It is common knowledge that a racing heart, dizziness, numb hands and feeling a loss of control are all symptoms of an impending anxiety attack.
They are also sensations that Brittany S. Pierce had never felt before.
Thankfully the slow trickle from the sink was having a calming effect on her. The slow rhythmic noise was relaxing and enabling her to gather her senses.
Everything would be over soon.
Still trying to control and slow down her movements, Brittany cupped the fresh water and rinsed her face.
The immediate sensation of the cold drops running down her cheeks brought her back to reality with a chill, and the situation she currently found herself in.
She looked up at the mirror, but she had to squint to recognize herself, the exhausted blonde staring back at her was not somebody she recognized.
Who was that girl? She couldn't be that girl.
The girl in front of her was slightly shaking and had concern shadows in her eyes. This girl was visibly worried and, from the redness of her eyes, she could be just about to cry.
Brittany snorted at herself, lifting her body up with the help of both of her hands placed firmly against the sink edge and confronted her reflection in Urban Ink's restroom.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked loudly leaning forward as she wanted to stare at herself directly in the eyes.
What the hell had just happened?
She hadn't just had what shrinks, or all the other useless people with a medical degree, would define as a minor panic attack, right? But more importantly she hadn't just done it in front of one of her client's?
Fuck, she had.
"Fuck me." She said, this time lowering her tone as she was finally realizing what was going on.
The pulse was slowly and gradually setting back to its usual rhythm. It had passed. The awkward, unexpected and terrifying moment had finally passed and she was finally able to breathe again without feeling the unbearable sensation of being seconds away from passing out.
She instinctively closed her eyes, inhaling deeply at regular intervals to regain the control of her mind.
A few seconds later she stepped outside of the bathroom, she still had her customer on the tattoo table and she wasn't the kind of person who doesn't finish things.
She turned the corner to find herself in the main room, where she usually treated most of the clients for several reasons; she could keep a constant eye on Puck's works and she could help him whenever he needed a hint or a piece of advice, but, mostly, she liked working and chatting with her friend and the other customers.
Surprisingly the room was empty.
Where the fuck has he gone?
Her 4pm-client still had a half made geisha on his left shoulder. Puck was at the main desk and was typing and checking only God knows what on the laptop.
"Puck" she whispered still a little bit dizzy and confused.
"Oh, hey." He replied lifting his eyes to look at her. "Are you feeling better?"
She didn't have time for girly talk.
"Where the hell is the fat man I was tattooing?"
"I sent him home."
Brittany's jaw instinctively dropped, the corners of her mouth started to sag forming a worried and annoyed expression, but Puck didn't give her enough time to form her insults and put them into words.
"What, B? Don't tell me you are able to tattoo right now."
Fuck, he was right but Brittany was incapable of even thinking of not being able to do something.
That was not her.
Anger was the only thing she could feel in that very moment. After the anger came the denial, and similarly to most people who are stuck in the denial phase, she couldn't help but blame Puck for this.
"Puck, you are not paid to make those kinds of decisions. You are not allowed, and not qualified enough, to assess the state of the client's skin and how it is best to proceed." She said firmly even though she was subconsciously aware she wasn't actually mad at him.
"Bullshit." Puck replied snapping her out of her emotional turmoil. "I sent him home because you are clearly in a fucked up state and you couldn't finish him. I've told the guy that he would get a 40% discount on the whole price and cancelled the next two sessions."
"You what?!" Brittany exploded. This was the first time something like this had happened to her and her business.
Urban Ink had always come first and she hadn't ever found it particularly difficult. She would always pick the option of tattooing somebody or going to a convention over a holiday. It was her job and her passion. It was just something incredibly natural for her but this was the first time she hadn't finished her job.
"Britt, we need to talk about this."
"There is nothing to talk about. I need to work. Puck, I'm fine." She insisted stepping ahead to stare at him directly in the eyes in order to prove her point.
"As much as I'd like to joke about it, I won't let you get away with it. You freaked out in the middle of your session and that is not you. So, please, tell me what's fucking going on?!"
Brittany wanted so badly to fight back and convince the Mohawked idiot that she was tough and she didn't need to talk like a little girl about her problems, but her legs suddenly started feeling weaker and again her body was overtook by anxiety.
Here it was again. It was like her body was finally rebelling and was about to win the eternal battle against her brain. She was always doing what she felt like, but when it came to her personal life, she had always managed to keep everything under control, not letting the emotions get in her way, but today everything from her past and present were colliding and she felt like she was about to implode. Her body was physically refusing to keep all the stress of the past few weeks inside anymore.
"Fuck me." She said. It was the second time she was insulting herself in the past twenty minutes.
"I need Sugar." She let those words leave her mouth without even knowing what she really wanted to say.
"She is out of town, you know that." Puck replied calmly.
"You have me." Puck said spreading his arms open. "You might think that I'm an idiot, and it's pretty true, but I care about you and not just because you are a hot lesbian who plays poker better than I do. Come on, mama. Spill it out." He added causing her to hint a smile.
Puck was superficial, a free spirit, always acting like a five-year old kid, but she trusted him.
"So, you are my only hope." She said with a tone that was halfway between a question and a statement.
"I'm afraid so." Puck replied lowering his gaze, trying to hide the hint of a smile but Brittany couldn't help but notice it. She wasn't mad, well she didn't really know what she was in that moment. She was feeling so many things; mad, frustrated, worried but mostly scared, and scared of what her crisis really meant.
Instinctively she took both of her hands to her forehead and let her long, slim fingers slide into her messy hair.
"Argh." She muttered shaking her head while letting herself fall into the chair next to Puck's desk.
They looked at each other for a second before bursting into a light laugh making it glaringly obvious the two of them had absolutely no idea where to start.
"Fuck, this is embarrassing. It's like confessing to your best pal you love Celine Dion's songs."
Brittany tilted her head to the left. "Do you like that shit?" she asked glaring him.
"So not the point Brittany. Focus!" Puck replied but she swore he had blushed just a little bit.
"I don't know how to do this."
"Me neither." he agreed. "But I know that this must have something to do with the hot Latina."
"Who?" She said quickly but she readily realized that the high pitched nuance in her voice betrayed her.
"You know exactly who I'm talking about."
"I do." she confessed.
"Are you in love with her?" Brittany's heart surprisingly skipped a beat at those words. Was it because she was surprised by his question, asked out of the blue, or was it because of something else?
"Fuck, Puck!" she said almost shouting, clearly feeling uneasy.
"What?" Puck asked frowning.
"You can't ask me something like that now!"
"Why? Aren't we supposed to talk about your feelings towards Santana?"
Brittany let her head fall into her hands. Fuck, this was harder than she anticipated.
"No, I mean yes. Sugar is way better at this, Puck."
"Hey, I'm just trying to help." he replied with her same aggressive tone. "Answer the damn question." he added firmly.
"It's a stupid question, it's me, come on." she said back with her classic sassy grin that perfectly matched her words.
She was lying to one of her closest friend and for what? To prove she was strong and definitely not vulnerable. She needed to stop playing this stupid game.
"What is it even supposed to mean? You don't fall easily, I know that, but I've also never seen you have a panic attack, so this girl must have hit you pretty hard."
"It's complicated. I'm not in love, but she is different from the other girls I usually hang out with." Brittany commented grinding her teeth together struggling with her honesty.
"Straight?" Puck suggested mockingly.
"You asshole." Brittany replied with a snort accompanied with a smile to make him understand she had got the joke, but, this time her friend wasn't laughing or mocking her.
"No, what I mean is that, maybe, you are so intrigued by this girl because you can't have her." he explained.
Couldn't she have Santana? Was it true?
Suddenly images of the Latina's lips approaching her mouth popped into her mind and she simply couldn't stop her smile as very inappropriate thoughts slowly seeped in.
Oh shit, those perfectly full lips. Her intoxicating perfume.
She was about to confess what happened a few days before under Santana's patio, but Puck didn't let her transform her thoughts into words.
"B, can I be completely honest with you?" he questioned staring at her. Brittany didn't answer, she simply nodded silently with her face still resting on her hands.
"I hate saying this but, Sugar is right. I know Santana is super hot. You have no idea how many times I've fantasized on how great she must be in bed, but she is our client. You need to convince yourself that she is just an ordinary girl and drop this thing before you do something stupid."
That would actually be a great advice.
With a slow and sneaky movement, Brittany glanced at Puck, looking at him through her interlaced fingers.
Her friend immediately recognizes that look, the one that screams, too late, I'm completely guilty.
"Brittany S. Pierce, what have you done?" Puck asked with an inquisitorial gaze
Brittany didn't answer, she simply smiled awkwardly at him confirming her guilt.
"You, bitch! How is that possible that all the straight girls always choose you instead of me?"
Brittany shrugged with her sassy grin.
"You have a gift." Puck stated shaking his head bewilderedly.
"It's more like a curse." Brittany commented sarcastically.
"So, what happened?"
"Nothing happened." she paused slightly tilting her head. "Almost nothing, we kissed."
"Bitch. So, what is your fucking problem? Fuck her and move on."
"I have no idea, Jeez." she almost shouted, her frustration was tangible. "I tried not to fall into whatever this is, because, I don't even know what this is!"
"I thought you just wanted to fuck her, I had no idea you had a crush on her."
At those words Brittany stood up quickly, spreading her arms as if she wanted to push the statement back down Puck's throat.
"Puck I don't have any crush on anyone." she said out loud.
"Oh, I get it. So you just had a panic attack for what exactly? You kissed her, maybe this made you understand that she is important to you, maybe it was a wake up call."
"No, I can't be..." but she stopped herself she couldn't even pronounce the words. She was Brittany S. Pierce, the person who never cries, the person who never gets attached to anyone. Lots of girls had fallen for her in the past. But you couldn't blame them? She was smart, beautiful, hot and reckless, very easy to love; but that wasn't enough, not for her. She had never felt anything for anyone in her life, and it wasn't like she hadn't tried, but it was just a fact: Brittany S. Pierce was incapable of being attached to people. She surely loved other women's presence, she loved their laughs, their attitudes, their scents but that was it.
"Puck, I don't think I can love someone. I think I'm genetically built to not be attached to anyone in this world."
"Wrong, my dear. You love me, Sugar and your family."
"That's so different."
That sassy smile, again.
"I'm not interested in fingering you."
"Haha, true, but this proves that you have a heart and not a machine pumping your blood." he said with a mocking tone.
"Asshole." Brittany whispered, sitting on Puck's deck and looking at him with a begging expression, she was openly searching for answers.
"B, talk to me. You know I won't judge you, there is no point lying to me."
"Fine." she said with an exasperated tone. "I don't know what is happening to me, ok? I feel like I don't want to hurt her and I'm trying to protect her from myself."
"I'm destructive, Puck. I'm afraid that when I have something good, I'm compelled to destroy it."
"Maybe what happened before is your body telling you that you don't want to push every one out, maybe this is your mind telling you that it's time to let someone in. I didn't think I'd ever say this but, maybe sex is not enough anymore." He paused for a second. "God, I'm so good at this."
"The only thing I know is that this sucks. This whole situation is crazy and do you want to know what the worst part is? I don't even know want I want from her. I'm fucking stuck, Puck."
"Maybe you should talk to her and figure it out together."
In that moment the image of Santana pulling back popped into her mind and that was enough to send chills through every inch of her body.
"She might not be emotionally available for that."
"Why? Brittany, please tell me you didn't force her!"
"Fuck no, I'd never do that, unless I'm drunk." she replied pretending to be annoyed by the question.
"Did she kiss you back?"
"She did, very well actually." she replied a satisfied grin evident on her face. "But then she pulled back and was just about to freak out, before her dad interrupted us."
"Oh god, this sounds a lot like my reoccurring nightmare!" Puck commented. He was right, it was indeed a nightmare. However it wasn't Santana's father that scared her he actually turned out to be a pleasant man and invited her to his mansion the following weekend. No what was scary was she didn't even get the chance to look at Santana at all after the kiss.
She knew Santana was probably still processing and mulling over what happened between them, but the fact that the girl hadn't answered her phone was a wake-up call.
For the first time in her life Brittany was afraid of facing a situation.
"I know and her dad invited me to spend this weekend at his mansion. He is throwing an annual party or something and I panicked."
Puck's eyes bugged out of his head, completely entertained by what was happening. "And you politely declined." he said as a continuation of her previous words.
Brittany nervously bit her lower lip and innocently raised her watery eyes at her friend.
"Brittany, tell me you declined his offer." he repeated but as soon as the blonde squinted her eyes a little bit more he almost jumped from his seat. "You didn't! Do you realize that Santana's family and her boyfriend will be there, right?"
"I didn't think, ok? And now I'm so fucking screwed. I can't tell him that I have changed my mind because my dad is already super excited about me bonding with the Lopez family, but this weekend is going to be a battle."
She paused lowering her gaze, thinking for a second about the possible ways to solve her inconvenient problem. "So I have to be there..." she said standing up and approaching the desk she uses to design all her tattoos."…and you are coming with me."
She paused for a second to check her friend's reaction.
"As my boyfriend."
Her legs had never shaken so hard in her entire life. It was like they were being moved by a supernatural force and it was impossible to stop them.
Santana tried to redistribute her weight on the bench in the Urban Ink reception but her legs didn't stop. She was so fucking nervous, she was fairly confident she had never been that nervous in her entire life. She cursed herself for the umpteenth time in the past hour, for being in this place, the place where everything had started.
She had absolutely no idea why she was there, well she had her session but it was just a lame excuse. She could have easily postponed it till the following week to gain some time to think and decide what was the best way to face the situation but no…no, she simply couldn't wait another minute she had to solve her problem.
Her nerves had been tested in the past few days when Brittany had called but the only thing she had been able to do was push her cell phone aside and ignore its buzzing. It was way too early to face that problem.
It had taken more than a day for her to fully realize what she had done and, mostly, what the consequences of her actions could have been.
She had hated herself so much to the point where the image of her face in the mirror was making her sick. She had never thought that something she had waited for, for so long could make her feel so miserable. The worst thing was that she could only blame herself for being so stupid, she wasn't a teenager driven by her impulses anymore, she was supposed to be a grown up woman who should be able to behave accordingly and not go crazy for the first random hot girl.
Incredibly she wasn't bothered by the fact that Brittany was actually a girl, even though according to the moral code of her religion, she wasn't supposed to be attracted to her, but she didn't care that much. She had always been particularly open-minded, I mean, love is just love and she strongly believed in it. But her case was different, the attraction she felt was about to ruin her relationship.
She unconsciously snorted while the vivid image of herself leaning against the door of her house with the tattooist's body pressed heavily against hers crossed her mind.
She needed to stop feeling guilty, fuck. It was just a kiss and nothing else. She knew that kissing another person was cheating and she didn't want to find an excuse for what she had done, but, luckily, she had been able to stop before it went too far.
She just needed to tell Brittany that what they had done was wrong and it couldn't happen again. She just needed to look at those blue gems without having second thoughts. She just…
"Santana?" at the sound of her name she almost fainted. All the thoughts, the imaginary speech she had been rehearsing for the past two days, quickly leaked out of her mind leaving it completely empty.
"Brittany is waiting for you." Puck said but from the way he looked at her, she had the gut feeling that he may have known something. He hinted a smile and sat back at his desk without paying much attention to her staring, but she was sure he knew.
She wondered if it was necessary to ask him not to tell anyone about them. What if he had already told someone? What if he blackmailed her? What if he threatened to tell Ray? Santana immediately felt her legs become weaker than ever. She made the first step ahead and the only thing she was able to do was keep moving and think positive. She just needed to treat it as a normal problem that could easily be solved by talking like mature adults.
A few steps later she was standing right in front of the door to Brittany's office and her heart couldn't have been beating any faster. The only thought that was circling her mind was to turn on her heels and run far way and never come back.
Santana swallowed thickly and took the much needed air into her lungs. She could do this, she just needed to step inside.
With her hand still trembling, she grabbed the doorknob and slowly turned it.
As soon as she opened the door, Brittany was the first thing she saw and her heart immediately sank.
All the acquired confidence, the determination and the conviction to exclude this person from her life, vanished away in the blink of an eye.
Brittany was standing still in the middle of her office, nervously waiting for her, and, just like every day since she had laid eyes on her, Brittany was simply stunning.
The girl was the image of perfection. Santana would have never been one to wear what the blonde had on, but that outfit looked particularly good on the tattooist.
Her golden hair was loose and fell untidily over her naked shoulders, creating a perfect frame for her flawless face. Brittany was wearing leather summer boots, very tight denim shorts and a large, sloppy white cotton tank top with big black writing on it. The top had particularly large arm holes, from which Santana caught a glimpse of black lace.
She was flawless, her skin was tanned and the girl's endless legs would have made anyone's head spin.
Santana froze in the doorway, already finding it difficult to articulate a simple hello.
The tattooist hinted a smile and timidly approached her, her midnight eyes glued to Santana's.
It was going to be harder than she thought.
"Hey you." Brittany almost whispered gently squeezing her forearm. What the hell was that? Santana knew exactly what that was, it was a sweet gesture. She almost died inside when she noticed Brittany's eyes smiling at her.
I can't do this.
The impulse of leaning forward to kiss the girl one more time hit her harder than a truck, making her shiver.
"Santana?" Brittany asked since she hadn't pronounced a syllable yet.
"H-hi." She stuttered.
"Are you ok?" the blonde asked getting straight to the heart of the matter. No, she wasn't ok. She wasn't even close to the definition of being OK.
"Sure." She said back trying to lower her previous high-pitched tone.
Then an awkward silence fell into the room, surrounding the two of them standing still a few inches away from each other. The constant eye contact was increasing the tension between them, making the air almost electrically charged. Santana felt her head start spinning, she was about to faint. She needed to say something, the silence was almost unbearable. She was in Brittany's company for all of two seconds and she was already feeling completely lost.
"I-I'm sorry I didn't call you back."
"So how have you been?"
They both spoke at the exact same time. Brittany giggled at her, but Santana found it impossible to laugh with her. Her nerves were completely overwhelming, she wasn't sure if she could last much longer without bursting into tears.
"I'll go first." Brittany said noticing her uneasiness. Santana simply couldn't stop staring at her blue eye without feeling incredibly guilty. Suddenly only one thought occupied her mind, something she hadn't realized before, she didn't want to hurt her, she didn't want to disappoint Brittany.
"It's ok, you didn't have to call me back. I-I just wanted to know if you were ok." she explained and then she shrugged at her like she wanted to underline that it wasn't a big deal.
"I was busy but I am sorry."
"It's ok Santana, why are you so worried?"
"I'm not worried, I just want to make you understand that hurting you wasn't my intention."
At those words Brittany's eyes widened. She was definitely becoming increasingly aware that something wasn't ok.
"Hurting me? Honey, it was just a stupid phone call, you haven't killed anyone!" she replied sarcastically, but from the concerned shadow in her watery eyes Santana could feel that Brittany wasn't joking at all.
"Come on, let's get this session started." Brittany cut the tension by turning on her heels and approaching the table.
What? The girl was really willing to proceed with the laser therapy without even talking about where they both stood.
Santana lowered her eyes while she was trying to make herself as small as possible.
The weight of Brittany's gaze on her felt worse than carrying a heavy rock on her shoulders.
"I don't think I feel like having the session today." She said in on breath still staring at the floor. She knew if her eyes had met the blonde's, she would have fallen apart within two seconds.
"Oh, ok. Why didn't you call me to tell me this? I could have re-scheduled our appointment." Brittany asked back.
"Stop." Santana almost yelled, she couldn't hold it in anymore. Her eyes still glued to her feet.
"Stop talking to me like we're all good and this is one of our regular sessions." She insisted. Ok, she could do this.
"Santana, we are all good and this is just a regular session. What's wrong?" Brittany replied obviously pretending she didn't know what Santana was talking about. The Latina couldn't help but wonder if that was a defense mechanism or if their kiss hadn't actually meant anything. Suddenly she felt the urge to know.
"God, Brittany." She exclaimed exhausted of all the pretending. She stepped back and leant against the office door. In that moment, once she had found the needed support, she looked up at the tattooist.
Brittany was staring at her as well with a piercing gaze.
Just like every other time they had a fight, Brittany didn't say anything and Santana knew she was the one who would have to take the lead.
"We need to talk."
At those words Brittany grinned and was just about to open her mouth but Santana had no intentions of joking about it.
"If you are about to act like a jerk please shut up."
That was just the right thing to say to a person who is actually a jerk 99% of the time.
She cursed herself for having to be so rude but, somehow, it worked Brittany dropped whatever she was about to say or do. Somehow, those words were enough to make Brittany take off her sarcastic mask.
The blonde approached the table and to Santana it seemed like she was moving in slow-motion. With a little push she sat on it, letting her elongated legs dangle down.
"Let's just skip to the part where I apologize for kissing you, ok?" she said out of nowhere.
This conversation was not going at all how Santana had predicted.
"Isn't this what you want?" Brittany asked noticing her shocked expression.
"No! God, I hate you."
"Just tell me what you want Santana."
Did she really want to end whatever this was? She didn't know anything anymore.
"I don't want you to apologize, it's not your fault." Santana said.
"Oh, I know that Barbie."
Again with that fucking nickname!
"What does that even mean? You kissed me, you had no rights to do that!" the Latina readily replied her defensiveness mounting.
"I do remember you kissing me back." Brittany commented tilting her head aside but still holding eye contact.
Oh shit, she did remember that. "I, I just got caught up in the moment." She tried to stutter back but she was aware of how fragile her voice and retort were. "It can't happen again." She added after a second of silence but while she was pronouncing those words she couldn't hold her gaze anymore.
Brittany punished her with another long silence. She made a step ahead, her confidence growing as she put some distance between herself and her exit. "Listen, I really don't know how to tell you this and I really don't want to be a jerk, but Brittany whatever happened the other day, it's over and it can't happen again."
She sighed since she really had no idea if her words represented the truth or she was just trying to do the right thing.
"And I'm taking responsibility for it because I acted on it and I shouldn't have. I'm in a relationship and I don't want to be a cheater."
Another step ahead, her brain was desperately screaming at her to stop but she couldn't, once the rambling had started, there was no way of switching it off.
"…and I don't want you to think I am telling you this because you are a girl, because I don't have an issue with that. You are actually so hot and such a great kisser and I …"
But in that moment she had to freeze, Brittany was staring at her with a puzzled expression.
"Santana, please stop." She said jumping of the table and making a few steps ahead in her direction. They were only a few inches away, she was too close.
But Brittany took the last step and quickly placed her index finger on Santana's lips.
"Shh." She ordered still maintaining eye contact. The blonde had hypnotized her in just two seconds and now she couldn't look away from those blue eyes.
"Stop worrying about me. I get it, ok? You have Ray and I shouldn't have teased you. I promise it won't happen again." Santana could feel that Brittany meant what she was saying.
Santana should have been relieved by the fact that Brittany wasn't making everything that much harder but somehow hearing those words had the opposite effect on her. She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. She knew it was completely contradictory but she couldn't help but wonder if Brittany had kissed her just because she was driven by a meaningless sexual impulse or if it had represented something more.
She hated to admit it but Brittany had just managed to wound her pride.
"Ok." She said. "So what happens now?"
Brittany simply shrugged and smiled widely at her.
"Life, honey, just life."
"Do you think we can behave as if nothing happened?"
"I do, what about you?"
She definitely had doubts about it, but she just nodded.
"Ok then. I guess I'll see you this weekend." Brittany commented.
She had completely forgotten the embarrassing moment where her dad popped up out of nowhere and practically forced Brittany to join them at their country house for a relaxing weekend.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry for that."
"Don't worry about it. I will be fine."
"Oh, no you can't come." Santana exclaimed without thinking and all she got back was a glaring expression.
"I am so sorry I don't want to be rude but you can't come."
"I am coming Santana, not because I can't wait to spend a weekend with you and your boyfriend but because I don't want my dad to kill me." She explained calmly.
"Bullshit, you are always doing what you feel like."
"Santana, are you revoking the invitation? Your dad will be very disappointed."
There they were again, fighting over nothing. Why was Brittany so insistent that she be there? Was this her sick way of punishing her for what she had just said? She emitted a low growl, and then she moved aside, took her bag off the floor before quickly returning to face the blonde.
"I hate you."
"Oh, you so don't." Brittany replied hinting a smile.
"Fine, do whatever you want to do. I'll see you this weekend, if that is what you want." Santana replied. Gosh, this girl was exhausting.
She turned on her heels and left the room without looking back.
She heard Brittany's answer when she was halfway down the corridor.
"Q, what time is it?" Santana asked lowering her sunglasses to look at her friend lying on the sun bed right next to her.
Quinn didn't turn. She didn't even open her mouth, she just stayed motionless like a lizard in the sun.
"San, you asked me five minutes ago." She replied. "Why are you so nervous? Relax, this is amazing."
She added sighing out in satisfaction.
She was right the weather at her parent's country house was amazing this weekend. Hot, but with a cool breeze that came down from the mountains, creating the perfect conditions to spend a lovely day by the pool.
Ray and she had left the night before, right after work and Quinn had arrived early that morning with her family. She had never seen her dad so excited for having all these guests, but there were still two people missing.
Brittany and her fucking plus one. She had been so shocked when her dad had asked her if she knew who Brittany's friend was. She had absolutely no idea and just the thought of the girl bringing another girl to her house was making her sick. She knew she should be relieved to learn that the tattooist had moved on and she would have not been a threat to her relationship, but she wasn't. She had spent the entire night mulling over who the new interest might have been.
"I'm not nervous."
"Yes, you are. You have been a bundle of nerves for the entire morning. You might fool Ray, because he's not paying attention to you, but you are definitely not fooling me."
Santana quickly aimed her dark eyes at her friend and shot her a glare.
"What?" Quinn asked still with her eyes closed.
"You promised you would at least try to get to know Ray."
"I am really trying to get to know him, but I don't think he treats you like you deserve." Quinn explained her tone still calm and friendly, and despite the fact Quinn was basically insulting her boyfriend, Santana knew she was just trying to do the right thing and get her to open her eyes.
"I don't deserve anything." Santana replied trying to maintain a neutral tone.
"Yes, you do. You are always so honest and thoughtful and I'm afraid that he just doesn't appreciate that."
At those words Santana let out a soft sarcastic groan.
"What?" Quinn asked.
"I wouldn't define my recent behavior as honest." she knew the comment was completely out of the blue and that Quinn didn't know anything about the recent developments between Brittany and her. Actually she didn't even know who Brittany was.
Quinn raised her entire body to lean forward and stare directly into her eyes.
"Santana Diabla Lopez, what the hell are you talking about? Is there somebody else in your life?"
Santana didn't say anything to confirm or deny, but Quinn only needed to look at her friend to understand what was actually going on.
"Oh, shit! Santana, who is he?" she asked visibly excited.
"Shh. Lower your fucking voice!"
"Relax bitch, Ray is inside with our parents watching a stupid golf tournament, which means he'll be stuck in front of the TV for the whole day. Come on, spit it out."
"Aren't you supposed to be disgusted and indignant?"
"Didn't your mum tell you that answering a question with another question is rude?"
Santana immediately glared at her.
"Come on, how do you know him?"
Santana decided not to specify that the him they were talking about was actually a her.
"You know that I am currently having my tattoo removed, right?"
Quinn nodded impatiently.
"Well…" Santana tried to begin but her explanation was nipped in the bud.
"Oh my god, is he a hot tattooist?"
"Yeah, he kinda is." Santana agreed.
"And nothing! There had always been this weird vibe between us, since the first day and I really tried not to act on it but, last week…"
She stopped one more time to check the blonde's expression, but all she saw was a curious, excited face desperately eager to know the truth.
"We kissed." she confessed.
Quinn's jaw immediately dropped and instinctively she hit Santana on the forearm.
"Oh my god Santana you are having an affair."
"No, I'm not. I told this person that it was an epic mistake and it can't happen again. It was just a stupid kiss, it didn't mean anything and now it's over, but I needed to tell you. I'm freaking out, I can't stop feeling guilty."
Quinn finally understood that it wasn't the time for joking, and she sat up, turning her entire body to face her friend.
"Honey, it was just an innocent kiss. You have been so stressed lately and maybe this guy helped you to distract yourself and to make you feel better. You know I don't really like Ray, but I don't believe that cheating is the right way to solve your problems. You stopped soon enough to avoid any trouble, so you have nothing to worry about. The moment has passed and only you can only deal with what you did and get over it for your relationship's sake, if this is what you want…" she paused for a second, tilting her head down to hide a hint of a smile, then she looked up again. "...or you can always run away with the hot tattoo guy."
"Asshole, and here I thought you were really helping me for a second." Santana replied with a mocking tone.
"Oh, come on. I'm kidding silly. But I really would like to take a look at this person." Quinn commented but in that moment Santana's attention was caught by someone moving on the other side of the pool. Her heart skipped a beat since her mind already knew who was standing outside of the garden porch.
Santana slowly turned her head to confirm she was right and, as she expected, a radiant version of the blonde appeared in her visual field. She squinted slightly immediately recognizing Puck, her assistant following her with the satisfied smile of someone who had just realized he was about to spend the weekend in a beautiful house for free.
Santana smiled slightly. Puck was Brittany's plus one and it felt amazing. She felt as if she had just gotten rid of a heavy weight.
"Apparently you won't wait long." Santana said in an almost a whisper, letting her thoughts out accidentally.
Quinn leant forward and, while she was waving at the couple approaching them, she vigorously squeezed her hand.
"Oh my god, is he the hot distraction?" she replied still whispering trying to keep her mouth shut.
Santana took a second, during which she just needed to look at Brittany walking towards her to be sure, and then she shook her head.
"Q, there is one last thing you should know…" another second of silence. The air around them was charged.
"…she is the distraction."
She didn't need to check Quinn's reaction. The blonde tightened the grip around her wrist and Santana couldn't help but smile, realizing the torture she had just sent Quinn into. Not giving her the opportunity to reply or ask any questions after such a confession was just evil and unfair; but she also knew it was the only way Santana could have told her best friend such an intimate and private detail of her life.
Brittany was now standing only a few steps away from them.
Santana closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, the weekend, what she had feared for the past 24 hours, was about to start.
Brittany was looking gorgeous, nothing she wasn't prepared for.
"Hi, Santana." Puck broke the silence with a nice, almost perfect smile. For the first time Santana realized how good looking the guy was, maybe because this was one of the first times he didn't act like a complete tool. "This house is amazing I've never seen something so beautiful."
Santana instinctively turned her eyes to Brittany's shining face.
"Thank you, Puck. I'm happy to have you guys here." She replied politely, even though she felt the exact opposite. Why the hell was she here, torturing her as usual.
"Guys, this is my friend Quinn."
Puck, looked he was just was just waiting to be introduced, because he didn't waste another second and made a step ahead towards Quinn's sun bed.
"Hi, nice to meet you." he said with his classic bad-boy charm that surely helped him to get laid many times.
"M-my pleasure." Quinn stuttered back like a nerdy, high-school student who had just been greeted by the quarterback of the football team.
Oh, stupid hormones.
"Hi Quinn." Brittany said and as usual, a light shiver ran through Santana. "I'm glad to finally meet one of your friend's." She added addressing Santana directly. Santana gulped for a second, she wasn't expecting that at all. Brittany was happy to know something new about her life, what did that mean? She didn't seem to care about her at all during their conversations at Urban Ink. Santana quickly realized she was still no closer to understanding Brittany.
God, if only I could read your damn mind.
"Wait, hasn't she talked about me? Like ever?" Quinn asked wearing a fake annoyed expression.
"This is the first time I have heard your name." Brittany confirmed. "Maybe it's because she was just trying to protect you from us." She added with a teasing tone, aimed at Santana again.
"Oh, come on. I don't think you guys are dangerous…" she paused a sly grin on her face "…at least not you, Puck."
Puck and Quinn giggled at Santana's joke but Brittany didn't.
"Oh, I see." She replied with a grin and then she quickly moved and sat on Quinn's sun bed. "Quinn we have a lot to talk about."
Quinn was clearly entertained and Santana didn't know if it was still from her previous confession or because she was finding the new company nice and refreshing.
"I'm glad to help." Her friend replied.
"Good because I want to know all her dirtiest secrets."
"We'll need a lot of time then." Quinn said making Brittany laugh.
"Hey! I don't really like what's going on here." Santana commented offering a friendly jab to her friend's shoulder.
"Come on, Santana let's just leave the two of them talking and let's you and I have a swim. The water seems perfect." Puck said taking his shirt of and approaching the edge of the pool.
"Why not Puck?" Santana agreed standing up. "It's got to be better than being here hearing lies about my life."
She was already wearing a black bikini that left very little to the imagination. She immediately felt Brittany's eyes all over her body but she wasn't annoyed by it, she internally smiled since it felt like sweet revenge. After all those days of torture and sexual frustration, she finally left the blonde craving her body, without being able to touch it or say something that could make her feel uncomfortable.
She tilted her head down and stared directly at Brittany's eyes. The blonde didn't move at all, she simply looked at her back, darkening her gaze. She exactly knew what the tattooist was thinking and, unfortunately, it was the same exact thought she had implanted in her mind.
Maybe she really needed a fucking cold swim.
She turned on her heels and slowly approached the pool, emphasizing her hip movements on purpose.
She swore she had never wanted something so much in her entire life. Watching Santana approach the edge of the pool wearing what seemed to be two cm of fabric, had been pure, delightful torture.
She nervously swallowed, trying to increase the amount of saliva in her mouth since it had gone completely dry in the last ten seconds.
She had always been used to hot chicks approaching, flirting and wanting her but that girl… She was probably the hottest person on the planet. The way she continuously switched from being insecure and shy to proud and confident showing off her hotness was literally driving her crazy.
"So, what exactly is going on between the two of you?" Quinn said as soon as the two of them were left alone.
"Nothing, she is just one of my client's." Brittany replied coolly. She had no problem telling Quinn that she had been flirting with her friend and the only thing she had been able to think about lately was what it would have tasted like to make her cum but she didn't want to put Santana in a difficult situation.
"I see, if she is just one of your client's, why the hell are you here spending the weekend with her?"
"Our fathers are close friends and they thought it would have been a nice idea. But it's ok, even though it's not my ideal weekend, you guys seem cool to me."
"Oh, thanks." Quinn replied back smiling and she couldn't help but notice how beautiful her smile was.
Focus. You already have a problem.
"But you're not fooling anyone. I see the way you look at her."
"Is it a problem for you?" Brittany asked opting for being honest.
"I haven't decided yet." Quinn replied cryptically. "I don't really know you."
"Correct. But we have time."
"You can start with telling me why you have laid your lesbian eyes on my friend even though you already know she is taken."
Ok, the conversation was taking a dangerous road and she needed to fucking abort it.
"Hey, hey calm down." Brittany said laughing nervously trying to buy some more time to formulate an answer. "I'm not doing anything to her, she is a big girl and can take care of herself."
That was probably the lamest answer she could come up with.
"Please, she is strong but she still needs to work on herself." Quinn insisted holding her gaze. Damn, that girl was sassy and determined just like she was. It would surely make for an interesting fight.
"I know I've started to get to know her and what she is going through."
"What do you want me to say?" Brittany said back, she was never nervous but in that moment she could feel her whole body warming up with uneasiness.
"I don't know. I just want to make sure you won't hurt her."
"I don't want to hurt anyone, especially her." She confirmed.
"Look, I can't deny there is something between us but I can't really tell you anything more than this. We had a moment and now it's gone, she made it very clear. She is in a relationship and she cares about the guy, so I guess I'm just going to respect her decision."
Then she gave the blonde the look of someone who was done talking; but, apparently, Quinn wasn't done talking.
The blonde shrugged with a frown.
"So, you simply give up, huh? Is this your smart plan?" Quinn asked with a provocative tone taking a sip from her frozen cocktail.
"I thought you already hated me."
"I never said I hate you."
At those words Brittany lifted both her hands,
"You are surely as nuts as all the other people I know. I believe we can become good friends, blondie."
Quinn giggled. "As long as you treat her respectfully."
Brittany widely smiled and took Quinn's glass from her hands. She lowered her gaze and took a sip of whatever that fruity liquid was and then she looked up again.
"We have a deal."
Santana tried to make the porch door slide along the rail as silently as possible. She was aware that there were no bedrooms on the ground floor and everyone was resting upstairs but she really didn't want to wake anyone up.
She had spent the past thirty minutes changing her position in the bed next to Ray but it had only helped make her even more awake. The thoughts had hit her hard and they hadn't left her alone for even a second and, eventually, she had reached the point where she couldn't stay there anymore. She felt the urge to get the hell out of her bedroom and so she had sneaked out, just like she used to do during her high school years.
She quickly let herself out in the back yard where they had spent the whole afternoon chilling and talking. Surprisingly Puck and Brittany had proven to be really nice people to be around and she could tell that Quinn had fun as well. Everything was going just fine, if it wasn't for the increasing tension between Brittany and her since the first minute she had arrived. The way she was looking at her, her perfume and her smile were ridiculously hard to ignore, but she had made a choice and she was struggling not to fall back into the danger zone.
As soon as she looked up at the enlightened pool she could see Brittany sitting on the edge with her legs resting down in the chilly water.
For a second she thought of silently sneaking back inside but then the desire of spending some time with her won over her fears.
"Hey." She said in a whisper causing Brittany to look up at her.
"Hi." She replied visibly surprised to see her up so late. "Can't you sleep either?" Brittany asked smiling shyly.
How could she be so cute and adorable and yet such a jerk sometimes?
"No." Santana replied walking around the pool and getting closer.
"Want to join me?" the blonde asked softly beating the palm against the concrete edge.
"What are you doing?" Santana asked sitting right next to her and letting her legs fall into the water as well.
"Just chilling under the crazy starry sky" The blonde explained lifting her chin up.
How can you be so cute?
Santana simply stared as the blonde contemplated the stars with an amazed, sweet expression.
"Wow. Santana this place is really magical." She added shaking her head in disbelief.
Just because you are here.
"I'm glad you like it."
Brittany lowered her gaze and rolled her watery eyes back to her. "It's impossible not to." She commented making her glance drop from her eyes to her lips.
Oh fuck, here we go again.
Santana quickly looked away and started nervously playing with her nails.
"So, why can't you sleep?" the blonde asked.
"Too many thoughts." She said opting for the simple truth.
"Thinking about me?" Brittany had wasted no time at all. There she was again making her feel uncomfortable.
"You wish." She replied sarcastically, tilting to the left to slightly bump against the blonde's shoulder with her own.
"I do." Brittany said cryptically back.
What did that even mean?
"Let's just say I would be flattered if you were thinking about me, in the middle of the night."
Fuck. She needed to redirect this conversation.
"And you? Why can't you sleep?"
"Sleeping is overrated. I don't actually sleep much."
"Maybe you should try."
"Are you suggesting that I need some sleep?" Brittany asked teasingly.
"Maybe you would stop being so pissed off with the world." Santana replied biting her lower lips and smiling at the same time. As soon as she had pronounced those words she let a laugh leave her mouth.
"Oh, so you are saying that I'm a bitch."
"Hey, you said it not me."
Brittany in the moment did something completely unexpected, again. She placed a hand on her shoulder and vigorously pushed her forward. Santana tried to oppose her body against the pressure but it was too late, she wasn't expecting it at all and she didn't have enough time to react and she just fell into the cold water.
The water right next to the edge wasn't deep at all and the latina immediately touched the ground with both of her feet. She quickly pushed up to get her face out and breathe again.
While emerging she shouted the tattooist's name.
"Are you fucking crazy?" she said realizing she was still wearing her pajamas that consisted of a tank top and a pair of silky shorts.
Brittany didn't answer because she was still trying to suffocate her laugh with both of her hands.
"Santana, oh my god…" but she was still struggling to generate words.
"Are you out of your mind? Why the hell did you do that?"
"I'm so sorry." She said bending forward to check her condition but then, as soon as she had made sure that the brunette was all right, she burst into laughter again and Santana couldn't help but hint a smile as well.
"Oh, so you find it hilarious do you?"
"I'm so sorry, I wasn't expecting you to fall in the water." She said back sill sobbing with laughter.
"Shut up." Santana replied with a dark tone but she wasn't angry, at all. She just wanted to avenge herself. "But at least help me to get out." She ordered stretching her arm up and waiting for the blonde to grab it.
Brittany nodded and bent forward to help her and, as soon as, her free hand found a solid grip on the edge, Santana grabbed the blonde's wrist and pushed her own body down, forcing Brittany to follow her movement.
Positive aspect; she had got her revenge within two minutes. Negative one; Brittany's body had fallen exactly on top of hers practically hugging her and making both their bodies fall under the surface.
"Fuck you Santana." Brittany said out loud when they both resurfaced breathless.
"What? You deserved it."
"True" the blonde commented wiping the drops still running down her cheeks of her face.
"You're nuts!" Santana commented turning herself and approaching the edge of the pool.
This was a fucking dangerous situation, she was in a pool in the middle of the night with the person she had been fantasizing over for the past few days.
"Hey, where do you think you are going?" Brittany exclaimed grabbing her wrist but Santana had no intention to surrender, not that time. She rejected her entire body to the blonde's pressure and the consequence was even worse; instead of being pulled towards her, Brittany was forced to make a few steps ahead and reached her.
Santana instinctively stepped back but her movement was blocked by the concrete step that was running along the border of the pool.
She was trapped. How had that happen?
"Out?" she said looking up at Brittany, the sight still a little bit blurred from the water.
"Aha. You wish." Brittany said still holding her wrist tight under the surface. "You still have to pay"
"F-for what exactly?"
Santana almost fainted when she gained her sight back and noticed what Brittany was wearing. She guessed it was her pajamas but, since the thank top was made of light white cotton, it was nearly completely transparent. She had a nice view of Brittany's breast and it was absolutely incredible.
Oh my fucking…
She couldn't even finish the thought. The blonde's creamy skin, covered with all that black ink, was simply breathtaking.
"You didn't call me back the other day." Brittany said smirking at her.
It was probably the lamest excuse she had ever heard, especially after the blonde had told her she was ok with it; but, somehow, she suspected it was another engineered way to make fun of her.
"You told me it was ok." Even though she knew that reasoning with her in that moment was almost impossible but she still tried in vain to follow a logic path.
"I'm always saying a lot of things I don't mean or think." Brittany replied sweetly shrugging her shoulders.
Santana turned her head to the side to avoid starring at the blonde's nipples.
"Uhuh. Such as?"
Why the fucking hell had she just asked her to give her an example?
Brittany made another step ahead and now her lips were just a few inches away.
"Do you remember when I told you I could behave as if nothing has happened between us?" she said accompanying those words with an intense gaze.
"Y-yes." Santana stuttered. She knew it was the right moment to run away from the situation. Every little particle in her body was heating up, she was so hot she was actually afraid of making the water evaporate.
"What if I can't." Brittany insisted still holding her gaze. Santana felt, somehow, forced to look up at those blue gems.
Brittany was absolutely beautiful, wet hair running down her shoulders and those shining eyes. She swore she was about to die.
She didn't know what to answer, she had no idea what was going on. She knew she had told her she was with Ray and it was what she wanted, but what if her mind was wrong. What if Brittany was all she needed? She didn't have any answers but all of a sudden everything felt right.
Apparently Brittany didn't need an answer. She let her wrist go but it wasn't over. She slightly bended forward and scratched her thigh under the surface of the water, immediately sending a shiver of goose bumps along her left side.
"What if your lips are the only thing I was able to think about lately?"
"I can't." Santana whispered weakly. Apparently it was the only thing she was able to say when she was with Brittany.
"You already told me that." Brittany replied, as her hand slowly trailed up along her thigh, getting dangerously close to the edge of her shirt.
Santana couldn't help but tilt her head a little bit forward until she met the blonde's forehead.
From her position she had the perfect sight of every part of Brittany's body; and it was the sweetest torture.
She started from her soft lips, continuing down to her inviting chest and ending the show with her killer legs that could be seen under the surface of the water.
"Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop." She said. Her fucking hand had finally reached the end of her shorts, she lowered her gaze and was able to notice those long fingers slide even higher.
I don't want this. I don't want this.
But the increasing throbbing sensation in her lower limbs suggested the exact opposite.
"It doesn't matter what I want." Santana said looking at her again. For a second she noticed Brittany frowning at her answer. But, she kept her hand trailing up, until she found the elastic band on her shorts. The tattooist let one finger slide between the fabric and her wet skin and Santana jolted at the sensation of Brittany's nail scratching her.
The short, deep breaths were quickly turning into quick panting and, despite the fact her body was half submerged in water, she could feel a moist sensation quickly spreading into her shorts. Santana swallowed as she recognized the unconcealed desire in the dark gaze Brittany was giving her. Looking at the blonde's open mouth she couldn't help but notice the sparkle of the metallic piercing the tattooist had on her tongue and quickly the thought of Brittany's tongue playfully sneaking into her mouth assaulting her entered her mind. Suddenly it was the only thing she needed, the only thing that seemed important.
"Why are you doing this to me?" she asked with a desperate tone, but she couldn't actually focus on anything else all her attention was on the finger still moving up and down inside the left side of her shorts.
"Cos…" she said. Her voice broken by the lust. Their foreheads still touching. "…you."
Those sounds apparently didn't mean anything but Santana could feel the desire in Brittany's voice.
Did she really have that effect on her?
"Just tell me to stop." Brittany repeated one more time as she was actually asking her to stop whatever it was about to become.
Santana was way too turned on, way too wet to even put her words in the correct order. She didn't want her to stop, she just wanted to feel that damn finger inside her.
"I can't." Santana finally let those words out, almost breathing them.
Brittany wasted no time and quickly, but delicately let her entire palm slid into her pants. She couldn't believe it was happening. A few more inches and she would have felt what she had been fantasizing for over a month. As soon as her fingertips grazed her sex she literally exploded. It wasn't until the water ran freely through her skin that she realized how wet she already was.
Santana let out a long lasting, liberating moan and rapidly clawed the blonde's neck letting her fingers dig into her soft humid skin.
God, no one had ever made her feel that way.
She felt like her whole body was fire and her own sex was throbbing like crazy against the tattooist's hand.
Her forehead was still resting on Brittany's, she was panting unevenly and the blonde was doing exactly the same, she could feel her fresh breaths hitting the side of her jaw.
God, it feels so good.
Everything was just too good and completely disorientating at the same time.
Brittany's fingers rested on her most private part for just a second, but it was still enough time for Santana to completely lose herself and forget where she was; but then, after a second of heaven, the blond quickly pulled her hand back accompanied by her guttural annoyed moan.
They both stood still, both shivering and panting in complete silence.
It was surely the longest silence of her entire life.
Then Brittany parted, just enough to be able to stare her in the eyes.
Santana had no idea on her face must have looked in that moment. She just was aware of one thing, she must have looked like shit.
"I can't." Brittany whispered with the most honest tone still holding her gaze. "We can't." she added in the end taking another step back, then another one.
Each step the blonde made in the opposite direction, Santana felt a stab in her stomach.
After few moments Brittany turned herself away and vanished leaving her a complete mess of feelings and emotions.
"Not like this."
Those were the last words she heard Brittany say.
Hey guys! how have you been? I hope everything is going fine for you all.
I'm sorry if it took me so long to write this chapter but I just hope it was a nice gift right before Christmas.
Merry merry Crhistmas and i hope u'll enjoy your holidays!
A special thanks to Ruby cos with out her i would be lost;)