This takes place between episodes 2 and 3.
Wine is sooooo good, especially when it's really expensive. The mostly empty bottle of Lafite-Rothschild is being strangled by Felicity's delicate little hand as she ambles around her apartment singing along to her 80s power-ballads playlist at the top of her lungs.
"WE BELONG TO THE LIGHT WE BELONG TO THE THUUUNDEEER… WE BELONG TO THE SOUND OF THE WORDS WE'VE BOTH FALLEN UUUNDEEER… Take it, Paperweight!"
She checks her phone again: yes, he did say he was coming. That's the text right there, right after hers that said, I need the D. She takes another swig of her wine and puts her phone down. It may be late, but he said he was coming.
Felicity stumbles over to her tortoise's tank. "Heeeey, mah lil' beebee, you wanna meet my new friend? He should be here any minute. His name's Dick. Don't make fun of him, okay? He's really nice." Then she kisses the glass where Paperweight's little tortoise face is and totters away.
Minutes later, there's a knock at the door.
"No, Paperweight, I'll get the door!" And when she does, she's not disappointed. "Dick!"
Smile still in place, he glances at her bottle of red wine. "Nice to see you, Blondie. Not that texting you all summer hasn't been fun."
"I've missed you soooo much!" Ecstatic, she throws her arms around him, hitting him in the shoulder with the bottle. He hugs her back.
"You didn't mention this was a party," he mentions when he hears "Can't Fight This Feeling" playing in the living room.
She giggles into his shoulder. "No, I just wanted some mood music." Her hand clumsily slips into his and she pulls him into the apartment. "So, guess what? I have condoms!"
His smile is becoming more and more forced. "Yeah… maybe we shouldn't. I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you."
Felicity pouts. "But I was drunk the last time and you didn't have a problem with it then."
"That was different. I was just as drunk as you were."
Her pout intensifies. "But I need the D."
"D as in 'distraction.'" He takes her gently by the shoulders and looks her in the eye. "Has something happened?"
Her pout is shattered by her quivering lip. "No," she lies, her voice breaking.
Dick carefully takes the bottle from her. "Think maybe you should talk about it?"
Instead of repeating her previous answer, she accidentally sobs. Wine still in hand, he sweeps her up a bridal carry and takes her to the couch. By this time, "What About Love" by Heart has started playing.
While Felicity squirms in his lap to get comfortable, Dick tries the wine.
"WOW." he exclaims, blinking in astonishment as he reads the label. "1982?! Where did you—Oh, wait, you know a billionaire. Duh."
She cries harder.
"Is he the reason you're crying? I'm not really surprised."
"He's only one of the reasons." she explains as she toys with the zipper on his leather jacket.
Dick takes a giant gulp. "All right, spill. Let it all out. Tell me everything that's bothering you or I'll tickle it out of you. And considering how much wine you've had that'll probably make you throw up. Is that what you want? So make your choice: word vomit or vomit vomit. What's it gonna be?"
"I went on a date with Oliver but it got blown up so he broke up with me then Sara got murderedandI'vebeenforcedtoworkformystalker—"
"Woah, one thing at a time." he croons, rubbing her back. "You're going a little too fast for me. Define 'blown up,' please."
"A crazy Count Vertigo wannabe blew up the restaurant with a rocket launcher."
"Your date was literally blown up?"
"And now Oliver won't date me because he's afraid I'll get hurt."
Dick frowns angrily. "That asshole."
"And we're so in love!" Felicity cries.
"Yes you are!" He noisily kisses the top of her head. "You poor baby!"
After a moment of intense cuddling, Dick asks, "Who's Sara?"
He takes another swallow from the bottle. And then another. "NO. I really wanted to meet her! We could've been badass birdies together!"
Her tears come back with a vengeance. "She was like family and someone just shot her off a rooftop. We actually kept her in a damn freezer for a while because we didn't know what to do with her body. Then we ended up burying her in her grave from when she supposedly died on Oliver's yacht seven years ago." Dick holds her close. "She deserved better than that!"
The crying continues, and Dick is unsure whether to share his own relevant experiences and the resulting wisdom or just keep holding her. He judges that she prefers comfort over wisdom at the moment. "I'm sorry," he says, stroking her hair.
"And it happened immediately after Oliver dumped me so I'm mourning both simultaneously and I feel bad for crying over Oliver because my friend just fucking died and that should take priority but I still need to process my feelings about losing him and it's just so frustrating!" Felicity grumbles. She reaches for the wine and Dick intercepts.
"You've had enough." Her eyes narrow as he takes another swing. The bottle's nearly empty. "Now tell me about the stalker. Should I be worried? Do you know if he has a shrine to you?"
She growls furiously, and Dick tries not to giggle. "Ray Palmer! I am so befuddled by Ray Palmer!" Her anger compels her to get up and pace in front of him as she rants. "Do you know what he did? Oh, he—" she pauses to let out another growl. Dick takes the opportunity to lean forward to give her a tissue from the coffee table. "Thanks. He tricked me into betraying Oliver! Knowingly! I mean I wasn't knowingly betraying Oliver but Ray totally knew what he was doing! Which was using me to take QC from Oliver!" Her voice is steadily climbing in pitch. She wipes at her eyes and nose before continuing. "And then he pinged my phone so he could track me down and beg me to work for him! When I was visiting Diggle's new baby at the hospital! Who does that? If you see someone's at a hospital, you should assume they're busy."
Dick has his arms stretched across the back of the couch as he listens intently. "Did you get this guy back at all?"
"Yeah, with porcupine farts."
"And when I refused him twice, do you know what that schwanzlutscher did?"
"Ah, the German profanity," Dick stares wistfully into the middle distance. "How I've missed your German profanity."
It's just enough to make her smile, but only briefly. "Ray bought the company I work for and said I could work for him at Tech Village or I could work for him at QC, the bastard. He basically threatened me with brief unemployment."
His eyes get really frickin' huge as he leans forward. "Oh, shit. He took that move out of Fifty Shades of Gray!"
She scrunches her nose in confusion. "How would you know that?"
"I… overheard a couple of soccer moms talking about it. But anyway that's not a good thing!"
She cocks her head to the side. "Eavesdropping on soccer moms?"
"No! Well, that's actually not very polite but I'm talking about his behavior. Hey, I'm starting to feel that wine." He takes a moment to hear what song is on. "I love this song. I wanna know what love iiiiis…Sorry, what was I saying? Oh, that thing he did. That's a major red flag. I know that book is supposed to be sexy and stuff but it's a textbook abusive relationship and—Wait, he's into you, right? Is that a factor in this whole thing?"
"Yeah," She purses her lips. "And he's actually kinda hot, too. And he gave me a really good job and Oliver's old office so as mad as I am I think I'm warming up to him."
"No, no, NO." Dick shakes his head furiously, which makes him dizzy. "Woah. Okay first of all, I can't knock you for taking the job. Tech Village is beneath you. But no getting cozy with him, okay?"
"Are you telling me who I can and can't sleep with?" she asks, her arms crossing.
"Yes! I am!" He stands up too fast and stumbles a bit. He also happens to be awfully close to Felicity as he continues his firm talking-to. "This guy is a pushy, manipulative, arrogant bastard who apparently can't take no for an answer and if I find out that he gets into your pants I will be very unkind to him!" Dick is squishing her face in his hands as his eyes bore into hers. "You must guard your carnal treasure." He says in all sincerity.
"But just from him though, right?" she replies with a smile, her face still squished.
He lets go. "So you think that just because I'm a guy and I have a penis and I'm a little tipsy and this song has a 90% success rate of getting me to bone somebody that I'm just gonna throw decency to the wind and take advantage of you? I'm not that kind of boy!"
"But I want to know what love is and I want you to show me!" she responds with a giggle as she starts taking off her clothes.
Dick pulls the sweatshirt back down over her head, but there's not much he can do about the abandoned pajama bottoms without putting himself in a compromising position. "I will admit your… What are those, limes? Your lime cotton panties are damn near irresistible but I must exercise self-control."
"Can I get a kiss?" she coos, her mouth in a perfect pout. "Just a little bitty one?"
Dick leans forward and plants one on her lips before he can think about it. It's awesome. "Okay, maybe a couple more," And that's how the idiot is duped into making out with Felicity. At least until the song ends thirty-seven seconds later.
"The spell has been broken!" he shouts triumphantly as he gathers his jacket, shirt, and pants. "I suggest we play a board game instead…" He trails off upon hearing what song is now playing and drops his clothes. "Or we could just sing along to this song. If we didn't it would be a missed opportunity."
Felicity glances down at her half-naked self and sighs. "Yeah, all right."
"TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES! EVERY NOW AND THEN I FALL APART!" And now there are two drunken morons jumping around in their underwear as they sing along loudly to "Total Eclipse of the Heart". They dance around, posing dramatically on all the right cues. Unfortunately for Dick, the combination of partial nudity, reckless enthusiasm, and bombastic music with subtly sexual lyrics is a sufficient way to get two people to pork. As the crescendo builds, so does the tension.
"'CAUSE WE'LL NEVER BE WRONG! TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE LINE! YOUR LOVE IS LIKE A SHADOW ON ME ALL OF THE TIIIME!" Their sweaty bodies come perilously close to smashing together as they get in each other's faces. Dick teases a kiss in the beat before the next line. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I'M ALWAYS IN THE DARK! WE'RE LIVING IN A POWDER KEG AND GIVING OFF SPARKS! I REALLY NEED YOU TONIGHT…" It only takes Felicity leaning in a mere centimeter for Dick's resolve to crumble. Her glasses are turned askew by his force and she happily throws her arms around his neck.
He's breathing heavily as he pulls away to look at her. "You're sure? I mean, really sure? You're not going to wake up in the morning and feel like I violated you?"
She shakes her head, their noses rubbing slightly. "I need the D." And she shucks off his boxer briefs, which causes him to raise an eyebrow.
"Well, you seem sure enough to me," Then he looks over at the tank. "Though it's a shame that we've probably traumatized your pet rock."
"His name is Paperweight. He's a tortoise."
"That's a good name for a rock."
Dick lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist. "To the bed!"
"Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!" Felicity chants excitedly as he carries her away.
"I appreciate a good double entendre," he says as they disappear into her room.