Author: Mistofstars

Pairing: Future Castiel / Future Dean / Past Dean (endverse versions, 2014 versions)

Warnings: Spoilers for 5x04, explicit sex scenes, smut, sappy, double penetration, drama, Bottom!Dean, angst

Author's note: Well, I had another go on the Croatoan verse, it just fascinates me. Sorry, well, not sorry, but sorry, this is so friggin long, it was never meant to be this long! But I wouldn't want to cut it short after all, feels right somehow. The title and the lyrics at the beginning are taken from Tom Waits "Little trip to heaven" - awesome musician!

Disclaimer: Neither Dean Winchester or Castiel belong to me, not in their present nor their future versions. All of this is made up, I don't make money with this. My parents didn't raise me for this, I feel a bit ashamed haha. Haha. Cries.

Words: ~ 8800

Rating: M, NC17

Litte Trip to Heaven

"Though we're stuck here on the ground,

I got something that I've found
And it's you."

(Tom Waits, Little Trip to Heaven on the wings of your love)

"So, I guess my mom was right", Dean said nonchalantly; his fingers fiddled with some bracelets that lay on a dark wooden coffee table as his eyes roamed around Cas' sparse cottage. Although Castiel wasn't an angel anymore there were endless spiritual and religious symbols and figures in his room, and there was a sense of an higher power within these walls. Castiel sat on his huge bed and looked up to Dean, an asking expression within his eyes; he wrinkled his forehead and tilted his head the way he used to do 5 years ago, and Dean smiled cautiously at him.

"What was your mom right about?", Castiel asked and he lay down on his back and stared at the ceiling; his slender bony hands came to rest on his flat stomach, which the pale blue tunic enveloped, and Dean realized with a shock how thin Castiel's body had become, how emaciated he looked. The colorless daylight outside touched his delicate features, and Dean recognized the sharp protrusion of Castiel's cheekbones. He harrumphed and smiled again, the urge within him to ease the weird and tense situation. He walked a few steps into Castiel's direction and knelt down before him, adverting his eyes from the now-human angel, because his sight created a sore feeling in his soul.

"You know, when I was little and she put me to bed, she always used to say angels were watching over me. I think that hasn't changed, right? I mean, you're still with him, or future-me I should say", Dean said thoughtfully, and his eyes met Castiel's when the man in front of him turned his head to look at him pensively.

"A lot has changed", he finally responded with a low quiet voice. "I'm not an angel anymore, and he doesn't need me to watch over him any longer. Not when he wants to carry out the plan as he has explained today. There's nothing I can do, I have no power left within me."

Dean's tender smile disappeared immediately from his lips and he and Castiel stared into each other's eyes and souls for a while, and Dean could detect in Castiel's thoughts so much hurt and agony and something else, that it took his breath away and he had to make himself look away. His gaze wandered to Castiel's long slender fingers resting on his lower abdomen and he watched his chest rise and fall with every steady breath.

"You're still with him. That's all that matters in the end, doesn't it?"

Now he heard the soft smile which Castiel allowed himself, how his corners of the mouth lifted and he huffed through his nose, it almost sounded like a chuckle. Dean felt warmth within his heart and he smiled at Castiel and for a while everything seemed good, although the world was a cruel chaos, his and Castiel's future versions were probably going to die within the next 24 hours, and both of them had changed so badly it tore Dean apart. To see the happy smile and gleam in Castiel's face, in the features of this broken angel, it made up for a lot.

"It matters", Castiel agreed. "Oh, and don't tell him, but you're right. I still watch over him the best I can whenever I'm able to. Though these days that mostly refers to food and sleep, comfort and other human needs."

Dean found himself reaching out for one of Castiel's hands, and it felt right and heavenly to grasp it and to watch their fingers intertwine, holding each other. There was a strangling ache in Dean's throat and he felt a heavy pressure beneath his eyes when Castiel's thumb stroked over the back of his hand.

"I just wonder if you... receive what you deserve from him. If it's enough", Dean asked. He was worried his future version had become a total dick, so he wished immensely he hadn't become a total dick regarding Castiel. The angel had sacrificed all of him for Dean, and this Dean hoped his future entity knew to appreciate it. Castiel squeezed his hand and held it tighter.

"Don't worry. I get all he still can give. It's not much but I know he can't allow himself more. It's better than nothing. I couldn't even leave him, or well, you, if it was nothing", Castiel confessed in a dark whisper which made Dean's hair stand on end. Dean bowed his head, letting his shoulders sink, unwilling to look into the blue depths of Castiel's eyes because he was afraid of the wide range of emotions he might find in them, and he heaved a long sigh, more questions gnawing at his intestines.

"Did he,... I ever tell you, you know, did I make sure you know what you, what you mean to me?", he stuttered, unsure whether he wanted to know the answer or not. In 2009 he still was a world away from telling Cas. From telling him everything his heart and mind felt for him, and he still had found no proper words or a way to make Castiel understand, uncertain whether he wanted to risk any change of their bond. He saw Castiel's hand leaving his, and the tip of his forefinger playfully stroked along Dean's forearm. Dean sucked in his breath; he felt electrified everywhere Castiel's finger left a trail, and the little touch was so intense and tender that Dean wondered how more of this must feel like. He gulped nervously.

"Yes, he made sure", Castiel replied and there was this chocked emotional tremble in the former angel's voice which made Dean lift his head and meet Castiel's eyes; and there was a world of memories within his counterpart's glance, and the sweetest smile Dean had ever seen mingled with tears of joy and pain for the last years Castiel had witnessed and Dean hadn't witnessed thus far. He tried to understand the depth of feelings that were rushing through Castiel, and he wondered if he had gone too far with that last question. Castiel felt Dean's worries about him and he shrugged his shoulders and laughed nervously, dismissing the subject of their conversation as unimportant. But Dean was not having any of it as he realized he had found one of Cas' weak spots.

"I'm sorry... it seems I've somehow let you down, and I shouldn't have. Not after all we've been through", Dean said, and he meant it. It was only fair his future self took care of Castiel after all the former angel had done for him, and it seemed he barely took notice of Cas or that he was barely worried about the state Castiel was in. The orgies, the drugs, the withdrawal into his cottage, none of it was healthy and future Dean should have been there for him.

Castiel said nothing in return, he just propped himself up to rest his weight on his elbows and smiled brightly at Dean, and there was a touch of surprise in his face which made Dean anxious and he blinked confused.


He saw Castiel sitting up and leaning down towards him; one hand of the now-human slid to Dean's jaw and moved to the back of his head and then Castiel tilted his head and shut his eyes and gave Dean a long, heartfelt kiss that blew all the fuses in Dean's brain. He found himself kissing Castiel back with passion as he studied the sense of Cas' soft pink lips pressing against his mouth, urgently and demandingly. Dean's chest felt like cracking fireworks, like exploding dynamite, like a whole ocean crushing down on him with its unimaginable weight. His heart stumbled and fell and his arms came around Castiel's frame as he pressed him roughly and ecstatically against his body. They disengaged and rested their foreheads against the other's, panting and puffing and breathing in the other man.

Dean closed his lids, marveling at the phenomenal feeling to hold Castiel in his arms – not his Cas, though, but the future version, that was still devoted to him, that still stuck around no matter what.

"I almost forgot you could say such words", Castiel murmured, and again his lips were moving against Dean's; but now his tongue was begging for entry, and Dean parted his lips to allow Cas to roam wherever it pleased him, and their tongues met and slid together slowly and sensually. There was a soft heat within Castiel's mouth, and it felt pure and right to explore every millimeter of his mouth. Secretly Dean wondered why he hadn't acted on it before in his own time, maybe he would if he ever got back there. It surely felt like raw bliss, unfiltered and unsieved. Castiel's hands found their way to Dean's black shirt, thrusting the thin fabric aside to let warm fingers slide under it to stroke Dean's upper body. Dean felt the amount of desire in Castiel's touches and kisses, and he wanted to make sure Cas understood he felt the same way about him.

His hands slid down Castiel's muscular back, caressing each part of him he could touch, whereupon Cas softly moaned into Dean's mouth, creating a hot wave of lust splashing within his stomach and lower body.

Like this future Dean found them – Dean kneeling in front of Castiel, who sat on the bed, both groping and kissing each other heavily and unrestrained. A flash of hurt settled on future Dean's eyes as he watched the couple – there were so many memories about him and Cas, and now that he saw his past version with the result of a broken angel, he understood how right they looked together, like they belonged to each other. There was also envy uprising in his soul as he realized he could never have the same innocent romantic bond to his Castiel again – not the way things were going, well, ending in this time. He was going to face Lucifer and there was a good and certain chance he was going to die. There was no more time to make everything up to Cas, if there ever was a chance to make up for all the damage and losses Dean had caused.

Their current versions also belonged to each other in a way – they had died for each other and they still would, they would stick around each other until the very end – but there hadn't been time within the last months to concentrate on what their souls and hearts had truly needed. It had always been about the fate of humanity, about Lucifer, about the damn apocalypse, rations and clever defenses – and less and less about love and need and sex and togetherness.

"Damn, you still have a weakness for that guy, Cas?", he joked and past Dean and Cas broke apart in surprise, both looking at him with widened shocked eyes. Their lips were swollen from their frantic kisses, their cheeks slightly reddened, and Castiel's hair was a chaotic mess.

Future Dean wagged his head and almost smiled amused as he walked up to them. He didn't like the way his past version looked at him, so cocky and lofty, not understanding one damn thing. He remembered he had already been somewhat emotionally impaired in 2009, but his past version would never be able to comprehend the full extension of it 5 years later until he had experienced it himself. He wouldn't be such a jerk about himself, less judging maybe. Anyhow, future Dean decided he didn't like to see himself in this healthy and unbroken state, it somehow didn't seem right to him. The guy would need to roughen more if he ever wanted to get into the position to destroy Lucifer, the sooner the better.

"Yeah, you know... we've just had a little heart-to-heart about how you've let me down", Cas said with a smirk. The statement confused future Dean for a nanosecond as he crossed the room and took the last steps to stop in front of the couple. His past version still knelt on the floor and looked up to him with attentive eyes, watching his every move reverently.

Astonishment came to past Dean's eyes, when he saw the older one reaching out a hand to gently frame Castiel's stubbly cheek - his thumb tenderly fondled the pale skin of the former angel and something changed in Cas' eyes, something broke. Dean raised an eyebrow when Castiel closed his lids and leaned in to the warm touch longingly, letting out a huge, bone-crushing sigh.

"I had to, I didn't want to", future Dean explained quietly, and both Dean and Castiel seemed overwhelmed to hear such emotional and almost apologetic words from the so-called "fearless leader". It was an intense moment of trust and intimacy, and when Castiel responded a suffocated, trembling "I know", a different atmosphere took hold of the room and the three men present. It was almost a sense of receiving and pronouncing absolution, it felt sacred and familiar to be around each other. Dean let his eyes wander from his future version to future Cas, and he absorbed every detail of their faces, each line of worry and experience and hurt and love and although he thought his older self was kind of a dick, he suddenly had so much empathy for both him and future Castiel. He came off his high horse and observed that his future self cared a fucking lot about Cas. He saw it in the way his own older eyes observed Castiel, there were so many feelings in them when he watched the former angel.

Dean's assumption was confirmed when his older self bend forward and pressed his lips against Castiel's, slowly kissing him with a certain force that made Dean tremble while watching the two of them crashing together effortlessly. It looked practiced, as if they had done this thousand times before. Where his mouth had been, his future version now bit into Castiel's bottom lip, where his tongue had been, now his older self licked playfully against Castiel's mouth to enter. Castiel whimpered when their tongues met and future Dean's hands grabbed the back of his head to pull him nearer. Their breathing was forced out in squirts and they touched and clutched at each other desperately. Dean's head was swimming as he knelt next to them and watched them idly, his breathing flat and hitched – there was a queasy feeling in his stomach, he heard his own heartbeat throb violently and rapidly against his ribcage. It was hard to breathe at the given sight, and from the tightening, blood-draining sense in his jeans he understood he was already rock-hard.

He feasted on Castiel submitting to future Dean's rough and passionate kisses beautifully, and he envied his older self, wanting to be in his place so badly it ached. The couple seemingly had forgotten about him or didn't care to be bothered by his presence.

But then the older Dean ended kissing Cas and he withdrew and let his breath puff against his counterpart's soft wet lips. With half-lidded eyes Cas observed him and his gaze was like the silence before the storm. Future Dean turned around to look at his younger self, and a smirk crossed his mouth as he studied past Dean's erratic breathing, how his fingers twitched nervously at his sides, uncertain what to do, but clearly wanting to reach out his hand and touch Cas. Past Dean met his older version's gaze and understood he had been observed and he timidly looked down and cleared his throat. Had he imagined it or had his older self bit his bottom lip like he himself used to do whenever he craved for someone?

He heard and saw future Dean kneel down next to him, as he mirrored his position; then he felt his own future hands framing his cheeks, gently applying enough pressure to make him look up and into his twin's eyes. He almost chocked on his breaths when he clearly detected want there, and sympathy and, if he spotted it right, pure envy. Confused Dean stared at his future self and their eyes rested on each other for a few moments. Without warning his older self bend forward and his fingers slid around Dean's back of the head to draw him in. Their lips crashed against each other, and a voice inside of Dean's head screamed at him how wrong this was on so many levels, but then again, he was curious and not totally averse to kiss himself. As his own tongue slid inside the gap of his parted lips, and when he met it with passion, a hot tingle rushed through his lower part of the body. Damn, he was a great kisser. He was stunned about the softness of his lips and the dominance with which he was being kissed.

They parted for a second, panting and gasping into each other's mouth, and then future Dean was on him again, their mouths met again to passionate frantic kisses, and Dean let himself be touched by him (which was really confusing to actually think about) while his hands touched future Dean's chest as well, wandering down to his hips, crawling under the fabric of his shirt. During their kisses he started to secretly wonder what the heck he was doing here – on the other hand, the world was ending, and this was an all too realistic nightmare which would end in a day, so he might as well enjoy himself, right? And when would he have the chance again to make out with himself? Which was, to be honest, quite awesome.

When they broke apart again, his future version violently seized him by his shirt collar and pulled him close, an intense expression in his gaze, which made Dean's eyes widen. He saw his own big black pupils, dilated with want, as they regarded him like a prey.

"Promise me you won't let it happen this way", his future version hissed. "Promise me, this whole fucked up shit won't happen to Sam, and Cas. If there's any way, you stop it, you save them. I don't care if you don't say yes to Michael, as long as you find another way. Be clever, do something to rescue the world."

Dean gulped at these words, and nodded vehemently. The way his future self spoke these words, the way he pronounced Castiel's name - it touched Dean's heart, as he understood the full extent of his future self's feelings for the former angel. Not that he didn't love the angel in his own time already, but there was a depth to future Dean's emphasizing Cas' name which revealed so many hidden emotions. He felt stupid for even daring to think his older self didn't care about Castiel in the first place. So maybe things between them had been fucked, but he couldn't know everything, not the whole background of their relationship – at the bottom line they still cared for each other, they still seemed attached to each other.

"And for Christ's sake, Dean, save yourself. Don't sacrifice everything you got for someone else's happiness, not even Sam's." Dean wrinkled his forehead at this and gave himself a confused look. He absolutely did not agree with the last sentences, and his future self smiled sadly, understanding him only too well, as he padded his cheek and let his fingers glide along the protruding collarbone and the soft skin above it.

"You know, you deserve some happiness too. And a life, and love. You should start caring about yourself as well."

Dean let this idea sink in for a second, unsure whether to respond to it or not, because honestly, he knew he wanted those things in his life, but he just couldn't bring himself to prize himself above others, and certainly not above Sam.

"Uh, could you two kiss again? That was pretty fucking hot", they heard Cas asking, still sitting on the bed, and when they both turned their heads in unison like conjoined twins, they raised the same eyebrow at Cas' wicked smile.

"What?", he defended himself, when older Dean almost growled at him and gave him a scolding look. They saw Castiel licking his bottom lip quickly, and then past Dean realized Cas' face was flushed and his pupils were widened with arousal as well. Castiel averted his gaze to meet younger Dean's look, and his breathing hitched, he heard his heartbeat loud like a drum in his ear, throbbing too much blood painfully and quickly into his crotch and head.

"I'd like a slice of the pie as well", Cas said in a rough low voice which gave both's Deans goosebumps, and Dean harrumphed nervously. His future version grinned knowingly at Castiel, then he got up with a grunt and brushed off his jeans.

"Knock yourselves out", he said and confused Dean watched his older self as the man walked to the other bedside, sitting down on it quite naturally and carefree. He watched him pulling off his boots slowly, and before he could ponder about it, he felt Castiel's warm hand upon his shoulder, and their eyes met again; he couldn't resist the soft loving smile Cas gave him, neither the low spoken invitation as the mortal, powerless angel said "Come", and he got up and sat down next to Castiel, feeling traumatized, catatonic. He was overwhelmed with want, insane with pent-up tension, and though he was confused and uncertain, he wanted this.

He didn't stir an inch when he felt and heard Castiel moving on the bed to kneel behind him, nor did he object when he perceived his body warmth colliding with his back; there was the faint steady rhythm of Cas' hot wet breath against his short blond hair and then his fingers reaching around him to gently remove his blue shirt jacket and the open button down shirt beneath. He let Cas' fingers glide it down his shoulders and arms slowly. He lost himself in the little skilled touches and caresses the angel gave him, when he kissed the crook of his neck cautiously and his fingertips stroked along the muscle tendons of his outer upper arms, wandering down to meet his hands. The tension inside Dean's chest crumbled away and he let out a redeeming sigh which had been threatening to break his ribs and to stop his heartbeat. The sigh was replaced with a low soft moan when Castiel decided to bite into his neck playfully and with just enough force to make his fingers tingle and twitch with arousal.

Then Cas' warmth and teeth and mouth left him, and when he turned around, the now mortal lay on his back on the bed, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and he patted the empty bedside next to him as an unspoken obvious invitation. Dean eyed him for a second, allowing his gaze to capture the man before him in detail; he realized his breath became faster and irregular – Cas was a wonderful sight for sore eyes, and he longed to kiss him, to touch him, to enjoy all carnal pleasures with him as much as possible. On the other hand, he had never done such things to or with a man, and he felt unconfident and edgy. He heard his older self clearing his throat not even a meter away from him and with a jerk he remembered he and Cas weren't alone in here. Completely flustered he looked at his future version and detected a little smirk in his features, which confused him as much as the fact that his older self was without his jacket and shirt, exposing his lean muscular chest quite naturally. His future self saw the questions and the worries in past Dean's eyes and smiled reassuringly, knowing what he was thinking about.

"Trust me, you'll love it", he affirmed and tilted his head towards Cas' direction. Dean just made a frown at that comment, then he let his eyes rest on Cas' for a moment, drowning in the pale blue in his colorless face, out of breath; as his eyes wandered to his soft reddish lips, as he remembered the feel of their structure against his, he was obsessed with lust and lay down next to Cas to let him do whatever he wanted to do with him, because he wanted him to either. It didn't take long and Castiel bend over him to kiss him again, sensually and slowly, and when their tongues glided together Dean's hands crawled to the back of Cas' tunic to seize it with his fingers, clutching at the soft fabric. He was fascinated about the manner with which Cas' fingers slipped under his black shirt to stroke along his ribcage, his touches were mastered and fine and still so challenging that Dean couldn't avoid bucking up his hips and moan into Cas' mouth unrestrained.

When they broke apart Cas' eyes revealed a nostalgic emotion and the smile he gave Dean was bittersweet; it strengthened even more when Dean felt Cas' slender hand resting on his cheek, studying him at length. The way he looked at him made Dean feel uneasy, even more than the rough and demanding touches and kisses, it was a desire that spoke to his soul, that longed for more than just sex. Then Cas' face became a controlled mask again, and there was a smirk, and then Cas sat up next to him, taking off his tunic over his head with slow provoking movements, unveiling slender flesh and defined muscles on a scaled-down figure. Dean couldn't stop his hands from reaching out, and he placed them languidly on Cas' chest, unable to hide his grief; he turned his head to sight his older self, and then he detected between all the steeled muscles the lack of flesh and not the tiniest possibility of body fat, there were his ribs showing instead, and the hipbones of his future version had never looked so omnipresent on him in his whole life.

"What the hell happened to you guys? Don't you ever eat?", he expressed his thoughts in a choking voice, whereupon his future version gave him a mellow look, a little smile playing around the corner of his mouth.

"We don't have much, but it's enough to keep us alive."

Dean was distracted from these startling thoughts and the state Cas' and his future body were in, when he felt Cas tugging eagerly at the cloth of his shirt and he got the message and sat up quickly to get rid of his shirt as well. He lay down again and looked up into Castiel's face, and there he was reminded of his concern again when Cas examined his naked chest in awe, his fingertips carefully trailed along every inch of his torso, fascinated with his healthy body, packed with muscles and enough flesh to make him appear strong and sane. Soon his fingers where replaced with his mouth and Dean found himself being pushed into the pillows while Cas' hands roamed addictively over his body while his lips kissed, rather worshiped, his neck, his chest, his stomach; his teeth nibbled and scraped over his sensitive skin again and again, leaving small bruises and marks on him.

Future Dean stood beside the bed and watched the couple making out, beholding with curiosity how his past self let himself go in Cas' touches and caresses, leaning in to every little miracle of his hands and his mouth. He couldn't help but smile wistfully, knowing only too well how good it felt to be under Cas' ministrations. While his younger self enjoyed the new experience without doubt his older version stepped out of his jeans, pulling down his shorts a bit to free his aching throbbing dick, seizing it in a tight fist. He let his hand run up and down his hard length while he watched Cas ruining his younger self, making him a mess of moans and sighs and desperate thrusts of his hip to meet Cas' crotch. The sight was more than arousing, and he couldn't help drowning in Cas' body, seeing himself come undone and Cas becoming more and more erratic and breathless in doing so.

Finally Cas had the willpower to let go of past Dean for a second to get up; he stood before him and untied his boots with gentle pragmatic gestures while both Dean's eyes rested on him mesmerized; when he had dropped the boots and Dean's socks with a heavy thud to the ground and his fingers opened the fly and the button of Dean's jeans recklessly, past Dean still felt as if this was all a dream. He allowed Cas to remove his jeans as well, and it felt weird but also right when his former angel pulled down his shorts to his knees and over his ankles to remove them as well. He felt highly exposed and vulnerable, but it didn't bother him when Cas took advantage of it, placing himself between Dean's thighs as his hands shoved them slightly apart. He felt Cas' jeans clothed erection pressing vehemently against his crotch as his fingers dug into his hips to drag him close against himself, and he took a deep breath to calm himself. He couldn't avert his hips from thrusting up to meet Cas', neither his back from arching, and a moan escaped him at the friction of their cocks sliding more or less together.

"Don't you think you're being a little unfair here, Cas?", future Dean's rough voice asked, breathless as his hand still satisfied him with slow strokes while he watched the couple on the bed. Past Dean gave his self a long look, observing him while he masturbated, which was quite thrilling and confusing at the same time – he knew it was really idiotic to think this, but he thought he looked wonderful like this, all tension and aggression of his future self were gone, while he shuddered and thrust into his tight fist with each long agonizing stroke. His lips were pink and slightly parted, and his face was flushed, his chest contained heavy deep breaths. With half-lidded eyes his older version met Cas' eyes, and it bewildered Dean to see them smile softly at each other.

"You're leaving the man naked while you're obviously overdressed", his future Dean joked, and it did Dean good to hear his older being still had some sense of humor beneath all his obsession about the devil and getting revenge and a way out of this rotten world. With a chuckle Cas turned around to face Dean's younger self, naked and aroused in front of him, staring at him with expectant nervous eyes, clearly out of breath and mad with want. Cas got up then and stripped out off his remaining clothes quickly and without much ado, though he felt both Dean's stinging eyes on him, feasting on every centimeter of exposed skin and muscle. It was weird for the younger Dean to see Castiel this way, standing naked in front of him, he barely dared to look at his semi-hard dick, since he wasn't used to see naked men or to find their sight arousing (except for Cas, Cas had always been the exception). But when he allowed himself to examine every part of Cas' body, he couldn't help but feel breathless at his plain beauty, and his own desire to be close to him became unbearable.

Thankfully Cas let himself down on the bed again, but before Dean could kiss his lips to show him within those his want and need, Cas slid down to the end of the bed, between Dean's spread legs. Dean anticipated what was coming, and yet he was surprised when he saw Cas bowing down before his lap, and then he only saw his dark hair and there was warmth and wetness around his dick suddenly as Cas took him in his mouth as deep as possible, sucking and licking around his shaft first slowly, then eagerly. Dean writhed at the overwhelming sense – Cas' mouth was hot and tight and his tongue worked wonders; to feel his soft sucking lips enveloping him was heavenly, relieving and exciting simultaneously.

Dean couldn't help himself when his fingers dug into Cas' hair, twisting the strands of it desperately in his hand. He hated to be so demanding, he wanted Cas to find his own pace, but he was unable to hold back at this intense feeling, and Cas complied immediately to the pressure of his palms as he moved within the rhythm Dean wanted him to. Dean's hips stuttered in their spasms with each withdrawal and approach of Cas' throat around his cock and he fucked his mouth with pleasure, swearing breathlessly. Cas' let his dick slide out of his mouth tantalizingly slowly and Dean felt the cold air on his erection, coated with cooling off layer of saliva. He crunched his face to a grimace at the unpleasant sense and looked up to see Cas had left him briefly, bending over the end of the bed, rummaging under it. Dean flinched when he heard the click of a bottle, most probable lube, and his brain put one and one together and he understood immediately what Cas was about to do.

When Cas returned to his former position, about to continue his seduction, Dean couldn't help asking the obvious though, just to make sure he got things right. He looked at Cas who was kneeling between his spread thighs, his eyes flaming with a mixture of lust, love and ribbing. He felt Cas' fingers gripping his hips, his fingernails dug into his skin. Dean's glance clung to Castiel's opened lips, and how he exhaled a soft low moan when he watched Dean through half-lidded eyes.

"Are you going to fuck me, Cas?", he questioned, and though he was breathless with excitement, he was glad his voice now had the tone of wickedness rather than nervousness and it seemed to have an effect on Cas as something changed in his face, his eyes became even darker and his chest tensed its muscles. He bend his head to look over to future Dean, and they both smiled at each other, but a low chuckle got caught in Cas' throat. Dean saw the two of them lean into each other and then they kissed, but this time it was not as rough as before. Their kiss was tender and filled with affections, and Dean saw the affliction in both their faces. They clearly remembered an event long ago, maybe their first time together, and Dean blushed at the sheer idea.

Then Castiel returned his attention to the younger Dean and seriousness was within his gaze as he leaned over him, his face as close as possible. Dean drowned in the former angel's blue eyes, feeling pierced with their intent stare; Cas was so near he could inhale the soapy smoky scent of his skin, so near he could perceive the warmth of his breaths fanning against his mouth. Cas' lips almost touched Dean's, but he teased him through not granting him the desired kiss, and a lube-slick finger slid between the cheeks of Dean's butt, an experienced hand finding its way remarkably easily to Dean's entrance. Dean cramped unintentionally when Cas slowly glided his forefinger into him to the hilt, and as their eyes interlocked Dean saw dominance and possessiveness in Cas' look.

"I find it thrilling to be your first man again", he murmured against Dean's lips, then he showed some mercy and kissed Dean again while he shoved a second finger inside of him. Dean evaluated the feel of Cas' fingers resting within him in such an intimate place – it ached in a brutish manner, and he swore he could perceive every fiber of Cas inside him, even his fingernails against his interior walls. But the way Cas let his fingers spin around in small sensitive circles created something in Dean that blinded out the pain more and more and there was this feverish throbbing tickle inside him which definitely felt brilliant, like nothing Dean had experienced thus far in his sex life. Soon he found himself kissing Cas back resolutely and he couldn't stop his hips meeting Cas' motions, wanting to feel him, to fill him out.

Dean felt some movement next to him on the bed and when he ended kissing Cas, he saw his older version lying on his rib next to them, his head propped up against his hand, a cheeky smile on his lips as he observed his younger self. His free hand reached out for past Dean's bare chest, and his warm palm stroked over it incessantly. Dean was so distracted with his future twin he scarcely heard Cas rubbing lube over his dick with little smacking noises. Then he saw his older self's mellow expression in those green eyes as he leaned forward, and before he knew it he was being kissed again, thoroughly and heartfelt. He responded to it as he understood the gesture as an act of sympathy and distraction, because while they kissed, Cas uplifted his ass slightly and entered him at once to the hilt.

Dean broke the kiss only to moan and grunt into his older self's mouth, the pain was overpowering, and the sense of being so filled new and bewildering. He even felt Cas throbbing against him, in him. His older self's hands came up to frame his face as he took in the idea of being so vulnerable and taken in possession by someone in such way. His eyes were half-closed, he felt lightheaded and excited. And then Cas slowly started to move within him and something changed with each controlled thrust of his pelvis. The pain disappeared and then there was just this intense moment in which every of Cas' motion was turned into lust for Dean and each touch of his fingers on Dean's body increased his well-being.

He turned his head as his future self's hands on him were gone, and when he looked up, he saw Castiel pushing inside him again and again, gently moaning, looking down at Dean with his bottom lip twisted in his teeth, whereas his other self knelt at Castiel's side, fondling his body with kisses and touches nonchalantly. Cas seemed obsessed with the sight past Dean was giving him and Dean felt adored and precious. He smiled when Cas' eyes found his, and the now-mortal returned his smile gingerly. Then he increased his pace and shoved himself in deeper, more forcefully now and without any restraints. Dean grunted and moaned repeatedly, unsure what to make of the whole thing; it changed from pain to lust and from lust to pain and Cas' pace was like a murderous frenzy taking over him. But then Cas seized his pelvis and uplifted it a bit, and as he slid deeper inside with a new angle, Dean almost chocked on his breath as he arched his back to meet each of Cas' strokes.

It was blinding, it was deafening, it was exclusive and never felt before. Dean gasped as his body twitched and shuddered whenever Cas hit his sweet spot with just the right pressure, and his cock jerked between his spread legs, needing release and a heavy hand on it instantly. Before he could even place his own hand to him, he saw his older self smirking at him knowingly, and he thought he was going bananas when he watched him taking his dick into his hand, massaging it just the way he liked it, giving it to him briskly and fiercely. Dean's body was just one carnal disorder, he couldn't control his movements, as he tossed and turned in the sheets – his own future hand on him, jerking him off, Cas repeatedly moving inside him, tickling his spot maddeningly, it was all extreme and relieving.

Dean had troubles keeping his eyes open, as his head was starting to spin and his sense of balance started to decrease – it seemed, Cas hands on his hips were the only thing that stopped him from losing control, the only thing that kept him together as one. When he studied the drops of sweat on his lover's forehead, he saw his older self kneeling behind Cas, kissing his neck and biting into his earlobe teasingly. Past Dean immediately felt Cas' response to it, as he buried himself painfully piercingly in him, grasping his pelvis roughly with a low moan. Dean shuddered at the intense sense, trying to breathe against his rapid heartbeat – he saw Cas leaning back against his future twin, clearly enjoying his ministrations, while Cas' own hands caressed younger Dean's torso and dick tantalizingly.

"Mind to share?", he heard his older's self sex rough voice utter with a whisper into Cas' ear, and he felt a hot flash through his stomach. He immediately understood what his twin was referring to, but he wasn't certain whether he felt panic, curiosity or ravishing greed – probably a good combination of all these emotions. He tried to imagine what it would be like, to take in another man additionally, and the thought was so provoking and naughty that it made Dean's cock harden even more as his body tingled and twitched with arousal and want. He met the dark green eyes of his older being and when their gazes interlocked, he understood he was both questioning and granting himself admission to do this to himself. Cas looked softly at younger Dean, an unreadable expression in his eyes, then he indicated with a nod of his head he and past Dean should turn themselves around. Before Dean could count to three he felt Castiel's hands strongly gripping his hip, uplifting him, while Cas shifted them both so that the now mortal angel lay on the sheets with his back while Dean sat in his lap, Cas' dick still deeply buried between his cheeks and in his fervent heat.

Dean moaned at the new sensation of this position; just when he thought he had gotten himself accustomed to Castiel shoved inside him, he realized it felt different when they changed their bodies to the cowgirl position. Castiel felt even more present and huge within him, but Dean got a sudden understanding he could be in control now, deciding how deep he would Cas let in. He gave it a try when he slowly rotated his hips, seeing Castiel cringe with a low moan underneath him, his fingers fleeing to Dean's hips to search for hold, some carnal constancy while his feelings went utterly haywire.

Dean heard his older self move behind him, placing warm tender hands on his lower abdomen. He felt wet hot kisses in the crook of his neck, his own teeth scraping provokingly over the skin of his throat. Dean started to move on Castiel's lap, he lifted his ass only to take Cas deeper inside time and again. With half-closed eyes he saw his former angel coming undone underneath him, moaning and writhing in a gorgeous frenzy, his hands rested just beneath future Dean's on Dean's hip. Dean looked down and saw their fingers approaching and they slid together on his body, as if he was the middleman bringing the couple closer together again.

He threw back his head to let it rest on his older self's shoulder, and the way his twin's arms were wrapped around his frame, gave him a feel of safety and intimacy. One hand of his older version slid to his erection and he enveloped it in a tight fist, making him gasp and sigh as the hand stroked him in harsh intervals. He kept moving on Cas' dick, but he felt torn in two, unsure whether he wanted to move closer to Castiel, or whether he wanted to lean back further into his warm supporting torso. Soon he realized he didn't even have to decide, because his older self took this decision simply away. His hands wandered around the curves of his younger self's butt, groping the flesh and muscles shamelessly, shoving his butt cheeks resolutely apart.

Dean felt his twin's forefinger reaching down and between his cheeks, carefully sliding in between him, next to Cas' dick. Immediately Dean winced at the unknown sensation, he felt himself how narrow and tight he had to be. Castiel cringed and arched his back when future Dean shoved another finger deep inside to the hilt, scissoring his fingers alongside Cas' throbbing erection. His younger version stopped within his movements for a while to get accustomed to being so filled and stretched – beads of sweat were forming on his forehead, he couldn't help but bite his bottom lip to restrain his self. He moaned lowly when he felt his older self biting his earlobe teasingly, nibbling on it while his fingers kept preparing him.

Dean dared to let his eyes flash over Castiel's, and he found his lover was just as concentrated and tensed as he was, perceiving the additional fingers moving next to his erection, constricting the already hot narrowness. He moaned softly as his eyes met Dean's, and a small smile flashed over Cas' lips. One of his hands took Dean's, and he brought it to his mouth, taking one finger inside it to suck on it seductively. Dean felt Cas' tongue gliding over the underpart of his finger, and it reminded him of this wicked cunning mouth around his cock. The thought made him moan lowly and he forgot the burning sensation at the bottom of his spine. Cas let go of is finger and gave him a touched smirk. Lust took over him completely when he felt his older self slowly moving inside him alongside Cas, his hands shoving his ass apart to make as much room as possible.

His older hands grabbed his pelvis and shifted his body a bit, so that he was giving a better angle for all of them. Dean couldn't help but shudder uncontrolled, when his older self started pushing inside him – it hurt, but it was also thrilling and maddening. Dean bucked his hips to meet his twin's delicate thrusts, and in doing so he continued riding on Cas' dick as well. His lids closed and he focused on his senses overtwisting – Cas hands were on his body, his own older hands were on his body; he was riding Cas and was being fucked by himself. It all felt intense and macabre. He heard Cas hissing and then moaning, his hips moving fitfully as he twitched inside Dean, pressing against his sweet spot blindingly. Dean felt dizzy and lightheaded, so he abandoned the idea to control himself or this any longer.

He leaned back against the fervid muscled body of his older self, feeling his hands securely wrapped around him. He let go of every thought and allowed his self to fuck him thoroughly while he rode Cas in dead earnest, feeling and hearing the man come undone underneath him. All of their sighs and moans and ragged breaths filled the air of the room, mingled with the sound of their bodies smashing together with smacking noises. Cas' fingernails dug into Dean's skin, desperately searching for a reassuring pillar as he left bloody marks on his skin. Dean felt his doppelganger meeting his spot right after Cas, and repeatedly they squeezed it achingly slowly, making Dean whine and groan loudly and impatiently. He saw white lights behind his closed eyes, a hot tingling pressure arose at the end of his spine. He heard his own erratic shaky breaths, mixing with the sensual sounds of the other men. Then there was this excellent releasing wave sweeping over him, and he felt himself blush as his body constricted while he rode out his orgasm. Dean thought he had passed out for a second, because he felt weightless and disoriented, but then he felt hands on him again, and Cas and Dean still moving within him. He enjoyed the sense of being taken and he let both of them have their ways with him willingly.

Dean lay outstretched on the bed, still naked, but he didn't mind. His body felt sore and wonderfully used – he was completely at ease, still recovering from his mind-blowing orgasm and the experience he had just made. With closed eyes he heard Cas chuckle next to him, and his older self murmured "Damn, we wore him out pretty good, right?". Dean didn't give a damn his older self was probably trying to mock him for being so done, so he just smiled softly.

He felt slender fingers stroking through his hair, wet through with perspiration. He didn't even have to open his eyes, he knew instinctively it was Cas caressing him gently. He remembered the way it had felt when the now mortal angel had come vehemently inside him, his stuttering hips losing every hint of rhythm. Soon thereafter he had felt his twin bite into his neck roughly, seizing his hips firmly when had reached his orgasm silently, just a single dark moan trembling through his throat.

His older self was cleaning his body from the remains of their threesome with wet tissues, and the way he did it felt almost caring to Dean. He couldn't stop smiling, enjoying Cas' and his own hands soothing loving touches on him. He didn't even notice it when he fell asleep, deep sound sleep overpowering him quickly.

When Dean woke up a few hours later, he lay alone in the bed, kindly wrapped up in a warm blanket. He blinked against the sleep that rested on his lids heavily, trying to make out whether he was all on his own or not. Finally he saw the room was imbued with an orange light, tealights burning everywhere. His eyes scanned the room and then he found his older self and Castiel lying on the ground on a blanket next to the bed, tangled up in each other. They were naked and Castiel lay under Dean, his legs wrapped around his older version's hips, meeting each of his steady thrusts. They moved together effortlessly, making love quietly and wordlessly. Dean saw the happy gleam in Cas' eyes when he drowned in future Dean's features, he also detected the moved little smile his older self was giving Cas. He heard their faint moans, he heard Cas' breathing become higher and more fitfully. Their mouths met to sensual slow kisses as future Dean buried himself further and deeper inside Cas, moaning softly into his lover's mouth.

Dean felt himself blush and he told himself he had to look away – the way they were making love, the way they were looking at each other, it was simply too intimate and personal. It showed Dean that both of them still cared a fucking lot about each other, and this was their last time together before the end was coming. They were making the most of it, saying goodbye to each other one last time. Dean closed his lids, the image of them on the ground still burning brightly in his mind's eye. He heard them kiss and moan several times more, reaching their climaxes fiercely – and together.

He pretended to be still asleep when he heard water dripping a good while later. He heard Cas chuckle and when he opened his eyes a bit to sneak a peek, he saw the couple washing each other with wet cloths, affectionate expressions in their eyes. Castiel was shaved to Dean's surprise, and he looked quite like the man he knew 5 years ago.

"You have to make me a nice haircut. I wanna look fit on my dying day", Cas said quietly, looking up into Dean's eyes.

The taller one stopped in his movements for a second, a sad smile gracing his lips.

"Well, hurry up. We won't have to wait much longer."

Castiel kissed his lips fleetingly, then he turned around and picked up something – he returned to future Dean and thrust a scissor into his hands, putting his hand above his.

"I know", he said breathless.

Dean closed his lids again, deciding he had seen and heard too much. A single tear streamed down his cheek.


Ok, wow. If you made it to here, please let me know what you think. This was all quite new to me in many ways, so I'd be glad to hear what you think. This story took me weeks to finish and my heart's blood clings to it hahaha.