Disclaimer: I own none of the magnificence that is Revolution.
Author's Note: So the hug/hand-holding scene near the end of episode twelve was absolutely beautiful. There was just so much emotion in it. So many shows today put all the focus on the action and then just skip over the emotional aspect of what they've just put their characters through, so I was really glad the writers of "Revolution" gave the characters that scene. Each of the four main characters in that scene clearly had a lot running through their heads, so I've decided to write a four-shot explaining what's going through the mind of each character (Rachel, Charlie, Miles, and Nora). This first one is Rachel's point of view. I have slightly extended the scene because it just felt like a natural conclusion. Anyway. Oh, and the story title and the snippets at the beginning of each chapter come from the song "Beside You" by Marianas Trench. Hope you guys enjoy!
"When your tears are spent on your last pretense
and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense."
Charlie moves away from her as soon as they reach the camp. Rachel doesn't blame her. She has failed her in every possible way. Hell, she's failed the whole damn world. And as badly as she wants Charlie's forgiveness, she knows in her heart that she doesn't deserve it. So instead of going after her daughter she goes and stands beside a lonely campfire. Aaron tries to ask if she's okay, but she shrugs him off. She doesn't deserve to be okay. Not after what she's done. She abandoned her own children. What kind of mother does that? She left her family to fend for themselves in a world of violence and fear. Granted, she was trying to protect them. But in the end run all she did was get her husband and son killed and give a sociopath the ability to slaughter thousands more. All of that blood is on her hands, and she knows Charlie will never forgive her for that. Hell, she'll never forgive herself.
She doesn't know how long she stands there staring into the flames. Eventually she hears footsteps approaching. They stop close behind her, waiting. Rachel stays silent in the hopes that whoever it is will go away and leave her be. It's what she deserves, after all. To be left alone with what she's done.
"Hey," a quiet voice says.
It's Charlie's voice. Rachel pulls herself from her thoughts and turns around, wondering what Charlie could possibly want with her. She's not really sure she can handle the pain of her daughter yelling at her again. But then she sees her daughter's face and that line of thought stops immediately. There is a guarded vulnerability in Charlie's eyes that Rachel has never seen before. She looks nervous. Almost as if she's afraid of Rachel's reaction. It's that tiny hint of fear that grabs hold of Rachel's heart and refuses to let go.
Charlie swallows and Rachel gets the feeling her daughter is fishing for the right words.
"I owe you an apology," Charlie says quietly. "I said some terrible things..."
Rachel shakes her head as Charlie trails off.
"It's okay," she says. She knows she deserves every angry word Charlie threw at her today. She abandoned her daughter. She doesn't deserve to be a mother. Especially not the mother of a young woman as brave and capable as the one standing in front of her.
Charlie looks down, obviously wanting to say something and yet unsure of how to voice it. Rachel waits in silence. Whatever comes out of Charlie's mouth, she's going to stand there and take it. She owes her daughter at least that much. But what comes next is not a pained question or an angry accusation. Instead, Charlie looks up at her with eyes that are suddenly brutally honest.
"For so long, all I wanted was to get Danny back," Charlie says quietly. She pauses, almost as if she's unsure. Rachel gives her a small nod of encouragement. Charlie looks away as her eyes suddenly begin to water. Her voice is pained as she says, "And now I never will."
She looks back up, her eyes searching Rachel's for something. The expression on her face is enough to chase all thoughts of guilt and shame from Rachel's mind. Suddenly none of it matters. The only thing that does matter is that her baby girl is standing in front of her in obvious pain. Rachel's every instinct is screaming at her to reach out and make it all better. But a lingering doubt holds her back. What if Charlie won't let her? Can the tattered remnants of her heart handle that kind of rejection? The broken look in Charlie's eyes answers that question for her. Whatever it costs her, she has to find a way to help her daughter.
She opens and closes her mouth, not sure what to say. Charlie is visibly fighting tears as she waits for her mother's reaction. Rachel knows she has to get this right. This is her one change to fix things with her daughter. Not everything, perhaps, but at least some of it. She also knows it's the only chance she's going to get. If she screws this up now, Charlie will go back to Miles instead and won't ever look back. But it's taking her far too long to find the words. To hell with it. Actions speak louder anyway.
Her eyes are watery as she opens her arms.
"I know, baby," she says simply. The words have barely left her mouth before Charlie is in her arms. Rachel wraps her arms tightly around her daughter. It takes her a moment to realize that this is real. But when she does, she can't seem to get enough. She drinks in Charlie's smell, the feel of her hair, the way her chest rises and falls with each breath.
Even after all these years, she still knows that the way Charlie is clinging to her means she's crying. She begins to gently rock them both back and forth as first one tear and then another trickles down her cheeks. She closes her eyes for a moment, savoring the feeling of her baby girl in her arms.
Charlie shifts and the hands on Rachel's back tighten against her jacket.
"Please don't leave again," Charlie chokes. She sounds so small that for a moment Rachel can't speak. She tightens her arms around her daughter as she tries to find her voice.
"I won't," she promises. For a moment there is no response. But then the hands on the back of her jacket slowly ease their grip in a silent sign that her daughter actually believes her. That simple sign of trust is enough to turn the small trickle of tears running down Rachel's cheeks into a gentle stream.
Charlie turns her head into Rachel's neck, reaching a hand up between them so she can wipe her tear-stained face. Then her arm winds back around her mother's waist. Rachel presses a gentle kiss into Charlie's hair as she feels her daughter's breath against her neck.
"I love you, baby," she whispers, resting her head atop Charlie's. "I love you to the moon and back."
"I love you too," Charlie says softly.
Those four words are so small, and yet their impact on Rachel is astounding. It's as if all of the guilt and shame she has been carrying suddenly lift from her shoulders. Those four little words ignite in her a tiny spark of something she had thought she'd never have again: hope. Hope that maybe it is possible to find forgiveness for everything she's done. Hope that maybe someday she'll be able to make it right. And for the first time since she walked away from her family all those years ago, Rachel finally feels like she can breathe again.
Please leave a review and let me know what you thought. It will make my day. :) The next chapter will be Charlie's point of view.