Nothing happens. Saskia hears a sigh, and she slowly opens her eyes
- I was just putting the safety on, said Dean.
Saskia feels suddenly weak and has to sit down. She grips the armchair right behind her and heavily sits down. She can just whisper
Deans sighes again, frowns, opens his mouth, as to say something, and finally says
- Do you have something to drink?
- Like what?
- Like...i don't know, bourbon...
Saskia slowly rises and pours Dean a glass of bourbon. She feels confused. He looks weird, looking at his hands, visibly tired. All the anger he had earlier seems to have disappeared the moment he saw his brother was fine.
He grabs the glass, drinks a little, and keeps it in his hands, staring at the liquid. Saskia sits, wondering what's coming next. He still has his gun close.
- A few months ago, I would have shot, he says, still looking at his glass. I would have thought you were some kind of monster who killed 20 people, and that you'd kill again.
- So why didn't you ?
He finally looks at her, and Saskia notices something different in his eyes. He lost that tough and judgmental gaze ; instead he now looks like and old child.
- I've been through things...that showed me...life isn't that simple. That you can't separate right and wrong so easily. Last year, i've been to a very dark place, dangerous place. And the only help, and support, that i found, was a vampire's. He was, he is like a brother to me. He saved me. It took me years to understand that as you said, evil is made.
- So you don't think i'm evil.
- Your power is some crazy stuff, that's for sure. But that Logan, he, was evil. You were not.
- He wasn't...
- What ?
- I mean, he was...But him too, one day he was a happy and confident little kid. And life put him in so much misery and abuse that he turned that way.
Dean can't hide his surprise.
- After all what he did to you, how can you think that ?
Saskia has tears in her eyes
- Because...I understood that when Nan took me in. Before that, i hated Logan. I hated him from the bottom of my heart. When i remembered what i did, i felt guilty, but not for him. But Nan showed me what life could be when you're safe and loved. And it made me think about him, how Rick insulted him and beat him all the time. Back then, i thought it was deserved, because Rick was our leader. But it wasn't. Logan had lost his mother at a very young age and wasn't loved by his father. It made him nuts. Love...maybe...would have made him a different person. It made me a different person.
- You want to take a shower honey ?
Saskia was sit in the old lady's living room. She had just finished drinking the cup of tea she gave her. She didn't precisely knew why she followed her. She wanted to die. So why is she on this comfy couch drinking tea and eating scones ?
- Honey ?
Take a shower. Why not. She's dirty, that's for sure. Her jeans are worn out, her hair is greasy. She tied it in a bun on top of her head, but you could still see it had been a long time since the last shampoo.
- Uh yes, thank you.
The bathroom was old fashioned, and the bath is huged. She couldn't remember the last time she took an actual bath. She certainly never had in such an beautiful one. The water was hot, really hot, and the soap smelled really good. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep, only to see two black angry eyes, and a melting face. She woke up screaming, and began to shiver, despite the hot water. The old lady came quickly with a big towel, and got her out of the bath, drying her, holding her close, repeating « It's ok », in her ear.
Saskia saw the look in her eyes when she noticed the tattoo, surprise, and the one she had when she saw how skinny she was, and the cigarette burns, the scars, the old bruises... Pity. So Saskia backed off and asked if she could leave her alone so she could get dressed. She hated the look of pity in people's eyes. A few minutes later, she went to the kitchen, and asked for her backpack, resolved to leave.
- As you like sweetheart, but...I already made dinner, so if you like turkey...
Maybe she could eat something and leave after.
- But it doesn't excuse... !
- Of course not. But it explains. If i hadn't find Nan, who knows who i would be now ? Even today i do things sometimes without thinking about the consequences on people. Like with...that wardrobe...
Dean smiles, then laughs a little.
- Wanting a little profit doesn't make you evil. If it did i would have a lot of work with bankers, traders...
- Thank you.
- For what ?
- For not shooting.
- You're welcome.
- Does it bother you if i smoke ?
- No, go ahead.
Saskia lights a cigarette and she feels instantly relaxed and focused. It's weird how comfortable she feels with this man who wanted to kill her 10 minutes ago. He's not like the average hunter, and if she began by despising him the moment she saw him enter her shop, now her feelings are a little more complex.
- How long have you been hunting ?
- My whole life...well...since my mother died. I was seven.
- You parents were hunters ?
- My mother came from a family of hunters. But she stopped when she married my dad. He...he decided to hunt after she died.
- Why ?
- She was killed by a demon.
- What happened?
Dean looks at Saskia, curled up in her armchair, the smoke blurring her features. She seems very interested, and her eyes are almost...glowing again. After everything she said, he feels like he owes her, like he can trust her with his story. He talks about Mary, the deal she made, about John. About the fire. How John lost his mind, and how they never had a normal life again. He talked about Sam, and he noticed a light smile on her face when he mentionned how close they were, how he raised him, even if he was still a kid himself. He talked about the demon blood, about when Sam left for college, tired of John's authority and brutality. The hunting days, the loneliness, having to be the "man"...All that pressure for so little happiness.
- Why didn't you leave too?
- I...I didn't feel like leaving my dad before...before we found the demon you know...
- But...it wasn't your quest, it was his.
- And maybe...I felt like my place was with him because i've never been able to do anything else. Hunting's where I belong.
He said that with a sad voice he tries to hide by drinking a sip of bourbon. Saskia lights another cigarette, breathes out, and say
- That can't be true.
- Yes, it is. I tried to mainstream. To have a normal life once. Total failure.
He notices she's frowning.
- Hey it doesn't mean it will be the same for you!
He smiles again, but he's faking.
- Anyway, Sam came back with us when my dad disappeared. He was supposed to help me on a case and when we came back to his place, his girlfriend...She died...killed by the same demon.
- Oh God...
- Yeah i'm sorry to give you such a vision of hunters trying to get a normal life...After that, we hunted him down for months until we finally got him.
- You killed him?
- Yeah. No more Azazel.
- Azazel from the Bible?
- Yeah. The yellow-eyed bastard himself.
Dean sees Saskia freeze. Her eyes are widened by...fear?
- Ye...yellow eyes, you said?
- Yeah...what's wrong?
Tears are falling on Saskia's cheeks, and she's trembling. She can't speak. Dean sees her rubbing her eyes, and then taking off...contact lenses? She keeps her eyes closed, and then manage to whisper
- Like this?
She opens her eyes. From green, they become amber. And start to glow.