(This is an adventure that brings Bender and Nibbler together. I wrote it because they never hang out and I've always wondered what an episode in which the two hanged out together would be like.)
Opening Sequence plays
Caption: "Broadcast Everywhere (except perhaps New Caledonia)"
TV Screen: Coyote running after Roadrunner
(Act starts at a regular day at the Planet Express building. Fry, Leela and Zoidberg are watching All My Circuits on the TV)
Calculon (shouting at everybody, on TV): NOOOOOOOOO!
(Bender walks into the room whistling and looks at the TV)
Bender (Shouting triumphantly): Woohooooooooo! This is going to be a good one, especially after he nearly got shot while walking the dog.
(Bender jumps onto the couch in between Fry and Zoidberg, but suddenly jumps off it because Nibbler was sitting on the area and has locked jaws onto Bender's ass)
Bender (Screaming): OHH! OUGH! WHAT THE (bleeps) IS (bleeps) HAPPENING! OH (extra long bleeps)!
Fry: That's got to be the most obscene scene I've ever seen.
(Nibbler drops off and climbs back onto the couch)
Nibbler (smoking a pipe): Watch where you're sitting, automaton.
Bender (muttering): Nddfghrryhyrenyt. Stupid overgrown rat!
Leela (picking up Nibbler): Don't say that about Nibbler!
Bender (angrily): That's it! I'm running away and going to one of those towns where you get into a lot of bar room brawls! Perhaps to Jupiter's moon Ganymede.
Scruffy: Scruffy knows that you won't go far.
Bender (angrily): Hey! Bite my shiny ass!
Scruffy (reading a magazine titled Mind-Blowing Knockers): Yup.
(Bender storms out.)
(Dramatic music plays)
Fry: Will Bender ever come back?
Leela (clenching her fist): Who cares?!
Nibbler (dramatically, to Leela): Don't feel bad, Leela. My cuteness attitude can only impress a certain amount of people, and Bender's a machine. Also we are fully aware about the toilet incident.
(The scene turns to the Professor's lab where Amy and the Professor are putting the finishing touches on a shady-looking machine. Bender comes into the room)
Bender (shouting): Hey wrinkles, I'm runnin' away!
Professor (dividing attention): Ok.
Amy (To Bender and putting down a spanner): Slees, Bender; what's the reason this time?
Bender: Ohh, you really want to know, really?
Bender: It's simply because both me and that (bleeps) little chinchilla can't be on the same crap planet! But before I violently take to the streets, I will deplete the company's booze, hehehahe.
Professor: Oh my!
(Bender walks over to a cooler to get alcohol, only to find there is only one bottle left.)
Bender (exclaiming, shouting): What the (bleeps)?!
(Bender holds the bottle upside down, only to find there is only one drop left)
Amy: Any drops left, Bender?
Bender: That was the last drop! (Dramatically) Oh crap! I was too busy sticking humans into that suicide booth last night to keep up on alcohol! Oh for the love of Optimus Prime, it's a tragedy! Oh (bleeps)!
Amy (turning to the Professor): Professor, it's glovious that he won't stop swearing at everyone until you come up with some ingenious, but amoral, way of making him go without liquor.
(The Professor thinks for a few minutes.)
Professor (out loud): Good news, metal man; I may have just the thing.
(Amy and Bender look at each other and then at the Professor. The Professor creeps over to the machine and opens up a slot. Out of the slot comes an aquamarine glowing crystal.)
Bender: Ooh, shiny.
(The scene cuts to the TV room. Nibbler's eye on a stork grows to the size of a grapefruit.)
Zoidberg (frill opens up): Oooh, food!
Nibbler (standing up): No it's not.
Zoidberg (frill goes down, calling for help): Help! He's standing up! That often means they're going to kick you up the tucus!
(Zoidberg jumps up and runs out of the room screaming)
Zoidberg: Woop woop woop woop!
(The Professor implants the crystal into Bender's cabinet, replacing Bender's booze tank.)
Professor: There, now you're powered by this strange crystal I found in the limestone cavern underneath the building.
Bender (running out of the building): Well, so long meatbags, even though there isn't any on Farnsworth!
(The scene cuts to somewhere in outer space. Two red glowing, sinister eyes open up.)
The creepiest, ear splitting voice imaginable: Finally! At last, the presence of my species' rule has at last (dramatic sting) come!
(The scene cuts to the evening at Fry and Bender's apartment. Bender is clearing out the place of his stuff, while Fry has fallen asleep on the couch while watching the TV. The channel has gone haywire.)
Bender (to Fry): Hey Fry! I'm out o' here!
(Fry is too deep in his sleep to hear it, and he is also snoring. Bender walks out of the apartment with his stuff mumbling. As he walks down the street, you can see Sal leaning on a lamp post.)
Sal (looking at Bender): Who knows where he goeses.
(The scene cuts to an alleyway near the Planet Express building at night. Bender walks down the alleyway and looks at a dumpster and sees a black tentacle sticking out of it.)
Bender: Stupid garbage, might as well give Leela something to remember me by.
(Bender walks up to the dumpster laughing. He lifts up the lid, but suddenly out comes three monsters the size of beach balls. They look like black floating squids with huge red glowing eyes, and they are very sinister looking too. The one in the middle speaks in the most creepy, ear-splitting voice imaginable. Bender cowers back in fear squealing.)
Squid #1: You are Bender Bending Rodríguez, serial number: 2716057, unit: 22, inspected by: Inspector #5?
Bender: Do I know you? (Threatening) Are you one of my enemies?!
Squid #1: We are the network hovering squids, the enemies of this godforsaken universe!
Squid #1: You have something that belongs to us!
(The squids open up Bender's cabinet revealing the crystal.)
Squids (simultaneously): The Sacred Crystal of Gamma!
Squid #2: Give it to us!
Squid #3: Immediately
Bender (doing a back sign with his hands): Woah woah woah! Old man wrinkles told me this thing is my power source! So back off, cephalopod crap head!
Squid #1 (angrily): Take it by force!
(The two squids on the sides grab Bender, pull him to the ground and keep his cabinet open. The other squid slipped his tentacles into Bender's cabinet. Bender tries to kick at the squid as a last ditch attempt.)
Squid #1: You can't escape from your destruction, prepare to die!
(The squid laughs evilly. Suddenly a gun off screen shoots at the two squids holding Bender, causing them to drop down (presumably dead). Both Bender and the remaining squid look over to see Nibbler holding a huge purple gun.)
Nibbler (ordering the squid): Let go of the robot!
Squid #1 (at Nibbler, rhetorically): Why should I give a brainspawn?!
Bender (shouting): Something's going on here. But what the hell is it?!
Squid #1 (at Bender): Shut up, you puny piece of mercury!
Bender (at the squid): I'm 40% mercury.
(The squid, now fed up with Bender, throws Bender at Nibbler. Nibbler dodges and Bender hits the wall. Bender stands up and elevates his antenna.)
Nibbler (to Bender): Quickly! To my ship!
(Bender and Nibbler run to the shed where Nibbler keeps his ship.)
Squid #1 (angrily, at Bender and Nibbler): Come back, puny creatures!
Bender (at the Squid): Then why did you throw me at the weasel?!
(Nibbler opens up the shed door and brings out his ship. Nibbler hops into the ship. Bender squeezes in.)
Bender: The network hoverwhatever squids can just go bite my shiny metal ass!
(The ship blasts off into space leaving the squid in the alleyway. The squid growls.)
Squid #1 (threatening): Oh escape you might, but you have not made fun of the last of me! I will get the last laugh, you'll see!
(The squid laughs evilly but abruptly stops.)
Squid #1: That was my…um…Second to last...Laugh.
(Nibbler's ship to a Nibblonian mother ship)
Bender: What's this dump?
Nibbler (melodramatically): This is the centre of the Nibblonian elders' fleet. It's the highest form of intellect and weaponry in the galaxy.
Bender (lighting a cigar): Yeah, yeah.
(The transmitter crackles into life)
Nibblonian (through transmitter): Nibblonian mother ship to incoming vessel, state your name and clearance code.
Nibbler (into transmitter): This is Lord Nibbler, ambassador to Earth, I come with urgent news!
Bender (commenting): Big whoop.
(Nibbler's ship boards the Nibblonian mother ship. Nibbler and Bender walk down the hall til they reached an identity scanner. Bender slams his hand on the scanner. The scanner simply makes a rejection noise.)
Bender (angrily): Damn, (bleeps)ing stupid machine!
Nibbler (to Bender): That's simply because the mainframe computer has no record of your hand identity.
Bender (at Nibbler): I was getting to that.
(Nibbler touches the scanner with his paw and the door opens. Bender and Nibbler walk into the room. In the room there is a large round meeting table with all the Nibblonian elders sitting round it.)
Head Nibblonian elder (at Nibbler and Bender): Sit down.
(Nibbler and Bender sit on the two spare seats. Bender has to put his feet on the table, on account of him being too tall.)
Head Nibblonian elder: The elders recognise Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth.
Nibbler (standing up): Thank you. I'm afraid our secondary arch nemesis, the Network Hovering Squids, have discovered the Sacred Crystal of Gamma!
(The Nibblonian elders start talking amongst each other. The head Nibblonian elder stands up dramatically)
Head Nibblonian elder (dramatically): I ask you one question, Ambassador; do you know where it is?
(Nibbler jumps onto Bender.)
Nibbler: Right inside...
(Nibbler opened up Bender's cabinet and revealed the crystal.)
Nibbler (continuing, dramatically):...the Robot!
(All the elders gasp in shock.)
Bender: What on Earth is this thing got to do with those things?
Nibbler: Everything! I just didn't tell you...yet.
Bender (pretending to listen): Ohhhh! What?
(The head Nibblonian elder sighs and turns on a hologram in the centre of the table. The hologram fades out. The head Nibblonian elder sighs again.)
Head Nibblonian elder (frustrated): Gary! Come over. It's busted...again!
(The scene cuts to the Planet Express building's TV room. Fry, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg, Hermes, the Professor and Scruffy are gathered around the TV. The channel they are watching is showing the Oscars.)
Commentator (off screen, on TV): And now to presenter of our tonight's nominations, Geoffrey Rush's head!
(The curtains open to reveal Geoffrey Rush's head on an announcement panel.)
Geoffrey Rush's head (on TV): Good evening. Tonight we start by saying the nominees for best...
(The program suddenly changes to the news. Behind Linda and Morbo is a square with a picture of a network hovering squid in it.)
Linda (on TV): We interrupt the Oscars to give you a special announcement. Across Earth, people have noticed strange floating squid creatures. It is believed we could be some kind of invasion on our hands.
Morbo (angrily, on TV): Finally an invasion of Earth happens... BUT I DON'T GET INVOLED! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr!
(Linda laughs. The channel suddenly goes haywire. It comes back with the squids on it.)
Squid #1: Pathetic people of Earth...We are the network hovering squids! We are powerful beings and we will destroy this very planet...unless you hand over this robot...
(The squids create a picture of Bender. The Planet Express crew gasp as they watch it.)
Squid #1: If you resist us, we will destroy the Earth and all its inhabitants! Not even a fruit fly will be spared! You have 24 hours. No droid within that time, then kiss your asses goodbye, FOREVER!
(The Planet Express crew gasp again.)
Hermes: Sweet gecko of Sorrento! We have to hand over Bender, or we're deader than a pine tree!
Fry (begging): NO! We can't hand Bender over! He taught me how to shave...Also, he's our friend...Oh and also, he's disappeared!
Leela: That's strange, 'cause Nibbler has also disappeared!
(Zoidberg comes running in.)
Zoidberg (jollily): Friends, Friends, the shed in the alleyway is empty! I got a luxurious new place to live.
Amy: Wait? Doesn't Nibbler keep his ship in that shed?
Scruffy: Scruffy thinks there could be a connection. Uh-uh.
Professor (frustrated): Irrrr. I was going to sell that ship to Billionaire Bot, but now no ship, no money.
(Frantic music plays)
(The scene changes to a montage of the squids looking for Bender. Across the world the robots they look at are: Hedonismbot (who is pouring jelly onto himself), Calculon, Blatherbot, Humorbot 5.0, Emperor Nikolai, iHawk, Monique, the Robot Mafia, Destructor, the Clear Cutter, the Crushinator, Anglyne, Hookerbot 5000, Fender, Unit 2013, Femputer, the Fratbots, Robopuppy, Malfunctioning Eddie (who explodes), Amani, and Roberto (who attempts to stab them))
Roberto: How you like this?! HAH HAR! AH HA HAR AH HAH HAR! AH HAR AH HAR EH HEH HER! AH HAR AH HAR EH HEH HEH!
(The scene cuts back to the Nibblonian mother ship. The Nibblonian elders have finally gotten the hologram up.)
Head Nibblonian elder (the hologram showing what he is taking about): Finally, I got it up. Thanks, Gary.
(The hologram shows what the Nibblonians will say.)
Head Nibblonian elder: Now back to serious business, when the universe was first created, our race was already...
Bender (interrupting): Yeah, yeah, I get the point.
Head Nibblonian elder (surprised): You do?! Are you aware of our race's existence? Have you been secretly all the time following our every...
Bender (interrupting again): Of course not! I just know because old iron balls deplorer over here told us all about it after we found out his real intellect crap. Stop being so melodramatic!
(Nibbler stands up again)
Nibbler (the hologram showing what he is taking about): Let's cut to the chase. The network hovering squids are one of this universe's greatest enemies! Since the time man took his first steps into the new world, the squids have had hatred for all life! They worshiped their god, Crann, a terrifying beast with great darkness in his heart! The squids had plans to pray to him to destroy Earth! However, Crann was imprisoned by our race a millennia ago for his crimes against Universe Gamma. We put him to sleep, far beneath Earth's surface.
(The hologram finishes)
Nibbler (continuing): Somewhere underneath Earth he still remains. The squids know how to release him, the crystal is the key. If they should acquire the crystal, the universe will be...DOOOOOMED!
Bender (making a point): Woah woah woah! How's this crap got to do with me, Bender?
Head Nibblonian elder (to and pointing at Bender): Because the crystal that is going to be used to release Crann is the same one powering YOU!
(Everybody in the room recoils in shock)
Head Nibblonian elder (continuing): The only way to stop them is to destroy the crystal!
Bender (not listening and lighting a cigar): Ok.
(Bender suddenly remembers that the crystal is his power sauce and spits out his cigar.)
Bender (shouting): Ahh, wahhh! But, but, this apocalyptic crystal is my power source. I don't want to die...again...because it hurts more the second time!
Nibbler (to Bender): Fortunately for you Bender, that is not an option.
Bender (over-excited): WOOHOO! YEAH...Wait? Why?
Nibbler (informing): Because, even if the crystal is destroyed the squids will still destroy the Earth and all its inhabitants!
Bender (shouting): WOOHOO...
(Bender starts celebrating)
Nibbler (informing Bender): But we have needs for you, Bender.
(Bender stops celebrating, mutters and rolls his eyes.)
Nibbler (announcing): What we need for you is to stop the squids. The crystal can give you enough power to destroy the gate and stop Crann forev...
Bender (interrupting, threatening): Up yours ferret!
Nibbler (to Bender): Bender, there are three good reasons why you should help us.
Bender (at Nibbler): Oh yeah! Then blurt it out, Capybara Face!
Nibbler (expressing the amount using his fingers): 1# all your friends' lives are at stake. 2# the squids will just track you down and destroy you later.
Bender (getting angry and shouting): Hey! That was only two you (bleeps)!
(Nibbler gets out some photographs.)
Nibbler (feeling full of himself): And finally 3#. Perhaps a certain bending unit wouldn't like it if some fembots saw these blowing about on the streets.
(Bender looked at the photographs, and saw they were pictures of him and Amy making out. A Nibblonian guard looked at the photographs and laughed his tiny head off.)
Bender (frustrated and slamming his fist onto the table): Ok, ok, you have a deal! If save humanity I must, then save humanity I shall!
Bender (to Nibbler): And also, I'll only do it also if you be my butler for twelve fortnights.
Nibbler (to Bender): Ok, anything to save all life.
(The Nibblonian fleet approaches Earth. Bender, Nibbler and the Nibblonian elders are standing in the cannon room.)
Bender (to the Nibblonian elders): Now let's run through this again. I go to Earth and wha?
Head Nibblonian elder (explaining to Bender): You go to Earth and use the power of the crystal's power to destroy the gate.
Nibbler (to Bender): The squids would have dug it up by now.
Bender (putting on a helmet): Let's go kick some tentacled ass!
(The scene cuts to outside Madison Cube Garden. Fry, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg and the Professor look at the squids carrying a gigantic, ancient-looking stone gate.)
Professor: It's the apocalypse now. How come I have the feeling that I'll be the one to take the blame?
Leela (putting her hand on the Professor's shoulder): It's nobody's fault Professor. None knew that these (bleeps) would attack Earth.
Zoidberg: It wasn't Zoidberg's fault either. (Angrily) YOU ALL REMEMBER THAT! (Frill opens up) ARHHHHHH!
(The scene cuts to the Nibblonian mother ship's cannon room. The Nibblonians get Bender ready to be shot out of a cannon. Bender climbs into the cannon.)
Nibbler (to Bender): Ready?
Bender (popping into the dark hole): I was built ready!
(Bender pops his head out of the darkness.)
Bender: Although, how exactly do I harness this power, sort a stu...
(A Nibblonian pulls a lever and shoots Bender out of the cannon and off to New New York.)
Bender (first slows down, then goes through the Earth's atmosphere): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HOT HOT HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!...
(The scene cuts to back outside Madison Cube garden. The squid that evaded Bender and Nibbler in the alleyway sits atop the roof of Madison Cube garden.)
Squid #1 (grumpily): You fail to give up one miserable machine?! Then you may as well be...DESTROYED! Which as luck would have it, you will...
(Bender suddenly slams through the glass of Madison Cube garden. He comes running out through the doorway.)
Bender (at the squids): You terrible squids have met your match...
Fry (excitedly): Bender! You came back!
Squid #1 (self-satisfied): Ahh yes! Finally come to give yourself up, huh!?
Bender (at the squids, raising his voice): Never! Your short reign is for...How d'yah say it? Oh wait it is forfitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(The squids grab Bender.)
Bender (angrily): Get your slimy tentacles off me you damn greasy squids!
(The crew gasp as the squids bring Bender up to the gate and open his cabinet.)
One random squid: Huh? I guess we can open the gate with the crystal without taking it out of the robot.
(The power of the crystal opened the gate, and out comes a giant network hovering squid that looks even more sinister and creepy than the others, and it speaks even more sinister and creepy too.)
Crann: Freeeeeeee! Finally at last! Inferior carbon-based lifeforms, I am Crann, god of the network hovering squids, and your DOOOOOM!
(The squids drop Bender and he lands next to the rest of the crew. Crann starts attacking the city, destroying buildings with his tentacles and his telekinetic powers.)
Bender (exclaims, to himself): Ah crap! I'll have to do all the work for the rest of twelve fortnights...Plus all the fembots will think that I'm still robosexual!
Fry (at Bender): Wha?
Bender: Long Story. Oh great, now we're all doomed! And it's all thanks to this damn crystal!
(Bender opens up his cabinet to reveal the crystal.)
Amy (comforting Bender): Ohh, don't blame yourself, Bender.
Bender (to all the crew): I don't blame myself, nor' all of you, I blame...NIBBLER!
(Bender grabs some kind of walkie-talkie out of his cabinet.)
Bender (into the walkie-talkie): Yo, possum face, how do ya unleash the power (bleeps)!
Nibbler (out of the walkie-talkie): Simply tap onto it three times and say OOGAA BOOGAA.
Bender (angrily, into the walkie-talkie): Hey I'm not sayin' that! It makes look stupid!
Nibbler (shouting through the walkie-talkie): Just do it. Or do you want to do manual labour for the rest of the week?!
Bender (exclaiming into the walkie-talkie): What! I'm doing it right now!
(Bender taps the crystal three times.)
Bender: OOGAA BOOGAA
(Bender suddenly grows 500ft tall.)
Bender (walking up to Crann): Big Bender's back, baby!
Hermes: Wow! What's happenin', mon?
Crann (exclaiming): No! My rule is eternal, FOREVER!
(Bender and Crann start fighting brutally. They smash buildings over each other. A DOOP unmanned ship swoops down and shoots at Crann. Crann simply grabs the ship and flings it into the Big Apple Bank. Bender is about to take Crann out, when the Professor interrupts.)
Professor (shouting): Why is this even happening?! Giant floating squids? Growing robots? Blaming the sentient pet? What the hell is going on?!
(Bender is distracted.)
Bender (to the Professor): Oh. It is a long story that you don't want to...augggggggh!
(Crann grabs Bender's shoulders and slams him onto the ground.)
Professor: I don't want to...augggggggh? What kind of answer is that?
(Crann looks down at the overpowered Bender.)
Crann (at Bender): Prepare to die for you about to be destroyed in the most hideous, hideous...
(Bender suddenly rips the cannon of the crashed DOOP ship. He uses it like a gun. He blasts Crann, which disintegrates the monster within seconds.)
Bender (at Crann's remains): Hah! Caught you off guard, huh!
(All the squids retreated of into somewhere in outer space. Everybody cheered)
Hedonismbot (commenting): Now to go back to my mansion. Maple syrup, here I come. Ohhhhh yes!
(The only squid that remains (the one that Nibbler and Bender had encountered in the alleyway) looks angry.)
Squid #1 (threatening at Bender): Meddling robot, you haven't seen the last of me!
(The squid looks behind himself and sees that he is the only one of the squids left on Earth.)
Squid #1 (overly scared): Oh, well I guess you have seen the last of me then.
(The squid flees off after the other squids. Nibbler lands his ship outside Madison Cube Garden. He hops out of the ship and walks up to the crew.)
Nibbler (to Bender): Bender, you have saved us all! We Nibblonians have so much to thank you for. But we'll need to destroy that crystal.
Professor (to Bender): Yes, we'll go put back your old booze tank.
Bender (begging): Really? But actually, I kinda' like being like th...
Professor (shouting, shaking his fist): No more words!
Bender (going back to his original size): Ohhh!
(The scene cuts to later in the afternoon on at the Planet Express building. In the Professor's lab Fry, Leela, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes watch as the Professor reimplants Bender's booze tank back into Bender. Scruffy mops up in the background.)
Professor (finishing the operation and closing Bender's cabinet): There, it is done.
Nibbler (whilst destroying the crystal with his eye laser): Indeed.
Fry (patting Bender on the shoulder): At least we have the old Bender back.
(Bender grabs a beer bottle and drinks it. He burps flames. Nibbler starts walking off, until Bender stops him.)
Bender (to Nibbler): Woah, woah, woah! I believe there is a certain thing you have to do first.
(Bender crosses his arms and puts up a smirk. Nibbler simply sighs.)
(The scene cuts to the Planet Express building one week later. Bender lies on the couch in the TV. Bender is drinking 16 bottles of beer, wearing a peacock feather coat and smoking 11 cigars. Nibbler walks up holding a silver platter and wearing a butler outfit.)
Bender (to Nibbler): Don't worry Nibbler. Only eleven fortnights and one week left to go.
(Bender chuckles quietly and Nibbler walks away sighing.)
Bender (to the audience): Yeah, yeah, once again Bender saves the day.
(The credits begin)
Nibbler (off-screen): Indeed, but why did I make this (bleeps)ing choice?!