The funny thing about Goodbye
Summary: AU: 10 years have passed and Kagami has returned to America and is a firefighter. In a messed up love affair, the two tangle. Will they be able to fix their problems or are they doomed to say goodbye? KagamixOC
The funny thing about goodbye was that she never said it. Sure, she'd given those waves that meant goodbye or those awkward smiles that mean ta-ta, but she'd never actually uttered the words. Good bye.
Not a single time.
Because what was so good about saying bye to someone? What was so great about it anyway?
She tried to say the words—to force them out of her mouth—but they wouldn't come out. She ended up mouthing the words over and over again.
And it pissed her off.
How the fuck could she not say good bye?
Why wouldn't her voice come out and just say those two shitty words? Why? She wanted to scream, really she did. She wanted to cry. Honestly, that's all she wanted to do right now, but words eluded her. Even tears, it seemed to run away from her. But she had to do something. She had to say something.
This was her dad's funeral after all.
And regardless of how much of a terrible daughter she was, she was still standing there. There she was with a select few eyeing her. There she was with the select few that matter dearly to her father.
So, instead of crying or screaming or whatever this bunch wanted her to do, she let out a strangled laugh and proceeded with the eulogy.
In the end, she couldn't say good bye. It's as if her body wouldn't let her and she regretted it. With every fiber of her being, with every inch of her body, with every breath that left her and with every frustrated thought that she kept inside.
Why couldn't she do it?
Why? Why? WHY?!
It was stupid of her, she thought. Why couldn't I do one simple thing?
Her stupid mouth opened again and she the words were there, forming, but always, always left unsaid. Maybe she just didn't want to say good bye. Maybe she just didn't want to accept the fact that her father—her great and immovable father—was gone.
She didn't want to embrace it.
She sure as hell didn't want to cry for him, but damn it, she wanted to at least say good bye. Say good bye to man she hardly knew, to a man who was strong and wise, cunning and ambitious. But now, she couldn't. Not to a fucking casket.
Not right now.
It was too early for him to die, not that he was young, but it was all too sudden. Or maybe it was that she was just too late. Too late in what exactly, she had no idea.
Right now, all she thought was of how hollow she felt. How empty everything was. She didn't feel sadness. She didn't feel anger.
She didn't feel at all.
"I'm so sorry for your loss." Those were the words that kept echoing throughout the funeral. Over and over again, all these people give me their sincerest—she scoffed at the word—apologies. Everyone has greeted her glumly, with frowns and some even patting her on the back for comfort. Like all of them were actually sorry for her.
Like she wanted their fucking pity
No, what she wanted was for her father to get up from that huge ass casket of his and just… be alive. She frowned more at the thought.
As if he were the type to make jokes…
She looked over the gloomy looking ground and thought that even in death her father managed to be so… dull, yet annoying.
The words "why" and "Kagami" brought her back from her thoughts. There, her older brother was, asking her, er, about something? Or about someone? She quirked her eyebrow and mentally scolded herself for not listening.
"What is it?"
"I said why didn't you bring Kagami?" His tone wasn't mocking, like it usually was. It was solemn, like this damn funeral. Come to think of it, everything in this damn occasion is boring.
"He doesn't need to be here." She snapped. What business of his would it be if she didn't bring her boyfriend to this… this… whatever this was. Her brother was about to disagree when she added "He never even met father. I mean, what's the point now that he's..." She cut herself off. Maybe today the words dead and goodbye wouldn't come out for a reason and whatever those reasons were, she was thankful.
But then her alarms went off and her mind was clouded with thoughts off Kagami. Thank god he existed. He was her comfort. Her blanket and he would understand why the fuck she couldn't just say good bye and be done with it.
Kagami, the saint that he was, was always there. He was always, so freaking understanding, so loving, so gentle and so warm with her that it frightened her that he would leave her. For someone better, hopefully. The man was a giant teddy bear of kindness and awkwardness wrapped in a bubble of sheer stupidity. Of course, she loved the stupid man.
Not that she`d say it aloud, but she was glad that he was a constant in her life. That even if she would do stupid things, terrible things, volatile things, he would still love her.
So when she left the damn funeral and all of their sad smiles and pathetic pats of comfort, she kept thinking that she needed this. She needed to do this.
She had to get away from those teary-eyed geezers that didn't make her feel anything at all. She picked up her phone and thought of the only person who would go with her.
She walked straight and never looked back to that pathetic bunch. She had to leave and forget. There was nothing back there for her there.
Kagami would understand. He would love her regardless.
He came back from work tired. Dead tired. The expression "long day's work" hadn't meant anything to him until today. All the people he had to carry. All the equipment he had to haul. All in all, the whole day was just so… tiring.
He didn't want to do anything, but get in bed and rest.
But when he opened the door to his apartment and saw a black haired girl scantily dressed and sprawled asleep in his couch, he was confused.
What the hell was she doing here?
Kagami took a whiff of her and realized she reeked of alcohol. How much did she drink? He was very confused, but then he heard someone puking their guts out in his bathroom and instantly became irritated. Which friend did she bring in now? He thought. He could handle her drinking, if she didn't suddenly go binging. He could handle her and her friend, he thought as he knocked on the door.
"Is anyone in there?"
He wanted to punch himself. Of course there was someone in there. Whoever she was, she was puking and he could hear it, so that was a no brainer. More puking from the other side.
He knocked again.
This time, don't say anything dumb. "Are you alright?" Why don't I just jump off the window right now, Kagami thought to himself. She's puking her guts out. How the fuck could I just ask her that? He chided himself for being dumber than before.
"Can you open the door? I have some Advil or something that could stop the whatever and-" Well, right now he was just rambling. Kagami was just too embarrassed by this point to even stop. Fortunately, the door swung open and he stopped mid rant.
What the fuck was Alex Garcia doing in his house?
Anyone who knew Kagami Taiga knew that he was hot-headed.
He got into fights often and he usually used violence to resolve most—if not all—of his problems. Well, he was a man whose hot-headedness usually got the best of him.
Today, he was angry.
Scratch that. He was livid. He couldn't see red, but he was damn fucking close to losing it as he stormed back to his living room.
His footsteps woke up the girl on the couch and she had the audacity to smile at him. Kagami hadn't felt this angry in his life. He was so agitated and so done with this. So fed up and tired of the same bullshit she tried to pull.
"Why is Alex here?"
"Why. Is. Alex. Here?" Kagami rarely got angry with her, but this was just too much. She mumbled something and he just had to say something.
"I thought you were done with this? You told me, you told me that this phase or whatever is over and you, you have the fucking balls to drag Alex into this."
How could he have possibly thought that all those nights were all she did was drink and dance was over? He berated himself for being so dumb. He had been at the hospital with here every time she drank a little too much. He had been there holding her hands and thought that she'd be dying tonight.
He'd had enough of this.
He glared at her and let out a sigh. More tired than he'd ever been. Was he always this tired? "I can't do this anymore".
Back to her
This time it didn't feel hollow. It didn't feel so empty and it didn't… feel like nothing. This time there was something. Pain. That's all she could feel right now. She could hardly breathe. All she could describe it as was that it felt like the ocean just swallowed her, but it also felt as if she were being burned alive.
It was as if someone slapped her hard and woke her up. Like falling from a cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom or someone strangling you.
It was as if, he was saying goodbye.
She understood it, of course. It was goodbye. She stood up, straight and proud. She had to be, for whole else would have to stand straight for her? Who else was there to be proud of her? She had no one left but herself and the tattered pieces of her pride.
This is goodbye. She reminded herself over and over again as she took one step towards the door. It had become her temporary novena while she promised that she wouldn't cry. She just couldn't.
She wanted to look him in the eye and ask him if he really meant it. If he really wanted this and if there was something she could do. But, she couldn't. She was too much of a coward to stare into those eyes and realize that he really did want her gone.
So she opened the door and left.
All the time she thought of how funny it was that she never said goodbye. Sure, she had given her father a eulogy and Kagami had said the words without even saying it, but she never actually literally said goodbye.
Not even once and she thought, it would probably best if it stayed this way.
Author's note: This is a one shot and I might probably end up making a whole sequel or prequel depending on the reviews or when I edit this. Sorry if it's so ambiguous and very confusing. It was meant to be mysterious, but I haven't written any stories or anything with dialogue in a long while, so sorry if this was beyond grotesque for your eyes.