A/N- I just lost my job this afternoon, so I will apologize in advance that the updates on this will not be as quick as they were for my previous stories. I will however do the best that I can, but with the curveball my life threw at me today, I cannot make any promises. Nevertheless, I still hope you enjoy this.
Summary: Season 6 AU- Ignoring his little brother's final request to live a normal life with Lisa and Ben, Dean deserts them, intent on rescuing his little brother from Lucifer's Cage, no matter the cost. But when Sam is finally out, his soul intact, will it do more harm to him then good? Drunk/hurt/devastated but protective big-brother Dean and traumatized/hurt/loss of memory/mostly mute Sam. (Yes, I said mute)
From the Ashes
Written by: Erin
The punches rained down on him, bone cracking with bone. Blood was everywhere, he could barely even feel his face anymore, he was growing numb to the pain. But still, he never once raised a single finger to the one hurting him. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Because he had to reach his little brother; he had to find him in there, because the one throwing the punches wasn't his brother. He might be wearing Sam's meat suit, but it was not Sammy. Never his Sam.
"Sam…" He groaned in agony as he leaned against the windshield of the Impala,
"It's okay. It's okay, I'm here…I'm here…I'm not gonna leave you…" His voice was barely recognizable to his own ears. There had to be lasting damage done, but Dean could care less,
"I'm not gonna leave you!" He felt more punches thrown on him before the collar of his worn leather jacket was grabbed and Dean looked up into the familiar face of the one possessing his little brother. The fist was rising again, ready to strike; to throw it's final blow. The one that would end it all for him.
But there was something different this time, Dean knew it. Something was different in the large hazel eyes staring in his direction. This time, however, they were looking right past him, past his head, until they came across something that was lying in the Impala just behind him. Dean remained silent as he watched the fist shake silently and a look of confusion crossing the familiar face in front of him. It took a few moments, Dean watching in silence, until he finally saw the fist loosen up and he suddenly felt himself come crashing back to the ground. A harsh gasping noise was heard in front of him and, despite the agony of the beating he had endured, Dean looked up with one good eye and felt his heart fill with love towards his little brother as Sam backed up and looked down at him with nothing but sorrow and love in his eyes.
His baby brother was back.
But the feeling didn't last long however as he listened to Sam speak,
"It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay…" He listened as Sam's breath came out in harsh gasps,
"I've got him."
The next thing he knew, Sam was reaching into his pocket and pulling out the Horseman's rings and tossing them to the ground of the cemetery, chanting the spell that caused the ground to suddenly open up in front of them. Loud screeching was heard and all Dean could do was watch.
Just watch as he sat helplessly as his little brother was about to sacrifice himself for this God-forsaken world…
Before Dean knew what was happening, as if his entire world had shifted, he found himself back in that same motel room. The little gold amulet was dangling from his hand over the trashcan and all he heard was the sound of the clink as it hit the bottom. Ignoring the look he knew his brother was giving him as he walked out the door, Dean clutched his bag and didn't look back.
"It's supposed to be you and me against the world, right?"
"Dean. It is."
"I just don't think we can be what we were," He was now saying as he stood facing his brother outside in the hospital parking lot,
"I just don't think that I can trust you."
"If you walk out that door…don't you EVER…come back!" Dean was lying flat on his back, still trying to catch his breath after having nearly been choked to death. He was staring up into Sam's eyes, watching as he was met with what looked like absolute hatred staring down at him.
"Say it," Sam's words were clipped and his eyes narrowed into slits.
"It means that you're a monster."
"Hey ya, Sammy."
Before Dean knew it, after a nearly violent tussle with his brother to try and convince him that he really was himself-not a demon, not a shifter-he had his arms wrapped tightly around his little brother. He heard, just like if it was yesterday, the shaky breaths coming from Sam and they way he clutched at him like he would never let go. Moving his arm, he wrapped his arms tighter around his brother and closed his eyes, just savoring the moment of actually being able to see and hug Sam again.
"Dean, I'm not gonna let you go to Hell!"
"Yes, you are!"
"I'm gonna take care of you, I'm gonna take care of you, I've gotcha," He was now kneeling down on the muddy ground, his hands grasping the sides of Sam's face as life was slowly fading from his brother from the knife wound,
"That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother?" Stroking his brother's face, he moved his hand to swipe away the loose strands of hair from Sam's now closed eyes,
"Sam? Sam? Sam?! Sammy!"
"As long as I'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you."
"Good night, Sam," Dean was now that innocent looking child again, leaning down into his brother's crib as he placed a gentle kiss on Sam's forehead.
"Dean? Are you alright?"
The soft, yet tired voice of Lisa Braeden sounded from behind him as Dean rested his elbows on his knees and ran a hand down his face. Not turning back around to face her, the elder Winchester wiped away any signs that he had woken up from yet another dream and nodded his head,
"I'm fine, Lisa."
Dean felt the bed spring from behind him and tensed up when he felt the familiar hands of Lisa coming in contact with his shoulders and rubbing them. The older Winchester closed his eyes as he fought to hold back tears that threatened to fall, listening as Lisa whispered into his ear,
"Come back to bed." Not getting a reply, she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind,
"Talk to me?"
Dean shook his head in irritation even as he didn't acknowledge her loving touch. Instead, he carefully shrugged out from under her hold,
"Not now, Lis."
Hurt showing plainly on her face, Lisa sat back on the bed and frowned at the older Winchester's back,
"Why not? You haven't spoken that much to me, about these dreams, about Sam, since you came here-"
She was cut off right then as she watched Dean whirl around, his eyes flashing with an emotion Lisa couldn't pin point. She bit her lip and looked up into Dean's face, trying to make out what exactly was going on in his head,
"Don't talk about Sammy," He interrupted, his voice deadly serious and his green eyes, though brimmed with tears, flashed sparks,
"I don't want to hear you saying his name around me. Ever."
"He's your brother, Dean; you have to talk about him-"
"No, actually, I don't," Dean interrupted, rising to his feet suddenly and walking over to the other side of the room where he knew his boots lay,
"I can't do this, Lisa."
"Do WHAT?" Lisa demanded, pushing the rest of the covers back on the bed and standing up,
"Stay here with Ben and me? You're the one who showed up on my doorstep a week ago, looking like you had your entire world taken away from you. What am I supposed to think, especially when you refuse to talk with me about it?"
The elder Winchester snatched his boots up from the other side of the room and took a seat in the nearby chair in the corner of the bedroom,
"Lisa." His voice was stern, yet filled with such sorrow and despair it made the younger woman close her mouth in silence,
"I didn't come here for you and Ben," He watched as Lisa's eyes widened but continued before she could speak,
"I came here because it was my little brother's final wish, for me to live a normal life, to forget about him." Dean slipped his feet into his boots and starting tying them up quickly, wanting to get the hell out of this house as fast as possible,
"Well, I can't do that-"
"You haven't even given it a try, Dean," Lisa stepped forward hesitantly and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder while leaning down and grabbing the remaining boot out of his hand,
"And what do you mean by his 'final wish'?" Frown lines creased her forehead as she spoke; there was no possible way Dean's words could mean what she feared they meant,
"Just tell me! I want to help you…"
"You can't help me," Dean snapped back, reaching out and snatching his boot out of Lisa's hands,
"Nobody can help me. The only one who can help me is no longer here and I think it's high time I get out of your hair and leave you and Ben to do whatever the hell you please." Quickly tying his shoe, Dean rose to his feet, knocking off Lisa's hand in the process. As he reached down for the leather jacket that was currently draped over his bag which he had refused to unpack in the week he had been here, Dean let out a long sigh and slowly turned back to face Lisa, a twinge of guilt churning in his gut,
"I'm sorry, Lisa. I really am…but I can't stay here."
"What do I tell Ben?"
"You're his mother; I know you can find the right words to say to the kid," Dean replied as gently as possible, although all he wanted more then anything right now was to get out of here and never look back. Hell, he could just head to Bobby's; anything was better then staying here. Turning back around and shrugging into the worn leather jacket he had not worn since the day his baby brother had thrown himself into Lucifer's Cage, Dean reached down and grabbed the bag that was at his feet. Forgetting the fact that the bag was still open, he was just swinging it over his shoulder when something caught his eye as the familiar black cord with the little gold amulet fell out of a side pocket and onto the floor beside his feet.
His heart clenching in his chest all over again, Dean stood as still as a statue even as he watched Lisa reach down and pick it up, holding it in her hands, staring at it before looking back up at the older Winchester,
"You dropped this…" She hesitantly spoke, sadness in her voice as she held it up for him.
Dean's green eyes were wide as saucers as he looked at the familiar necklace dangling from Lisa's hand. Memory after memory washed over his mind as he reached a shaking hand up to the place around his neck where the amulet used to hang for so many years until he had carelessly and heartlessly threw it out. Right in front of Sam, no less. Guilt and anger towards himself tore at the older Winchester brother as, without another thought, he reached up and snatched the amulet from Lisa's hand without a word. Untangling the cord, he placed it back around his neck and stared at it for a few silent moments before reaching back up and clutching it in his fist.
"Don't leave, Dean. Please."
Swinging his bag over his shoulder again, this time zipping it shut as he did so, Dean flashed a look her way, his eyes betraying every emotion he was trying to hold back,
With those final words and a final look of guilt thrown her way, Dean turned his back and walked towards the door, not once looking back at her or Ben's closed bedroom door. He would never see his baby brother again and although he wanted more then anything to honor Sam's final wish, this was one wish he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he couldn't keep, even if he did give it a chance.
"Go find Lisa. You pray she's dumb enough to take you in. You go live some normal, apple pie life, Dean. Promise me!"
The words Sam had spoken to him in the Impala that fateful night right before he had said "yes" to Lucifer washed over Dean as he hurried down the stairs and out the front door,
"I'm sorry, Sammy…I can't do that."