A/N: This chapter contains more bad Artie, dumbass bandwagon Finn, bandwagon Karofsky, and bashed Sebastian (unless you want him pressed instead). Also contains mentions of character death, mentions of self-harm, thoughts of suicide, and sexual harassment.
Disclaimer: Glee = Not mine.
Ruinned Makeup; Ruinn
Chapter 5: Leave me alone
Rachel walked through the doors of high school that morning knowing that people were staring at her. She met none of their eyes. Her eyes were trained on the dirty, tiled floor.
"Welcome back, Faggot Spawn," Artie snarled.
His greeting to Rachel wasn't left unnoticed by Quinn.
Rachel trembled slightly and brought her eyes from the floor to Artie's eyes, hoping it wasn't seen. As soon as she made eye contact, her eyes dropped back to the patterned floor.
Faggot Spawn never use to bother her, not when she had her Dad and Daddy waiting for her back home to show her that they weren't wrong. It was everyone else that was wrong. How could something that brought them such joy be wrong? How could something that held so much love ever be wrong? It was the hate that was wrong, but now she started to doubt that. If they weren't wrong, why did things end up like this? Everything she used to know, now seemed like a lie. Uncertainty was her only essence. Artie seemed to notice this change and didn't miss the chance to take advantage of it.
"What's wrong? Don't you know how to say hi?"
"H-hello, Artie," she mumbled.
Artie's face grew smug and Quinn's jaw dropped. Rachel never acknowledged anyone that referred to her as Faggot Spawn. She never hesitated to ignore and walk away. Not only did she stop, tremble, and make eye contact; she greeted him! Quinn was starting to grow concerned.
"If you don't mind, Artie, I have to get to my locker," Rachel added quickly, making an attempt to walk around him.
"Actually, I do mind," Artie hastily replied as he wheeled himself in Rachel's way once again.
Quinn continued to watch in disbelief. What was Artie doing? What was Rachel doing? And why did she care? He seemed to be wasting her time. Why would he do that? The pink haired girl's eyes darted to the end of the hallway, Finn appeared with two big slushies in his hands and a dopey grin on his face.
"Of course," she thought to herself.
"I am going to have to insist that you move out of my way, Artie. I need to get to my locker. If I don't, it will result in me being tardy to class and that simply won't do," Rachel rambled, but when she saw it wasn't getting her anywhere, she resorted to begging. "Please move." The late bell rung over her and the halls were now left empty except for Artie, Quinn, Finn, and herself. By now she saw the giant oaf that was making his way toward her.
"Karma's a bitch, isn't it?" Artie let out sadly before shaking his head in attempt to erase what he had said.
Rachel's head jerked up at this. "What do you mean?" Her brow furrowed in confusion. Before she could get an answer out of him, Finn emptied a big gulp cup over her, staining her in red from head to toe.
Red. Blood. Memories flashed through her mind. Her eyes were wide with terror. Even the burn of the corn syrup against them couldn't get her to shut her eyelids. The goth started to tremble again, this time making no attempt to stop or hide it. She brought her red covered hands up into view and froze.
Artie backed up, but Finn wasn't as smart and raised the other cup. Before he could dump the second slushie on Rachel though, Quinn ran out in front of him, grabbing the slushie from his meaty hand and tossing it in his face. Her free arm was held out protectively in front of Rachel.
Rachel turned away from Artie to look at Quinn. Confusion etched in her big, expressive eyes. A small smile found its way onto Quinn's face without her realization.
Rachel slowly reached for Quinn, but teared her hand away before making contact. Her eyes bore into the tiles. She was scared. If she reached for her and Quinn was the one who tore away, she would have broke beyond repair.
Finn still stood before them; his huge hands wiping at his face sloppily. Artie was gone, leaving Rachel an escape.
The goth started to leave when Quinn's hand slipped into hers. Rachel shot her a questioning look, but it was ignored. Quinn's uneasy eyes were glued straight ahead. They walked together in silence to the restroom.
Rachel was washing herself off as Quinn leaned against the wall behind her. The goth watched Quinn through the mirror. The pink haired girl cast her eyes toward the bathroom door she had locked with a key she had stolen from the head cheerio.
"Lucy-," Rachel started, but she was cut off.
"Okay," she sighed. "Quinn, if there is something you wish to obtain from me, just come out with it."
Quinn opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't find the words. Instead, she sighed and pushed off the wall, walking over to Rachel. She rolled up her sleeves and took a handkerchief from her pocket to wet it. When she raised it to wipe Rachel's face, Rachel pushed it away.
"You'll dirty it," she explained, eyeing the handkerchief as if it were a treasure.
Quinn smiled at her sadly, but warmly. She was happy Rachel recognized it. The handkerchief was a present from her mother before things spun out of control.
Without a word, Quinn lowered Rachel's hand with her free one and continued her path to Rachel's face. She wiped it free from all the excess residue as carefully as she could.
"It works better," Quinn shared as if it were a proper explanation.
"Doesn't matter," the hazel eyed girl interrupted with finality.
When Quinn finished washing the brunette's face, she washed her hair and neck. The pink haired girl frowned at Rachel's clothing.
"I have extra clothes in my locker you can borrow," Quinn offered.
"Quinn, what do you want?" Rachel questioned.
Again, Quinn was silent. She didn't know why she was doing this, but she wanted to. Quinn sighed and scratched the side of her head. She watched Rachel's eyes go wide and followed Rachel's line of vision to her wrist. Quickly, she hid her wrist behind her back.
"What was that?" the goth questioned cautiously.
"What are you talking about?" Quinn replied a little too quickly.
"Do you really think you can lie to me?" Rachel questioned, crossing her arms.
She had a valid point. Lucy was never able to lie to Rachel, but again, this was Quinn.
"I seriously don't know what you're talking about," she scoffed.
Quinn pocketed her handkerchief and turned to leave when Rachel's sigh stopped her.
"If your offer is still valid, may I borrow your extra clothes?" she asked.
"Of course," was Quinn's reply.
The rest of the day went by in a quick daze. Quinn skipped all her classes and Rachel fell asleep in most of hers. They occupied each others' minds which was infuriating for the both of them. Quinn refused to acknowledge that she helped Rachel without any good reason. Rachel refused to acknowledge that she was actually worried about Quinn. Lucky for the both of them, they didn't see each other for the rest of the day.
When Quinn got to her locker the next day, she was more than surprised to see Rachel waiting for her. Rachel's head was low and facing the ground as usual. Quinn walked pass her and opened her locker.
"What are you doing here?" she questioned without pulling her head from the inside of her locker.
"I.. Your clothes," Rachel mumbled.
It was obvious she was uncomfortable. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other and her eyes darted to random spots on the floor.
"What about them?" After the words escaped her mouth, she mentally slapped herself. Rachel was obviously talking about the clothes she had borrowed and was here to return them, duh.
Without answering, Rachel handed Quinn the clothes she had borrowed, washed and pressed. Quinn raised an eyebrow at this.
"You didn't have to do that," she disclosed.
"I wanted to," Rachel confessed before she could stop herself. "It wasn't any trouble. I had to do some of my own laundry anyway," the goth added quickly.
"Thanks," Quinn responded quietly as she stuffed the neatly folded clothes into her locker before closing it.
Just then, Rachel grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the closest bathroom.
"What are you doing?" Quinn fumed.
What did this girl want? She might not have meant to, but when she took Quinn's wrist, she hurt her.
Rachel ignored her and locked the bathroom door with the key she took from Quinn's pocket. Quinn did not take well to being ignored. Just because they tolerated each other now didn't mean Rachel could treat her this way. The relationship between the two of them was confusing enough, she didn't need another loop added to their rollercoaster.
"Rachel!" the girl shouted.
The goth held Quinn's wrist into her line of vision and pointed to the red stained sleeve before fainting from the sight of the red liquid and the metallic stench.
A cool breeze ruffled long strand of brown and blue hair. Rachel's eyelids tightened and her nose scrunched up. She slowly opened her eyes only to quickly close them when she deemed the sunlight that seeped through the bleachers too bright.
"Bleachers?" she questioned. "What am I doing under the bleachers?" the sleepy goth asked herself.
"You passed out so I took you outside to get some air," a voice spoke from above her.
Her eyes jolted open at this. Above her was a girl with short pink hair and an indifferent expression on her face looking off to nothing in particular. She jumped up from her position when she realized the warmth that she was snuggling into was Quinn's lap.
"Why didn't you just take me to the nurse?" Rachel asked tentatively, curling her hair with her fingers.
"I doubt you'd want to be in the nurse's office. A kid had a nasty scratch on his knee so the whole place stunk like blood," Quinn told her, leaving out that when she did take Rachel there, the girl started to sweat and move around in her arms.
"Oh... Thank you," the goth replied carefully.
"Just think of it as me making it up to you. Thanks for, you know," Quinn responded, pulling her sleeve into view. It was back to its original grey color.
"No problem," Rachel muttered.
The goth didn't ask why Quinn was bleeding. She knew why. She saw the scars. Instead, she sighed and was surprised when she noticed Quinn had just sighed too. Rachel looked back at Quinn to see the skin pierced girl with her head thrown back and her eyes closed.
"I don't remember you having hemophobia," she confessed.
"A lot can change in half a year," was Rachel's only reply.
Quinn couldn't help, but agree. A lot has changed. Her whole life had changed and all because of one stupid letter. Remembering the letter, she felt herself grow weak. Forcing herself to think that Rachel hated her and abandoned her did not make her feelings for the girl dim like she had hoped.
"Why did you do it?" Quinn asked, her voice was tired and fragile.
"What are you referring to exactly?" Rachel questioned.
"Nevermind," she mumbled. The pink haired girl pulled herself off the ground and jerked her head toward the gate surround the school. "I'm going home." Her voice was cold, distant.
Rachel wanted so badly to reach up and grab hold of Quinn. She was more than concerned for her, but she couldn't bring herself to risk the rejection.
The next day wasn't much better. As soon as Quinn walked into the halls of the school, there were hushed whispers, obviously about her. Disgusted glares stabbed into her back. She knew this feeling. It was the same glares given to her on a daily basis by her father.
Quinn gave a pointed glare toward the closest person and hissed, "What are you looking at, pizza face?"
She was dangerous, everyone in school knew that by now. She was hoping this would serve as a reminder. Just like she expected, the crowd parted for her like the red sea.
"What the fuck?" slipped from her lips when she made it to her locker.
Someone had sloppily sharpied the word "Gey" onto her locker. No wonder everyone was whispering about her.
She angrily tossed her books into her locker and glared around the hallway, searching for the scum that would dare mess with her.
Her glare was only met by heads turned from her in fear and others staring disgustedly at someone else. Someone else? She let her eyes drift down to someone crouching in front of their locker. Her eyes widened at the victim. Rachel? Why were they looking at her like that? She turned her body to see letters scrawled on Rachel's locker door as well.
"Faggot Spawn! Repulsive! Man Hands! Dyke!"
Why were they so much more severe to her than to Quinn? She grew enraged. One simple word was enough to piss her off and hurt her. How much damage could those words do to Rachel? Looks like she was skipping her classes today as well
It couldn't be more obvious who had done it. Artie couldn't reach her locker and only one person she knew would spell gay wrong and follow Artie's orders. Rachel's locker was lower and only Artie ever called Rachel Faggot Spawn.
Quinn walked over to Rachel, her face painted in indifference as the people around her stared at her curiously. She dropped her hand to Rachel's shoulder and felt the small girl jump beneath her touch. The goth's cold brown met her guarded hazel. Rachel looked scared, she wasn't ready to trust anyone. She wasn't ready for it, but she let Quinn pull her to her feet and take her away from the crowded halls.
"Where are you taking me?" Rachel asked softly.
"Out of this hell hole," Quinn replied.
The rest of their walk continued in silence. They took a few buses and ended up at a small beach. No one else was there, it was just the two of them.
Rachel lifted her head cautiously. "You act as though you actually care for me."
Quinn hadn't said a word, afraid she might mess whatever tolerable level Rachel had with her up. Instead, she sat in the sand, watching her hand as it took up sand that she let slip between her fingers.
"The rumors will get worse if you do this. Save me every time," the goth let out slowly.
"I don't care anymore. About rumors, other people, school. What's it help to care?" Quinn's voice didn't waver. She sounded confident, but hopeless.
"Why are you doing this?" Rachel questioned. "If you're trying to hurt me again, don't bother. Being abandoned once is enough, thank you very much."
The goth twisted her face out of Quinn's view. She couldn't believe she just let her fear slip. She let Quinn know of her weakness and that she was affected by being left alone, like a child.
"Excuse me?" Quinn sneered. Her mouth had dropped open in shock when she heard Rachel's words. "Abandon her? What? It was the other way around!" she fumed silently.
"Nothing. I.. It's nothing," the goth answered quickly.
"I abandoned you? Bullshit!" The pink haired girl's voice cracked. Her emotions were leaking through her walls, but she couldn't stop it anymore. She rose from the ground, her fists in balls. "Don't turn our lost friendship around on me!"
"How else would our friendship break then? I thought our bond was strong enough to where you'd actually care enough about me to reply to me! You left me alone. I was even stupid enough to wait at my mailbox," Rachel shouted, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"What did you want me do? How was I suppose to reply to that?" Quinn yelled back, innerly flinching at her own mention of the letter.
"What on earth are you talking about? You have replied to my mail before. It is not like I suddenly started writing in another language!"
"You know what? I'm done. Don't expect me to help you again," the taller girl finished.
"Don't walk away from me, Lucy!" The goth grabbed Quinn's wrist gently and pulled her back quickly, but careful not to reopen old wounds.
"I told you, it's Quinn. Lucy is dead," she snapped.
"Even so, can you just explain to me why the last letter I received from you stated 'I care about you a lot, Rach.' and it was just that, the last letter? I don't see how me telling you that I felt the same way, if not more, about you offended you enough to force you to completely ignore every single attempt I made to contact you since. What did I want you to do? I wanted you to acknowledge what I had written because I meant it; show that you were happy because I know I was when I thought you cared for me. Or was I wrong all along? Did you ever care for me? Or did you really want to string me along long enough to break me? Well, you got what you wanted, Quinn Fabray. You broke me, are you satisfied now?" the short brunette ranted.
"Plenty," Quinn replied. This little "I'm the victim" show Rachel was performing so perfectly pissed Quinn off beyond her own comprehension. "Oh, you tried to contact me? Okay. Oh, I was the one who abandoned you? Okay. I broke you? Alright, fine. I'll play along with your games, Rachel. I won't let you hurt me anymore," the pierced girl thought to herself.
Cool tears streamed freely down the goth's hot cheeks, her face was red and her makeup was smeared. All Quinn wanted to do was hold the smaller girl in her arms and wipe her tears away. Her act just seemed so real, but Quinn refused to fall for it.
"Good, now l-leave me a-alone. Please, just... never bother me again," Rachel stammered.
The pierced girl flinched at those words and felt her stomach clench. She never wanted to hear those words fall from Rachel's lips, not ever. But she did. A lump grew in her throat as her eyes stung with unshed tears. She couldn't help but laugh out loudly at herself. What did she expect? This was what Rachel had originally wanted. She ran a pale hand through her messy pink hair. Quinn turned her back to the beach and started to leave.
"Whatever you want, Rach," Quinn mumbled. "It's always what you want," she added as soon as she was out of Rachel's range of hearing.
Rachel was grateful for the weekend. She had time away from Quinn and time to slow down and just think clearly without distractions. It passed rather quickly though. The goth spent the entire weekend locked in her dreary room, lying on the bed and listening to soft music.
"How could she do this to me? I trusted her," Rachel cried. "I... I give up."
Every single day of school was torturous. The goth just wanted it be her birthday already so she could just make her plans happen. Fortunately for her, her birthday was on a Friday so most people wouldn't notice anything until it was too late. She was thankful for the fact that she hadn't seen Quinn once since the pink haired girl took her to the beach. The pierced girl was most likely skipping school beneath the bleachers every day. Though just because the goth hadn't seen Quinn, it didn't mean she wasn't plagued by her appearance in her mind over and over again. Not to mention everyone's rumors were surrounding both her and the Fabray. The rumors ranged from them being fuck buddies to them being in a committed, love filled relationship. Every single one of them sounded ridiculous. Well, everyone except the one that she was a lesbian because in all honesty, she was. She just wasn't ready for people to know yet so she never admitted to it, but she didn't deny it either. Instead, she tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away, but it wouldn't.
"Is it true you, Rachel Berry, and Quinn Fabray are more than just friends?" an afro headed Jewish boy questioned.
"We're not even that much, Jacob Ben Israel. Can you leave?" Rachel answered as she glanced to the door of Jacob's class they had just passed, telling him to just go.
"You sound sad about that. Is it true you have feelings for her?" Jacob pressed.
"I do not! Now leave," the goth grounded out. Her expression turned fierce and the boy finally left her.
Her nightmares were filled with blood and faces of her dads and Quinn disappearing into the red. She woke up drenched in sweat and tears every night. It was getting tiring and she didn't think she could put up with it much longer.
"One more day, Rachel. One more day until December 1st," Rachel said aloud, a crazed smile on her face.
It was the last day that Quinn decided to appear. She walked casually into the classroom. Her indifferent, hazel eyes making contact with no one. The punk styled girl let herself sit beside Rachel. It confused the goth how their teacher hadn't said a word about Quinn's repeated abstinences.
Rachel didn't let herself think too deeply. Instead, she focused on the notebook before her, doodling constellations and writing random things that popped into her head. It helped her get her mind off of Quinn for just a moment, but then the teacher asked Quinn something, forcing the girl's voice into Rachel's ears. And just like that the pink haired girl penetrated her thoughts.
She didn't sound so good. Taking a glance to her left, Rachel studied Quinn's profile.
What caught her eye was Quinn's long, black sleeves. They looked as if they were stuffed with something. Quinn must have noticed the staring because she brought her arms from resting on her desk to in her lap. That's when Rachel noticed how pale Quinn's face was. That wasn't normal, was it? She couldn't ask though and she definitely wouldn't worry. There was just something about Quinn that made her mind and body act illogically. It was the same effect Lucy had on her and it made her sick. No one knew how much she truly cared for Lucy, but herself. In fact, she didn't just care for Lucy, she loved her. This feeling, along with many others, was reserved for Lucy and Lucy alone. It pissed her off enough that Quinn used to be Lucy, but it pissed her off even more that she felt something for her. Something she couldn't explain. The feeling of helplessness, unable to steer one's own mind and body, but it was for another reason entirely. It wasn't because of love, no. It was hate coursing through her veins and controlling her limbs. Absolute, undeniable hate. Rachel hated Quinn Fabray, Luce's replacement. It turns out love and hate were a lot more similar than one would originally imagine.
Rachel forced herself to turn away from Quinn, realizing she'd probably been staring far too long and most likely had a scowl on her tanned face.
"Just today," she mumbled quietly to herself, "I just had to make it through today."
"Gay Berry, FabGay! You two getting it on later? I'd be more than happy to join in and fix the both of you in one go," snickered a thin football player, stopping both Quinn and Rachel in their tracks.
They hadn't noticed they'd been walking in the same direction, let alone how close they were to each other. Quinn normally would have rolled her eyes and continued walking, but something stopped her. It was Rachel. The girl froze up completely, staring at the jock with disbelieving eyes. Her face seemed to grow more and more fearful the longer she looked at him. Quinn so desperately wanted to reach out and comfort the smaller girl, but she knew she couldn't.
The tension in the air was obvious, but the boy's face only grew more smug as time went on. She wanted to punch his lights out. Rachel looked terrified and as much as Quinn wished she didn't, she cared.
Quinn raised a hand out to the goth only to pull away when they made eye contact. Rachel's eyes were panic-stricken. She looked as if she would shatter with even the most gentle of touches. The pierced girl wanted to make the jock leave, protect Rachel from all her fears, and just be there for her. She didn't think too deeply as to why that was and she honestly didn't care. She just... She just wanted...
"Hey, aren't you going to answer him?" The bigger boy next to him shouted, ready to push them both down.
"Don't worry about it, Karofsky. I always get what I want," the first boy laughed, turning them both to leave. "I can't wait to finish our reunion, Rachel."
Tears began to gather in Rachel's eyes; her frozen state interrupted by trembles. There was something very wrong and Quinn couldn't let it go.
"What happened between Rachel and Sebastian?" Quinn pondered. If this was their reunion then her Rachel kept their previous encounter from Lucy, that much Quinn could figure out. Rachel kept things from Lucy? How much? For how long? When did all the lying and secrets start? Yes, it was all in the past, but Lucy... Lucy loved her.
This was not the time to feel betrayed. Quinn gently took Rachel's hand in hers. At first, the goth stiffened, but then relaxed in her ex-friend's touch. Water began to fall from Rachel's eyes. Her body silently shook with sorrow. Quinn began to lead the shorter girl to the bleachers. Luckily, no one was there. People stopped coming beneath the bleachers since Quinn kicked everyone out.
Tentatively, the pink haired girl stopped and turned to face Rachel. She felt sadness overtake her when her softened hazel eyes met Rachel's frightened brown orbs. Carefully raising the goth's hand and lowering her head, the pierced girl pressed a gentle kiss to smooth skin of Rachel's hand. She remembered how this would calm her Rachel when she was Lucy and hoped that maybe, Quinn could have the same affect on the new Rachel. Instead of halting the tears, more sprung from within the small girl. Quinn brought her lips up to the salty trails staining Rachel's face. After softly kissing the tears away, the pink haired girl draped an arm around the goth and pulled her into what she hoped was a comforting hug.
Rachel melted into Quinn's touch. She returned the embrace and they stood in each other's arms silently, neither of them wishing to pop the bubble they found themselves encased in. It was Quinn's content sigh that snapped Rachel out of her trance.
She pushed herself from Quinn's warm arms, instantly shivering from the cold that greeted her. "Quinn, you're not Luce. What are you doing? I thought you were satisfied with the damage you'd already done," Rachel muttered reluctantly.
"Oh, this again?" Quinn breathed, disbelief coating her words. With her eyebrow raised in a very Fabray-like fashion, she brought a hand up to her temple and shook her head. Taking a step back, she mumbled, "I can't believe this."
"You can't believe what? That I'm trying to protect myself from further hurt and disappointment caused by you?" the goth pressed.
She scoffed. "This act! This little play of yours, Rachel!" Quinn shouted.
"What are you talking about? You know what? Forget it. But please, do as I previously said. Just leave me alone," the smaller girl expressed somberly.
"If only it were that easy," the pierced girl groaned.
"What? Ignoring me? I thought you were plenty experienced in that area of expertise, Quinn," Rachel stated more than questioned.
"This is getting old," Quinn sighed, crossing her arms.
"I agree. Thankfully, this is the last day I'll have to deal with any of this." With that said, the girl stormed off, leaving behind a very confused Quinn.
"The last day?" she bemused.
Sleep came difficulty for Quinn that night. She pondered on and on about what Rachel could have meant by that. Tossing and turning, she gave up and settled for listening to music, trying desperately to rid herself of thoughts of Rachel.
Rachel, on the other hand, slept easily, knowing tomorrow would come with relief for both her and the rest of the world. She snuggled into her bear. Her necklace that she placed around it glistened in the moonlight that snuck expertly into her room. "I'll see you soon, Daddy. Please don't be mad when I do. I love you."
Yeah, um, shit. There's a lot of annoying back and forth in the chapter. Sorry for that. Okay, not really.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it (while listening to depressing music).
Smythofsky, anyone? Heh, no one? Just a thought. What about a solid Quinntana friendship? *crickets* Damn.
X's & O's Yuzu