A/N: This chapter contains... actually, nothing too bad. And shit hits the fan. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Ruinned Makeup; Ruinn
Chapter 4: Goodbye
Quinn's head snapped back at the sound of her nickname being called out. She wasn't mad, she was confused. That girl from her Astronomy class just called her Luce. Only one person ever called her that. And the voice she used... That voice belonged to Rachel.
The goth's eyes were cold and distant, not the warm brown that Lucy found comfort in. Quinn's wide eyes met her panicked expression. The goth looked as if she made a mistake and was frightened.
"Rach?" With the old nickname used, the diva's suspicions were confirmed and her fear grew. Whoever this dyed and pierced girl was, she used to be Lucy.
Before the skin pierced girl could get another word out, Rachel grabbed her hand and pulled her from the crowd. She dragged the extremely confused girl out of the halls of McKinley and under the bleachers. The goth halted when they were finally alone. Dropping her hand, she turned to face Quinn.
"Rach?" Quinn repeated, still in shock. She never thought that she would ever have to see this girl again and yet, here she was.
Her only response was a small nod and suddenly, Quinn was enraged.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she growled, glaring down at the shortie.
Rachel flinched. Lucy never cussed. She knew she was hated, but she never wanted Lucy to verify that to her. The goth girl didn't want to cry so she bit her bottom lip and stayed silent. After being abandoned again, she tried her best to never cried in front of anyone ever again. It was a promise she made to herself. No one cared so it was a waste of time and water, but facing Lucy made her feel her heart break over and over again. It hurt so bad.
"But this isn't Lucy," she thought to herself, "not anymore."
"You think you can just waltz back into my life?" Quinn continued.
Rachel refused to meet her eyes. She hung her head low, wishing for the sting to go away.
Quinn couldn't believe this was Rachel. It was ridiculous to even compare them. The Rachel she knew never hung her head, her head was always held high.
"No, not after you kicked me out of it. I was hoping that I would never see you again, but Lima is a small place."
Her voice was quiet and weak. The old Rachel always spoke loudly and full of confidence, even if it were fake. Quinn had to strain her ears to hear her and when she did, she snorted.
"Kicked you out, right. Blame it on me. What are you doing back in Lima anyway? If you 'hate Lima and everything it holds', why did you come back?" she asked, recalling the last letter she had received from Rachel.
The use-to-be diva tore her eyes from the floor and glared dangerously into those hazel eyes.
"This is ridiculous, in fact, it's stupid. We should not even be having this discussion. It's not like I want to be here, but why would you care? You're right, I do hate that, but you know what I hate more?" she barely hesitated, leaving no room for an answer, "That I ever used to call you my friend."
The older, changed Rachel stormed off, leaving her ex-best friend whose chains only tightened around her frostbitten heart. Quinn didn't show weakness. She told herself it didn't hurt and that's when the last bit of Lucy in her snuck past her lids and fell from her eyes, making a salty trail that burnt like fire again her ivory skin.
Rachel walked back into her dreary home to see her father downing booze. She kept her head down and imagined being invisible, which was rather easy, and walked straight past that damn couch and up stairs. The goth collapsed on her bed and turned on calming music.
"Why would she say that? What ever brought her to that conclusion? Of course I don't hate Lima. I don't hate anything it holds either because it leads me to her. It always leads me to her, just like everything else in the goddamn world. Even though I wish in all of my being to hate her, I just... I just can't do the impossible."
Rachel could not believe she didn't see this coming. She was always hated by everyone. Why was she so blind to the definite hate radiating from Lucy? And why was it so goddamn hard to accept it? Why was life so hard on her?
Lucy just made it easy. She made it easy for Rachel to trust her. Rachel found it so hard to trust people, but Lucy was an exception. In fact, she found it hard to not trust Lucy. She was always so sweet and genuine. Her trusting Lucy was a mistake. Every time she trusted someone, she was disappointed. She was always disappointed. In attempt to halt the pain, she tried to never hope, to never dream. That's why she stopped trusting people in the first place. She stopped expecting human decency from everyone, but Lucy broke through her barriers. Now one of her biggest mistakes came back to haunt her.
Quinn came home to an almost empty household. Her mom was either cooking or cleaning for Mr. Fabray. Quinn didn't check because she didn't like how her mom was always playing the part of the perfect little housewife without any complaints to her husband. It was something she's always done. Cook and clean for that man.
She rushed up stairs and pulled out the shoe box from beneath her bed. Eyeing it cautiously, she slowly lifted its lid. The pierced girl flinched at the sight of what was inside. Her body started to tremble. It was always too much, but she had to look through it this time. She had too. If this didn't kill any lingering feelings for Rachel, she didn't know what would. Her Rach was dead, the sooner she accepted that, the better.
Quinn dumped the insides of the box onto her bed in a cluttered mess. There was a photo album, a diary, and a stack of letters tied together. Her fingers timidly brushed the sides of the photo album before lacing her shaking fingers around it. The broken girl opened it, knowing full well the things she would soon see would hurt her.
The photos were of her and Rachel when they were younger. There were no selfies of Lucy in there. Every single picture had captured Rachel beautifully. Most of the photos were of Rachel alone, though some were of both her and Lucy.
Quinn turned the pages slowly, careful to see every picture the album held. With dry eyes, her heart clenched when she finally made it to the last picture. Her tear ducts refused to work. They were overused and felt as if they were singed shut. Quinn wiped away her imaginary tears and continued to stare down at the photo.
In it, Rachel smiled brightly at Lucy while Lucy was sobbing hysterically, not willing to let go of Rachel's hand. Rachel's smile was fake, her dad and daddy were behind them and Lucy's parents were beside her. She was always like this. Smiling for others so they wouldn't worry. Rachel's free hand rested lovingly on Lucy's head. Her eyes were full of words only Lucy could read. "Don't worry, I'll see you again soon. We'll always be friends. Are you okay? Please, don't cry."
That was the last time Lucy saw Rachel. They mailed and phoned as much as they could, but it wasn't ever the same.
Quinn carefully closed the photo album and placed it back in the box. Full of sorrow and exhaustion, her movements were slow and exaggerated. Her Rachel was gone. Sighing, Quinn skipped the diary and went straight for the letters. They were in order from the first letter she received to the last, all from Rachel.
The punk styled girl held two letters up next to each other. The first and the last. How things changed so drastically was still a mystery for her. How on earth did it get from:
Dearest Lucy Q. Fabray,
How have you been? I finally settled into my new home. You would not believe how lonely it is without you, Luce. I miss you so much and of course Dad and Daddy miss you too. I hope that you are getting along well without me. Please tell me that Artie is keeping a distance from you. If not, call someone! I cannot be there physically for you any longer, much to my melancholy. Perhaps you should take a martial arts class? We both know that I do not condone violence, unless it is in your defense of course, so in this case, it may be necessary.
Love, your best friend,
Rachel Berry *
I only wrote this letter to inform you that I can no longer exchange mail with you. It is a complete waste of my time. I hate Lima and everything it holds because the past is a burden. It holds me down and so do you. Never bother me again.
Even after months, the difference of the letters were still a shock to Quinn. Rachel always signed her own name at the bottom so what happened? Did she hate Lucy so much that she couldn't even have been bothered to sign her name? She couldn't recall saying or writing anything that would have brought this on. She needed to stop blaming herself because she didn't do anything, but it was hard. It was just so hard.
"It wasn't Lucy. It was Rachel. Rachel's changed and Lucy's gone. There's nothing between us anymore," Quinn thought to herself.
She couldn't bear to read the diary. She knew what was in there. A stupid, naive Lucy pouring out all her stupid feelings about Rachel.
Quinn carefully placed everything back into the box as if it would break into pieces if she made any sudden movements. She took the box out to her backyard and buried it before their tree. The tree Lucy and Rachel marked together.
"Luce! Come on!" Rachel called out, her energy booming through her voice.
"But Rach! That looks dangerous!" Lucy complained.
Rachel was straddled one of the tree's thick branches. She was smiling genuinely down at Lucy, a hand to her head to keep her hair from whipping her face. The small brunette extended her other hand for Lucy to grab hold of before dropping the first to steady herself on the branch below her.
"Don't be such a buzzkill," Rachel pouted.
Lucy soon learned after meeting Rachel that she used big, refined vocabulary with everybody, but there were a few times she let her guard down when it was just the two of them. It made her happy to think that Rachel felt comfortable enough around her to be unexpectedly goofy herself.
Lucy laughed as she reached for Rachel's hand. Both of them atop the higher branches of the tree, they made a promise to add to their many childhood promises.
"Rach, we'll always be friends, right?" Lucy asked, unsure.
"Of course!" Rachel exclaimed as if she was offended by the thought that they could ever lose what they had. "I promise on this tree."
"On the tree?" Lucy questioned.
"Yeah, trees live a long time," Rachel replied before pulling out a knife she took from Lucy's kitchen.
"What are you doing? You'll hurt yourself," she voiced with concern
Without answering Rachel carved into the tree with a big grin on her face.
RBB + LQF FOREVER
This promise, like every other one they had made, was broken by the test of time.
"That was a stupid promise made by a stupid kid. Of course it wasn't kept. It's time to get over this."
Confused? Yeah, I know.
X's & O's Yuzu