In Jasper's car the world seems to have suddenly gone quiet.

"Where are we going Jasper?" I ask tentatively looking out the window. He doesn't look at me and takes more than a moment to answer. We weren't going in the right direction.

"Jasper?" I press.

"To the hospital." He states.

"Jasper, you stop this car right now, I will not go to any hospital. You take me home this instant or let me out and I will find my own way." I demand suddenly fierce.

"You've been raped, I have to get you checked out." He says quietly.

The words stab into me. Such a sick word. Rape. Nasty ugly word. Brings to mind disgusting and repulsive things. It should never be used in reference to any thing having to do with Edward. It brings chills to me as Charlie flashes to mind, his hands on me, his mouth...

"Don't you ever say that again Jasper Holden, now you take me home or I will get out at the next light." I challenge breaking away from my reverie.

"You would defend him, even now?" He asks incredulously.

"You don't know what happened." I say tight lipped.

"I know enough, would you still defend him?" He presses.

"I don't know what you think happened but I just want to go home okay?" I say pleadingly, avoiding a proper answer. He says nothing but he does turn the car in the direction of my apartment. When we get to the luxury apartment that I now occupy, he parks and gets out quickly to come around and open the door for me. He silently helps me from the car and escorts me to my floor. At my door he grasps me gently.

"Bella please don't let him get away with hurting you like that, he is my best friend in the world but any man that hurts a women needs to be punished." He says softly. I pull his arm and lead him into my apartment and sit him on the large armchair.

"Jasper listen, it is a very complicated situation between me and Edward. He was not himself a while ago, you have to know that, you have known him your entire life." I say to him settling on his lap and caressing his cheek.

"I know you and Edward had some sort of thing before, I know you two think that no one knows, but we all have eyes and can see how you look at each other when you think no one is looking. I never asked you, but I accepted that you were trying to move on from him. Please trust me enough to tell me what happened tonight." Jasper said running his hand over my arm gently.

I am surprised by his honesty, I had never realized that we were so obvious, I was never very good at hiding my emotions, but I thought Edward was.

"Jasper I know you think he did something horrible tonight, but I can't no matter how hard I try, think of it like that. I have been hurt in ways you can never imagine so I think I can recognize when I am truly abused. I have a deep love for Edward and I don't think that ever goes away. You can't after all, easily forget your first everything." I say softly. He is momentarily stunned. They all think me so experienced and knowing, I want to laugh.

"Edward was your first? But I thought you only met him a little before we met you?" Jasper asks.

"Yes, that's true. So you can imagine how sensitive the situation is, being that it occurred so recently and at such a late age for me." I said feeling slightly embarrassed.

"No, there is nothing wrong with waiting for your first time, but why Edward? And I got the idea that what ever you guys had was long past… so when exactly did you guys uh… you know?" Jasper asked shyly.

"Well, about a month after us becoming friends, one night it just happened. You guys had just left. It was the night we played twister and you grabbed my butt. He realized that it was my first time, but I think he was in that mode where he didn't want to get tangled in a relationship of sorts or something so he uh, distanced himself from me." I said biting my lip

"What do you mean he distanced himself from you? He tried to drive you away or what?" Jasper asked

"Not so much try, he did. I am here obviously. I couldn't take it any more." I admitted.

"What did he do?" He asked his hands tightening around me.

"Two days after he slept with me, he started fucking various women with me in the next room." I replied dryly.

"And yet you still love him?" Jasper asked jaw clenching.

"Yes, I do. But I have a big heart and I think I can love many. Since my departure with Edward I have sworn to myself that I will not tie myself to one person so easily again and I will experience all that this life has to offer." I said cuddling closer to him.

"So basically your going to sleep with whoever you want, whenever?" Jasper asked breathing becoming labored.

"Yes, does that bother you? After all that is what our little club is meant for, liberation of all kinds right?" I ask breathing warmly on his throat feeling him tremble slightly.

"But what about tonight? Do want to be used too? That is what Edward did. He used you to satisfy himself in that moment. Will you be someone's plaything?" He asked feebly

"Hmm, I think I rather like the idea for now." I said licking his throat in tiny little laps ignoring the jab at Edward using me.

"You know all the guys at the club want you don't you?" He said breathing in short gasps.

"Really? I had no idea, but for now I want you. I haven't felt this light in a while, don't let this moment go by Jazz" I say latching onto a spot in the middle of his throat and sucking firmly as he moaned softly.

"I've wanted you since I first saw you." Jasper managed to say.

"Oh?" I ask as I stand up and slip my dress to the floor, standing before him in only panties and heels.

"Then have me." I say wrapping my arms around him. In an instant I'm enveloped by him, and I can't tell what is up or down as I realize I am now lying on the couch. I help him struggle with his clothing, tearing at his shirt and yanking his boxers down.

He lays atop me, his firm muscled weight is delicious against my body, I want him roughly but I know he will not take me like that. I feel his hands sliding my panties down and off my ankles, and I am exposed beneath him. Our nakedness hiding no desire, leaving no heartbeat unheard.

I feel the rigid point of him heavy against my thigh for a moment then the length is plunged into me and I bite down on my lip as moans escape.

I am filled entirely by him. He is larger in width then Edward, and I feel myself being stretched my him. It feels good, but I cannot help but think of Edward for a half second. Of how Edward seemed to fit inside me perfectly, how his length felt growing in my hand as we lay together, ready for the next bout.

My legs are stretched open, my thighs gripped momentarily as he drives deeper inside me. I ache from this position, but I will not say so for it is the exact exquisite pain I hoped for. If I cannot have roughness, I will settle for mild pain. I have no idea where the craving for pain is coming from. Edward never hurt me, but I think pain reminds me of him and even if it is wrong, I love having him in my mind.

My fingers grip Jasper's hair. So unlike Edward's silken tendrils, his hair is wavy and thick, soft but not silky. I pull at it playfully and he hisses in response. I rise up to meet his thrust, desperate for more of the ache, for more friction. Sweat slicks our bodies, I spread my legs until it hurts and it is heaven. I scream out as I feel myself nearing climax, I see Edward's face for the briefest moment, and then Jasper quickens his pace till I am uncontrollable beneath him, thrashing wildly as he finishes inside me bringing me to my peak, clawing at the couch cushions even though I wish it were his flesh. Jasper is a gentle creature, the violence I now crave I do not think is in his nature.

Breathing labored, he collapses atop me, and the weight is comforting.


"Edward c'mon man, lets get you home. Its okay." I said trying to calm my hysterical little brother, the club closed hours ago and now at four a.m. we are filling out of the place and locking up. The girls leave ahead of us as we all promised to continue the party at my place. I have no idea what went on earlier in the closet, but my bro is fucked up.

"Is he going to be alright?" James asks stepping back as Edward looks as if he might puke all over the place.

"He looks pretty bad, man your brother can't hang for shit!" Jacob laughs as Edward stumbles and nearly falls, but I scoop him up before his face smacks into the pavement, and he looks at me like he would prefer the pavement.

"He'll be cool man, lets just get him up to the apartment and shut the fuck up asshole, next time you drink too much I'm going to leave you here on the street to be sodomized." I growl at Jacob.

"You going to be doing the sodomizing Emmy-Bear?" Jacob asks in a mock girly voice and he and James laugh while they attempt to hail a cab. The two know how to push my buttons. They know my weak spots. One is Edward, he is my only sibling, he's my baby brother for fuck's sake! He really seems to be hurting too.

I have never seen him like this in our entire life. Only a year apart, we grew up as close as two brothers can be. As children of divorce we spent our growing years flip flopping from coast to coast from dad to mom, until mom passed away when I was ten and little Eddie nine, and we were with dad permanently. Carlisle is as cool as dads come, he remarried about a year ago to his lovely assistant, Esme.

Growing up, he never gave us any grief, never told us to grow the fuck up or to stop embarrassing him. The only bit of advice that is constant with him is 'be the good guy'.

' Just be the good guy son, the good guy always wins in the end ' he repeated whenever a situation requiring our personal judgment would arise.

I wonder if Edward was the good guy tonight? From the state of him I would bet on no.

"Hello? Emmett? Are you going to put the pussy in the cab or what? The driver is not going to wait all night while you sing him to sleep!" James yelled impatiently from the front seat of the cab.

I sat Edward in the cab and then got in next to him and Jacob sat on his other side, keeping him upright.

"Keep running your mouth dickhead and I'll have to break it for you." Was my reply to James' s sneer. The dude is like seventy-five percent asshole and like the rest is man-whore, but he is also my best friend besides my brother and I guess I do like having him around. Crazy as hell, but a good man to have around in a sticky situation, James could be a little annoying at times, especially since he is my roommate.

"So ah, what is wrong with you Miss Priss?" Jacob ask Edward shaking him to awareness.

"She hates me now, how can she ever forgive me? I should be thrown in front of a bus." Edward mumbled to his self burying his head in his hands in defeat.

"Dude what the hell happened? Your brother is soo wasted!" Jacob laughs clapping his hands shocking a dozing Edward awake.

"Yeah that he is. But we all get pretty wasted sometimes, so leave him alone." I add

"Always protecting your precious!" James said laughing.

I ignored them as we arrived after a very short ride from the club to our apartments. The guys help me to get Edward in the elevator and to our floor. We are practically carrying him now. He collapses in the entrance way and then starts babbling again.

"Emmett, you have to tell her that I really do love her okay? If I don't make it…" Edward trailed off.

"Dude, why the fuck wouldn't you make it? Your drunk as hell, not dying of polio or something." James laughs as Edward continued to make strange requests.

"No, I am going to hell. I am going to burn in hell forever for this." Edward slurred.

"Calm down man, what could you possibly have done that's so bad?" Jacob asks hoisting a sinking Edward up yet again.

"I am a monster. Emmett don't tell dad how bad I've been okay? When I am gone tell him I was the good guy…"Edward rambled on.

"Sure Pal. No problem." I say humoring him but in my mind I am slightly worried. What is making him hate himself like this? Poor kid. Dragging Edward through the narrow hallway to the guestroom seems like a challenge, and the guys eye me wearily as they loose their grip on Edward and he smacks into the wall before sinking to the ground. James snickers, but stifles it when I shoot him a warning look.

"Shit." I curse, trying to hoist Edward's dead weight back up.

"Lets just put him in your room to crash out for now." Jacob says looking down at Edward with curiosity before grabbing one of his shoulders helping me get him back on his feet.

"No, guys c'mon. I'm not even tired!" Edward announces trying to brush us away from him stumbling away.

"Edward just sleep this off k? You will feel better tomorrow." I lie knowing he will feel ten times worse in the morning.

"Just give him another shot and he will be out." Jacob insists

"Yeah and maybe a few Percocets, he looks like he needs to forget for a while." James adds.

"You two were just saying how wasted he is, why would I get him more wasted?" I ask

"So he can forget whatever it is he keeps going on about." Jacob says simply. I shrug.

"Give him a beer and one Percocet and that's it." I agree hoping it will help. The guys cheer in approval and James goes to the kitchen to get some beer.

"The girls are here!" James announces on his way back. The girls left before us so the should have actually arrived first, right on cue Riley explains that they stopped at an adult shop on the way and bought some toys.

"If you boys behave we may even show you what we got!" Alice teased happily and Irina and Tanya giggle in unison. Rosalie looks down at Edward sprawled across the couch as James hands him a beer and Jacob supplies him with the pills.

"What the fuck are you doing? Why are you giving him more beer and shit? He is already shit faced!" Rosalie exclaims trying to grab the beer from Edward before he can chase the pill he just swallowed with it. Jacob grabs her by the waist holding her away long enough for Edward to clutch his beer tightly and chug it down before she can grab it. Rosalie smacks at Jacob and he lets her go.

"Well fuck! If he gets his stomach pumped its asshole here's fault!" Rosalie says indicating Jacob, before collapsing next to Edward on the couch.

"Poor kid." She mumbles petting his hair motherly.

"He will be fine, the puss just needs to learn to handle his alcohol better." James says squeezing in on Rosalie's other side. She smirks at him but says nothing. She is such a hot ass bitch. A hot bitch who cares what happens to my brother. Maybe she has a thing for him…Why should I care? Not like me and her have ever gone out or anything. God knows I want to but…but what? It causes drama when you fall for people your always around, with people you see all the time. Not the thing for me. I like the ways things are going just fine. Why mess with a good thing? Cause it irritates the hell out of me to watch James sit next to her, touching her.

"So what toys did you get Rose?" I ask trying to take my mind of the million other things floating across my brain. I take a seat in the oversized armchair and Alice props herself on my lap clutching a tasseled bag in the shape of breasts. I peek over her shoulder at it, curious about what they got.

Alice reaches into her bag and pulls out what looks like a flashlight.

"What the hell is that?" Jacob asks.

"Its for you Jacob! Actually I got one for all of you, it's a flesh light!" She says tossing each of us one. Opening the top where the light bulb usually sits on a real flashlight, is a fleshy mound. A fake pussy. Ha! All the guys roar with laughter.

"I am so using this!" James announces.

"Uh Tinkerbell you can use this on me any time, but I don't play solo." Jacob says to Alice.

"Oh really? Well maybe you will tonight!" Alice says lifting her top flashing Jacob her small pert breasts, nipples perfectly pink and mouth watering. James whistles rudely and Alice laughs.

"See anything you like Jacob? Hmm? Anything worthy of jacking off to?" Alice says coyly taking my massive hands and placing them over her small breasts, rubbing me over her nipples. Jacob's mouth falls open and we all laugh at him.

Edward opens his eyes, drawn awake by the laughter and looks around ignoring the scene before him and grabs another beer and downs it and then gets up and stumbles to the bathroom. Distracted by all the pretty ladies and their new toys, It's a while before I notice that Edward has not come out of the bathroom yet.

"Edward? Hey man you okay?" Jacob asks tapping on the door loudly. No answer. I get up and knock as well.

"Edward! Open the door right now!" I pound nervously. I don't hear anything on the other side of the door so I twist the handle to the left as hard as I can and it clicks unlocked. Inside the bathroom Edward is slumped on the ground an empty pill bottle in his hand.

Oh my god, oh my god. I can't think. Everyone is now crowding into the hall and bathroom to see what's going on. No one moves to help. Shit! What the fuck do I do? My mind draws a blank.

Rosalie shoves past me and checks Edward's pulse then pulls him up to a sitting position on the floor and holds him against her chest bracing his head in one hand and then with the other hand, shoves her fingers into his mouth and down his throat.

Choking and gagging he wakes and turns to vomit into the toilet.

"He'll be fine guys. Just put him to bed now." She says washing her hands looking slightly annoyed.

"What the fuck was that Rosalie? How did you know to do that?" I ask

"Common sense you dumb shits, next time listen to me when I warn you about something, believe me I know what I am talking about." Rosalie explains looking over at Edward who is still vomiting profusely into the toilet.

"Thanks Rosalie and believe me, from now on your word is law." I reply awed with her. She nods and heads back to the sitting room. Edward collapses resting his head against the sink, done vomiting.

"You good now?" I ask. He nods.

"I'm sorry Emmett." He mumbles hoarsely

"It's okay pal, lets get you to bed." I say

All the others follow Rosalie back into the sitting room except for Jacob.

He helps me lift Edward and lead him to my room which is right of to the side of the living room and as soon as we put him in bed, Edward is out cold.

He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. I can't understand what's up with him. This is so not his normal behavior. He never gets this drunk or acts this strange. I take his shoes off for him and cover him up before turning out the light and closing the door. Hoping he will be better tomorrow.