Snape knew what they all thought of him. Evil, cruel, former death eater. They
didn't trust him, not a one of them. Well, Dumbledore did, for some reason. He
barely trusted himself most of the time.
was a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. She was perfect. He hated her
thought they could shove him in the dungeons; that he would sit obediently. As
if he were a dog. Snape always thought about biting. But he was mostly bark. At
this point of time.
Igor was her name. That devilish woman, always happy about something. She never
had a miserable look, and never let things get to her. He had clearly told her
that they would never be friends from the start; that he was putting up with
her only because he had too.
smiled spuriously, and had said something about him mistreating her.
bouncy black hair, and shining green eyes. She was young too, almost fresh out
of some rival school. Only twenty-five years of age.
she too young?" he had argued.
qualified," Dumbledore had said. Foolish old man was always too wise.
mind Severus, they all said. He's just bitter. Bitter. Bitter. BITTER.
yes. But he had every right to be.
started again, as it did every year. The Sun would always be there, and Earth
would always rotate, and class would always start again.
enjoyed teaching, in a twisted way. The Gryffindors were so much fun. . .
especially Harry Potter's lovely class.
Igor wouldn't last either. She would be rid of, which was a good thing, if he
could learn to love you," she whispered in his ear.
shuddered. "No you couldn't, nobody could."
summers ago. She had been there, a young beautiful thing. Seemed that now she
didn't even remember him. He had cast that memory charm on her, but he had been
hoping, hoping. But he couldn't do it. No matter how tempting. She was a sweet,
innocent soul, and he . . . he was cold. Too cold for love.
met in Hogsmeade. She told him she had been coming from afar, to check out the
world, the wizarding world. They had met in the three broomsticks, and as hard
as he tried to keep her away; they had spent the whole day together.
smiled! Did you smile for me?" she said sweetly.
set his intentionally dull eyes on her, and nodded monotonously.
now you're back to that again, are you?" She asked, disappointed.
he had kissed her.
lips against her lips, it was as if heaven and hell had combined. He was too
cold, but for a few moments, he felt his whole soul warm up, a new spirit
awakened. But something had frozen, he was afraid. When he leaned back, she had
told him that she could fall in love with him. He had put a memory charm on
her, and left her standing behind the café, confused.
reason her name always made him remember that soul warming, even for just an
instance, and it was blissfully wonderful. Snape wished that he could relive
that moment again. But his fear, it kept him from doing anything. Saying anything.
Kept him away, and in the shadows, as he may stay for the rest of his life.
couldn't go back. Not now, not ever.
day, the pressure, the pressure was on him, like a bomb ticking away in his
heart. Instinct told him he was running out of time, but he didn't think about
time. Or what time he was running out of. He just stared straight ahead. He
could never fall in love.
feared he already had.
hope to be a teacher someday, it's seems so wonderful. To be the reason students
grow up to be great." She said, softly, when they had been sitting in a booth,
sipping individual butterbeers.
a teacher. It's nothing extraordinary." He said blankly.
you teach at Hogwarts?" Panama asked, excited.
I went there, and now I teach there. I can never leave, it's like there's some
invisible string keeping me there." Snape gloomed.
come you're so pessimistic?" she demanded.
is foolishness. Nothing can go perfect all the time."
is much more foolish. Watch the world go by, and dread the day you die, what's
there to do in between? If you sit and pity yourself, what do you have left to
least you won't get let down," he argued logically.
you will never find anything. No love, no happiness, no bonds. Nothing. What's
the point of living if you don't give and receive? If you don't know the
meaning of love, which you clearly don't, then you might as well be dead
already," She said, a fire burning in her eye.
almost seemed to care about him, about him wasting his life.
stared at the wall behind her, not knowing what to say now.
He hated the feeling. He rarely felt it, because he was rarely not in control.
But this girl, woman, Panama Igor, for some odd reason, she could stop him in
his tracks. And it was melting him. Making him a total and complete mess.
hope I didn't offend you. You see, I have a rather large mouth, and I say
things . . ." Panama said, in a casual tone. How could he be mad at her? If
anyone, he was mad at himself. For doing everything wrong.
just stared at her green eyes. "No, no. I don't get offended easily, because I
have thought about these things many times before, and truth be known, I am a
she said, giggling.
It would have to be enough.