Title: Unbreak my Heart
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Warnings: Sap, slight angst, OOC
Archive: Finally Fantasia (my homepage)
Disclaimer:I asked Santa Duo for Christmas, but it seems that postage is not working nowadays. So nope, I don't own GW at all. Neither do I own the song 'Unbreak My Heart' by Toni Braxton.
Note: Based on the song 'Unbreak my Heart' by Toni Braxton. For best effects, use it as background music.
Dedication: This is a Christmas fic for Blackshini! Merry Christmas!
Duo let out a sigh as he walked out of the bathroom dressed in a robe, still toweling his chestnut locks. Once he deemed his hair dry enough, he threw the large white towel onto his bed with a careless toss. Grabbing his comb, he walked across the small but cozy bedroom and leaned against the windowsill, body relaxed after a dip in the warm waters in the bathtub. His eyes moved upwards unconsciously, fixated with the droplets of water that was pounding down upon the colony.
He hated the rain.
It had witnessed that fateful night when Solo had struggled desperately against the web of death in his arms, yet he eventually succumbed. Duo remembered the frenzied and horrified emotions pouring out from his friend, each breath he took shaking his compact frame and young Duo's world. The rain accompanied them throughout the restless darkness, leaving only when the first vestige of dawn arrived. As it left, disappearing behind the brightness brought by the sun, it took Solo's last breath with it, leaving Duo to mourn for his lost companion.
Coincidentally, it also beheld the horrific scene of destruction of the Maxwell Church, after it unfolded before young Duo's eyes. A raging fire blazed continuously, engulfing the church like a man trapped in the desert quenching his thirst. In his mind, the anguished cries and screams of agony echoed relentlessly. The screams and cries, the scorching flame, the screeching wails of siren, and the voice of men shouting orders to salvage the situation, was like a hymn to Shinigami. On that night, the god of death had once again arrived and blessed the church with a kiss. The kiss of death.
As Shinigami took the dead away with him on those two nights, rain sheet down.
'Duo, do ya know why it rains?'
'Nope, Solo. Why?'
'It's cuz God's cryin' for ta dead.'
'……Sometimes I wonder… Will God cry when we die…?'
'I'm sure He will. I'm sure.'
Back when Solo had told him that, he had believed him wholeheartedly. But he lost all faith after the tragedies, for the rain had been but artificial and had not washed away his pain and guilt. People in the ancient times had always associated rain with rebirth, but those two showers had shown Duo otherwise. Rain was something that washed away the blood after Shinigami had left. Something that arrived only after Shinigami.
Then, the rain saw yet another thing. No one had died, but it was as though Shinigami had still arrived, for Duo had lost a vital part of himself. The void had been small enough to mend at first, but it gradually grew to gargantuan proportions and enveloped his smiles and sucking out his happiness. The only thing that was left behind were only his tears.
That had been the end of the war. As a child born into the war, who lived on the war, Duo didn't know what to do for the first time in his life. In his confusion and fear, he turned away from what could possibly have been his only chance at happiness. Yet at that time, it had seemed so right… so right to leave Heero. After all, what they had shared during the war had been nothing more than a relationship of convenience, a way to relieve stress. It wasn't something that was meant to survive after the war, when both of them had to start their lives afresh.
For Heero, the only option was to stay with Relena. Duo understood that. Once he got his heart to understand that fact as well as his mind, he had sneaked off in the middle of the night and hopped onto a space shuttle, completely drenched by the downpour. The rain had been extremely heavy, but even that could not wash away Duo's tears. He had berated himself for being a coward, saying his farewells on a slip of paper and not in person. But he had been afraid to face Heero, afraid of what he would say about their future. More specifically, their respective future. That fear caused him to run away, rather than take a chance with the Japanese boy.
Duo shivered. The chilling winds howling were getting stronger, but he made no effort at closing the windows. In fact, he rather liked it this way.
'Back when we were together, Heero always held me close on rainy days.' Duo smiled ruefully at the fond memories. Those times, the Wing pilot would embrace him from behind as he stood at the window snarling at the rain. Somehow, he seemed to know Duo's dislike for the weather and did his best to comfort him whenever it came. Duo would lean into Heero's arms, and his beau responded by kissing or nipping his nape. Usually, rain meant time in bed, for Heero would eventually sweep Duo off his feet and place him on the bed for some more vigorous kissing. Perhaps it was his way of helping Duo redefine rain.
The braided boy brought his arms around himself, hugging tight. He sighed wistfully. The warmth was nothing like Heero's. And there was no familiar smell of gunpowder, a smell Duo had long acknowledged to be his ex-lover's. He missed those nights when they explored each other's bodies, and stayed close together.
In his mind's eyes, he could still vividly see his farewells scribbled hastily on that slip of paper he had left for Heero before leaving for good. The one word he saw with utmost clarity, was the one that signed his death sentence for happiness. That lone 'Goodbye' was perhaps his undoing. If he hadn't wrote that, maybe Heero would have looked for him at least to settle things. But he had written that word with so much conviction, so sure that it was indeed the end of their relationship, that Heero might have possibly felt a bit of Duo's resigned certainty.
Was that the reason why Heero didn't seek him out? For a full year, he had wondered. And after pondering over it for so long, Duo felt that it was best to think that way. At least, it hurt less than if he believed Heero didn't even bother to find him.
Sometimes, Duo would think of what might have been if he didn't leave. Then he would dismiss that idea totally with a snort for it was unimaginable. It was insane! Of course he had to leave! He would get in the way of Heero and Relena if he had stayed.
He frowned. That was another thing that bothered him. What happened to them two? Their relation hadn't appeared in the headlines. No news of engagement, no news of marriage… nothing at all. There wasn't even news of them dating! Maybe Heero had pushed his glare of doom to its limits and scared all the paparazzi that wanted to write about them. Duo almost laughed as he imagined the look on the unfortunate reporters.
Then again, Duo was better off not knowing. He didn't think he would take it well if he were to know that the whole solar system blessed the wedding. However, that didn't matter anymore. After all, he had lost touch with joy since his departure. What did their marriage mean to him anyway? Duo snorted as he looked away for a brief moment.
However, his heart couldn't agree with that logic. After so long, it was still calling him all kinds of idiot for leaving in the first place. But he couldn't undo what had already been done, and he would have to live with the consequences of his decision, even if it meant being miserable for the rest of his life.
The American boy flung himself onto his bed, one hand covering his forehead. As the wind hollered outside his window, he snuggled deeper into the blankets. Yet delving deeper there couldn't shake off the chilliness. Yes, it was warm, but it was a very different kind of warmth. It wasn't the warmth he wanted, the warmth he still longed for.
Heero's warmth was… very real… very close.
Tears sprung forth to Duo's eyes. He missed Heero. He missed the musky smell of gunpowder that accompanied him, the warmth his arms offered, the gentleness of his lips on him… Most of all, he missed the love that was Heero.
Perchance Heero had loved him back then. After all, he had showered Duo with gentleness and warmth no one else but he had received.
Worse of all, life got tougher whenever memories of his time with Heero drifted back into his mind. Duo especially hated times like those, his mind swamped with things that were, things that are, and things that could have been but will never be anymore. All those times they had been happy together, laughed together, stayed together…
Duo tried to blink away the dampness in his eyes, but it was like the floodgates had been forced opened and the tears came like a tsunami. He grabbed the loose blanket in his balled fist, the other pounding the mattress.
"Heero…" He moaned into the still air, voice muffled. "I miss you… Where are you now?"
A light slam of the door followed by the clasp of a chain awoke him. He sat up immediately yet careful to make no sound. Had post war life taken so much out of him? So much so that he had failed to notice an intrusion? Or had he been too deep into his sad reverie? Gingerly, he pulled his hidden gun from within the nightstand. Barefooted, Duo snuck out of his bedroom, prepared to face the worst.
Duo had always prided himself for excelling in hiding from enemies, yet the intruder was even better. Or maybe he didn't even need to see Duo, because he could feel his presence.
The voice rang out from the living room. A voice so familiarly pleasant that Duo nearly froze in his tracks. He dropped his gun, and sprinted towards the source. Once there, he nearly passed out at the sheer intensity of his own emotions.
The figure merely smiled, and held out his arms.
The braided boy stood rooted to the ground for a moment, unable to come to terms with what was happening. It was too good to be real! Yet he recognized the warmth emitted from those open arms. It beckoned to him, and he finally relented. As he dodged into the warmth that sheltered him from any danger and pain, he could only choke, "Heero!"
Heero wrapped his arms around his precious bundle tightly, another smile gracing his lips, and he whispered, "God also cries when lovers are reunited because He is happy."
Duo smiled into Heero's embrace. Maybe rain was something that was bestowed onto the people after the pain to wash away the tears. And if he kept that in mind, then they would be together always.