Author's Note: Before I start this story, I should note that I have never seen a single episode of Doctor Who.

All I know about Dr. Who comes from reading fanfiction. No matter which kind of fanfiction I try to read, Dr. Who inevitably shows up. He shows up in the Harry Potter stories, he shows up in the DragonBall Z stories, and I haven't checked, but he probably shows up in the Tetris stories, too.

All the Dr. Who fanfics I've read are pretty much the exact same. They look like this:


Every Doctor Who Story I Have Ever Read

Doctor Who was walking down the hallway at wherever he works, when he came across a lovely young woman.

"Hello, Doctor Who!" the woman said.

This caused the 10.2nd Doctor to freak out like never before. "WHAT?" he shouted. "WHO ARE YOU? HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? WHO TOLD YOU I'M A DOCTOR?"

The lovely young woman frowned. "Don't you remember, Doctor? You introduced yourself to me a half-hour ago!"

"That's not true!" Dr. Who said. "I've never seen you before in my life!"

"How did you forget about me so quickly?" the woman asked, getting upset. "You said you'd remember me forever!"

Suddenly, Dr. Who realized what was going on. "Oh, that's right!" he said. "I'm a time traveler! When I met you, it must have been...in the past!"

This is the epic plot twist which must be contained in every Dr. Who fanfic ever. It is very clever, and all the readers are now impressed by the author's grasp of time travel.

Dr. Who was starting to get excited. If this woman was telling the truth, it meant that he was going to have time travelling adventures today! What was he going to do? Prevent the World Wars? Find Shakespeare's lost plays? Videotape the sermons of Christ?

Hmmm...nah, those things are boring, Dr. Who decided. I'd rather stay in modern-day England!

"So, what sort of exciting adventures are we going to have together?" Dr. Who asked. "Whoops! I mean, what sort of exciting adventures did we have together? In the past? Which is when we met?"

(Despite being a Time Lord who has lived for millions of years, Dr. Who still has no idea how to keep the whole "time travel" thing a secret.)

The woman was getting a little bit concerned about Dr. Who's mental health, but she answered his question anyway. "We met outside this building," she said. "You helped me, so I wouldn't get a parking ticket."

"Ah! Avoiding parking tickets! That's the perfect thing to use a time machine for!" Dr. Who said. He ran to his office and jumped into his time machine / telephone booth / microwave oven. After heating up a microwave burrito, Dr. Who travelled a half-hour into the past. He ran outside where he saw the attractive woman.

"Hello!" Dr. Who said. "I'm Dr. Who! I'm a time traveller!"

"Hello, Dr. Who," the woman said. She pointed to a nearby parking meter, which was at zero. "Do you have some money I can borrow? I need to fill the parking meter, or else I'll get a ticket."

"Sure!" Dr. Who said, giving the woman some money. "Did I mention I'm a super-genius? I built a screwdriver that works with flat-head screws and hex screws!"

"That's amazing!" the woman said. "I want to be your girlfriend now!"

Dr. Who and the attractive woman kissed passionately for twenty minutes. I think the main reason Dr. Who built a time machine was so he could get a girlfriend. He seems to get a new one, every story.

After this, Dr. Who upgraded from the 10.2nd Doctor to the 10.3rd Doctor. He gave a long speech on the nature of time travel, which was supposed to sound really intelligent, but in reality, all he did was use a bunch of made-up kindergarten words like "timey-wimey wibbley-woobley nappies."

Then the Titanic crashed into the side of the wall.

"What?" Dr. Who asked.

The End?