AN: First foray into the world of The Mortal Instruments and the minds of Jace & Alec! I feel like there was so much that went unsaid and unexplored between these two... Not sure how well I captured either of them so let me know because I would love to write more!

(Title from 'I Saw You Die, Apollo Drive')

I do not own!

Silence. An all encompassing silence surrounded him. It felt to him like everything had just stopped. He couldn't even hear himself breathing, or his heart beating in his chest; maybe because neither was happening.

In some part of his mind, Alec knew a battle was taking place, could see it taking place, but nothing registered in his mind. Magnus was locked in a fight with a demon only a few feet away from him, completely unaware of what was going on inside of Alec. What was going on!?

It hurt to breathe. The pain was the only thing that told him he still was breathing. He blinked slowly, trying to bring his surroundings into sharper focus, but his vision seemed to dim the more he tried. He clenched his eyes shut...

A blinding light flashed behind his closed lids and a pain like nothing he had ever experienced flamed through his body. It spread to the tips of his fingers and Alec dropped the bow he'd been grasping tightly.

His hands, now empty, came up to grasp at his chest; the light was getting brighter, burning him.

Alec's mouth opened in a soundless cry as his knees gave out. He sagged to the ground, unconscious...


"I'm so glad you're okay,"

Isabelle had grabbed him in an embrace the moment he stepped through the door. He thought about making a sarcastic remark but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He held her just as tightly.

Isabelle sighed and pulled back, her eyes shining with tears. Jace smiled, "I'm alright"

Her eyes flashed and she smacked Jace's arm, a bit harder than was strictly necessary.

"What the hell, Isabelle!?"

She glared, but there was no real heat in her eyes. "Don't ever do that to me again, Jace Lightwood! I swear between you and Alec... It's like the two of you are taking turns scaring me to death!"

Jace narrowed his eyes, rubbing his arm where she had hit him absent mindedly. Wait, what?

"Alec?" It was only then that Jace realized Alec was nowhere to be seen. He felt ashamed that he hadn't noticed immediately but his parabatai was strangely absent...

"Where is Alec?"

Isabelle frowned and Jace tensed.



Alec blinked, his vision slowly focusing in on the white ceiling of the infirmary. He groaned tiredly and slowly shifted to sit up in the bed.

"I wouldn't move too quickly,"

Alec's head snapped around to his right side where Jace was perched in a chair, his arms folded across his chest, a look on his face Alec couldn't quite decipher.


Jace leaned forward in the chair, resting his arms on the side of Alec's bed. His eyes scanned Alec's face, looking for something to tell him that the older boy was alright. Alec smiled softly and Jace sighed.

"What the hell happened out there? Isabelle told me you just collapsed?"

Alec nodded. "I do- I don't really know"

"You don't know?" Alec nodded.

"Damn it, Alec!' Jace stood abruptly, knocking the chair he'd been sitting on over. Alec's eyes widened as they followed Jace's movements.

"I talked to Magnus... he thought you were dead! He said your pulse slowed right down! How can- how can you not know what happened!?"

"Jace..." Alec reached for Jace's arm as the Shadowhunter paced. He caught it and pulled Jace, tugging him down until he sat on the side of the bed. Jace looked like he wanted to up and run but Alec kept a strong grip on his arm.

"I'm okay, Jace. I just, I don't know. One minute I was fighting and suddenly it was like the world stopped. I couldn't move, I could barely breathe... I don't know what happened. I just... stopped."

He didn't know how else to explain it to him. Alec wasn't sure it made sense even to him but that was the best way he could explain it.

"You stopped?" Jace asked, the hint of something in his voice.

Alec nodded, "I stopped."

The two Shadowhunters lapsed into silence. Neither of them was sure what to say or how to explain it. Alec took advantage of the silence to rake his eyes across Jace's face and over his body. The younger Shadowhunter didn't look hurt.

"What happened out at the lake?" Alec asked softly after a few minutes passed without either of them speaking.

For a long time Jace didn't answer him. Alec wasn't sure he was going to. He'd just opened his mouth to ask again when Jace answered.

"I died,"


Alec's grip on Jace's arm had tightened to the point that, had Jace been a mundane, it would have been painful. Alec felt his heart race with every word that Jace said.

He'd died. Jace had died.

Jace felt like he was on auto pilot. The words were coming out but he felt little connection to them or to the events that he was relaying. It all seemed so far away from here, in this moment.

Alec had nearly died.

Alec was having a hard time understanding any of what Jace said. He was dead and then he was alive. He didn't much care for the hows or the whys of Jace's explanation, only those two things. Jace had died but he came back. He'd been brought back to life. The relief Alec felt at that was so strong it almost knocked him over. He didn't know what he would do if he ever lost Jace; probably die with...

"Parabatai..." Alec murmured.

Jace stopped talking and stared at him incredulously. "What?"

Alec shook himself and focused his attention back on Jace. "We're parabatai," he repeated.

Jace gave him a look. "Wow, Alec way to keep up. Seriously, I'm impressed," he said sarcastically. "Just how rattled did your head get when you fell?"

"Shut up," Alec rolled his eyes at Jace. "You know what that means. The things Hodge taught us about a parabatai connection," Both boys tensed at the name of their once tutor but Alec continued, "They share each other's powers, they're strength; they're connected"

"Not seeing how this is currently relevant, Alec. We went through this years ago before we bonded." Jace interrupted.

Alec glared at him. "If you're still not getting where I'm going with this then clearly I was the only one paying attention when we did!" Alec snapped.

Jace's brow furrowed and Alec waited for the slightly younger boy to realize what he was saying. Alec saw the moment Jace got it.

"Parabatai are connected... They can sense each other. Death is the only thing that can separate them," Jace sounded like he was reciting from a list but he didn't seem to care or notice. "You felt it," his voice broke, "You felt it when I died."


"It was the worse pain I've ever felt. I didn't know what was happening and I just felt so... disconnected from everything but the pain."

Jace hadn't said anything; he just nodded along with Alec's description. It was like Alec was describing how it felt for Jace, he was describing it, he had felt it right along with him. Jace wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"I'm sorry, Alec"

Alec stopped talking to stare at Jace incredulously, his brow furrowed. "For what? It wasn't your fault!"

Jace shook his head. "I should have been here. I shouldn't have gone after Valentine alone. I'm supposed to have your back."

Alec tugged gently on Jace's arm where he only just realized he'd never let go. Jace's voice trailed off but his eyes were still troubled. Alec's expression softened at Jace's look.

"You've always had my back, Jace. Even if you're not standing right beside me, we're still fighting together. Even if I wasn't there at the lake with you, I still had your back,"

"Sometimes I wish you didn't" It's dangerous. I'm dangerous.

Alec fought the urge to smack Jace and instead smiled gently. "Not going to happen parabatai. That's what I signed up for and I've never regretted it,"

Jace glanced up at him then and their eyes met. No words were exchanged but so much was said between them. Slowly, Jace smiled.

"Who would ever regret me?" He teased.

Alec rolled his eyes fondly, a small grin to match Jace's on his face.

Jace smirk settled into a fond smile and he squeezed Alec's shoulder. "Hey Alec?"

Alec raised an eyebrow curiously. "I've never regretted it either,"

Review and let me know what you thought please! :)