Title: Oops (Or, Why Dimension Warping Doujutsu Should Not Be Misused)
Rating: T. Used to be M, but I decided to tone down on the language.
Summary: In an overly optimistic post-canon universe, a reformed Obito ends up in a relationship with his old teammate. Unfortunately for him (and his libido), said teammate is also the sensei of a certain blonde serial cockblocker- also known as Uzumaki Naruto. Solution? Kamui. Because having access to a separate dimension that nobody else can get to- even sexually oblivious jinchuriki- is useful for more than battle. Unsurprisingly, Obito's brilliant plan screws up, and Team Minato gets visitors from the future.
"Just so you know," Obito said, after a brief scan of his surroundings, "...This is all your fault."
"Maa, always with the blaming." Kakashi remarked from a few feet away, his nose buried between garish orange covers. Seconds later, an expertly thrown kunai stabbed the book out of his hands, before thudding into a distant tree, the pages splayed like a pinned butterfly against the trunk. He looked up, a single eyebrow raised. "That was my limited edition copy," he said lightly, after a brief moment of silence.
"I know for a fact that you have another half a dozen copies hidden in your underwear drawer."
"...True," the jounin admitted with a sigh, giving his impaled smut one last mournful look. "However... How is this my fault, again? From what I remember, I wasn't the one to come up with the brilliant idea of using a S-rank space-time manipulation jutsu in the bedroom."
"If you had given your students basic sex ed, I wouldn't have had to."
"Aa. So this is what it's about, Obito?"
"Yes," the other man said through gritted teeth. "Yes, it is."
"Ah... Naruto doesn't know any better. He still thinks that we're just two very good friends who live together. I can't help it if my cute students want to see me all the time."
"Maybe if you actually sat him down and told him, he would stop bursting into our apartment at the worst possible times." Obito retorted acerbically. "At least the pink haired girl and my little cousin gets it."
Sasuke and Sakura's expressions every time he saw them walking together told him that they knew perfectly what was going on. Naruto, on the other hand...
"Remember Valentine's Day night? Genma held a party at his and Raidou's apartment and everyone got drunk, and you told me, 'Obito, wait until we get home, I don't think those are bleach stains on the couch.' And I waited."
"That couch was disgusting," Kakashi commented.
"That's not the point," Obito growled. "No, the point is that your brat student decided to pay you a visit at two in the goddamn morning-"
"Maa, Obito. I've tried to explain to Naruto before, but... nothing's worked so far." Kakashi scratched his head thoughtfully. "Maybe if you told him..."
"What? Hell no!" Obito stared, stunned by the horror of the very idea. "Do you have any idea how awkward it is for me to explain to a carbon copy of Minato-sensei that I'm sleeping with his sensei?"
One of the only reasons he was actually glad for his old sensei's untimely death was because he wouldn't have to tell the man about his and Kakashi's relationship. He could already imagine the man's wide eyes and hesitant, well-meaning stuttering. Er, Obito-kun... do you and Kakashi n-need... anything?
"Then you shouldn't complain," Kakashi decided.
"You-" The Uchiha spluttered indignantly, "Alright, fine, so you have a point." He conceded grudgingly, "But it is still your fault. How did you get your team through puberty without explaining the slightest bit about human reproduction?"
"...By the time they hit puberty, they were each training under a different Sannin."
"Didn't the brat train under Jiraiya?" Obito stared. "Jiraiya, as in 'peeks into women's bath houses' Jiraiya. As in, 'writes Icha Icha' Jiraiya. How did he not get sex ed, under the circumstances? The brat's the most sexually oblivious person I know. Hell, even if I told him that we were sleeping together, he'd probably ask us why we had to share a bed- and offer to buy us another one.""
"It's a miracle!" Kakashi shrugged. "Naruto might be a bit oblivious, but to be fair... you weren't exactly the most worldly thirteen year old yourself, Obito. Remember the balloons at Sensei's birthday party?"
Obito blushed furiously, against his will. "H-Hey! That was one time!"
"You also thought that there was a zombie apocalypse when you saw two people kissing." Kakashi deadpanned. "You thought they were eating each other's faces. You carried around a bat. Not even Minato-sensei was brave enough to give you the talk, by that point."
"Alright, alright, fine!" He interrupted, face red. "So maybe I'm not one to talk. But he's twenty-three. I'm surprised that Hyuga girlfriend of his hasn't explained anything to him yet."
"Hinata is shy." Kakashi winced. "But let's stop blaming each other for this fiasco, shall we? I personally think a better option would be to find out where exactly we ended up and how to get back. We can figure out whose fault it is after we get back to our home dimension and change out of these..." He tugged on his outfit uncomfortably. "Clothing."
"Fine." Obito said brusquely, and then - the sun of revelation rose over his face. He grinned. "...But my plan did work out, yeah? We're somewhere where your cockblocker of a student can't interrupt us. Shouldn't we... take advantage of that before we find a way back?"
"Obito," The jounin said exasperatedly, "We're in a forest. Not exactly the best place to- ngh!" He let out a huff of surprise as he was pressed up against a nearby tree trunk. "Seriously? Here? Are you out of your mind?"
"Why not?" The other replied flippantly, moving his face slightly closer. "I think this is the perfect place. Nothing to disturb us except for the wildlife. Now, how about you get that sock off your face?"
Kakashi yanked down the black cloth to his chin with just a little bit of reluctance. Obito grinned and pulled the other into a passionate kiss, all while pressing his partner against the tree trunk. He moved a knee in between the man's legs and pressed forward, enjoying the look on the jounin's face.
Oh, it really had been too long...
He felt a tap on his shoulder. Obito whirled around angrily, and upon seeing the intruder, groaned.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" He hissed in disbelief, drawing back. "How the hell did you get here? It was bad enough the last thirty-odd times- but again? Kakashi, you complete bastard, your student's a dimension-traveling cockblock- and all because you couldn't have the decency to explain to him where babies came from!"
"Um." Kakashi said slowly, a look of horror dawning on his exposed face. "That's not Naruto."
"What the hell do you mean that's not-" Obito turned around slowly. "Oh. Oh."
He stared blankly at the horrified face of one Namikaze Minato, Yellow Flash of Konoha, future Yondaime, and his former sensei. A few feet away, an incredibly familiar trio stood, staring at him and Kakashi- the silver haired boy in revulsion and the goggled Uchiha next to him in confusion, while the last member of the team had her hands clamped over her nose, as if she was trying to hide a violent nosebleed.
Unfortunately, the movement of Obito's head gave Minato a clear view of Kakashi's exposed face.
"Sakumo-san?" The man asked uncertainly. In the background, someone- he suspected a certain silver haired boy- made a strangled choking sound.
Well, at least that answered the question of just where he and Kakashi had ended up.
[A/N: This is really short, but it's just a prologue. Future chapters will be longer. If you're wondering about Obito and the balloons... read Balloons Taste Funny by Moiya Hatake. The post-canon universe will be elaborated on in future chapters. If you haven't noticed already, this will contain KakaObi as a pairing- or rather, ObiKaka, if you know what I mean.
The premise of this fic is pretty similar to the fic Bad Trip by Lucillia, but I'm going in a rather different direction. For one, this fic will have an actual plot... of some sort, because Kakashi and Obito probably doesn't want the events in this dimension to turn out the same way their's did. If said author does think there are parts too close to her fic, I will gladly change them.
Also, cover picture doesn't belong to me. I don't know who the artist is, but I will gladly take it off if they don't like it being used/credit them if anyone knows them.]