Brenda was on the docks sitting on the bench as she contemplated her life. She was about to do the single most terrifying thing: leave Port Charles, more importantly, leave Sonny. She wasn't even sure if she could handle it. Would she come crawling back? She rolled her eyes: it was a possibility. Damn him.

She slowly closed her eyes, she didn't know at what point the tears had moistened her eyes. What he said to her had stuck. What was she supposed to do with all that? For the first time in a long time she finally knew she hadn't been wrong. They were more than a great ride. With her leaving, the two of them had finally been able to be honest with one another. The first time in years. He had left her at the altar, she had a mental breakdown, and now, after seeing him for the first time, she was just expected to move on as if it wasn't a big deal. Just thinking about it made her physically ache.

"I'd rather be alive than be Mrs. Corinthos" She had said it. The words had come out but she knew it wasn't true. Deep down, she knew she would have given anything to be with him. He made her desperate. This was something that four years ago you could never put in the same sentence with Brenda Barrett. At the time, she was 18, he was 27, she just fell into his gravitational pull and never seemed to get out.

Mentally she knew… SHE KNEW that he left her at the altar to protect her, but her heart just couldn't get the message. It was a double-edged sword, the push and pull, he hurt her worse than anyone, ever. Yet, she knew, if he had just asked her to stay, or if that kiss had lasted any longer… she would've. Everything about them was wrong. Everything they felt was right.

He was her first love. They had met at that very spot four years ago. God, it seemed like an eternity. Brenda turned her head as if she could see the image of the people they used to be. If she had the chance, would she tell them everything they would go through? Would she take it all back? No… she wouldn't. She'd rather have memories to cling on to for the rest of her life than a lifetime without anything from him.

He said he hoped she would be smiling in her future, could she smile without him? When you love someone it's OK to be vulnerable; it's OK to want to be with the other person. It just wasn't OK that she felt he would never catch her fall. There was no doubt, even though there had been, that he loved her. Hell, he probably could've loved her forever, then why couldn't he love himself enough to be happy?

If you only get one true love in your life, was he it? Would she never feel that way again about anybody? A single tear rolled down her cheek. Of course she wouldn't feel the same way about anybody else. But she could try. She had the opportunity to get out, something Lily didn't have.

Brenda got up from the bench and started to walk away but stopped. "But there are somethings I'm never going to be able to see: how you're gonna look when you're pregnant, holding your first child, or even later on in the years when you get some grey hairs…" He had been so sweet in that moment. So hauntingly truthful. It was too much to think about, imagining a life without ever seeing him again. Or worse: seeing him move on with someone else. She knew it wasn't fair but she didn't want fair in that moment. She just wanted all of her dreams to come true. That was impossible.

He was constantly leaving her. Now she had the chance to leave him and she would. Brenda was determined to go and be happy, no matter how much her heart was breaking now.

She would be happy again… one day. Until then, she had a lifetime of memories to hold on to.