Accidentally in Love
Dark Lady Devinity
A/n: So this is that Pilot/Snippy idea I brought up in an author's note in "The Post-Apocalyptic Family Captain."
I had to look at the first comic in RA to see what was on Captain's billboard. I didn't realise he was wearing a white shirt under his coat but I'm pretty sure that's the shirt's only appearance.
Pilot roughly pushed Snippy down on the couch and quickly worked his fingers under the other man's mask. The sniper protested loudly although the aviator thought that maybe it was because he was being too rough. For once, Pilot didn't mean to hurt his squad mate but Captain was about to enter the house any minute and Pilot needed this to look just right if his plan was going to work. Voices coming up the front walk outside the ruined base were getting closer and their familiarity suggested it was Zee Captain and Engie. Almost frantically, Pilot managed to get Snippy's mask off and was kissing him just in time for Captain to open the door and catch them.
Snippy froze. Engie made some exclamation of surprise and disbelief. Captain simply walked into the kitchen, talking animatedly about the mission he and Engie had been on.
Pilot wanted to scream.
It had all started innocently enough. Captain was making a journey into the city and he had brought Pilot and the two shoes with him. Engie was unfamiliar with the area but Snippy and Pilot recognised their old high-rise base. The last time Pilot had been there was when Captain had sent him on a mission to find a flying machine. He was aware that Captain and the blue-eyed shoe had frequently made use of the building while he was away. The thought was enough to make Pilot want to hit Snippy but then the shoe was saying something that, for once, was extremely important to Pilot.
"Are we here to visit your girlfriend or are we actually here for something important?" Snippy asked Captain. Then, under his breath, the sniper muttered, "Not that we ever do anything important."
"Girlfriend?" Engie asked. He was clearly bemused.
Pilot wanted to yell that Snippy was a liar when the sniper started to answer the engineer's question. "It's not a person. Well… you could argue that at some point there was a person involved. But it's really just a billboard with the image of a girl on a bomb on it. Captain talks to the damn thing like it's his most precious person though." Snippy explained.
"We are here to do both!" Captain announced. "I am here to see my beloved but also because I forgot my white t-shirt and I need it."
Pilot's world seemed to simply stop. Then he realised that Snippy was cautiously poking his arm in concern, trying to get his attention. Pilot smacked his hand away. Determined to size up the competition, the aviator hurried to the side of the man he was devoted to.
"What makes her your beloved?" Pilot asked. He wanted to know what Captain saw in "the billboard." Maybe if he understood, he could show Captain that the billboard was really just another silly shoe and not as worthy of Captain's affections as Pilot was.
Captain smiled and patted Pilot on the head. "That, mein minion, is something you are much too young to understand. But come to my special window and see my precious' glory for yourself."
The billboard was glorious. Pilot was loathe to admit it though. He spent the next three days out in the wasteland with Photoshop, trying to plot a way to take back Zee Captain's affections for himself. If only he hadn't wasted all that time trying to keep Snippy away from Captain when the shoe wasn't the real threat to Pilot and Captain's love. Then the aviator's mind caught up to his thoughts. Snippy. Pilot could use Snippy to make Captain jealous. When Captain saw Pilot in the arms of another he'd be so overcome with jealousy over his pilot that he'd dump the billboard and come back to Pilot.
The only flaw with his plan that Pilot was aware of was Snippy. The sniper most likely would only go along with the plan if he could use it to take Captain for himself. Pilot was going to have to be sneaky with his jealousy plan then.
He never thought about how his definition of sneaky was simply to not tell Snippy that he was planning on seducing him in order to make Captain jealous. He also never stopped to think about how the shoe's feelings would come into play either.
Countless voices sometimes haunted Pilot. He could remember the screams of Eureka despite the fact the he couldn't remember his own name. Yet knowing they were all dead allowed him to ignore them. The hard part was finding that one wisp of a voice that had been nearly decimated when Pilot's blue tiara broke. The voice sounded a little like his own and sometimes told Pilot how things used to be. Pilot often didn't realise it was there or he ignored it when he did. The voice was just so distant. But now Pilot wanted to know the kind of things one did when they were pretending to date a shoe and he wanted to know it now. He was in the same room as Captain and Snippy (for Captain was giving out their orders for the day) and he needed to start putting his plan into action.
Hold hands. Walk together.
The faint voice had to struggle to say that much but Pilot instantly ignored that. Instead he grabbed Snippy's hand and said cheerfully, "I request that the shoe and I go on the same mission!"
"Bwah!?" Snippy cried. He tried to take his hand back but Pilot just gripped it tighter. Stupid shoe never wanted to do anything helpful.
Captain just tilted his head. "But mein minions are so efficient on their own. Still, teamwork is good and I like that mein minions are willing to make the effort. Alright! Pilot, you can go with Mr. Snippy on his mission. Engie can build the statue of my glorious face instead."
Engie, whom Pilot had completely forgotten about because he wasn't part of the plan, groaned.
As soon as Captain and Engie left the room, Pilot dropped Snippy's hand and announced, "Let's go shoe."
Snippy, as usual, was not quick to play along. "What was all that about?"
"It was necessary." Pilot felt that that was all the explanation needed.
He wasn't surprised when Snippy tried to argue with him over it during their entire mission though. But Pilot was confident that his plan would work and that he could eventually make Captain jealous. It was just a matter of patience and determination.