Alright, this here's a plot-bunny that's been running around in my brain and demanding to be let out, so I'll do it and sanity be dammed. Most likely it'll be a one-shot, but I'll probably make it into chapters. In this little piece, the Sandaime is still alive after the affairs with Madara and Obito. Kaka/Iru, Sasu/Naru, Neji/Gaa. The usual.
Thank you so much to the lovely TjRythum for looking over this for me!
Disclaimer: I don't own this, I just put the characters in naughty situations.
"Yes Tsunade-sama?" To be honest, he really had no idea why she needed him. At this current time, he should be getting ready to head from the school to the mission room. Yup, he was the all around nice guy. The one that everybody liked. Umino Iruka. Though he hadn't always been this way. Right now though, he was more worried about the predatory gleam that kept passing though the Hokage's eyes. It clearly spelled trouble, and he wasn't sure that he was going to like the outcome of the situation. Either way, he was doomed, and she knew that he knew it.
"I need you to do a little testing for me. You see, I've created a new medicine that relieves exhaustion from the body and I need someone to test it."
"So basically, I'm a guinea pig?"
"Not a guinea pig, more of like an assistant. . ."
"I'm a guinea pig."
"Just take the damn pill!"
Grumbling under his breath about Hokages and how demanding and unfair they were, Iruka swiped the pill from his leader's hand and swallowed it. Seconds passed, then minutes. Nothing. Not even a single twitch. Turning around to leave, Iruka sighed. This had been a complete waste of time. As soon as he reached halfway across the floor, Iruka froze. Faintly he heard the Fifth asking if he was alright before he collapsed completely, his body hitting the floor as the color black swallowed his vision. That generally wasn't a good thing.
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To be truthful, he was pissed off. To the max. The Sandaime had actually been looking forward to having a relaxing day due to the festival that was coming up, but so far it had been anything but. Tsunade had been so overwhelmed that she had come to him for help. Apparently pranks were being played all over the village, some so familiar that it could only be one person. But that person was out cold. However. . . He sighed, felt another vein twitch and decided to go with the gut feeling.
"The pranks could only be one person. . . IRUKA AYAMO UMINO! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!" His voice echoed around the entire room. Jounin and Chuunin alike stared at him in amazement.
The entire room went silent, and less than ten seconds later there was a small pop.
"You called Gramps?"
"Iruka. . ." All eyes stared at the 8 year old boy standing in the room. He was wearing the standard clothing for young children, hair up in a ponytail and the familiar scar across his face. This was normal for him, but not for them. He had a defiant look on his face, then it became a signature smirk.
"Hmph. So I see that you found out. Damn, I was hoping to get away with it."
"Iruka. Trying my ANBU up is not the way to go." An intake of breath.
"Who cares. It's fun. That reminds me Sandaime. If I was able to tie up your ANBU, then could it possibly be that they aren't good enough?" The Third's eye twitched just slightly. This child was the worst.
As Iruka headed towards the door, he suddenly froze and turned around.
"Oh, and Sandaime?" He paused and snickered softly. "You might wanna watch out for Kakashi-kun."
"What? What did you do to him, Iruka?"
A predatory grin split Iruka's face and he snickered. "He pushed me into the mud this morning, so I decided that he needed a punishment."
"What sort of punishment, Iruka?" The Third had a wary look in his eyes.
"You'll see. Oh and ladies? Kakashi is as gorgeous as you think he is." The heavy sound of footsteps and anger filled the hall and the door was thrown open as hard as it could be. In the doorjamb, breathing hard and obviously pissed off, stood Kakashi. He was missing his forehead plate, but he did have his mask, and he also had green hair(1).
"You little brat..." His voice was low, filled with fury.
"What? It's not my fault that you can't defend against a childish prank. Child genius my ass." A vein twitched above Kakashi's left eye. Iruka however, was clearly amused and not the least bit scared.
"You little... Fix this. NOW."
"Not if you're going to be threatening me." Kakashi growled low in his throat taking a single step forward. Pakkun stood at his feet, trying desperately not to laugh, mainly because he didn't want Kakashi to turn on him.
As if on cue, Ibiki stepped into the room with paperwork. Iruka was in front of him immediately, looking up at the scarred face with wide, innocent eyes.
"Biki-kun... Kashi's being mean to me..." Tears welled up in the former Chuunin's eyes, and he sniffed softly.
"Kakashi... Don't be cruel to little kids— Waitaminute. IRUKA?" He stared at the little boy with growing horror in his eyes before narrowing them and glaring at Tsunade. "Knowing you Tsunade, this is the result of an experiment." She nodded meekly, not quite sure what to do. An angry Ibiki she could deal with, but a crying, 8 year old Iruka was way out of her league. Standing there in amazement, Kakashi only snapped out of his stupor when Ibiki picked Iruka up and placed him in the Copy-Nin's arms.
"You're going to watch over him until the effect wears off. Keep him away from the Kunochi's because they'll squeeze him to death, and don't leave anything dangerous within his reach. This includes Chakra String."
"Since when is Chakra String dangerous?"
"I wasn't talking about dangerous for him, I was talking about dangerous for you. You'll end up being the butt of his pranks if you don't pay attention. Believe me, dying your hair is one of the least painful things that he could do. You got off lucky."
"What's the worst that he could do?"
"You don't want to know. You reeeeaaaaallly don't want to know. In any case, don't piss him off. Iruka's now a bundle of energy, and you don't want that on your case. Anyway. He likes sushi and ramen, and he can cook, so don't worry too much about him. Just keep the afore mentioned things away from him."
"What about knives."
"He might throw them at you once in a while, but you're the Copy-Nin. You can dodge, right? At least, I hope you can dodge. I'd take care of him myself, but I'm kind of busy right now. Actually, if you don't mind, do you think that you could bring him in to the T & I department later on? I'll need him for something."
"..." Kakashi frowned, he wasn't sure that he liked the idea of him taking care of the kid that was out to get him. Though he had already been gotten, so Kakashi supposed that it didn't really matter at that moment. It was an interesting idea however, but the fact was that he simply had no idea on how to take care of a child.
I IS IN YOUR PAGES, BREAKING YOUR LINES.
Sighing softly, Kakashi sent small bolts of chakra into the door on his apartment. The child-like Iruka stood by his side. Actually, it was up to his hip. The boy looked about 4 and a quarter feet, but he knew that the child would be fast.
"Huh, it's clean. I would have thought that you would have porn all over the place. You know, because you read those books." The Jounin ground his teeth together. Hopefully it wouldn't be too long, he really didn't know how much he could stand of this.
"Well? Are you going to stand there grinding your teeth together or are you going to show me around? I'm hungry, so I want to know where the kitchen was. Geez, you're supposed to pay attention, Jounin-kun. Act like the mature Ninja you are." Suddenly Kakashi had quite a bit of respect for the teachers at the Academy, if this was what they dealt with every day, then... Managing to get his thoughts back together, Kakashi stepped into his apartment and closed the door behind him. Sliding the orange Icha-Icha book out of his vest, he slid it onto the shelf with the others of the set, before speaking.
"Kitchen is behind you. My bedroom is down the hall and to the left. Your room is across from mine on the right. My nin-kin sleep here on the couch." Iruka was silent, his eyes taking in every detail. The apartment was large and spacious, a leather couch in the center of the living room. There were several plants placed neatly by the windows so that they got light. The walls were a light cream and the floors had soft blue carpets placed stratigically on them. He guessed that it was like that so you touched as little ice cold wooden floors as possible. Turning around slowly, the child took in the kitchen. It was just as neat, an island in the center of the floor. The tiling on the ground was neat and simple, heated by coils underneath the floorboards. The appliances were all up to date and Iruka couldn't help a small smile at the sight of all of the cookery. He had his tools, but where were the ingredients. Ahh, that's right, Kakashi went on missions a lot so he probably didn't have much in the way of items. It was alright though, Iruka would swipe some cash and go buy things from the market later on. First things first, taking a look at the traps that Kakashi had around the house as soon as the man went off to do something else.
It was an impressive set of traps, he had to be honest about it, nothing that he couldn't handle however. As soon as the annoying Jounin had left the room, Iruka had set to work, taking a look at the door lock that the Copy-Nin had set up. There were the standard traps, Wires, Freezing Jitsu's, and the Flame, but then there were the more impressive ones. Electricity; paralyzing the victim; getting trapped with vines, and his personal favorite so far; trapped in a Hengue that you couldn't remove. Snickering under his breath, Iruka added his own chakra to the mix, mainly so that he could come and go as needed; before setting up a personal trap using Kakashi's chakra from the other ones. It was an interesting trap, mainly because it summoned the animal that you hated and dropped it on your face. For men, the animal went for the groin and women, the chest. He hadn't told anyone about it, but Anko was going to require an update in traps and she would want it, so it all worked out in the end. Making sure that the last wire was in place, Iruka curled up on the couch and fell asleep, never noticing the hands that placed a blanket over him.
The next time that he woke up was when the sound of thunder shook the air. Iruka cowered under the blankets, waiting for the loud noise to go away. While the other's believed that he didn't have his 'adult brain' in the child's body. But the truth was, he did. He knew everything that was going on, he just didn't feel like being mature. He felt like being the deviant that had been carefully tucked away upon becoming a teacher. Although most people didn't know that he had this side of him, Iruka tended to keep it hidden, only letting it out on certain occasions. Most of the time however, it remained locked away, and he preferred it that way. But now, maybe it was the fact that he was staying with the great Copy-Nin, or it was the fact that he was in a child's body for the current moment; all he knew was the urge to prank someone had become enormous. Though he wouldn't mind succumbing to the desire, but all he really wanted was for the thunder to go away. That was the only downside to being locked in a child's body; you often had to go through the feelings, urges, and emotions that they felt. And since he had been afraid of thunder when he was a child, he was afraid of it now. As soon as the next crack of thunder had finished shaking the sky, Iruka grabbed the both the pillow and blanket that he had been sleeping with only to freeze when Kakashi's scent assaulted his nose. Apparently the man had covered him up sometime during the night. It was... nice.
Snapping back to attention, Iruka fled down the dark hallway as a flash of lightning seared the sky. He stopped at the door to Kakashi's bedroom and slid it open. The soft sounds of breathing greeted his ears. Perfect, the Jounin was asleep. Now Iruka could sleep with him and not get booted out of the bed. To be honest, he didn't care what the Jounin looked like. Sure he was gorgeous, but what mattered to the Chuunin was the heart, not the body. Though with the Copy-Nin, he had both. Tossing the pillow onto the futon, Iruka stepped onto it, dragging the blanket with him before wrapping the soft fleece around his tiny body, and snuggling up to the warmth. For such a cold man, he was so warm...
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It was the soft chirping of the birds that woke Kakashi up the next morning. He was warm, very warm, and not tired at all. Though it came as a shock when something warm snuggled closer to his body. Glancing down at his bare chest, Kakashi was shocked to see Iruka.
He must have come in sometime in the night... but when? Sighing under his breath so as to not wake the sleeping boy; Kakashi shifted his weight slightly. He didn't understand at all. The child hated him, so why come into his room during the night? It was an unanswered question, but he could soon answer it. Mainly due to the fact that Iruka was beginning to wake up. Slowly the dark eyes flickered open, blinking quickly as to remove the last remnants of sleep and to get used to the light that was pouring in through the window. He stared at the pale skin in front of him, before following the hard muscles hidden under flesh to the Jounin's face. When the scar became more noticeable due to the flush that was on the child's face, Kakashi decided to pity the child.
"What are you doing in here?"
"There was a storm last night..." The reply was soft, barely heard. But with his advanced hearing, Kakashi caught every word that had been said.
"I hate thunder..."
"Ahh. I wondered as much. My apologies, I should have asked." Iruka just shook his head from side to side; willing the blush to disappear. He really didn't mind the fact that Kakashi was apologizing, it was mainly the fact that he was sitting near the sexiest ninja in Kohona. Kakashi however, didn't even seem to notice the effect that he had on the child. Swallowing heavily, Iruka watched in silence as the Jounin got up and stretched. The silver-haired man was wearing a pair of pale blue, fleece pants that were riding dangerously low on his hips. As the man disappeared into the bathroom, Iruka couldn't help but lick his lips, and for the first time in his life, he couldn't wait to be back into his body. He could hear the shower running in the next room, and could only imagine the gorgeous thing that was currently bathing. It was such a shame, if he wasn't stuck in this damn body, Iruka would get up, strip and hop into the shower with the man. But, such a thing was of the future. He sighed under his breath and slipped out of the apartment. Iruka needed to retrieve the old clothes that he used to wear when he was younger from his family home. Though most people didn't know about his back story, the truth was that his uncle was the Mizukage of the Mist. There had been an incident involving his mother and father (though he really didn't want to get into details) and they came here for the safety. However, every year for his birthday, his uncle would send him a case of the Village's finest sake and wine. Often it was stuff that he made himself. Iruka tended to hand it over to Anko for her parties. It was part of the deal they had. She didn't invite him to the parties, or ask where the alcohol came from and he gave it to her. It actually worked out very well for both of them.
When Kakashi came out from the bathroom, his bedroom was empty. The entire house was empty, but he could feel the soft energy of Iruka somewhere out in the village. It actually worried him. Dressing quickly and dragging a brush through his hair to hide the Shardigan, he fled the house; sending a bolt of chakra into the traps to activate them, before turning and hurrying down the road. Iruka had left behind a trail of chakra. Perhaps he knew that Kakashi would follow him, but most likely, he was leaving a way for him to get back so that he didn't get lost. It was interesting to see how skilled this former Chuunin really was. Racing through town at top speed ─sticking mainly to the rooftops as to avoid civilians─ Kakashi landed silently in the gardens on an old mansion. He spotted Iruka vanishing through one of the doors and followed him, taking note of the symbol above the door. He didn't know it, but it was the symbol of the Umino Clan. One that had nearly been wiped out.
He found Iruka in a bedroom for a child, the boy was going through the clothing that was there, pulling out outfits that he could wear on a daily basis. Turning so that he could fold them, Iruka noted the door was open and glanced up, paling dramatically when he saw the Copy-Nin.
"Iruka, what are you doing here?"
"This was my family's mansion. I came here to get some clothing for me." The boy was oddly subdued and very quiet. "What? Did you think I was going to wear the same thing every damn day? I know you Jounin's are crazy, but wow." Nope, never mind, here's the Iruka that he remembers. There's the flare of chakra and spirit. It was amusing to think that this child could affect him so much. Damn, Kakashi really couldn't wait for him to be back in his own body. But, come to think of it; he didn't know when that would be. There was a problem. How long could he wait for Iruka to recover without giving in and molesting a child? Both Tsunade and the Sandaime would have his head if he did that. And he suspected a lot of the villagers as well. Mmmm... What to do, what to do.
Kakashi was pulled out of his musings when several pieces of folded clothing were placed in his arms.
"These don't have our clan symbol, so I can wear them." Dumbly the Jounin nodded, not sure what to say, before turning to walk out of the room with both the clothing and Iruka.
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Thankfully they had both made it back alive to the apartment, though there had been some very close calls. Not on their lives, mind you. But Iruka trying to kill someone else. It had been Genma a few times, and the Jounin was sure that Iruka was going to prank him that night, but he didn't really care. The man deserved it quite a bit. What was he thinking? Pissing off an 8 year old Chuunin was just asking for trouble. Well, if he wanted trouble, he was asking for it. And Kakashi had no doubt in his mind that the blond would regret getting Iruka mad at him.
God, he wanted to kill that bastard. How dare Genma think that he could get away with this insult? It was infuriating and maddening at the same time. Ohhhh, he needed a great prank, one that would scare the man into flinching whenever Iruka walked into the room. He also needed one for the Sandaime. Actually, he already had one, but he just needed to put it into motion. It was amusing to think about, but if it worked, it would be amazing. People would never be able to stop talking about it. That was assuming that he managed to pull it off. You know, mainly because the Sandaime was one of the highest ranking ninjas in the entire village? Yup, that was a problem, alright. But Iruka had a solution. Genjitsu. It was perfect.
As soon as Kakashi had fallen asleep, Iruka rolled out of bed and gently set his feet on the floor. Pakkun was asleep on the couch, but the young boy managed to slip right past him. According to Kakashi's drunken ramblings, (Iruka had given him one drink too many), Genma had crashed at Raidou's house. Snickering softly, the Chuunin lifted the window and slipped into the room. Replacing the items that he needed, Iruka crept back out and reset the traps. The Sandaime was next.
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When Kakashi came to the next morning, the first thing he was aware of was the splitting headache. Glancing at the clock revealed that it was after 9. He was two hours late for meeting his Genin team. Well fuck. Iruka silently walked into room carrying a cup of something and two pills.
"Aspirin for your head and the tea should help with the hangover. Hurry up, you won't want to miss this. " That motivated Kakashi enough to get up. In a flash he was up and dressed, before slugging the tea and pills. Grabbing Iruka around the waist, he gave the Chuunin a piggy-back ride as they raced towards the Hokage Tower.
Genma was in the Mission's Office when they arrived and Kakashi almost walked into a wall when he saw the man. The Jounin was wearing a maid costume, complete with stockings, garters, a feather duster, high heels, and the little thing that they wear on their head. What. The. Hell?
"Someone stole my clothing and left this in its place. My keys are also missing so I can't change." Tsunade sighed heavily.
"Iruka. . . . . . ." All eyes turned to stare at the boy on Kakashi's back who just tilted his head and looked confused. "Don't give me that look. What do you know about this?"
"Absolutely nothing, baa-chan." The vein above Tsunade's right eye twitched and all the ninja in the room stared.
"Are you sure Iruka?"
"Yup!" The boy seemed cheerful, and he managed to keep a perfectly straight face until he no longer could. Iruka broke out into peals of laughter and tossed a pair of keys from hand to hand above Kakashi's head.
"MY KEYS!" Genma hissed and lunged at the boy. Kakashi hurled himself out of the way and Iruka nimbly leapt off of the elite Jounin to land on the ground.
"Yes, baa-chan. I was completely behind this. You know, if your Jounin are falling for this, then how are they going to deal with me when I'm back to normal. This is pathetic!" Again, the vein twitched.
"Brat. . ."
"Call me brat, I'll call you obaba-chan."
". . .fuck." The moment the fifth Hokage said that word, soap appeared inside of her mouth. Tsunade viciously spat it out and glared at the 8 year old.
"Oh right. I forgot about that. I put a Genjitsu on some people."
"Because I can. Now, are we done here, Baa-chan?"
"Oh. Well too bad. I'm done." Iruka turned around and ran directly into Ibiki. The man was wearing a turtleneck in the middle of Summer.
"Undo this. Now." The man yanked down the collar of the shirt to show that someone had drawn on his skin with a marker.
"Why not?" Ibiki's eyes narrowed.
"I don't want too. See you later." And with that, the 8 year old Chuunin disappeared from the room leaving shocked Ninja behind.
"I'm going to assume by the looks that Iruka was in here?" The Sandaime stepped into the room as several people nodded slowly. "Where is he?"
"I don't know, Sandaime. . ." Tsunade spoke up. "He just left. Why do you need him?"
"Because he cast a Genjitsu on me, and now I can't catch any of my scrolls."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I. Can't. Catch. My. Scrolls." The Sandaime enunciated every single word of that sentence. "Fine, I'll show you." He reached down to grab a rolled up parchment from the fifth's desk only to have it fly out of reach. The man lunged at the paper, but missed completely. He sighed and turned around, ignoring the parchment as it once again settled down on Tsunade's desk. "See? I can't get anything done until this damn Genjitsu is removed!"
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Just barely outside the village gates, Iruka stood quietly watching the sun set. He was tired of people acting like jerks to him, but most of all, he hated Kakashi. Actually, he really couldn't hate the man, it wasn't like it was his fault that he was this way in the first place. But then again, maybe it was his fault. Iruka had been lost in thought for a while when a large hand landed on his shoulder.
"Shove off Ibiki."
"Hello, little nin. . ." Okay, that was NOT Ibiki. Whirling around, Iruka came face to face with another nin, only noticing sharp teeth before he was knocked out.
Kisame. . .
(1) Read the story Fix my Heart by TJRythum to understand. I believe that it was chapter 6.