No matter how often I observe humans watching me, laughter is always my first reaction. Their faces are incredulous at a magikarp splashing to achieve translational movement. I suppose I should have let the human capture me in one of those confounded spheres, but I was foolish. Granted, I never actually got caught in one, but having to escape several dozen a day tends to wear one out.
Digressions are bad for the mind, friends, so let me return to my point. Goldenrod was a terrible city. Crime ran rampant, trash littered the pavement, idiotic trainers always attempted to catch the shiny magikarp. I was not happy with that damned city, but it could not be helped. Team Rocket was there, and as such, I and my human partner had to follow them.
Do you know how often I had to wash my scales during our stay in that city? Too often, let me say. The level of cleanliness was lack-luster, so soap became my best friend. I had to keep the grime away somehow, after all.
I suppose I should apologize for my tangential nature, but it cannot be helped. I'm trying, friends. Truly, I am!
Anyhow, we spent some length of time in the city, but almost nothing occurred. It was slightly saddening, really, but again, it could not be helped.
On perhaps the fifth consecutive day of breaking free of pokeballs and avoiding criminals, our stay was justified. I had caught sight of the trademark of Team Rocket, the R. I splashed my way after the grunt, made my way into the secret base of Team Rocket.
Unfortunately, I was perhaps a little too careless, for I had managed to lead my companion into a trap. Everything worked out in the end, but at that point, things looked bleak.
Before I continue, let me explain something about Team Rocket. Honestly, not many Team Rocket grunts are evil, or even marginally bad. Truth of the matter is, Team Rocket pays quite well. I harbor no ill-will to the vast majority of Team Rocket anymore, but at that time, I was quite vengeful.
The grunts didn't stand a chance against me. They were decimated by my Hydro Pump before they could even attempt to send out their pokemon.
It is not odd to think of a being such as I using a move outside of my normal genetic capabilities. It occurs often, or so I am led to believe.
Nevertheless, use Hydro Pump, I did. Imagine, if you will, the person you despise the most. Take this mental image and add to it a massive typhoon of concentrated water striking the one you despise. I assure you, the satisfaction you feel at this is nothing compared to that of what I felt as the Rocket grunts died.
Perhaps I was a bit too zealous in my attack on the Team Rocket stronghold. It would not be long before the walls of their citadel would fail them. Rockets are known not for wasting money on things that you and I might consider important. Why, thought they prior to their demise, would we waste perfectly good money on such frivolous things such as structural integrity and water resistant facilities?
Such was the nature of their downfall. Perhaps if they had not cut corners in the building of their stronghold, I would not have been successful. Granted, it was an unintentional success, but I'll take what I can get.
When the demonic stronghold fell, so too did the executives of the vile organization. I know not why the Rocket leader thought it appropriate to call a meeting between all his administrators in a single location, but I am glad of it.
I suppose you might be wondering how my partner and I escaped death. Perhaps it is a miracle, thinks you, or perhaps not. The reality of the situation is that the Rockets were not the only ones who were crushed under the debris. Yes, my partner and I were also subjugated to the collapse of the Rocket's empire.
I, obviously, survived to tell the tale. My partner was not so lucky.
We were foolish to act without a plan- a sound plan, not the one comprised of rushing in and hoping for the best. My foolish recklessness caused the death of my partner. The one human I actually liked was dead because of my actions!
Of course, as the building fell, I had no way of knowing that my partner would not survive. Our safety had not even occurred to me. Such was the strength of my hatred.
The police were the ones who dug out the survivors, few as we were. Of the entire fortress, all but I perished. Mayhaps it is due to the hardy nature of the magikarp, but I fear I shall never know.
They were surprised that a talking magikarp claimed to have destroyed the building. I do not know why; if I had been a talking gyarados or some other water dweller, they surely would have believed me. As it stood, they did not.
So I left after having procured a promise that an investigation would be had.
Don't look at me like that! Everyone has a different way of coping with loss... Mine just happens to be running away from it. Would you rather I tell you that I, vengeful from another thing taken from me by Team Rocket, scoured the world for the remnants of the team? Would you rather that I lie to you instead of telling the truth of my story? Do not ask me to be something I am not.
Of course, I had no place to go, so I wandered. Within a matter of days, I found myself confronted by a very strange group of creatures.
Tell me, have you ever had your mind forcibly removed from your body by an otherworldly hive mind? I thought as much. Let me enlighten you: it is painful.
Don't misinterpret my words! I understand the why, but that makes it not the least bit less painful.
The crystalline unown, for they are the aforementioned otherworldly hive mind, saw my plight and gifted me with my original skin coloration. They knew that had I been aware of the senses of my body, I would not have survived. So they chose the lesser of two evils and separated my mind from my body.
To be fair, the experience minus the excruciating pain was actually quite pleasant. I saw indescribable things, amici. There are so many things that we bound by the laws of time and space are unaware of! The things I saw...
The crystalline unown alone understand the outer boundaries of time. Dialga itself could not escape that which it controls.
So moved was I at being allowed to see what no other being would that I was filled with sadness when they came to take me back to my body.
They assured me that we would meet again, but I have never seen them since. Normal unown have I seen, yes, but never again the crystalline ones.
But I am sure they did not lie to me. They see all of time, so I am certain that they would not lie to me. I'm not sure if they even have the ability to lie.
My original coloration was not the only gift they entrusted me with. However, I am... hesitant to call him a gift. More like a curse, honestly. More than once did I lose my mind traveling with that insane eevee, but I admit that he isn't a complete nutcase.
I suppose now is as good a stopping place as any, amici. Before I depart, I would like to thank all of my listeners. You are a wonderful crowd (for a group of humans), and I am honored to see you responding so graciously to my tale. Truly, nothing makes this old magikarp happier than the younger generation staying interested in his story. So yes, I thank you.
And now, I shall depart. Until next we meet to continue my yarn, keep swimming upstream.