Disclaimer: Yes I own Naruto... APRIL FOOLS!
This is my contributation to April Fools, I normally don't do holiday one-shots, but I got this really good idea that I just can't pass up. Angel and Mika belong to Sukoshi-NinjaFox'sBuddy. Also, I'm just using my characters from BPK (which is in the process of a MAJOR rewrite, so don't go read it unless you absolutely want to...), not the plot.
"So, what are you doing this April Fools, Tazuki?" Angel asks. I glance at her before taking a large sip out of my soda, "Nothing, Deidara's working and Monday is my volunteer day at the daycare. So-" Of course my friend facepalms, "Ever since you started college, it's been this and that! Live a little!" I glare at her, "Yeah, like that ever worked out for me." Angel suddenly grins at the memory, "Ahhhhh... That was the best time I've ever had. I've never seen anyone so drunk as you."
Habuno looks up from his textbook, his reading glasses, which he got senior year of high school, starting to slide down his nose as he frowns at us, "Most people come here to study, you know." I roll my eyes, "Inclusit, nerd. If I remember correctly you used to hate studying in high school." My twin just gave me his signiture annoying smirk, "And you were nothing but a book worm, now you hardly ever study." I stand up, going in his face, "I'm busy working!" I snap and Angel groans loudly, tugging my back in my seat like she always does, "You two just shut up!" Her college friend and adopted sister Mika snickers from the other side of Angel.
Ino skids to a halt in front of our table, panting, "Sorry, but my mom decided at the last moment to lecture me about something. What did I miss?" Mika grins, "Well you didn't miss anything besides the spat between the twins." Ino raises her eyebrows, "Remind me to thank my mom later." She slides into the seat beside Habuno and greets him with a kiss on the cheek. They had been only dating for about two years, and they still acted totally in love. I just hope Deidara and I were never like that.
Angel bounces up and down in her seat, "Did you hear what the Akatsuki did to Tobi as a April Fools prank?" Mika rolls her eyes this time, "Angel, you're the only one that spends time with them anymore, so I guess not." Angel sticks her tongue out at her friend/adopted sister, "Just because I have no life... Anyway, Kisame and Deidara told me that they put super glue on Tobi's mask again and-" I cut her off, "We did that last year. Have those guys no imagination?" Angel just flutters her eyelashes at me, "I don't know, you're the one dating Deidara, you tell me." I glare at her for the dirty reference. Habuno pretends to choke, then for real when I manage to ram my foot into his stomach.
Ino speaks, "You should have seen the prank Naruto and Kankuro pulled on Sasuke. They put pink hair dye in his shampoo and-" I sigh loudly, "That has been done, it's lame." Mika perks up, "Well I told my mom I was dating a-" "...Twenty year-old man. I did the same thing to my mom when I was ten, it's the oldest prank in the book." Habuno trys thinking of the best prank but, as I am his twin, I shoot him down before he even begins to tell the story. They all take turns trying to out beat me; but I have done every prank known to man, they'll never beat me.
Habuno finally throws up his hands, "That does it, I call for another extreme dare!" I try to fry him with my scowl, the last dares he has given me over the years we've lived in Konoha has gotten me a boyfriend, drunk, and nearly murdered by Hidan. Angel is grinning evilly now, when it comes to dares she's my borther's partner in crime instead of mine. "I dare you to come up with the ultimate April Fools prank or pay everyone at this table $1,000." Mika immediatly squeals, "Lose, Tazuki, please lose!" I glare at her, and she shivers playfully and turns away. I look from my brother to Angel and back, "Deal."
"Hey, babe." Deidara says after I kiss him. "Hmmmm..." Deidara catches onto my black mood, "Bad day, un?" I give him a blank stare, "I just spent an afternoon with Habuno and Angel, what do you think?" Deidara wraps an arm around my shoulders and leads me farther into his 'studio'. It would look like a normal clay sculpturing studio, if people ignored the C4 and other explosives laying beside the grey molding clay. Being an undercover cop wasn't enough for Deidara, he had to be a demolition expert/artist too.
I sit on my stationary stool as I watch him make explosives like it was everyday life. "Don't let it get to you, un. They just like to watch your reactions." He said as he packed C4 into a clay figurine. I don't answer him, I'm too busy thinking about the dare. Angel just said that I had to come up with the ultimate April Fools prank, but she didn't say who the victim had to be. I was sure that the prank had to last the entire day, she didn't say I couldn't have help. I nearly laughed, Angel made the dare too easy. I look at Deidara and start in a sugary sweet voice, "Dei-Dei? Can I ask a favor?" My boyfriend gives me a wry look, but nods, if a little cautiously, "Good, can you drive me to the phone store? The reason I need to go is..."
*Hey sugarplum, looking good* I grin evilly at the text and hit send. A few minutes later my first victim responded, *I think you have the wrong number* I immediatly typed back, *No, I've got the right number, Angel Uzumaki.* There is a long stretch when Angel didn't answer, I could just imagine her freaked out face when she saw that a 'mysterious' stalker knew her name, finally she texts back, *Is this Tazuki Ni Hayashi?* I laugh, it was too easy, *Who? Are you cheating on me or something? And with a girl of all things, she is a girl right? That sounds could be a guy's name. WHORE!* I know Angel is getting angry now and predicted what she would say next almost word for word *My boyfriend is a cop, stop texting me before I have them arrest you.* *Yeah, I know all about Itachi Uchiha, he is no where near as tough as me. Just try.* I know she won't text me back so I throw the phone down a drain and draw out another one.
*i can't wait for tonight, honeybear* I know he would kill me, but I couldn't help it. Immediately Pein answered back, *Wrong number. Leave me alone, whoever you are* I pouted, Pein was no fun, and sent back *:( you're dumping me? and for that slut konan?* I chunk the phone as far away as I could from me, knowing that Pein would track the thing as soon as he got the message. I'm just glad that I thought to wear rubber gloves when handling the phones, that way I couldn't leave prints. My acutal phone rings before I can chose another person to stalk.
"Hello?" I answer, a hysterical and angry Angel snaps back, "If that was you texting me, I'll see that you are tortured in the morst horrific ways!" "What on Earth are you talking about?!" I shout back. "The creepy text messages! I know it was you!" I heave a sigh, "Angel, I have no clue what you are talking about! Start at the beginning." She explains the text messages and the slight threats, then accuses me again. I color my voice with panic, "Did you call the police? Or better yet, the Akatsuki?" There is a pause on Angel's side, "...You didn't send the texts?" "No! That's one of the stupidest jokes on the planet. I think you should get Pein to track the phone and the stalker down." Angel agrees and hangs up.
I pull out another phone out of the bag I carry and sent *Hey I heard you're actually straight, how dare you lie to me!* There was a long minute then my new victim answered back, *Wrong #, and u hav serious probs, u kno tht?* I laugh out loud, and receive a funny look from a passing couple. I smile sheepishly and point to my phone, "My friend just told me a joke." They shake their heads and hurry away *Be silent Kisame, I can't believe after all these years you've been lying to me!* *Wht? I dont even kno u!* Kisame is so stupid sometimes, *Yeah you do, every night you get so drunk you won't remember a thing the next day then we have our fun ;P* There is a long pause, longer than any of the others, I can only imagine his outraged, and slight freaked, face right now. Then: *Im a cop & ur dead* I toss the phone in a trashcan and fish another one out.
*Hey! Hey you! Yeah you! You with the face and the hair! Jashinists sucks!* Immediately I got the responce, *Tell that to my face, basv^v*!* I roll my eyes, Hidan isn't very fun to stalk, I answer back *Christiantiy is the largest religion in the world, you can never compare. SUCKER!* I flip the phone in the street, where it almost immediatly got ran over, and start bothering Sasori, *Puppet man! You're art is the poorest! You will never amount to anything!* He takes forever to answer back, and when he does I'm disappointed, *Whatever* I send him back *So even if I tell you your friend Deidara is better...?* *I don't care. Leave me alone* I pout at the screen and throw the phone away, just in case. Kazuku is the same way as Sasori, he doesn't care. Itachi refused to answer, I knew he would just track the phone and not respond. Tobi and Zetsu didn't own phones, for one reason or the other, so I couldn't bother them. That left Deidara and Konan, the two most hot tempered memebers of the Akatsuki. I grin, this would be fun.
*How dare you cheat on me! I thought we had something going, but I come over to your house and see that TRAMP Tazuki with you!* I send to Deidara, knowing that he would probably be the only person that would enjoy the prank, at least when he found out about it. *You're wrong, whoever you are, and if you call her that again, I will murder you.* I like text-stalking Deidara, it made me realize how much he loved me and how loyal he was. Unfortunatly I had to play the stalking idiot, *Tramp! Whore! Slut! Hooker! Harlot! Strumpet! Tazuki Ni Hayashi is the worst girl to be with!* I didn't wait for a responce, I just chunk the phone away from me.
Konan is next, *So, I heard you were cheating on me...* She texts back *I was wondering when you would find out! I've been quite obvious these past few weeks!* I grin, so someone told her about the text-stalking, the game just got more fun, *How dare you, Saki! I thought you loved me!* It takes a while for Konan to answer back, *I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else, I'm not really Saki, my name's Konan.* I shake my head, it was too easy. *What are you doing with Saki's phone?! Is she gay?* I laugh until tears form in my eyes as I snap the phone in half.
I bring out another cell phone, counting the ones I have still unused, five. I text the next victim, *Hey sweetheart.* My own phone buzzes from my pocket a minute later, I text myself back, *Who are you?* *You're sweet stalker, can't wait for tonight!* I'm really starting to enjoy this *If this is Deidara, fine I don't care. Otherwise, you have the wrong number.* *Do you mean that cross dressing girl? That Deidara? She's not worth your time.* If I ever did get a message like that I would kill the person, but this time I couldn't stop laughing, *Tell that to HIS face when HE arrests you!* *Whatever hot-stuff, that girl can't take me.* I don't answer back, instead I throw away the stalking phone and call Angel.
"What is it Tazuki?" Angel sounds really irritated, everyone must be sharing their stories. "What was the phone number of your stalker?" I ask, making sure my voice was shaky enough to be panic. Angel pauses then asks, "Why?" "Someone is stalking me too, their number is 478-2986. Is that the number you had?" There is the sound of rustling and Angel answers back, "No, mine was 378-9756. Everyone else each had a different number." I act confused, "Everyone else? Who else is having the problem?" "All the Akatsuki so far. We've been able to track the phones used to stalk me, Pein, Deidara, and Kisame. We lost all the other signals, but we'll look for your's too." Angel sounds so offical, I have to work hard to smother a giggle. "Okay, can I come over? I'm kind of freaked out." I can imagine Angel shugging as she says, "Sure, you can help." She hangs up.
I pull out two phones at once and text Habuno and Sasuke at the same time, *Guten tag, Junge.* Learning German on the side really helps sometimes, Habuno texts back soon, *Wrong number. No sprekenze whatever that is.* I shake my head, silly twin. *Sprechen ze? Sprechen ze was?* *Was? Huh? I don't understand!* I am so tempted to correct him, but didn't especially when he sends back *If you can't understand me then I guess I can tell you... My sister is the creepiest girl on the planet and had major anger management issues. I don't know what her boyfriend sees in her.* I glare at the screen, when I admited to the joke, I would be sure to kill him before I was killed by my friends. *Dude, you have problems...* I text him and stomp on the phone, breaking it so the Akatsuki couldn't track it. Sasuke never answers back, so I left the it in a trashcan, making it look like it was trash.
I'm almost to Angel's appartment, so I dump the unused phones in the pond and run the rest of the way, so that when I did arrive it would look like I ran the whole way there, in a panic. Habuno answers the door, glaring at me, "If this is one of your jokes..." He starts but I shake my head, "Someone texted me, see?" I show him my phone then pause as if something just had occured to me, "Wait, I thought only the Akatsuki were having the pranks..." Habuno leads me inside, "No, I just got stalked, and Sasuke called Itachi saying that someone did the same to him." "So what's happening?" I ask, frowning. Habuno shrugs, "Angel called all of us an hour ago saying someone was stalking her through texting, a minute later Pein said the same thing, then Kisame, Hidan, Sasori, Kazuku, Itachi, Deidara, Konan, you, Sasuke, and me. Mika thinks that its a fan group being all weird, but Konan has a theory that it's one person with different cell phones. We believe Konan since it appears to be a trail of broken cell phones down one of the streets." I keep my face interested and neutral, Konan was being freaky close.
Everyone is in the living room, shouting at each other. I roll my eyes and manage, somehow, to keep the smirk off my face. Angel gets up on a table and shouts, "ALRIGHT! Now that Tazuki is here, let's get started. Now any leads?" Everyone slowly calms down and takes their seats, I made sure that I am closest to the door, in case they don't like the prank. Knowing the Akatsuki, they'd murder me if they could. While everyone throws ideas around, mostly sticking to Konan's therory, I pull out my phone and start texting.
Deidara sees me texting, "Tazuki... what are you doing, yeah?" He asks, anger underlaying his voice. I glare, "I'm texting my mom, see?" I hold out the phone for inspection and everyone leans in close, but there is nothing suspicious about it, just a simple text telling my mom where I was, innocent. Angel shrugs and they gradually return to the conversation at hand. I hit send then text Angel and Habuno *I won* A few minutes later both of them groan when they feel their phones going off and pull them out. Habuno frowns when he reads it, "'I won'? What do you mean you won, Tazuki?" He asks and turns to me. I give him a slow smile.
Angel catches on first. She shots to her feet and points an accusing finger at me, "YOU!" The Akatsuki glance between us, confused at first until I crow out, "April Fooooools!" Deidara lunges for me, "You little... Tazuki come here, hm!" Laughing hysterically, I run out the door and leap into Mom's waiting car. She smiles casually, "How'd it go?" I shriek, "DRIVE! They're out to bury me alive!" Mom floors it and we take off screeching down the road, leaving all my victims in the dust.
It takes a full month before everyone forgives me and it is only then do I dare return to Deidara's studio. I sit in my usual seat watching my boyfriend create temporary masterpieces. Like always he gives me some scraps to play with while he works. I mindlessly roll the gray colored clay into a long tube then twist it before mushing it back into a sticky ball. Deidara finishes carving the last scale onto a miniature dragon before turning to me, dusting his powdery hands on his work pants, and asks "So how did you do it, un?"
I look up startled, as I try to fashion a crude kitten out of the clay. My hand accidently falls and flattens the poor creature. Deidara chuckles at my pout and comes up behind me, "Here, yeah." He whispers softly in my ear, making me shiver. He reaches around me and gently guides my hands to mold the clay into a small squat tube. Then we pinch a small neck and twist the head into shape. After a few minutes of silence Deidara asks again, "How did you do the prank, hm?" Distracted I turn to him, "Hmmmm?" Deidara can't resist kissing my cheek, making me giggle like a school girl, "How. Did. You. Pull. The. Prank?" He says slowly, punctuating each word with a little kiss.
I smile, "Well, when I told you I needed a new phone, I was lying. I was going to pick up the unwanted phones from the phone store since Kiba said I could have them when I told him about the prank. I also told my mom so she could be my get away when I told the Akatsuki the prank." I pause to watch as Deidara use my fingers to shape four small legs out of the clay, each one having four perfect toes, "As I walked to Angel's house I texted everyone and made sure that I wore gloves so you couldn't track my fingerprints. When I was finished I threw the unused phones away and ran to Angel's house. I texted my mom so she could be waiting for me and so I would have a reason to have my phone out when I texted Angel and Habuno. And there you have it."
Deidara smiles, "Well aren't you the little trickster, yeah?" He turns me around and kisses me fully on the lips. I hum happily and bury my clay sticky hands into his soft hair. "Please tell me this isn't a late April Fools..." I whisper and I can feel him smile against my lips, "Never, un." The unfinished kitten sits behind us, watching with it's lifeless eyes.
Done! Yeepie! Sorry, I couldn't help but add the little fluffle at the end! Review please, even if it's a flame! I don't mind! Because I'm Flame Friendly!
Inclusit- Latin Shut up
Guten tag, Junge- German Looking hot, boy (roughly)
Sprechen ze (was)- German I speak (what)