, Sammy. So, so real…

SAM: They really heaped on the plot contrivance in this episode, didn't they? They just handwaved him out of the Purg, just like they handwaved him back to life last season.

DEAN: Naomi brought him back, remember? She needed him to find the angels tablet. And spy on us.

SAM: Yeah. Which she needed to do for Very Important Reasons.

DEAN: Shhh! We haven't recapped that episode yet!

SAM: (rolls eyes) So much for the CertainDeath!Castiel subplot. I thought you were so sure he was never returning?

DEAN: I didn't think he was!

SAM: Really, because in your original flashback, he got punched a few times and fell gently backward onto the ground while you got sucked through the portal. Not exactly a lethal injection.

DEAN: There were Leviathans! And Purgatory was goddam terrible, okay? We had to fight our way out, surrounded on all sides by horror at every moment of every day –

SAM: You followed a Pocahontas leaf to the gate, man.

DEAN: But –

SAM: You know the rules of good plotting as well as I do – show don't tell. And there was a lot of telling and not showing as far as the Purg was concerned. It just made you look like a whiny drama queen, considering the other stuff you've been through.

DEAN: Is that you're new job? Mocking my pain? This is the heart of my PTSD arc – survivor's guilt and flashbacks! This is great storytelling, you miserable bastard. I'm a lost soul, wondering how I'll get through this and how my best friend escaped that hellhole sans memory.

SAM: (nonplussed) It would be, if all of that wasn't dropped like Typhoid Mary's handkerchief midway through. Tell me, dude, will we even think about Naomi's role in all of this once the mid-season hiatus is over? Will we worry at all about her Heavenly Brain Scrambling Mission later on?

DEAN: (fumbling for a defense; spluttering) Dude! Spoilers!

SAM: And why are you talking like we just filmed All Hell Breaks Loose, Part I? You haven't done the "I fail everything I love and I suck as a person" bit since you got I got back from the cage.

DEAN: (frowns deeply) I really hate you sometimes, Sammy.

SAM: Oh, my god…anyway, Crowley's here. Let's talk about him.

DEAN: He's the one disappearing all the prophets, of course. Trying to find one who can read the tablet.

SAM: Isn't there only one active prophet at a time, though? Didn't someone say that at one point?

DEAN: Yeah, but he was planning to kill Kevin via the Paramore-reject witch. Once he was pushing daisies, one of these others would take his place. It's a smart move, considering.

SAM: The Light Up Octagon Table of Evil was a nice touch, too. Especially in that run down warehouse.

DEAN: (laughing) Where do you buy something like that? You think he had it built custom?

SAM: And…there goes Kevin's pinky!

DEAN: Is it awful that I laughed at that?

SAM: Not really. Crowley's hamming it up pretty hard. Look at the windmill in his hand. Priceless.

DEAN: (makes a note) Got be more sparing with the torture scenes. Getting desensitized, here.

SAM: And is there any reason Kev doesn't just lie to Crowley? He could have said anything was written on the tablet – how to torture demons, how to make demon knives, how to corrupt a human soul…

DEAN: You've met the plot, Sam. It has all power in its hands.

SAM: Apparently it even holds the power of Crowley's intelligence – just looked how shocked he is that there are tablets apart from Leviathan and Demon.

DEAN: (smirking) Least Cas kicked some ass in this episode.

SAM: (laughing) Yeah, right. And is it me, or was his wingspan a lot smaller than it was since the last time we saw it?

DEAN: Give the guy a break! He just got back from Over There –

(The clerk walks out from the back room, surprised to see customers; the place has been a ghost town since the mill moved out of town. He grins at them and asks them for I.D., which they hand him. After grabbing the ammo, they head back out to the car, where Castiel is waiting. As they drive away, Cas informs them that he thinks he's found a simple case they can solve. Sam and Dean trade nervous looks.)