Hey! This note is important! Lookie:
This is in no way intended to offend anybody. It's here entirely for humour, and to poke fun at the dub TV show. Also, I complain about some fic clichés in Ryou/Yami Bakura fics. Well, hopefully nobody will take any offense at this.
Another Note: This ficcie was written before they started on the new season. I was really happy when I saw the new episode this morning, 'cause both Bakura and his Yami have lines, but ignore that for the sake of this fic.
The dub voice Honda is referring to is his first one – I'm pretty sure they got him a better one. The original dub sounded like he was holding his nose.
A warning: This has yaoi implications! Whoo!Complaints
Jou and Honda exchanged a glance, before looking back at the table before them. Then, as if it had been planned, the two lunged forward together, trying to shove the other out of the way. By some fluke Honda was able to push Jou off to the side, reach out, and grab the only pen.
The two boys were both in a non-descript room, where the only furniture was the table in front of them. On top of the table sat a large, blank cardboard box. Well, blank save the hastily scrawled label, in all capital letters, "COMPLAINTS." Next to the box was a pile of index cards, and Honda was scribbling away on one of them with the pen. Jou tapped his foot impatiently, arms crossed. One hand held a blank card.
"You done yet?" He asked, watching as his brunet friend scratched something out.
"Well, I'm trying to word it nicely," Honda retorted, not looking up.
"What's your complaint, anyway?"
Honda stood up, surveying his work. The card was, for the most part, illegible. Every line had been filled, and over half was messily crossed out. However, the brunet didn't notice as he dropped it into the slot on top of the box.
"It said, 'Give me a better dub voice, I sound like a retard.'" He told the blond.
"Well, I guess we shouldn't say what you look like," A third voice cut in. Both boys turned to the newest addition, as a white-haired boy sauntered in.
"Bakura!" The two shouted together.
The white-haired boy shrugged. "Until Takahashi reveals my true name, or if he doesn't ever, damn evil comic artist, I guess you can call me that." He strolled over to the table and looked at the box, frowning. Then, before Jou could shout, he'd relieved Honda of the pen and taken an index card for himself.
"I was next in line!" Jou complained.
"Tell it to the box." The thief had rather neat handwriting, probably because of Ryou, and the pen moved over the index card with twice the speed of when Honda had written his complaint. It still took just as long, however, as Yami Bakura flipped his card over and filled the back of it with more choice words.
"What's your complaint?" Honda tried to look over his shoulder, but the light-haired robber kicked him in the shin.
"Yeah, you're always on top in the fics."
Honda stared at Jou, as Bakura snickered and dropped his card in the box. Turning to Jou, he threw the pen at the blond. Jou yelped as it hit him directly in the middle of his forehead.
"Yes, but in fics, I'm incredibly stupid. Who beats up on their partner just because they're bored? I'm stuck with Ryou for his life. Although beating him senseless would be enjoyable, it wouldn't be as good as… well, it's much better when your partner is willing to work with you." He smirked, before continuing, "and nearly all the time, if they do let me get laid, it's only after realizing 'Oh Ra, I'm such an evil bastard. I've hurt my aibou so much, oh, oh, I'm so sorry for everything I've done, oh how can Ryou ever love such a sadistic asshole like myself? Oh boo hoo, cry cry cry.' Can either of you see me doing that?"
Two heads shook back and forth quickly.
"And on an official dubbing note, nobody knows how to pronounce Bakura's name."
Jou grinned, picking up the pen. "Yeah. What do you think of your dubbed voice, BaKUra?"
"Next time it'll be a knife I throw at your head," he warned. "And, I haven't heard my dubbed voice yet. Every time that episode where I have any lines is on, I miss it. The first time I was out with Malik, the second time… same thing… the third time, I was seeing the Power Puff Girls movie…" He paused, giving time for Jou or Honda to give him an excuse to kill them, before going on. "And I haven't heard any of Ryou's lines, either. He's like a mute, just following everybody along silently. Which is so not like him, he's so goddamn loud in bed….." The albino paused, decided he'd said too much, and left the room.
Jou and Honda stared at his retreating form, eyes wide as dinner plates.
The door hadn't shut from Bakura leaving before another male entered, navy trench coat 'fwooshing' out behind him. Kaiba-boy walked into the room as though he owned it, which was entirely possible, considering how much KaibaCorp did own, and pulled the pen from Jou's fingers.
"Shut up, dog." Kaiba ordered, ignoring the supplied index cards and pulling out a KaibaCorp business card. Within seconds he'd finished and dropped the card into the box. There was a slight tap a moment later as it hit the bottom.
"What's your problem? You got a semi-decent dub voice, no stupid accent, and hordes of fangirls, for some odd reason." Jou demanded.
Kaiba gave him a look that said 'You are not worth my time,' but answered for the sake of the story. "Mokuba needs more screen time where he's not begging somebody to save him," He informed them. He handed the pen to Honda before leaving, possessed trench coat flaring up behind him.
Honda shook his head, handing the blond the pen before he could think of playing keep-away with it. Jou wrote quickly, not knowing when somebody else might come and steal the ever-evasive pen.
"It's the accent, isn't it?" Honda asked. There was a nod.
"I can't tell if I'm from Brooklyn or the mob, and half the time I can't tell what I'm saying, either." He dropped his card into the box. "Hey, do you know why Bakura's British?"
Shrug. "Not a clue." The two turned to leave, only to see Yuugi open the door and step in.
"Hi guys!" He greeted, enormous eyes shining.
"You have a complaint?" Jou asked, shocked.
"Isn't that out of character?" Honda added.
Yuugi shrugged. "My Yami and I have the same problem. Half the time our facial expressions are completely off from our voices and what we're saying. And besides that…" The huge eyes began to tear up. Both taller boys backed up a step. "My dub voice is corny!" The waterworks began.
"Well, um, it could have been worse…" Honda offered.
"How?" Yuugi paused in his bawling and looked up. The question was accompanied with a sniffle.
Honda was silent, the only good response being that Yuugi could have had the brunet's voice actor instead.
"You could have had Quatre's voice actor! Ever seen the dubbed Gundam Wing? At least your dub voice knows how to laugh without sounding like a deranged lunatic."
"But, Jou, isn't he supposed to be going insane in that episode?" Yuugi pointed out.
The crying resumed. And then stopped abruptly as Yuugi's Yami took over, sparing the other two the embarrassment of trying to comfort him any more. He nodded to them in greeting, before moving toward the complaint box and grabbing a card.
"Wanna put something on their about everybody else being insanely stupid and dense?" Honda suggested. "Nobody seems to realize that you grow a foot and your voice drops an octave whenever the Millennium Puzzle lights up. And after the first duel with Yami Bakura, everybody thinks it's a dream, even though we all had the same dream and Bakura's Millennium Ring is out, when it was hidden before."
Yami Yuugi 'hm'ed acknowledgement.
Jou looked over the spike-haired boy's shoulder. It was a bit harder since Yuugi grew a foot whenever the Pharaoh took over, but the blond was still slightly taller.
"Um… I don't think they can read hieroglyphs," he offered.
The game king paused, and straightened up. "Who are these complaints going to, anyway?" He asked.
Honda and Jou shrugged simultaneously. They'd been doing a lot of things at the same time in this fic.
"The fanfic authors?"
Yuugi's purple eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "The fic authors? Hell, I'll be here all day!"
Jou and Honda exchanged a look that very clearly wondered, 'should we ask.' Then, both shook their heads and slowly backed out of the room. Yami Yuugi, already on his third index card, did not notice them leave.