** Hello - this is my first story. Ever. And English isn't my first language so I appreciate your patience.
This has a section of adult nature, if you don't like that sort of thing please leave now.
I don't own any of the characters in Jane Eyre, it's all Miss Brontë's work. I hope you like this story :) **
No more secrets between us.
Edward was standing in the gravel of the entrance to Ferndean, the sun starting to set. He was waiting for Jane, eagerly waiting for the sound of hoofs hitting the road followed by carriage wheels, the coach that would return his beloved wife back into his arms. Jane had left 3 days ago to visit Adéle, they were married for a week, when Jane had requested Edward to go visit Adéle and see how she was doing in her school. Edward refused to go, but let Jane leave and see for herself about Adéles wellbeing. He had received a letter the day before, annoucing that she would be arriving with Adéle, given that she had seen her so miserable in her new life. Jane had demanded the headmaster of the school to let her go, with a letter signed by Edward requesting that whoever presented this letter, should get permission to take Adéle back to him.
Then he heard it, the carriage approaching, Pilot barking, and the excited screams of Adele as she approached to the manor. Once the carriage stopped, John opened the door and Adéle jumped happily out, running towards Mr. Rochester, hugging him to his surprise. He had suspected the child to be resentful towards him, since it was him who had put her in that school without a second thought or opinion. "Mr. Rochester, I'm back!" said Adéle as she hugghed him, and he clumsily hugged her back and simply said "I'm glad you are, welcome home Adéle". Then, he heard a second pair of footsteps following Adéle, not running but walking fast. It was Jane, who threw herself to the arms of Edward, kissing his lips and his cheek as he wrapped her tightly in his strong arms. "Hello my fairy, did everything go well?" was his welcoming to her, in a soft tone. "Edward I missed you so! Yes everything went well... Adéle will stay here for a while, until we can find her a proper school where she can grow happily and receive a good education". He smile and nodded, allowing Jane to lead him inside the house as John carried Adéle's trunks and Jane's bag.
They dined together, the three of them, laughed, talked, Adele chatting in her gleeful manner, overwhelming Edward who remained silent for a few moments, then talked, then became silent again, but Jane cheerfully talked with her through all dinner. Jane had adverted Adele about Mr. Rochester's wounds, and Adele took little time to get used to the new looks of her guardian.
"Madame Rochester, I'm very tired, I believe I will go to sleep now..." Edward grinned at listening that, and couldn't help but saying "Good! goodnight Adele, have a good night's rest". Jane kicked softly Edward's shin, and said "well, rest dear, tomorrow you will have to teach me everything that you have learned in that school". Adele nodded, and retired to the room Mary had prepared for her.
Jane slapped playfully Edward's hand that rested on the table, "Edward you are so cold towards Adele, we are the only people she has in this world, please try to be more tender with her...". Edward smiled, took Jane's hand, kissed her knuckles and replied "I'm sorry Jane, you are right... It's just that quietness and solitude have reigned this place for months, it's so strange to me that now it's filled with chatters, laughs and voices... But you are right... Now, Mrs. Rochester, I don't know about you, but I'm rather tired from all the day's commotion, and I believe you must be tired too, it was a long trip after all... Shall we retire to our chamber to sleep?" His grin gave away what was really in his mind, and Jane laughed softly, laced her fingers with her husband's - "Uhmm... Mr Rochester I believe sleeping is the last thing you have in mind". Edward again chuckled, stood up and still holding Jane's hand, replied "Well, let's go to our chamber and see". Jane giggled, and followed her husband to their room.
For both of them, being apart, even for a couple of days, was going back to the state of sorrow and loneliness they both experimented in the past. They needed each other, they wanted each other, they simply couldn't live without each other. And Jane was right, sleeping was the last thing they did once they reached their chamber. As soon as they entered the room and locked the door, both of them threw themselves in each other's arms, kissing passionately while undressing rapidly, eagerly, moans, groans, gasps and heavy breathing being the only audible sounds in the bedroom, lit only by a few candles and a dim fire.
They barely reached the bed, both of them freeing the other of any piece of cloth remaining until they were completely naked, their hands roaming freely all over their bodies, never breaking their kiss except for breathing. When they did reach it, Edward placed Jane on the bed, as he laid on top of her, their passion growing stronger, Jane urging Edward to take her, and Edward placing himself until he and Jane became one flesh. They entangled themselves in a sensual dance, a rhythm that both had grown to learn, that they knew pleased themselves and the other.
Both of them moaned, their pleasure evident, Jane was having a hard time keeping quiet, biting her lower lip so she wouldn't startle everybody in the house with her noises, specially Adéle. Edward in the meantime, began with slow but deep thrusts, as he knew Jane enjoyed this when they began their lovemaking. But then, both of them wanted more, and they both set a faster, more eager pace, Edward kissing Jane's lips passionately, enjoying her responsive mouth that had learned exactly how to kiss him back ever since she became his wife, stopping only to kiss her neck, her collarbone, and then back to her lips. She in return had her hands exploring Edward's back, grasping and releasing his skin under her fingernails, something that made Edward hiss with pleasure every time.
They have learned so much about each other's tastes, Edward knew Jane enjoyed him being gentle at first, but then taking command of the act, and driving her harder and faster, he enjoyed how Jane couldn't keep silent when he did this, that she cried out his name again and again. Jane knew Edward liked her to be bold, to not keep silent, she knew he liked to feel Jane's hands all over his body, and to know he was pleasing her. Since he couldn't see her expressions, her eyes, her face while they were in the intimate act, he needed to hear her, her urgency, her pleas, her demands. Unfortunately, now that a child was living under the same roof, she couldn't give away that, she knew Edward wouldn't be too happy about it, but by the look in his face, he didn't care so much right that moment.
Both of them climbed rapidly to climax, Jane's legs opened wider and encircled Edward's hips, pushing him closer to her, while Edward tried to go deeper and deeper, making Jane lose control and release a few moans of delight that made Edward go wilder with desire. Only a few moments later, Jane grasped Edward's hair with one hand, and the other grasping and scratching the skin of his shoulder, as the delicious wave of ecstasies washed over her, unable to let her keep still as her muscles trembled and a high gasp escaped her throat. This immediately drove Edward to the edge, and in one final thrust, made him go all rigid on top of Jane, as he released himself deep into Jane's core. Both of them, with elaborated breathing, rested in each others arms, their sweat covering them, not wanting to separate from the magnificent moment they just spent. "I love you... don't ever leave me again, not even for a couple of days... Next time you want or need to go somewhere, I will go with you, I'm nothing without you.." whispered Edward to Jane's ear, who smiled listening to this tender words, and replied in return to his ear "Darling let me remind you that I wanted you to come with me, I actually recall asking you more than once, yet you denied. But have no fear, I'm not eager to leave your side again either, being without you is like drowning, unable to breath, every moment of the day is painful". Edward smiled, searched Jane's lips, and kissed her tenderly but passionately, letting her know what he felt not with words, but with his kiss, to make her understand of his dependance on her, both of body and soul.
They relaxed in each others arms, Edward laid on his back, the sheets covering him up to his waist, leaving his muscular chest bare, where Jane rested, her chest also uncovered, lying on her left side, her head over his right shoulder, her right hand caressing softly his chest, and letting her mind wander through all places with complete ease.
Edward broke the silence between them: "Jane... there's something I've been meaning to ask you for a time, but I didn't know how to ask, or I was afraid of the answer..." said he, as his right hand caressed Jane's arm gently.
Jane lifted her face to meet Edward's eyes, even though she knew he couldn't see her, she needed this connection whenever any of them asked a question that wasn't a routine one, and given to the way he was asking, she was sure this wasn't a day-to-day kind of question. "Yes?" answered her, while her hand rested on his strong chest.
"Why did you come back? Don't get me wrong, you know how you revived me as soon as I discovered your presence in my threshold, but... why now? why not months earlier, or months later? Something must have spurred you to decide to come look for me, and I can only guess you headed to Thornfield Hall, and then heard about my misfortune and whereabouts. Yet, you still haven't told me, what made you come back and look for me? Let me hear it now..."
Jane froze. This was the moment she was trying to avoid ever since she came back from Moor House, and Edward told her of his frantic call in the middle of the night, days ago. Back then, she didn't want to tell him about how she also experienced the event, afraid that it would startle him or make him dwell into dark and inexplicable thoughts. She pressed herself closer to him, and her hand reached his chin and jaw, caressing his sideburns and his face, as she softly replied.
"I don't want to have secrets between us. They ruined our happiness once, so now I vow to never keep anything from you, wether it is long past, or whatever that will come along in our life together. I didn't tell you, but when I found out my uncle was dead and left me a fortune as the sole heir, it was St. John who gave me the news, and he began asking about "Jane Eyre" and how the lawyer, Mr. Briggs, was trying to find me due to the fortune left for me. And then your name came up. From the moment he pronounced your name, I again felt as I haven't felt in so many months, I felt alive. Yet, I feared I knew nothing of you, neither where you were, how you were, and with whom. I asked St John and he knew nothing, except of the events that occurred, of our failed wedding. This started as an angst in my heart, and I just needed to know about you. So I wrote to Mrs. Fairfax, asking about you, and I received no answer at all. I thought the letter may have been lost, and again I wrote, with the same result, nothing. Of course I was writing to Thornfield Hall's address, I had no idea that it was the same as writing to a tomb. I wrote to Mr. Briggs as well, but with no fortune."
Edward swallowed hard by listening this part of the story that Jane was sharing now, he could feel her in a distant place right now, remembering the days when they were parted from each other, suffering in different ways, but both under the torment that only brokenhearted people can feel. He kissed her forehead gently and caressed her hair, not uttering a word, letting Jane continue her tale at her own pace.
Jane continued, "Days passed, I received the fortune and as you know, I split it in 4 equal parts, I was only too happy to know I wasn't alone in this world, that I had relatives who actually cared about me" - Edward interrupted "My fairy you were never alone, my spirit was with you all the time. I'm sorry for interrupting, but you must know that." Jane smiled, kissed his cheek and continued. "Well, I told you before, St John asked me to marry him and go to India with him as a missionary's wife. I rejected him, told him I would go with him but as his sister, not as anything else. He kept insisting, explaining me why it would not be fitting to go under that figure, for everybody knew I wasn't his sister, and for a woman of my age to go to a foreign country with a man like St John, unmarried, was the same as defying society and all its precepts. I rejected him once, twice, and not with kind words. He took offense, but he wouldn't give up, he gave me time to think, but for me there was nothing to think about, I would go to India but as his assistant or friend, nothing else. I knew that marriage to him, even though he is a great man, an honest, hard-working caring man, was the same as condemning myself to die, in body and soul. I was going because I felt there was nothing left for me here, for all I knew, you were still married, or were somewhere in Europe sinking in your bitterness and anger towards me, and making new ties with other people."
Edward interrupted her again, in a shaky voice. "Jane, if I could only tell you that I refused to leave the house, not even for a minute, for fear that you would come back and not find me there... if you would have married, I -" Jane used her hand to cover Edward's mouth, and just said "shhhh, I'm not finished... wait until I tell you all, and then let me know what you think". Edward took Jane's hand and kissed it softly, then placed it again on his chest and said "Very well, do continue please..." almost as a whisper, in a more playful tone.
"After my refusal, St John was icy cold to me. He was never a man of sweetness and warmth, but he took that to the exact opposite, treating me like a stranger, even though he said he could never do so. One night, Diana, Mary, St John and me were in the study of the house, and St John read a passage of the bible, one that talked about salvation of the soul, of course in a subtle way, he was addressing me, and my soul. He was convinced that I was destined to go and do God's work along him in, leave everything behind and work with him in this holy mission, and not accepting his marriage proposal and to go to India with him, was the same as defying a sacred decree. I was not so convinced, and he tried everything in his power to make me understand that it wasn't him who was asking me to go as his wife, it was God himself, it was his plan, and I couldn't refuse that."
Edward interrupted her yet again, this time his voice deep as a growl: "Who the devil does this man think he is to play with your feelings, to extort you like that? I swear if I ever -" Jane lifted her hand again to make him be silent, while she giggled at his impetuosity, she enjoyed that a lot better than his now occasional gloomy state of mind. "Hush Edward, I'm still not finished..." She reached up to see his face, and he was frowning, his mouth twisted in an angry gesture. She reached to his face, supported herself on her elbows and kissed his lips tenderly, and his features softened considerably. She caressed his face and move the mane of hair over his brow, and while smiling said "You are the one who asked this question and wanted to know everything... I can stop if you want me to". Edward kissed her lips softly, and returned her smile with one of his own "No my love, I'm sorry for interrupting you and being angry... It's just that to think that somebody may have snatched you from me for good, and not out of love, I would accept that you would have left with somebody for love, it would have killed me but I wouldn't resent it, but out of false pretensions, out of "duty" to God... Good thing you refused him, but this man really needs to understand the meaning of the word "no"!" Jane's smile disappeared. She knew her story was half-told, that she almost succumbed to St John's request.
"That night, after Mary and Diana retired to their chambers, I approached St John, he continued being very distant towards me, and that was hurtful, I knew that my rejection was something he couldn't tolerate, that he was angry at me, even started to hate me for interfering with his plans, or at least for not taking part in them. We talked, and suddenly, his coldness vanished, he was being gentle and understanding now. This shook my ground, I was expecting severity from him, prepared for it, but when I found him so warm, so gentle, I was tempted to yield to his proposal. He asked me once more, and this time my refusal wasn't as firm as it was before. I actually didn't refuse him, I just said I wasn't certain, and this lit a flame of hope in his eyes. He pressed me against him, held me in his arms, and for that moment, I felt as if I was falling in a pit, falling to a destination I had no idea where it would lead me. To be his wife, was to give into a life of work, of sacrifice, to forsake all hope of loving and to be loved, to become merely an instrument for a greater good, to live at the side of a man who was great in spirit, but who would never love me, not as a wife, and who I will never love, not with the love of a woman; but the reward, other than the spiritual reward of heaven, would be to leave all the painful memories of us, our failed wedding behind, and start a new life with a clean slate, away from temptation of the flesh and of the moral, to finally forget you, Edward."
Jane made a pause, she felt Edward's breath grow more elaborate, as if he had ran for miles and made a stop to catch his breath. He of course was trying to hide it, but couldn't, and Jane, lifting up to see his face again, saw a tear sliding down his cheek from his right eye, as his nostrils grew wider, and his jaws pressed against each other hard, trying to suppress a plea, a cry, or a shout. His muscles were tense, she felt his arm tighter around her, almost hurting her, his heart racing inside his powerful frame, so loud she could hear it. Again she repositioned herself over her stomach, and again reached for his face with both hands, wiping the little salt drop that travelled down his jaw. "Edward, I think this tale is causing you unnecessary pain. I'm here for you, I love you, I will never leave your side, never on my account. I don't want to continue if this is bringing you bitterness over your spirit". She placed a kiss on his cheek and his brow, and while Edward cleansed his throat, he said "No, please continue... I want to hear it all, we still haven't reached to the point where you decided to come back..."
Jane leaned to Edward's side, rested her head on his shoulder, herself hiding her own tears and wiping them away quickly with the back of her hand. It pained her so to see the love of his life suffering, even now, after their love was sanctified and their union sealed, it hurt her to see him swimming in a sea of confusion, of pain and shame, for he made her clear over and over again that it was his doing to drive her away from him and that guilt had been eating him alive ever since.
She also cleared her throat, and resumed her story: "As I was in St John's arms, contemplating the possibility to say yes to his proposal, I heard, as clear as I hear you now, your voice, calling my name three times: "Jane, Jane, Jane!" in such a frantic and despaired way... My heart stopped right then and there, my soul broke free from a languid sleep that was experiencing, my mind bursted in excitement and confusion of hearing you again. I broke free from St John's embrace, I rushed to the night and answered your summon back, saying "I'm coming - wait for me!" and then "where are you?".
That was the moment where nothing else mattered, nothing, nobody else existed, but you and the ardent desire to find you, wherever you were. The rest is all very simple, the following morning, I explained Diana and Mary about what I had to do, St John was gone to Cambridge so I didn't have to face him. I took a coach at Whitcross that took me very close to Thornfield Hall. When I reached there and found it ruined, I feared the worse, but I had to find out about you. I went to the Inn that's nearby, and the owner told me everything, of the fire, Bertha's fate, your accident... and of course, of your whereabouts. I reached Ferndean by coach, well... you know the rest..."
Edward didn't say a word, he kept silent, his breathing in a steady pace, he felt relaxed, but very far away. Jane understood his silence, yet it was crushing her not to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling that moment. She knew Edward had actually called her name, that very night, he had told her the same story but from his side. Now, to strike him with the story that she actually heard those summons and that it was her, completely conscious, who had answered to them, and said the exact same words he had heard.
His silence was torturing her, she again turned and approached his face, and saw his face a void, completely blank. "Edward?" said she, and he came back, from whatever distant place he was. He blinked repeatedly as if to wake up from a deep thought, smiled, kissed Jane's head again, and said, with a sad, deep voice, doing his best to keep from weeping or from his voice to crack: "I cannot believe how very close I was to lose you forever... If you had gone to India with him, as wife or not, that would have been the end of me. Make no mistake, I would have known, I knew you were alive because I felt you in my heart, sometimes since I couldn't find you, I started to think you were dead, but then I felt our cord of communion still there, still in place, it wasn't broken, it meant you were still alive and you still felt something for me, remembered me... But you going to India was the same as dying, for you would have never come back, never looked back. All the months I spent in my pitiful loneliness, in pain, both physical and emotional, was softened by the thought that you love me, or loved me. The second thought was more hurtful, but at least made me realize I wouldn't die without knowing what was to love somebody as I love you, and to be loved all the same."
He made a small pause, sighed, then resumed "Your tale is deeply painful Jane, not of course that you mean it, but it is as if a dagger trespassed my heart. To think of all the suffering I've caused you is unbearable, and also to hear from you that at first you tried to forget me is twisting my heart right now as we speak."
Jane replied in a raised voice, uneasy after his last words "Edward I didn't mean to-" Edward silenced her with a kiss, a swift but passionate kiss, then said "No my darling, I'm not blaming you. I understand you, my pain is to understand your reasons and to know that it was me who caused you such pain and almost made you accept a marriage request from a man that didn't love you, and that you didn't love. I forced you, who loves me beyond reason or beyond ways, to try to forget me, to throw away all the sweet memories of our love, though short memories for our time together after we shared our feelings wasn't long before disgrace struck, they were sweet, pure and sincere, from your behalf and from mine. I had a dark ugly secret stored within me and carried on deceiving you, terrified that if you knew the truth, you would leave me, for I knew back then your character, your honesty, your virtue, it's still there. I acted wrong, and I will never forgive myself for as long as I live."
Jane's eyes began to water, and the tears started to run freely from her eyes. Edward couldn't see them, but he could sense them, and kissed both her eyes, and her cheeks, drying them.
"Edward... I need you to understand something. If I wanted to forget you was only because I never considered the possibility of your state, and of the matter of things, to change, that is to say, your marriage state. Going back to you for me meant to be in the grasp of temptation again, I could escape it once, but I was sure I would never escape it twice. I disappeared from your reach because I knew you would look for me, find me, and then things would get more complicated, because you would want me back and I would want to go back, and our doom would be sealed, this time, no resistance from sin would be found in me. Yet, night after night after our forced separation, I found myself in bed rolling with anxiety of not knowing anything from you. I was so scared to think that you left Thornfield Hall for good, England for that matter, went to the continent to pursue your old ways, losing yourself in a sea of oblivion, anger and sorrow, finding temporary comfort in the arms of another woman. Just thinking of this made me cry until I fell asleep, only to wake up next morning in the same situation; desperate, without knowing anything from what and who I love most in this life, to unknown whether you were happy, or at least found peace.
When I wrote to Mrs. Fairfax asking for you, I didn't do it addressed straight to you for the reasons I mentioned before. If I had known, for a second, what happened in Thornfield, and specially what happened to you, right then and there I would have left everything and run back to you, and be at your side forever, as your wife, as your friend, as your nurse, as whatever you wanted me to be"
Edward smiled, held Jane closer to him and whispered "I only thank God about the supernatural event that brought us together. It was Him for sure, it was His way of telling you that marrying Rivers and going to India was not what He wanted, that you were destined for a different type of life, along your soulmate, along me. I tell you, when I called your name in the night, I felt different than other nights, a different kind of mood moved me, it wasn't sorrow, it wasn't grief, it was vehemence, it was strength, it was calling what belonged to me, it was shouting to the world that you were mine, and I was yours, even though we were a world apart. And to hear your voice answer me, well back then I thought it was an illusion, a trick of my tired and famished mind and heart. But when you said "where are you", it's where I felt our souls found each other, they connected. It couldn't be a coincidence, nor I could hear you in two different phrases just out of my imagination, it was certainly you who heard my cries and answered them. I had no idea you were awake and conscious when that happened, I thought, given the hour of the night, that you were asleep and that your soul met mine in a different dimension, and I'm sure they did, but I just think it's an incredible thing what brought us together, a miracle in fact."
Jane smiled, she was overwhelmed by the words of her husband. He was right, about everything he just said. It was indeed a miracle, that God decided to be merciful on both of them, and reunite them in the most strange way, this time with no obstacles in their path towards happiness. They remained silent, both of them lost in their own thoughts, but at the same time, both of them knowing what each one was thinking. Edward was absorbing the shock to know that if it wasn't for the mysterious call in the night, she would be lost for him forever, gone, vanished. And she was thinking the same thing, that she would be in a different world, would be a different person, and would be deprived forever from the love she enjoyed now and woud continue to do so until death would part them.
Both of them simultaneously broke silence, each wanting to speak at the same time. "Jane I..." - "Edward, what t-"... They laughed softly, kissed each other, and then Edward said "you first...".
"I was going to ask you the time" and laughed softly, and he chuckled too, thinking she was going to say something serious, following the whole conversation that just passed. "I don't know, must be close to midnight..." Jane yawned, and relaxed again in his arms. The weather was cooling now, and she was feeling it. She pulled the covers over her chest, and snuggled close to her beloved. Edward, also pulled the covers to warm his bare chest. They both succumbed to sleep, after a day where the last secrets between them were exposed, and their confidence in each other was growing stronger now.