Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters: Spencer Reid,
SUmmary: Why Reid is really afraid of the dark.
He had told his tean that it was because of the "inherent absence of light", but even he knew that it was a crap answer and that they didn't buy it.
Spencer Reid was afraid of the dark because it left him alone with his mand, and without distractions. In reality, he wasn't actually afraid of the dark, he was afraid of his mind.
He feared loosing his mind to his mother's illness and making someone else take care of him.
He feared that he would becomelike his father.
He couldn't help but hear his own wimpers as his father hit him over and over, not worried about leaving bruises. Nobody would notice, nobody would ask how he got them. Teachers would attribute them to bullies. His mother wasn't lucid ebough to notice that he even existed.
He couldn't help but hear the older kids jeering at him as he was striped naked and tied to the goalposts and left there. He couldn't help but hear Alexa Lisbon's shrill laugh as the tears ran down his face. He couldn't help but remeber that by the time he got home, at two o'clock, his mom hadn't even known he was gone.
He couldn't help but hear Raphiel's voice commanding him to confess his sins. He couldn't help but remember the gun that went off next his head because he refused to pick a woman to die, and again when he wouldn't pick one of his team to die. He couldn't help but hear his voice telling Raphiel to kill Aaron Hotchner.
He couldn't help but hear Tobias's weak voice askinghim if he'd see his mom again, right before he died. He couldnt help but know that the bullet that killed Tobias had come from his gun, that he had killed an innocent man.
He couldn't help but recite Gideon's letter. He couldn't help but see that desk in the cabin. His gun, his badge and a single enelope adressed to him. Why had Gideon left a letter? Why not Hotch, who he'd known muck longer? Why him?
His mind wouldn't let him remeber the good times. Like reading in bed with hismom when she was lucid. Like shooting physics magic rockets off in the bullpen with JJ, Garcia and Prentiss. Like laughing and jokeing with the team on the jet.
That's why he doesn't mind when Morgan teases him about being afraid of the dark, or about having a nightlight. He just ignores it because he knows that the dark is much worse that a few harmless jibes