Konan on... SakuIno.
"No matter how hard, fast, and consistently Kishimoto denies it, one of the canon ships that snuck past the censors was the illicit romance between Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino, the two fruitcakes Sasuke has the misfortune to be crushed on by."
"Sakura had a rough childhood that consisted of being teased by every girl that saw her wide forehead EVERYBODY KNOWS and the bad luck of being trained by the ever-deadly Tsunade WELL SHE ASKED FOR IT. She might give you a spiel about how awful it was to be outcasted by everyone and how embarrassing she felt whenever she was around her parents LOOK SAKURA DON'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH I DON'T CARE? And it resulted in a lifetime of sociopathic rampaging, but the truth is that stalking Sasuke and Ino secretly and punching Naruto relieved all her stress and kept her a happy child HA WHEN I WAS 15 I ALREADY KILLED MY FIRST VICTIM AND STARTED PLANNING HOW TO KILL JIRAIYA AND LEARNED TO FOLD PAPER WITH A FLICK OF A FINGER, AND WHAT DO YOU DO? STAND THERE AND CUT YOUR HAIR. Ew.
"Ino is an airhead vain blonde EVERY BLONDE IS VAIN who finally proved the old wives' tale that mothers shouldn't hang out with Tsunade while they're pregnant. She has an attention span that makes a Naruto look positively scholarly and an 'I'm beautiful'-based outlook on life that really sent all the wrong signals about which side the river she played on.
"At the time Sakura was being made fun of SHE DESERVED IT, Ino made the ever-boring and useless Sakura her plaything to the disgust of everyone paying attention. Eventually Sakura overcame her Loneliness Syndrome after an incident involving a ribbon, a ribbon, and WHAT THE HECK A RIBBON. And soon enough, Sakura and Ino told each other that they love Sasuke IN UNISON AND TO COVER UP THEIR TRUE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER. Sakura, being lonely again, ran away to join the academy, probably with the notion that she could use all the jutsus as part of a complicated plan to seduce Sai OH WAIT SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HIM YET.
"Things were going swimmingly between the two so long as you look at things from Ino's perspective, until a little incident that could be summarized as Sakura taking away Ino's favorite toy and then daring her to do something about it because she couldn't stand to live another second, while Hinata stood there WATCHING HER TWO SO-CALLED FRIENDS FLY FREELY UNDER THE NETWORK'S RADAR. Sakura saw the whole thing as her chance of escape and chained herself to my leg as I was shipped out to Alcatraz to think about what I did while I golfed and earned a Master's Degree in law BUT THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW I HAVE BIPOLAR SO I SEE THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED AT ALL AND-
"That never happened, did it?
"Anyways, Ino's first match in the Chunin Exams was against Sakura. The two did not battle seriously at first since Ino still cared MORE THAN CARED about Sakura, until Sakura, unwilling to have Ino pity her, denounced her even though she didn't want to hurt Sakura YOU IDIOT SHE ACTUALLY CARED- Oh wait you two just don't want each other to know YOU LOVE THE OTHER. Ino and Sakura battled seriously afterwards, and used up most of their energy in the process MAYBE THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT OUR CRUSHES BEFORE BEDTIME. Ino then attempted to enter Sakura's mind after cutting her hair NOT SO VAIN ANYMORE HUH OR WAS IT JUST TO IMPRESS SAKURA and sending chakra into it to immobilise her. She succeeded, but was expelled by Inner Sakura THE ACTUALLY USEFUL PART OF SAKURA AT THE TIME. Low on chakra, Ino and Sakura charged at each other for one last attack, and knocked each other out, resulting in both of them being eliminated BOO YOU WHORE. When they regained consciousness, they started becoming friends again I GUESS THEY WANT TO CONFESS THEIR FEELING TO EACH OTHER ONCE AND FOR ALL, but still maintained their rivalry over Sasuke NO NEVER MIND.
"Later in Part II, the two were still too shy too confess their true feelings to each other. So in order to make Sakura jealous OOOH NARUSAKU PART TWO, she quickly pretended to become interested in Sai. Ino attempted to get Sai's attention with some subtle flirting WHICH DIDN'T WORK. When Sai tried to befriend Ino and Choji WHO I ASSUME IS GAY AND HE DOES TOO, having earlier come to the conclusion that women didn't like to hear how they really looked, Sai tried the opposite approach by calling Ino 'gorgeous', of which is the opposite of what he wanted to say. This resulted in Ino blushing, and enraging Sakura, who Sai had previously called 'ugly' WHAT ABOUT ME? I'M GORGE- wait. I'M UGLY TOO!
"By the time of the Three-Tails Arc, Ino was placed on Team Three to seal away the Three Tails THREE IS A CHARM. To join her was her friend SECRET GIRLFRIEND Sakura, the shy Hinata, and the ever-boring Shizune. When the her team practiced the sealing technique, she had difficulty withstanding it. But after a short speech from Sakura she stood back up, more determined than ever to complete the task OOOH SO NOW SAKURA IS THE ONLY ONE SHE LISTENS TO.
"In Road To Sakura, while running around doing nothing during her so-called day off, Ino pondered how to spend the day before finding Sakura falling from the sky after a flash of bright light COME ON HELP YOUR SPARKLY SECRET VAMPIRE GIRLFRIEND. Helping her out of a tree and taking her to Tsunade-big-boobs for medical attention, Ino is shocked to find Sakura with amnesia 'OMG MAYBE SHE WON'T REMEMBER THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER'. She even tried to keep Tsunade-big-boobs and the ever-boring Shizune-with-ironing-boards from killing Sakura for pointing out their bust sizes SMALL BIG SMALL BIG. In her attempt to help jog Sakura's memory, she and the rest of the Konoha 11 present themselves in the way she remembers them: By acting the complete opposite of themselves COME ON NEJI THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! After the attempt failed, Ino helps Sakura look for her necklace until they encounter Sakura's parents who found the necklace. After Sakura strangely cries as she embraces her parents before they leave, Ino learns that the Sakura she has been with all day came from an AU. When the other Sakura fades away, Ino is left dumbfounded as she wondered where the Sakura she knows AND LOVES is OH NO MAYBE SHE'LL NEVER COME BACK.
"By the time we got back and invaded Konoha, Sakura had gone crazy from the frustration of the whole silly mess and had herself locked in the clinic tent never to see daylight again so we could all pretend she and her uselessness never existed. Ino promptly asserted her independence by runnign away with the Fifth Division with a bunch of cat-hating primadonas and dogs just because she can't do anything MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE HER LOCKED UP IN THE CLINIC TENT AND LET HER AND SAKURA DO SOMETHING THEY WOULD REGRET HEH HEH I SHIP THAT.
"But then again, I'm dead and has no idea why I know all this. So let's make a run-over on Sakura: as long as Naruto is with Hinata, Sakura will end up forever alone unless she turns out Yuri and gets paired up with Ino UNLESS THERE'S ANOTHER PLOT TWIST: Ino magically ends up with Sai SO MORE OR LESS, SAKURA WILL END UP ALONE, DRUNKEN , AND GAMBLING JUST LIKE THAT BITCH TSUNADE.
"Anyways, let's conclude that Sakura will end up forever alone unless Kishi lets her and Ino past the censors and WAIT- OMG IF HE DOES LET THEM PAST THE CENSORS I CAN GO HOME NOW. :D
"But if he doesn't, feel the wrath of my infamous paper cranes.