In a large, futuristic chamber a huge image of the twelve year old red-haired girl on a giant wall mounted flatscreen gave a diagnosis. "Ryoko will suffer some bloating, a darkening of the nipples and arolas, and other signs of her pseudo-pregnancy. Her body is also sending out pheromones and she might begin lactating…"
"Pheromones?" a slender and curvy blue-eyed bronze skinned blonde interrupted as she held a cooing redheaded baby. "Wait a minute; I've heard that word before. They use pheromones in perfumes don't they?"
"Technically, a pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species," the image of the redhead on the screen lectured. "Pheromones are chemicals capable of acting outside the body of the secreting individual to impact the behavior of the individual receiving."
"Yes-yes I've heard of pheromones," A purple haired teenage girl with red eyes interrupted. "Just what kind of 'social response' are Ryoko's pheromones going to trigger anyway?"
"Based off the readings I took Ryoko should be sending out a powerful kind of sex pheromone," the redhead's image replied. "Pheromones have evolved in all animal phyla, to signal sex and dominance status, and are responsible for stereotypical social and sexual behavior among members of the same species. In mammals, these chemical signals are believed to be detected primarily by the…"
"Holy Great Mother of Tsunami!" The lavender haired teenager cried, causing a nine year old girl with sky blue hair and a toddler covered with brown fur to jump. "Ryoko's sending out Love Potion Number Nine! Where's Tenchi?"
"He came in with us," a green haired beauty with pointed ears said before she looked around. "No wait. I guess he didn't. Where is he?"
"Tenchi!" The teenager squeaked, her long lavender ponytails swirling behind her. "Where's Tenchi? Oh no! He could be with Ryoko! Doing this! And doing that! It can't be!"
"Ayeka don't worry!" the blonde giggled. "Tenchi isn't doing anything like that. We know because little Washu here senses everything that Ryoko's feeling and right now she's howling and crying. Isn't she… huh?" The blonde looked down at the baby in her arms to find that baby Washu wasn't howling or crying at all. She was writhing in Mihoshi's arms cooing and giggling instead. The baby's little blue eyes rolled back in her head as she trembled and made joyous little squeaks.
Ayeka's face was a hideous grimace as every last ounce of color drained from her face. "Oh no! We've got to stop them!" she gasped as she ran out of the lab.
A nine year old child with her skyblue hair in ponytails turned to follow when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Sasami, you and Ryo-ohki better stay downstairs here with little Washu," the green haired woman instructed. "Mihoshi come with me. Bring your Galaxy Police blaster and set it on heavy stun."
In the meantime the first princess of Jurai dashed upstairs to the attic loft that was Ryoko's room. When she got there, she froze in the doorway as her face contorted in horror. Hoarse passionate gasps and moans assaulted her ears but that was nothing compared to obscenity that ambushed her eyes! "Oh no!" she screamed. "Tenchi! Ryoko! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Tenchi Muyo, Tenchi GXP, Tenchi Universe, Tenchi In Tokyo and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website. "Dimension of Love" lyrics by Kuroda Kayoko
Tenchi is in his room when Ryoko pops out of the wall and hugs him. Japanese kanji appears obscuring your view as a woman's voice sings a peppy tune.
When the cherry blossom starts to bloom
Meet me here in my lonely room
We'll find a passion filled fantasy
And this time you will stay with me
Ayeka bursts into the room. Ryoko sticks her tongue out at Ayeka as the princess chases her outside. More kanji appears and disappears.
All the misery that we knew before
Stays away when you are at my door
My heart will sing at ev'ry tender touch
And, oh, you'll want me twice as much
Sasami and a toddler Ryo-ohki wave out the kitchen window at Ryoko and Ayeka fighting. Sasami leaves the kitchen and enters the main living room.
A new dimension of love
A bold adventure waiting for you
The true dimension of love
A soaring flight. A dazzling view
Mihoshi waves at Sasami from the top of the stairs before tripping and falling. She sits up and winces in pain as she rubs her head.
We're gonna take it all the way
We'll make the dream so totally real
See greater wonders by the day
Then tell the stars what glorious rapture we feel
Washu opens the door under the stairs and walks out carrying a strange device. Mihoshi bumps into her and the redhead drops the gadget that shatters at her feet. Washu transforms into a baby and Mihoshi catches her before she falls. Ryo-ohki startles Mihoshi and she tosses baby Washu into the air.
Soon, with the start of Spring
We'll know our hearts are changing
Leave the hurt behind
I'll be true and kind
Be the best you'll ever find
Noike smiles enigmatically as the wall behind her become the night sky. Baby Washu tumbles through space and falls back down to Earth.
We don't ever have to cry or fight
Something tells me we can make it right
Enough of wandering far and wide
I just can't forget you though I've tried
The camera pans down to the outside of Tenchi's house to see Tenchi, Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Mihoshi, Ryo-ohki, and Noike catch the baby with a blanket held between them. When the crowd parts, Washu is a twelve-year-old again. Tenchi and the girls wave to you.
This is destiny so why pretend
Close your eyes kiss me once again
I'll always be the only one you need
So go where your deepest longing leads.
Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4
Episode 23: Responsibility
Chapter One: Hormones and Pheromones
In the mountains of the Okayama district of Japan was a small lake. A wooden bridge crossed this lake from a fence with a back road and led to a three story house with a wooden patio that appeared to be a dock since it came up to the water. On the other side of the house the main driveway (of gravel) led to a stone wall that bordered another wall and a gate where two seven foot tall, three foot tall stone logs flanked the gate and commented upon the weather. On a third side of the house a path meandered into a forest and eventually led to a massive crater bordering a field of carrots. On the fourth side of the house a path of stone steps led up a mountain up to where a Shinto shrine and a smaller one story house were located. A red torii arch was near the bottom of the path.
Crossing under the red torii arch was a young man of thirty or so with dark hair and eyeglasses dressed in the white robes of a Shinto priest. He was smiling and singing a song that was written in the 1930's. "I'm in the mood for love," he sang in his deep voice. "Simply because you're near me… Funny but since you're near me, I'm in the mood for love…"
He heard an explosion and a scream as he approached the large, three story house, yet he didn't seem startled in the least. He let himself in and walked into the living room and said: "Hello. How is everyone doing today?"
The bizarre vision that greeted him earned a wry chuckle, but still no distress. Four girls were struggling on the stairs. Although three of them were wearing gas masks, he could still recognize them. The slender teenage girl in the traditional robes had to be his sister, the princess Ayeka. Her long purple ponytails and her aristocratic, piccolo voice gave her away. The tall leggy blonde in the pink blouse and the tanned slacks had to be Mihoshi, the Galaxy Police cop. Even with the gas mask obscuring her face there was no mistaking her bronze skin. The buxom young woman with the pointed ears and the short green hair must be the newcomer Noike. They were struggling with a fourth woman who was hard so see with the rest of them blocking his view. She was struggling like a wildcat and he could make out her long slender naked limbs and caught sight of her wild cyan-white hair. That must be Ryoko, the former space pirate and one of the reasons he had marooned himself on this primitive planet. He sure wished the other girls would get out of the way because it looked like Ryoko was naked.
The girls' screeching drowned out a quiet electronic hum as Ryoko vanished.
"Oh no!" Ayeka squeaked. "She teleported away again!"
"Mihoshi, you were supposed to stun her so she couldn't do that!" Noike scolded.
"I'm sorry, I can't see in this gas mask!" Mihoshi chirped.
"You know we have to wear these or we can't get close enough to Ryoko to pull her off Tenchi!" Noike declared. "The pheromones she's sending out cause hopelessness in women and lust in men!"
"That's right!" Ayeka cried. "I couldn't go near them! I was helpless!"
"Well it's a good thing Tenchi's got so many leg cramps or we'd have to fight him off too," Mihoshi said. "How did he get a cramp in his buttocks anyway?"
"Oh Tenchi, let me rub those for you!" Ryoko's voice called out from upstairs.
"Yes! Touch me Ryoko, I want you so much!" a teenage boy's voice declared.
"He got those butt cramps doing what he's doing right now!" Ayeka shrieked. The three remaining girls turned and rushed upstairs and the sounds of passion and battle could be heard once again. "Banzai!" Ayeka screamed.
"What's going on here?" the Shinto priest asked himself. He turned when he heard a child's voice.
"Grandpa? Is that you?" Cowering in the doorway to the kitchen was a nine year old girl with pink eyes and sky blue hair that was arranged in two floor length ponytails. She was holding a giggling red-haired baby. Why was the nine year old staring at him like that? "I didn't recognize you," she said. "You look like my brother Yosho again. Have you decided to stay this way?"
What was she talking about? He had remained in his 'old man' disguise for over… Yosho blinked as he looked at his hands. They were young and supple without an age spot in sight! It was true? What was he doing revealing his true appearance? He didn't even think of himself as Prince Yosho of the planet Jurai anymore. Now he was Katsuhito Masaki, old man and earthling. Why the devil had he…?
He cleared his throat as he aged thirty years in less than a second. His black hair and ponytail was now iron grey. Wrinkles and laugh lines crossed his craggy face and a handlebar mustache hid his upper lip. "Sorry little Sasami, I'm not myself today," he said in a hoarser, more gravelly voice. "What's going on here? Lady Ryoko seems more out of control than usual."
"They won't tell me," Sasami said. "They said that Ryoko's body is sending out a chemical that makes me too depressed to do anything."
"Meow," a furry toddler wearing a blue skirt emblazoned with a crest of two carrots crossed in an 'X' appeared behind the child and nodded.
"Ah!" Ayeka screamed from upstairs. "Tenchi's got me! He's got me! He's squeezing too tight and he's calling me 'Ryoko!'"
"We can't help you!" Mihoshi's voice squeaked. "It takes two of us to hold Ryoko down and neither one of us have a free hand to stun her!"
"Get him off you!" Noike's voice hollered. "Hit him, Ayeka! Hit him!"
"It's no good!" Ayeka's voice cried as the sound of bone cracking strikes was heard. "Ryoko must've got him used to the rough stuff! He keeps coming back for more!"
"Maybe we better go outside," the (apparently) old man suggested.
"Okay," the child nodded as the furry toddler transformed into an adorable animal that was half kitten, half baby rabbit.
Outside in the fresh air both Yosho (or should I say Katsuhito) and Sasami could think clearly again.
"So how did this start?" he asked as he and the little girl sat down in some deck chairs on the wooden patio. "Did Washu have a baby?"
"No this is Washu," Sasami told him as she held up the gasping baby.
"That's right," the old man said as he took the baby from Sasami. "It completely slipped my mind. Washu tried to turn Ryoko into a child and got zapped by her own youth ray, right?"
"Yes," the little girl nodded as the cat-rabbit thing jumped up into her lap. "And then Ryoko tried to give Washu some of her energy by breastfeeding her."
Katsuhito laughed. "Did it work?"
"No, so Ryoko went into Washu's lab and used the computer program that looks like Washu to do something to her body," Sasami explained. "But something went wrong. Computer-Washu did something to Ryoko's hormones, they said. Now Ryoko is really pretty to boys and really scary to girls and something's happening with Tenchi! It sounds like Tenchi and Ryoko are fighting! It's horrible! All that gasping and moaning, it sounds like they're strangling each other! Ayeka and the others have to wear gasmasks to get close enough to get Ryoko back in the lab. I'm scared! When is Ryoko going to get back to normal?"
"Did you say that Ryoko is somehow really pretty to boys?" her older brother that looked like her grandfather asked.
"Yeah, Noike said that Ryoko is sending out 'fair-o-moans' and they do funny things to people," Sasami said. "She said that they're chemicals that cause people to do things they wouldn't otherwise do."
"Pheromones?" the old man gulped. No wonder he felt like he was young and in love! He thought he was falling in love with Ryoko all over again! No way, not this time! That nonsense ended seven hundred years ago when he fought the space pirate in a duel and sealed her in a cave! No wonder he had looked like Prince Yosho, he felt like Prince Yosho, the young and foolish half-blood prince who ran away from home to free Ryoko from the curse that Kagato had placed upon her. Pheromones? That was all he needed! From the sounds of things it looked like his grandson Tenchi had sealed the deal and didn't need competition from his own grandfather! It was time to get away, and maybe hit the senior center and ask one of those nice ladies if they were doing anything today… What was he thinking? He was thinking like the young and foolish Prince Yosho, wasn't he? No it was time to be the mature and responsible Grandpa Katsuhito right now. He looked down the frightened little girl. "Hey Sasami, let's go to town and get some shopping done, what do you say? It will give the others a chance to calm things down."
"Okay, but I'll need to go back in and get the list," she said as she looked at the house fearfully. The rabbit thing was sitting on her head now and looked just as afraid. It meowed quietly in trepidation at the thought of going back inside.
"Never mind," Katsuhito said as he got up and helped the child to her feet. "We'll just get whatever we can think of. We can always go back if we have to. Let's take the truck and get out of here."
"I'm with you Grandpa," the girl said as he led her away.
In the meantime in the futuristic chamber hidden in subspace two girls entered while carrying a third one. A bathrobe had been placed on Ryoko but her long muscular legs, bare feet, topaz yellow eyes, cyan white hair and exhausted drunken smile were exposed to view.
"Hee-hee-hee Tenchi," Ryoko giggled weakly. "That was great… Just give me a chance to catch my breath sweetie, and then we can do it some more…"
"Shut up you!" Ayeka ordered as she and Mihoshi placed the reeling space pirate on a white table. "Computer, activate the restraints!"
The image of a redheaded twelve year old girl with green eyes appeared on the giant television screen on the wall. "On it," it said as silvery metal bands came out of the table and entwined Ryoko.
Noike entered carrying a dark haired teenage boy over her shoulder. He was also in a bathrobe. She placed him on a second table and closed his robe. "Here's Tenchi. Look at the bruises on his face! My God, Ryoko was an animal!"
Ayeka's face turned crimson. "Uh no, I did that to him," she said quietly.
"Yeah, Ryoko did the scratches on his back and the bruising on his waist," Mihoshi added. "She did some bruising on his thighs too. And the scratches on his butt. It was Ayeka who did the bruising on his face."
"Don't remind me," Ayeka shuddered.
"Wow, my first group experience," Mihoshi put her hand on her ample chest and sat in a chair. "I never thought it would be like that."
"It wasn't a group experience," Noike sniffed.
"Well it sure seemed like it!" Mihoshi said. "I got too close when we were trying to pry Tenchi and Ryoko apart and it took you guys almost two minutes to free me! It was so weird. I feel dirty and yet for some reason I feel like smoking a cigarette."
"Please, just let me forget," Ayeka moaned weakly as she took off her gasmask and buried her face in her hands.
"Okay girls let's hit the showers," Noike ordered as she clapped her hands. "It's only a matter of time before Ryoko's pheromones soak through our skin and if that happens, the space pirate will be running this place. After we get out of the shower we got to wash Tenchi and Ryoko and then we should fumigate the house."
"No, I don't care anymore," Ayeka muttered as she sat down and hugged her knees. "Ryoko and Tenchi can do what they want. Just let me die."
"Ayeka are you okay?" asked a concerned Mihoshi.
"The pheromones got to her," Noike grunted. "Let's take her to the showers. Don't worry Mihoshi. Lady Ayeka should be docile and easy to move right now. She won't offer any resistance."
"All right," Mihoshi said as she started to pull her gasmask off her face.
"Don't pull off your gasmask you idiot!" Noike shrieked. "What kind of brainless dingleberry are you? Where were you when they passed out the brains Mihoshi?"
"Oops! Sorry Noike!" Mihoshi squeaked as she put her gasmask back on. "Hm," she scratched the side of her head and tapped her finger against the control panel in front of the huge flatscreen. "Now where was I? They were passing out brains, Noike? What for? For anatomy class? I don't remember any brains being passed out. Hm, where was I? Where was I when they were passing out the brains? That's a good one. Golly, I don't know Noike! I think I was with you."