Summary: Ritsuka feels he is trespassing in someone else's life.
Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless or Evanescence's song "Erase this"
Ritsuka's head began to ache with the back and forth, back and forth pull of the tug-of-war game in his mind.
He wanted to die, but wanted to live. When he tried to explain, his thoughts ceased aligning into legible sentences that could be made verbal.
"Your assignment is to read pages 120 through 260 to discuss and write an essay during tomorrow's class."
His classmates stood and he robotically followed. His next teacher also assigned pages to read for homework. After that he breezed through a math test. Another class with another assignment, and the final bell rang.
"Ritsuka-kun could you come over my house today?" Yuiko asked, walking backwards in front of him with two text books in hand.
"You should turn around."
"Okay Ritsuka-kun, you're so nice to Yuiko." She said with a smile then did as told. She continued to talk over her head, "So what do you think Ritsuka-kun?"
They walked out of the school, and down the front steps.
He felt like being alone. "Not today Yuiko, I need to help my mom clean the house", he lied. "Can I help?" she asked. "My mom doesn't really like having guests when the house is messy", that wasn't such a lie, not that his mother typically accepted guests.
Frowning she said "Oh okay Ritsuka-kun, I'll text you later maybe?"
Cheer returned to her face "Alright then see you tomorrow", and she ran down the opposite street with Yayoi sneaking after.
Glancing upward Ritsuka saw Soubi in his long coat on the other side of the street. He crossed and they walked in silence.
Soubi read his sacrifice's mood. "What is troubling you today Ritsuka?"
He turned his head slightly to look at the man then faced straight ahead. "It's difficult to describe…" He wanted to explain to Soubi though. Slowing their pace, he stared at the ground then started "Certain thoughts weigh me down, even when they're in the back of my mind."
He stopped walking and leaned against an unpainted wooden fence. Pressing his aching head on two planks the sacrifice gloomily explained *"Every day I'm waking in someone else's life", he looked up and the pull of endless blue eyes extracted the remaining words.
Tension rose to his muscles and he cried out "I don't want to be here because I'm trespassing!"
Soubi reached out and caressed his cheek. Preparing to shout against the touch his breath caught in his throat and he paused.
"This is not someone else's life Ritsuka, it is yours. Each decision you make, each word you speak is not someone else speaking through you or for you."
Ritsuka banged his head against the sturdy fence. "You don't know what it's like to be a faulty replacement", he spoke through gritted teeth.
Soubi sensed him falling and tried again. Placing his left hand onto Ritsuka's other cheek he looked directly into violet eyes and said "This is your life, and you are my life". His hands then lowered to his sides.
Ritsuka exhaled and turned around to back into Soubi's sturdy presence. Moving his head to the side, his ear pressed against cloth and he heard the rhythm of his fighter's heartbeat. Then the sound of Soubi's voice reverberated in his eardrum "You are not intruding by any means".
Perhaps he had a point. All the notes of familiarity throughout the day, and such instances as this were not copies or stolen treasures which belong to another person.
Soubi felt Ritsuka's shoulders relax, and embraced him.
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