Hello everyone, I've had this story running through my head for months but I never got around to doing it because of too much work going on, but now I finally made free time to do this. If you remember in my fic, 'The Exclusion', at the last chapter, I said that another humor fic would be coming soon by me. Well, this is that fic. Enjoy.
Note: I'm expecting this story to be INCREDIBLY long, even longer than my longest fic, so don't be fooled by the short story summary.
The following story is rated T for intense scenes of action, violence, swearing, crude humor, and bits of randomness.
The huge amount of characters that are going to appear in this fic are pretty much the more prominent ones from various Mario games, like the Paper Mario series, and of course, the main cast as well, plus some enemies.
Daisy lifted her eyes open very slowly and carefully. As soon as she got her focus, she gasped. She wasn't in her bed...nor was she in her room. She was in some closed-in room with gray walls and dull features. She also noticed some of her friends all laying around her.
"Luigi? Yoshi? PEACH? You guys, get up! Where the hell are we!?" yelled Daisy.
Luigi yawned and opened his eyes. "Hey...this isn't the chocolate factory! Where's my candy!?"
Daisy raised her eyebrow. "Luigi, get up! Something is very wrong here. Why are we in this room? Who brought us here!?"
Luigi rubbed his eyes and got a better look of the room. "Oh! This is...odd. Ummm, have we been kidnapped?"
"I don't know. Probably." shrugged Daisy.
Waluigi was the next to get up. "Will you guys shut up!? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep over here!"
"Idiot, look around you! You're not in your room!" said Daisy.
Waluigi widened his eyes as soon as he realized he was in some random room. "Oh...WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO!? Don't tell me you all pissed off Bowser and he went on a kidnapping rampage!"
"No, moron. This doesn't look like one of Bowser's lairs! We must've been kidnapped by a new villain..." guessed Daisy.
"Great, more villains to wreak havoc in the world! Why can't we live in peace for once where there's candy and rainbows galore?" asked Luigi.
Waluigi and Daisy stared at him like he was a freak.
Everyone else eventually got up and freaked out about where they were. The rest that seem to have gotten 'kidnapped' were Yoshi, Peach, Dixie, Toadette, DK, Toad, Rosalina, Goombella, and Birdo.
"Oh my! This does NOT look like my castle! Which one of you did the renovations!?" Peach demanded to know.
"This doesn't even look like your castle Peach! It looks like we're in one of those security rooms from those spy movies, you know?" said DK and looked all around the room for cameras.
"Wait, we're in a spy movie!? Why wasn't I informed of this!" complained Birdo.
"Darling, that wasn't what DK said. Did you take your pills before you went to sleep?" asked Yoshi.
"You guys, I'm scared! What if someone captured us, placed us in here, and is going to bomb the room any second now? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" screamed Toad.
"Oh get over it you big wuss!" yelled Toadette and smacked Toad.
"Ohmigosh! This is, like, totally not cool! I bet you all that Bowser is, like, up to this!" said Goombella in her valley girl accent.
"Like I said before, this doesn't look like one of Bowser's lairs. This has to be someone else doing this. But who? Who else in the world that is currently evil and alive would do this to us?" asked Daisy and rubbed her chin.
"Tatanga?" suggested Toad.
"Who's Tatanga? I don't know her!" said Peach.
"Tatanga is a GUY, Peach. Don't you remember that time I was captured and saved by Mario like, decades ago?" asked Daisy.
Peach thought for a moment. "Hmm...nope! Doesn't ring a bell. Are you sure you're not thinking of Tangela, the pokemon?"
Daisy crossed her arms and shook her head.
"Huh, the sense of fear and cluelessness is strong in this room." spoke Rosalina.
"What did she just say?" asked Waluigi.
"I think she spoke pig latin." answered Luigi.
"Well whether we've been captured by Bowser or not, I'm getting out of here! This room smells like dead toad!" yelled Dixie and headed for the door. She turned the knob, but unsurprisingly, it wouldn't open.
"Damnit! DK! Open this door right now!" she demanded.
"Erm...I'm not sure if that's a good idea. What if a trap happens once we go out there and we get hurt or killed?" said DK in worry.
"DK has a point. I'm sensing odd energy beyond that door so I highly advise not going out there." warned Rosalina. DK blushed in response.
"Odd energy? What a load of crap! We're just wasting time in here!" complained Waluigi and went towards the door.
But suddenly, the door's knob started shaking.
Waluigi screamed like a girl. "OH MY GOD, THE FREAKING KIDNAPPER IS COMING! GOOMBELLA, YOU'LL BE THE SACRIFICE!" He ran over to her and picked her up.
"Hey! Like, put me down!" she screamed.
The door slammed open and everyone screamed.
"HERE, TAKE HER!" Waluigi threw Goombella at the person, but missed very badly as she hit the wall instead.
"Toad, before we die, I have to let you know that I was the one who ate your Milky Way bar on your birthday! I'M SO SORRY!" cried Toadette.
"Well I have something to confess too Toadette...I'm not actually a toad...I'M A SHY GUY!" said Toad.
"WHAT?" yelled Toadette.
"WHAT?" yelled Peach.
"WHAT?" yelled Birdo.
"WHAT?" yelled Yoshi.
"WHAT?" yelled Dixie.
"WHAT?" yelled DK.
"WHAT?" yelled the mysterious person.
"WHAT?" yelled the audience.
"WHAT?" yelled the rest of the world.
"Oh." said Waluigi.
The person walked into the room and came into the light. Everyone gasped at who it was.
"Oh my god...IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" shrieked Peach.
"Excuse me!? NO! It's Kylie Koopa you fool!" she said.
"How the hell do you get her mixed up with Sonic of all people!?" asked Daisy who was scratching her head.
"...I've been playing too much Sonic lately...and reading the comics...and buying the toys..." confessed Peach.
"Ohmigosh! I know you! You're, like, that girl who starred in that 'Partners in Time' movie and, like, became irrelevant shortly after!" said Goombella.
Kylie rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "SO ANYWAYS! I'm sure you all wanna know why you're all here, correct?"
"DUH! That's pretty much the first thing that comes to anyone's mind when they wake up in a place they don't know about!" clarified Daisy.
Kylie tried to keep her temper with these people under control. "The reason why you guys are here is because we have chosen you 12 to do a mission for us."
"A mission? Oh great, does this involve us having to go through a bunch of levels where the worst ones would be the water levels?" asked Luigi.
"No! Well...maybe. But that's besides the point. The Mushroom Kingdom is in danger and you 12 are the only heroes left in Mushroom City that can help get rid of the cause!" explained Kylie.
"Wait a second, HEROES!? Well why the hell isn't Mario here then? He's more of a hero than all of us put together!" said Dixie.
"AHEM!" coughed Luigi.
"Yeah...that's the thing. Mario has been captured and held prisoner along with Diddy Kong and Wario...and a bunch of other people."
Dixie and DK gasped. "DIDDY GOT CAPTURED? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I told him to not throw away his rocket launcher!" exclaimed DK.
"Wait, WARIO is being held prisoner? Pffff, so typical of him! Thank goodness I'm the lesser evil brother!" laughed Waluigi.
"Mario? But...how did he get captured? He NEVER gets captured. Well, even when does, he escapes minutes later!" cried Peach.
"There is a guy that is causing the destruction in the Mushroom Kingdom and he's the one that captured your friends. His name is...Tatanga." Kylie said over-dramatically.
"Hey, I was right! Go me!" cheered Toad.
"Well isn't this just perfect! Also, how could the Mushroom Kingdom be under destruction? Everything was fine last night!" yelled Daisy.
"You've all been here for 3 days, that's why."
"3 days!? No freaking way! There is no way we could've been asleep that long!" yelled Birdo.
"Ewwww! That means I, like, totally haven't taken a shower which means I probably, like, smell really bad!" complained Goombella.
"You see, we predicted that this would come, thanks to our lovely psychic, Merlon. He predicted that chaos and destruction would come about the kingdom from a villian that he couldn't quite make out, but managed to tell us that Mario, Diddy, and Wario would be captured, leaving only you 12 fit enough to fight this. While you were sleeping at night 3 days ago, we kind of snuck into your houses, drugged you, and brought you back with us and have remained with us since."
"Holy cow! Isn't that illegal?" exclaimed Toadette.
"Not in this case." answered Kylie.
"Wait a second, if you knew that Mario, Diddy and Wario would get captured then why didn't you try to save them and bring them here with us?" asked Dixie.
"Merlon specifically told us to follow his foresight. He warned us that anything going out of order could potentially lead to worse things."
"So let me get this straight, we have to go defeat this villain, save our friends and that's it? Why do I feel like there's something more to this than you're letting on?" asked DK who crossed his arms.
Kylie sighed. "Yes, there is. While most of the kingdom has been okay with attacks, Mushroom City has it the worst. Half of the city is in ruins and it's expected to get worse."
Everyone gasped again.
"Oh my goodness! Do you know if my castle is okay!?" worried Peach.
"Who cares about your castle! What about me and Toad's house!? I still have a bunch of Wii games that I haven't played yet!" complained Toadette.
Daisy started to get frustrated. "Alright Kylie! So we know the gist of what's going on here. How are we suppose to stop it?"
"I'm glad you asked that question! Follow me, please." she gestured and everyone followed her out of the room.
The hallway they were in looked exactly like the room. Gray, dull, and boring but it looked high-tech.
"Kylie...when you spoke to us in that room, you sometimes referred to yourself as 'us'. Who is 'us'?" asked DK.
"I was referring to this company. It is called Mushroom Corp. We are the most advanced company, technology wise, in all of the Mushroom Kingdom." answered Kylie.
"Mushroom Corp? I've never heard of you guys before...and I'm the princess!" exclaimed Peach.
"We are a top secret agency, Princess Peach. The only people that know about us are our employees, and the families of those employees. We have a strict policy on keeping this place a secret as to not let the media try to get in on what we're doing."
The gang followed Kylie into another room. Everyone gasped as they saw people in big green tubes.
"What is this!?" shrieked Yoshi.
"Oh, those? Those are clones. They aren't ready yet so we have to keep them in there as a precaution."
"Do you have a clone of me? I wanna see if I'm actually as skinny as everyone says. Mirrors don't count." said Waluigi.
Everyone ignored his ridiculous comment and entered another room. This room looked like it was the control base of the entire building because of how many mechanical equipment there were.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my partner, Arfur McDoogan." Kylie introduced.
"Hello everyone! It's a pleasure to meet all of you." said Arfur with a bright smile.
"Hi!" everyone said back.
"Wait a second. He's your partner...as in life partner?" asked Toad.
Kylie blinked. "Nooooo...as in BUSINESS partner."
"Oh. Well you two would, like, make a cute couple anyways!" claimed Goombella.
Kylie rolled her eyes. "Moving on! This is where all the magic happens in the building. We have screens for the security cameras that are placed throughout, we have test modeling, training rooms, computers, etc."
"I'm not seeing the point here." scowled Daisy.
Arfur sighed. "We want you guys to use our newly invented Arwing. There's one for each of you. We want you guys to use these ships to get rid of the enemies that are helping to cause havoc in the city, and then get to the castle that Tatanga is in, then defeat him, save your friends and then your mission is complete! Comprende?"
Dixie stepped back. "Wait, you want us to go out there where everything is completely dangerous!? Do you not realize how high the risk of us being killed is?"
"Yeah, no way am I gonna do this! This seems like a suicide mission!" cried Luigi.
"I assure you guys that there is no way you will die. These Arwings were built of tough texture so it's highly unlikely they will go down easily. And even if they do, there is little chance of you dying from impact or even from the arwing exploding." clarified Arfur.
Peach rubbed her chin. "I still don't know about this! Why can't you just send some military guys out there to do the job?"
Kylie shifted her eyes. "Well...the military's been destroyed."
Everyone gasped yet again. "WHAT!?"
"Yes, it's true. Tatanga is really a lot more powerful than we had expected. Thank goodness we prepared for something like this years in advance!" said Kylie.
"Please, you guys. The fate of the kingdom rests in your hands. Besides, don't you wanna rescue your friends and have them be safe?" asked Arfur.
"Well...you do have a point there. I don't think I could live with myself if we let something bad happen to our friends." said Birdo.
"But we WILL be safe right? No chance of impending doom heading our way?" asked DK.
"Pretty much, yeah." answered Arfur.
"Will there also be fruit here too? I haven't eaten a watermelon in days!" pleaded Yoshi.
Kylie and Arfur looked at each other oddly then back at him.
"Uhhh...sure!" Kylie lied.
"Well, what do you say guys? Should we do this or no?" asked Daisy to the group.
Waluigi nodded. "Might as well. It's going to be weird not having Wario around in the house eating garlic all the time anyways."
"I'm in!" yelled Toad and Toadette.
"Fine, I'll go. For Diddy!" said Dixie.
"The kingdom is depending on all of us to do this risky task so I will join." said Rosalina.
"I'm in if she's in!" grinned DK.
"I'm, like, totally in! Imagine how, like, much more popular we'll be if we, like, end up saving the world!" cheered Goombella.
"Oooh...you're right! I'll be able to buy all the fruit I want! I AM SO IN!" said Yoshi and danced around.
Birdo sighed. "I guess I'm in."
"I'll go too. I mean, if the fate of the kingdom is truly up to us, then we might as well try, right?" asked Daisy.
"I...I...I'm in." hesitated Luigi, clearly nervous about the mission.
"Oh, alright I'll join in. Besides, SOMEONE'S going to have to rescue me whenever Bowser kidnaps me!" said Peach and flipped her hair.
"Speaking of Bowser, it's kinda funny how he isn't the one causing the destruction this time!" laughed Birdo.
"Actually...about that...King Bowser Koopa has also been captured by Tatanga." confessed Kylie.
Everyone suddenly bursted into laughter.
"BOWSER? KIDNAPPED? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" said Daisy as she dropped to her knees while laughing.
"Seriously, that's like putting lemon juice into orange juice!" laughed Peach.
Everyone stopped laughing.
"Thanks Peach, you totally ruined it." scowled Dixie.
"COMPLETELY ruined it." added Waluigi.
"You ruined it, tore it into pieces, set it on fire, and ran it over with an eight-wheeler." also added DK.
"Okay GOSH! You people can be so critical!" yelled Peach.
"Now, before we show you our Arwings that you will be using, someone from our group will be joining you on the mission." said Arfur.
"Ooh, I hope it's Sonic the Hedgehog!" said Peach in hope.
"Shadow is WAY better than Sonic." said Dixie.
Peach turned to her. "You better stop right there."
"It's neither of them. This guy that we have is tough and has years of experience in combat and defense. The only drawback with him is that...he...ummm...how do I say this...he's a bit on the crazy side." said Arfur oddly.
"No big deal. We've dealt with different kinds of people throughout the years." said DK proudly.
"Alright then. FIRE BRO!" Kylie yelled out.
The doors on the opposite side of the room opened and in came Fire Bro, who was sliding on the back of his shell over to the group.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he cheered as his speed was increasing as he was sliding.
"Oh shoot, not again! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" screamed Arfur and everyone ran away. Fire Bro crashed into Dixie who was too slow to move fast.
"YOW! GET OFF OF ME YOU FREAK!" yelled Dixie who tried pushing him off.
"Oh my god, that was soooooo much fun! Like, did you see how I was sliding on the floor! I was all like, 'WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!' and you were all like, 'OH EM GEE!' and Arfur was all like, 'EFF EM EL!'" laughed Fire Bro.
"I don't care! GET OFF!" Dixie finally pushed him off and brushed herself off.
"THIS is the guy that's gonna help us?" asked Toad in complete shock and utter disbelief.
"I'm afraid so. He's the only guy we have left that is most fit for this position..." said Kylie with a depressing sigh.
"And Fire Bro, what did I tell you about sliding on the floors!? That is VERY dangerous around here, you know!" Arfur scolded.
"Oh psshhh! It's not a big deal! You need to drink some kool-aid, man!" laughed Fire Bro.
"What does kool-aid have to do with anything?" asked Toadette.
"KOOL-AID. IS. EVERYTHING!" Fire Bro stated demonically.
Everyone backed away from him in fright.
"Ugh, this is gonna be a loooooooooooooong mission." said Birdo tiredly.
For some of you that have noticed, yes, the Arwings ARE a reference to Star Fox. This fic is basically a half-parody of Star Fox, meaning that the only thing I'll be using in relation to SF is the Arwings and nothing else. Please review.