Order of the Phoenix

Summary: Not your average fifth year story...

A/N: Welcome! OK, I decided to go out on a limb and write a super ridiculous fifth year story that makes no sense whatsoever and makes fun of everything in the previous books despite the fact that I love them. Enjoy! My alter ego, Emma, shall assist me in this fic.

~Merusa/Emma

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Chapter 1: Average Night on 4 Privet Drive

Freakishly Annoying Narrator (FAN): It was an average night on Four Privet Drive. In fact, our young hero was getting pretty sick of it being you average night on Four Privet Drive. It happened every night, and it was getting old.

Harry: It happens every night, and it's getting old.

FAN: Lumpy shapes were coming towards young Harry's window. They were- surprise, surprise- owls carrying birthday gifts. Harry opened every one with the usual care.

Harry: How thoughtful...*grins* that'll come in handy.....never thought I'd want that...etc. etc.

FAN: Now, our hero discovers the Dumbledore is finally going to let him go to the Burrow.

Harry: Dumbledore says I can go to the burrow. *turns to FAN* Stop that, please. It's getting old.

FAN: *nods vigorously*

Harry: good. *walks to bed, and falls asleep with the usual happy smile on his face*

***cheap scene switch, where you accidentally see the camera for a moment*

Voldemort: *laughs* Wormtail! Why can't you cook like that?

FAN: Voldie was engaging in his favorite past time- watching Emeril Live!

Wormtail: *ignores question* Sir, are we going to do anything about Harry Potter? And doesn't it seem suspicious that I found a letter in Snape's office detailing our plans that was addressed to Dumbledore.

Voldie: *nods* Yes, yes. Did you order my kitty?

FAN: Voldie had always harbored a secret desire to own a fluffy, cuddly, grey-and-black striped tabby cat.

Wormtail: Yes, master. Now, about Harry Potter....

Voldie: Yes, yes, go on and do that.

Wormtail: *rolls eyes* I'm going to tell Dumbledore every single plan we have and then do the polka in front of you wearing nothing but a towel.

Voldie: *waves hand in a dismissing air* Yes, yes you do that.

Wormtail: *sighs* I people think I'm in idiot....

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Author's Note: Did you like that? Huh huh didja didja? Sorry, I just consumed two boxes of Nerds. Do you Brits have that kind of candy?

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