Crazy For You
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction based upon subject matter that is not my own. Pop culture references also do not reflect ownership by me. The song is a mixed cover by Glee of a Brittany Spears song, Crazy, and Aerosmith's Crazy. Youtube that epic-ness!
It was a regular day at Titan's Tower and Garfield found himself in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards for something to snack on. He wasn't paying particular attention to his surroundings and thus didn't hear the arrival of the resident alien over his humming.
"My friend, might I make an inquiry of you?"
"Sure Star, shoot." Garfield hid his startlement behind the cupboard door and renewed his snack seeking efforts.
"You play an Earth instrument do you not?"
Garfield paused, surprised by her question before turning to look at her, "You mean the guitar? Uh, yeah, I play, but not exactly well." he answered, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. She couldn't hear him practicing could she? That would be mortifying as he was really only a beginner and lacked the discipline necessary to practice daily in order to actually be good at it. Unless she was talking about Guitar Hero. He rocked at Guitar Hero.
"And you sing?" she asked, eyes looking up at him, shining in hope.
"Um…did you not hear me in Tokyo? I sound like nails on a chalkboard dude." Garfield was really confused about what exactly Starfire was trying to get at.
"But you do not mind performing in front of people?"
Garfield's eyes widened in alarm, "Star, please tell me you didn't do something crazy, like signing me up for a talent show or something!" Yeah, Garfield liked attention, but he wanted adoring fan girls, not a bunch of rotting vegetables being thrown at his head!
"It is humorous that you should mention something that is the crazy…" she smiled.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Garfield was going to throw up, he could feel it. There would be spewage everywhere. How in the world did he let Starfire talk him into this? His agreement had to have been under duress, there was no other explanation. By agreeing he'd signed his own death warrant. There was no way he was going to come out of this situation alive.
"Are you well my friend, you look like you may become ill."
"Oh, you know, just contemplating throwing up all over the common room, no big deal." he answered with a weak grin, tweaking one of the pegs on his guitar to fine tune the string.
"But we have put in much practice; I have every confidence that we shall do the removal of the socks by knocking!" she beamed at him.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this Star? I mean, we can still back out. No one has to know."
"But we have spent so much time practicing." Star's smile faded, sadness threatened to overwhelm her, tears overflowing her eyes. "You seemed so excited when I told you why I wanted to do this." It's true, when she first explained what she wanted his help with he balked, but once she'd explained why he couldn't help but be supportive of her. But then, why did it have to be him? "If it is merely that you think we are not ready, we can postpone and practice more." she hedged. Of course she didn't want to, they'd been practicing for over a month and she'd been ready to perform for three weeks.
"It's not that I don't think we're ready, we sound great…I just…" he sighed.
"You do not think she will like it?" Garfield cringed.
"Star, I have every confidence that you're going to get what you're after, me on the other hand…I don't know if I'm the person you should have picked to help you with this. I mean, Cyborg could have—"
"NO!" she shot back with a uncharacteristic glare, startling him. Her expression softened, "I chose you because I knew what it would mean for you my Friend. I needed the courage to face my feelings and your Earth television has shown me how to achieve this. I have every confidence that you will achieve this too once you start. Your efforts shall be rewarded."
"This is all good for you Star, but our situations are very different. Raven's going to beam me to a new dimension because she's going to think this is all a big joke."
"No, she will see how you have helped me with my feelings and my goal and she will be the understanding. Now, are you prepared?"
"As I'll ever be." he muttered. Taking a deep breath and sending out a prayer he took a step forward and the common room doors whooshed open. Glancing around Garfield noted Cyborg in the kitchen piling meat on a plate, Robin on the couch with the remote in his hand, and Raven a couple cushions down, book in front of her face. No one had looked up at the opening of the doors and he knew that was about to change. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before he stepped into the room and started strumming the song he'd dedicated countless hours to perfecting. He'd spent so long preparing for this moment his fingers didn't even need his mind to tell them what to do. He kept his eyes closed, counting the notes until Star made her debut.
"Baby, I'm so into you, you got that somethin', what can I do?" Before they'd started practicing, Garfield would have cringed if you'd asked him to listen to Starfire sing a song; the girl tended to screech. But once she'd grasped the vast difference between Tamaranian and Earth singing, the girl improved in leaps and bounds. Her voice was soft and lilted. It carried well across the room. "Baby, you spin me around, the Earth is moving, but I can't feel the ground."
Opening his eyes, Garfield saw that all his teammates save Starfire were looking right at them, mostly at Star, but one pair of violet eyes was fixated on him. This was the moment of truth, he inhaled and eyes fixed on hers, "Oh, that kind of lovin' turns a man to a slave. Oh, that kind of lovin' sends a man right to his grave."
Naturally Robin's eyes were glued to the red head, and she had only eyes for him…at least, that's what Garfield assumed. Really, he couldn't seem to make his eyes turn towards them as his gaze was quite pointedly fixed on the girl who quite literally haunted his thoughts and dreams. He hadn't quite consciously made the decision to walk forward, maybe he was just following Starfire's lead, but more likely it was the force that was behind those violet eyes drawing him nearer. He couldn't look her in the eye as Starfire joined him for the next part; rather he looked down at his guitar and closed his eyes. "You know I'm crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby. Crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby."
Of course, he really couldn't help it for the next two lines as they were his solo and he really wanted to see her face, "Tell me, you're so into me," Raven's eyes widened and a blush rose to her cheeks emboldening him, "that I'm the only one you will see, yeah." Oh how he wished she would.
"Tell me, I'm not in the blue,(Oh) that I'm not wastin' my feelings on you." Starfire's line was true too, of course she was focusing on Robin but that was beside the point. The point was, Starfire was right. He'd originally agreed to help because she wanted to confess her feelings to Robin, but it wasn't just about her feelings anymore.
"Every time I look at you," Garfield could feel his eyes begging Raven's to take his words for truth and, preferably, not hurt him when the shock wore off.
"My heart is jumpin' what can I do?" When Starfire had originally proposed this song, this duet from the very TV show that taught her the only way to express one's emotions was through song, Garfield had worried their intended audience would get the wrong idea. But now, even when their voices joined, it was like they were simply harmonizing two solos rather than a duet singing to each other. Other than her voice complimenting his, he wasn't aware of anyone else in the room apart from the girl he couldn't help but gravitate towards. "You drive me crazy,"
"I just can't sleep," "crazy," She really did drive him crazy. She drove him to distraction.
"Crazy, I'm in too deep." And he was, he was head over heels in love with this girl, "You know I'm crazy," and for better or for worse, now she knew it.
"But it feels alright," "crazy," He'd have to be crazy to agree to this harebrained scheme to serenade this girl with his feelings for her.
"Baby thinking of you keeps me up all night." This was too true. Thoughts of Raven had led to countless hours of lost sleep. She was all he could think about some nights and not just fantasies of them being together, dating and being happy. But he worried for her. He could hear when she had nightmares. He could hear when she cried herself back to sleep. He could hear her voice break when she'd chant her mantra over and over, to drive the bad dreams away. Raven was incredibly strong and stubbornly independent. She'd never accept his worry for her; never just let him help her, hold her through her tears. He wanted to, so very badly. Maybe, just maybe this would convince her that the resident jokester could have a serious side. That his feelings could be sincere. That when he promised her she wouldn't be alone, he was trying to tell her it was because he wanted to be with her with every fiber of his being. He loved her and craved nothing more than her love in return.
"You know I'm crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby." At this point he'd come just before the place on the couch where she was perched. She'd turned completely around, propped up on her knees, her left elbow indenting the back of the couch, her right hand hovering having dropped her book from lifeless fingers. She was looking up at him, eyes wide, shining with barely repressed emotion. "Crazy," he lowered himself so he was now looking up at her "crazy," he kneeled on the floor, guitar perched on his knee, "crazy for you baby." their faces were but inches apart. As the last note faded into the silence, Garfield looked up at her from his supplicating position and burned to kiss her. He silently begged her to understand what he was trying to tell her, silently hoping she would grant him his boon of a kiss, and praying to every deity in existence that she didn't completely freak out. This was a huge risk, he'd known that going in, but somehow, kneeling before her, his heart exposed and so very, very vulnerable, he came to the realization that he'd never exposed himself quite so thoroughly before. This girl, this woman, held his heart in the palm of her deceptively delicate hand and she had the power to grant every wish of his heart or utterly destroy him. He'd never desired anything so fervently as he did the former.
"That was…really pretty Star." Robin choked out and the spell was broken. Fear, unadulterated panic and fear flashed through Raven's eyes and she vanished in swirl of ebony magic. For one brief instant Garfield felt nothing, shock keeping his feelings and thoughts in a frozen stasis; but the scale tipped and his realization of her fleeing from him sent his world tumbling and crumbling before his very eyes. Heat and stinging pain built behind his eyes before he blinked hard and fought it down. He would not weep. He would not ruin Starfire's triumph with his own failure. He knew there was no fixing the look on his face, the droop of his ears, or the slump of his shoulders, but he would not let the gasping, choking sobs surface and draw his friends' attention to himself.
Garfield closed his eyes and gripped his guitar with his very need to hold on to something, anything to keep him here, to keep him grounded. He took a deep, silent breath before looking up at his friends. Rather than kneeling and begging Robin to return her feelings, Starfire sat upon the back of the couch looking down at him. She bestowed her love upon him as a gift, a gift he'd be beyond foolish to spurn. Though Garfield could see nothing but the back of Robin's gel covered head, he could well imagine the look of adoration on his leader's face. It could be nothing less than a reflection of awe as he stared up into the beautiful face of the girl who only had eyes for him.
Starfire won. There was no way Robin could look into such a glorious face, such beautiful eyes, and not be moved past his bullheaded foolish stubbornness. Starfire's courage and love would be well rewarded as her relationship with Robin could finally progress as it was meant to. Garfield was happy for her. Happy for them both. But he was not so selfless that he could sit there and be happy for them while his own heart shattered, no hope of its ever being repaired. Silently, drawing the attention of neither, he rose and backed away from his helplessly in love friends. He made his way to the door and as it whooshed open, glanced back one final time, hoping the noise hadn't disturbed their reverie in each other. He needn't have worried, the world did not exist past the face of the other. The door closed, blocking their happiness and love from his sights and he couldn't have been more thankful or sorrowful as he made his way to his room, guitar dragging on the floor behind him.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
He wasn't sure how long he was in his room; he knew some time had passed, but as he'd sat there, numb to all, he couldn't be sure just how much time had passed. He would have continued to stare into oblivion, numb, had he not been startled from it by a soft, hesitant knock. He debated whether he ought to answer or ignore it. After all, it was more than likely Starfire come to thank him once more for his aid in her plan to gain happiness of the most ardent nature. She would then ask how his own pursuits had been rewarded and he really didn't think he could survive reliving the scene in the living room over again. Not that it wasn't replaying over and over in his head, but he didn't think he could put it in words and not have his soul shatter along with his heart.
Starfire would understand, eventually, why he would so utterly avoid her and Robin in the days to come. She'd probably be too distracted and insanely happy to notice his absence anyway. All he had to do was lay low…wallow in the dark. Robin and Starfire would be lost in each other's eyes and Raven was sure to avoid all thought of him like the plague, so it wasn't like anybody would miss him for a few days. He could wallow and when he finally came out of it, he'd plaster on his smiling mask and pretend none of it had ever happened. He'd done it when his heart was broken before and he'd survived. It was what he did. Survived. Even when he didn't want to, he survived. Even when he was sure it would hurt far less to do anything else, he survived. He'd promised, a long, long time ago, that even if he was all alone, he'd fly away and he'd survive since he could.
The soft knock sounded again, he'd almost forgotten about it. Did he not, after all, deserve a little time to sulk? Time to piece his walls back together? His heart was beyond repair but surely his friends cared enough about him to let him put himself back together again in peace? Surely they'd leave him to his privacy to overcome his heartache? Did he deserve so little after bearing such punishment as he had?
The knock sounded a third time before a soft hesitant voice accompanied it, "Garfield, please. I know you're in there; please, let me enter." Garfield's ears perked. It couldn't be, was that really Raven at his door? Raven sighed, "I don't blame you for being mad at me. I wouldn't want to talk to me after the way I reacted either. I have something I'd like you to see, and if you can find it in yourself to forgive me, I'd like you to come to my room. I won't blame you if you decline. I don't deserve your forgiveness no matter how much I wish for it." With that, Garfield listened to her soft footstep fade away down the hall.
Damn it all to hell. Now she made him feel guilty for having his heart broken. The last thing he wanted to do was stand before her while she gave him the 'I really care about you and hope we can still be friends' speech. Why had he been so stupid? What had possessed him to listen to Starfire? Why did he ever believe she could ever love him back? And now her voice, her regret and sorrow filled voice, would haunt him until he faced her. Until he told her he forgave her and asked her to forget this ever happened. Until he could laugh about his anguish, choke it down with a false smile, and ease her mind of any pain she caused him. After all, it wasn't her fault she wasn't in love with him. She was way out of his league anyway. This is what happens when you reach for stars, they burn you.
With a groan, Garfield rolled himself from his bed and he shuffled through the clutter of his bedroom floor. It wasn't quite as bad as it used to be, he'd gotten better at at least keeping food and trash picked up. The clothes were another story, but at least his room no longer resembled a dumpster, in looks or odor. His door whooshed open and he slowly made his way down the hall. Raven's, being his closest neighbor, was the first door he came upon. Heaving a sigh, he forced down all the hurt and anguish and stretched his face in the semblance of a smile, though it felt distinctly like a grimace, and knocked.
The door inched open revealing a sliver of the half-demon's face. Her eyes widened as she took in who was at her door. Her gaze darted down and away before she squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath, and released it slowly. Looking back up into his eyes she gulped and said, "Please don't freak out." Confused, Garfield cocked a brow down at the petite woman. Raven sighed before stepping aside and pulled her door further open. Garfield's gaze followed her even as he stepped into the room. When she closed the door behind him he glanced up at her room quickly before startled into a double take.
Raven's room was demolished. It looked as if an epic battle was waged in the confines of her four walls and the majority of her possessions hadn't survived. Garfield felt his jaw drop as he took in the destruction. He felt his mouth work, trying to form words, but his brain wasn't doing much to assist in his efforts. "Rae, what—who did this? What happened? Are you alright?" Panicked at the possibilities of his last question—after all, if Raven's sanctuary of a room had suffered such destruction, how faired her person since she'd have defended her domain?—Garfield whirled and raked his eyes over her form, searching for any tale-tell signs of injuries. Finding none, his gaze sought hers and he was startled at what he found.
Contrition, shame, sorrow. Realization was slow to come to him, but come it did. Raven had done this herself. "Why?" his voice croaked out.
"Because of you." she whispered up at him, eyes shining. "You have to understand, what you did, your words, they had…quite the impact on me. My emotions are dangerous Gar, even the positive ones. You've seen the destruction I've wreaked when in a foul mood, it is just as violent with I'm…happy." She closed her eyes and turned away, giving a small self-depreciating chuckle. "Happy. Such an insufficient word. It cannot describe the vastness of what your…display inspired in me. I have not words to explain the severity of what I have felt, what I have…experienced." She sighed again before reclaiming his gaze with her own. "You must understand this one thing, if nothing else. I did not flee you, nor your sentiments, this afternoon; I was protecting you."
Garfield's brow furrowed. Protecting him. She was kidding right? Protecting him? Did she understand so little of what he suffered? She shook her head, "You don't believe me and I don't blame you. Garfield, look around you, really look. This is what happens when I can't control and suppress my emotions. If I hadn't come here when I did, this is what the common room, and everybody in it, would have suffered." Again, slow though it came, realization brought understanding. She really had been trying to protect him.
"So what does that mean? You weren't rejecting me?" he savagely fought down the hope that reared with his words. Even if she didn't dismiss his feelings, he knew her. In the wake of such destruction she would never compromise on this.
Raven sighed, rubbing the heels of her hands across her eyes. "I wish I weren't so very selfish." she whispered.
She looked up at him. "I wish I were more selfless. I wish I could let go my own wants and desires for the greater good, for your greater good. I wish my feelings would relinquish my heart as my mind assures me that no good can come of this. But my heart is selfish. I want this. I want your feelings, your admiration, your…I want you to love me as I…I want…I want to be with you more than anything. But I also want to send you away for your own good. I want to protect you from me, from what I can do. I want to keep you safe and as far away from me as I can but I want to be with you so very much more that I can't bring myself to be selfless. I can't bring myself to value your life more than my desires. I love you more than life but I cannot seem to value yours as it deserves because I don't want you to go away. I want you to be with me."
Garfield was sure there was more to that message than what he got out of it, namely that she wanted to be with him—SHE WANTED TO BE WITH HIM FOR CRYIGN OUT LOUD—but his mind shrugged at such excess worry because it did catch the important bit, she wanted to be with him. Throwing caution to the wind, much like he did that afternoon, Garfield snaked his arms around Raven and yanked her into a kiss. It wasn't graceful, or poetic, or worth any sonnets, but it was honest and heartfelt and right. Once she melted into his arms, he didn't care that she'd shattered his dreams and broken his heart. He didn't care that her feelings for him put him in danger. He didn't care that he couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing through his ears. He didn't care about anything but the feel of her lips against his, her hands fisted in his hair, his hands pressing into the spandex material covering her back. He didn't care about anything other than whatever the hell it was that just knocked him upside the head.
Pulling away he looked down at a flushed Raven. The roaring wasn't the blood in his ears but apparently a mini-maelstrom happening around them, the epicenter of the storm. "Sorry." she murmured, eyes drifting to the sad remains of a book, the offending item that disrupted their kiss.
He grinned, "Kissing you is worth you throwing books at me."
She glared, "That's not funny."
"You think I'm funny even if you won't admit it. It's okay." he shrugged. Raven shook her head. "So, I can totally understand why you'd vanish into your room after that little show in the common room, but I have to ask; what made you change your mind? What made you want to show me? It's late, if you waited so long to show me, something must have changed your mind." He needed this. He needed to know because he knew, even as his conscious mind was too slow to comprehend, he knew that this would happen again. Raven's powers would cause destruction in the course of their relationship—yes he'd make sure there was a relationship—and he needed anything he could get in his arsenal to overcome her fears and protect said relationship.
"Cyborg. He video recorded your and Starfire's production this afternoon and it was still recording after I teleported. Cyborg, dear friend that he is, showed me in all his high definition glory how very soundly I broke your heart. The pain on your face will haunt me always." she admitted quietly. Note to self, find some way to thank Cyborg for being the best and most epic best friend known to man. And should the day ever come, there was a spot right up front at the altar with his name on it. How could he have forgotten about Cyborg? He'd been in the kitchen the whole time and of course he record that, that was prime blackmail material! Garfield shook his head, he'd thank the epicness that was his best friend but right now he needed to get his moody girlfriend out of her funk.
Okay, so maybe girlfriend was a little presumptuous at this point but he'd be damned if he let her get away after admitting all that. "I really am crazy about you Rae, and I know I've always driven you crazy," he grinned down at her, her eyes rolling and her mouth smirking, "but I'm not so crazy that I'd let you get away because of this." he waved his arm around her room to indicate all the debris.
"Garfield, be serious. I'm dangerous." she protested, not meeting his eyes.
"And I have a primitive beast sleeping subconsciously in my brain; we all have our issues Rae. I'm willing to work on mine and I want to help you work on yours. Please, please don't shut me out. You make me happy Rae, please don't take that away." He knew it wasn't fair, twisting her emotions like that, but Raven needed this just as much as he did. Probably even more. He knew she had it in her to get her powers under control, even if her emotions never were. She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for. He believed in her enough for the both of them. That would be enough, it would be more than enough.
"Should we go tell the others?" Garfield felt his heart swell. He'd never felt so elated in his life. And this was to be his state of being for as long as Raven would have him. He'd do everything in his power to make sure that was always.
"Tomorrow." he grinned down at her. "Let them have tonight. They deserve it."
"How did Starfire ever convince you to do this anyway?" she asked, curious. Looking up at him he could tell the worry, at least for now, was abated.
"It wasn't hard. I'm rather crazy after all." he grinned. Garfield swooped down and kissed her. He was never going to tire of that feeling, he was sure of it. He'd be crazy to.
AN: My very first oneshot! So, what did you guys think? I've had this scene floating about the cobweb strune corners of my mind since I first heard the song. If you haven't heard it, youtube it immediately. It's beautiful...and I'm a sap. But still, like, not like? More oneshots since I can't seem to get my act together on Shades? Leave me some love in the form of fuzzies!