A/N: This is it guys. This is the end.
Warm arms wrapped around Sebastian's waist, pulling him closer. Ciel mumbled something incoherent, half-asleep. Sebastian's eyelids fluttered open, and for a second, he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that there could be a sight so beautiful right there next to him. The sight of Ciel, eyes closed, serene expression on his face, and porcelain skin, so inviting, so soft, laying right next to me. He's here. And he's not going anywhere. And once again, Sebastian could hardly believe that there was nothing to worry about anymore. He could hardly believe that everything in the past month had led to this. Led to his happiness. Pure happiness.
Sebastian watched Ciel for a few seconds, touching his exposed skin lightly, thoughts of the previous night making his cheeks blush. He stood up, slowly stretching. The sun was already up. Sebastian had managed to sleep in for one of the first times in his life. He smiled, another accomplishment had been made. Another item checked off of his mental list.
He walked into the bathroom and washed his face, looking at himself in the mirror. The face that gazed back at him was nearly unrecognizable. He wasn't emaciated and gaunt. He wasn't a walking skeleton. The dark circles that had plagued him were nonexistent. His eyes weren't sad anymore; if anyone looked at him, they would see a happy young man, having the time of his life. He was shining with pure joy. Even his hair seemed to be electrified, standing on his head, rather than drooping against his face, hiding the outward depression. It was as if his hair decided to be happy too, as if it had all the sudden decided that there was nothing to hide on Sebastian Michaelis's face any longer.
Sebastian entered the kitchen, put some tea on the stove, and started preparing breakfast. This is our first day as a normal couple. No crying, no worrying, no yelling, just breakfast. Eggs, sausage, and pancakes. Our first meal that doesn't end in some deep, angsty, conversation. There would be no more shattering plates, no more holding Sebastian as he cried on the kitchen floor. No more scrubbing his hands until they were raw. No more opening and closing doors countless times. No more being afraid of answering the phone. Well...maybe.
"It smells delicious."
Sebastian wanted to melt right there on the spot. Ciel stood in the doorway, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, standing in nothing but a pair of boxers. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. Sebastian very nearly ran to his side; it took all of his restraint not to enfold Ciel in his arms to warm him up. "Are you cold?" He simply said.
"Very. Hold me?" Ciel smiled slyly. He took a few strides toward Sebastian, and without warning, grabbed him, pulling him in for a kiss.
"Ciel, Ciel! The food's going to burn!" Sebastian tried to pry himself out of Ciel's arms, all the while laughing. He tried to put on a serious expression, failing miserably. "Ciel, please. Ciel!"
"Wait, wait, just one more." Ciel kissed him again, this time more slowly, tasting Sebastian's lips and than his tongue, letting low moans escape his throat. He pulled away, a satisfied smirk on his face.
"The sausage is burning!" Sebastian tried to look angry, but once again, he failed, melting into a smile at the sight of Ciel.
"Do you know what other sausage is burning?" Ciel mumbled. He reached out to take the kettle off the stove. Ciel poured himself a cup of tea and than one for Sebastian. He took a sip. "You make the best tea, you know that right, Sebastian? You should teach me."
"You're British and you don't know how to make tea?" Sebastian laughed.
Ciel brushed it off. He took another sip and sat silently, waiting for breakfast to be ready. "Do you need any help?"
Sebastian smiled to himself. Anyone who saw Ciel and him would think they were newlyweds on their honeymoon with the way that they looked at each other, the constant kissing, the way Ciel always grabbed his hand, the way Ciel held him, everything. They lived as if every moment could potentially be their last. After all, they had both been on the verge of death before. To Ciel and Sebastian, death was a very real possibility, unthinkable, gruesome, but possible. And even if their happiness was permanent, their lives were not.
Eventually, they would grow old, their looks would fade, they would die. But their love would not fade, Sebastian could guarantee that. He would love Ciel up until the moment he closed his eyes forever. Sebastian shook his head, finding it hard to even contemplate the future. It was a miracle he had even made it this far. He could hardly imagine himself an old man, wrinkled, sitting on a rocking chair, holding Ciel's equally brittle hand. Yet, the thought was nice, it was welcoming. Sebastian would grow old with Ciel. He would not be alone, ever again. Never. I don't have to be alone anymore.
"Sebastian, the eggs are burning now." Ciel leaned over the counter, turning the temperature on the stove down. "Are my looks too distracting?" He batted his eyelashes, mockingly seductive. "I understand if I'm too handsome for my own good. I can leave the room if you want me to-"
"Come here." Sebastian took his hands and pulled him as close as he could, despite the counter creating a barrier between them. He pressed his lips to Ciel's. "Now can I finish cooking? You are really distracting me."
Ciel smirked; that smirk is killing me. "I know what I want after breakfast," Ciel said. He grinned. "Oh I definitely know what I want." He stood up and put his now empty cup of tea into the sink, rinsing it off. After he had promptly dried his hands, he wrapped his arms around Sebastian's waist, burrowing his head into Sebastian's side. "I love you," he whispered. Sebastian shivered; those words would always mean everything to him. "I love you too," he said back, a smile spreading across his face as he said those four little words. It would never change, the way they said those words. Every time, they would have the same meaning; they could never lose their meaning. Even after being said a thousand times, nothing would change.
Sometime later Sebastian was sitting on the sofa, legs curled up next to Ciel's, their bodies resting against each other. Ciel was on his laptop, Sebastian reading a book.
"Spears is giving me another chance," Ciel said excitedly, "and Grell is inviting us over for dinner next week."
Sebastian glanced up from his book, Norwegian Wood, and up at Ciel, who wore a mildly amused expression. "Dinner with your Psychology professor?" He gazed back down at the book, chuckling. Ciel hit his arm playfully.
"We have to go, Grell's a nice guy, and it probably took all he had to even get the courage to invite us."
"He probably has a crush on you," Sebastian said quietly.
Ciel laughed. "Is that jealousy I hear, Sebastian Michaelis? I bet he has a crush on you, there's something oddly appealing about fragile damaged boys like you. And it doesn't help that you're the most adorable thing on this whole fucking planet." He laid his head down on Sebastian's lap, and looked up at him, pushing the book to the side so he could get a clear view of his lover. "Do you think I should go?"
"It's up to you," Sebastian said, finding it very hard to concentrate on the words running across the page.
"No, not that." Ciel's voice was suddenly very serious. "Alois's funeral."
Is that today? Has it really been a whole week since he died? Sebastian could still see it clearly, the open window, the leaves swirling through the room, Alois's final words. The day our troubles disappeared. The day Ciel almost died. "Is that really today?" Of course, he already knew the answer. The announcement had arrived in the mail that morning. Alois's body had been found on the street, head smashed in, blood gushing all around him. He was even featured in the news the very next day, not that Sebastian had paid any attention.
"Should I call his parents or something? Tell them 'I'm sorry but I don't think I can do it.'" Ciel sighed. "They don't even know what their son was responsible for. They don't know that he was a murderer. I don't think they even knew he was bisexual." Ciel shook his head. "I used to think it was great, the way he was so good at hiding everything. Hiding his cigarettes and beer. Hiding his porn stash. Even his own personality. I wanted to be just like him."
"I think you should go to the funeral," Sebastian said, his own words surprising him. "He was a huge part of you, Ciel. You loved him and he loved you."
"You think he's in hell watching over me?" Ciel managed to laugh. "I'll go, but only if you come with me."
"Of course I'll go with you," Sebastian said. He leaned down and kissed the tip of Ciel's nose.
Several sharp rings rang throughout the flat. Ciel was in the bathroom, struggling to put on a tie, Sebastian trying to help, though he hadn't the faintest idea how, seeing as he had never had a reason to wear one.
"It's probably that nurse from the hospital," Ciel said, rolling his eyes. "You shouldn't have given her our number.
Sebastian smiled. Our number. It's not just my phone number anymore. "I gave her my cell phone number," he said, "not the house one." He dropped Ciel's neck tie and went to pick up the phone. He didn't even hesitate. "Hello?"
"Did I call at a bad time? You sound as if you're in a hurry."
Sebastian immediately recognized the voice as Mr. Lau's. "Ciel and I are going to a funeral."
"The funeral of the man that stabbed him? Isn't that a bit strange, Sebastian?"
"Mr. Lau, I'm sorry, but we do have to get going. I can stop by your flat later, if you'd like me to visit. Are you running low on medicine? I could run to the pharmacy if you want-"
Lau cut him off. "I don't live in London anymore, Sebastian. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier, I should have told you the last time I saw you, but you were thinking of your boyfriend and I didn't want to give you something else to worry about-"
"Mr. Lau, where are you?"
"I've gone back to China." Lau laughed, coughing in the process. "I think I'm going to get better here, after all, my whole family is here. They've wanted me to come back for years. I honestly shouldn't have left in the first place."
"But what about the book shop?" Sebastian didn't need an answer. He already knew. The book shop was his.
"You can keep it running, Sebastian. That shop was a diseased man's cure. At least, his partial cure. When I was first diagnosed, I thought it was over. I thought I might as well just end my life, but then that book shop came into my life. And suddenly, I had something to live for. That's why I hired you, Sebastian. You were a diseased man, too, who had absolutely nothing to live for. So I thought that the shop could be a distraction, it could give you something, no matter how small or insignificant, something to live for." Lau was silent for a few seconds. "And now you've found something even bigger, even better to live for. You can pass the shop down, pass it to some other unfortunate soul, maybe they'll meet a lucky fate akin to yours." He paused. "Of course, you could also sell it, I wouldn't mind-"
"Mr. Lau, I could never sell the shop. I'll take care of it, I promise you, but I do have a question. Why did you leave without seeing Ciel? You saved his life and now he'll never get to see you-"
"Who said he couldn't take a trip to China?" Lau laughed. "I suppose I just don't have the courage to face him, I don't want to be seen as a hero, Sebastian. I'm just a thirty-five year old man who got sick during the height of his youth. I'm nothing special."
No, you are a hero. You saved Ciel's life. I can't thank you enough for that. You saved me too, taking me as an employee. I would be on the street if it wasn't for you. For the longest time, you were the only person who cared about me, Mr. Lau. And I don't even know your first name. "You are a hero, Mr. Lau."
If Sebastian could have seen Lau's face, he would have seen tears. "Thank you, Sebastian. Again, I know I should have told you I was going to leave, I'm sorry I didn't. Maybe I'll call again, someday. If you ever find yourself in China, please visit."
"Are you sure you don't want to talk to Ciel?"
"I'm sure. I have nothing to say that I'm sure he doesn't already know. I wish you both the best. Like I said, come visit if you can."
"We will go to China on holiday. Thank you for everything, Mr. Lau. And by the way, you've never told me your first name." Sebastian had a feeling that Lau wasn't going to say.
"I'm a very mysterious person, Sebastian."
"So you aren't going to tell me?"
"Knowing my name wouldn't change anything."
Sebastian nodded, despite the fact that Lau wasn't even in the same room. "Thank you," he said again. "Goodbye, Mr. Lau."
Ciel was standing in the doorway in a full suit. He had even managed to put his tie on correctly. "He didn't want to talk? I still wish I could thank him. Thank him for not letting me die, so that I could be with you." Ciel took one long stride over and straightened Sebastian's jacket. "Should we get going?"
The funeral took place outside of a church, on a cemetery lawn. Alois's parents, relatives, and friends were all there. None of them knew the truth about their beloved Alois. No one knew that he had ever committed a crime. As far as they knew, he was their perfect, charming angel.
Sebastian gripped Ciel's hand. He could tell Ciel felt sick. "We can leave whenever you want," he whispered.
"I can do this." Ciel smiled, and it was genuine. He led Sebastian to a pair of empty chairs. They sat down, still holding each other's hands. A few people raised their eyebrows at them. There were a few whispers. Unsurprisingly, the usual guests at Alois's parties had decided not to come. Not one person from the crowd he went around with at the university had showed up. Here, there were only childhood friends and friends of his parents. None of them had the faintest idea of what went on in Alois's personal life. He hadn't even spoken with his parents for three years.
Ciel and Sebastian looked up. A woman dressed in complete red was standing in front of them, eyes wide, face smeared with cheap looking makeup. That's Ciel's aunt. Angelina.
"You were invited?" Ciel spluttered.
"Of course, Alois practically lived in our flat when you two were teenagers. Who is this, Ciel? Seeing as you haven't bothered talking to me for the past four years, I must have missed out on a lot. Since when are you gay? Last time we spoke, you had a girlfriend."
Sebastian's grip tightened. He suddenly felt very self-conscious, and very awkward.
"Aunt Angelina, are you accusing me of something right now? I'm not the one going around as an escort by the name of Madam Red."
Angelina blushed. "Where the hell did you hear that?"
A few people shot dark looks at the trio. Sebastian could imagine their thoughts. Who is that gay couple and that swearing woman? What are they doing here? He had been opened up to a whole different world from his little flat in East London.
"We've both made some bad choices, Aunt." Ciel reached out to her, finally dropping Sebastian's hand. "This is Sebastian Michaelis, my boyfriend."
Boyfriend. That will never get old. Sebastian's lips curled. He put his hand out for Angelina to shake. He almost laughed. Remember when I didn't even know how to greet people? Remember when I didn't know what to say? "I've heard about you," he said.
"Good things, I hope?" Angelina winked. "Well, Ciel, unlike the rest of the total bastards here, I'm not going to judge you. He is certainly handsome." She pulled her dress up higher, making an attempt to cover her cleavage. "Have you noticed how bloody prudish Alois's family is? Honestly, I don't blame him for doing the things he did."
Ciel laughed, almost nervously. "Maybe I'll tell you the whole story sometime, Aunt Angie. Trust me, there's a lot you don't know about Alois Trancy." He took Sebastian's hand again. "Now we only need to get through the service." He kissed Sebastian's cheek. Everyone is staring, Ciel. But I don't care, because it's you kissing me.
They sat through the full service in complete silence. Every so often, one of Alois's relatives would shoot ugly glances at Ciel and Sebastian. A month ago, Sebastian wouldn't have been able to handle it. He would have run away in humiliation and embarrassment. He would have hid forever. He would have isolated himself from all of the people that could potentially hurt him.
"His family thinks I stole him from them. They got mad because he spent too much time with me and not with them. I think a few of them even started to catch onto what was going on between us," Ciel whispered, as the priest was finishing the service. "Do you think I should tell them who their precious little Alois really was?"
Sebastian shook his head. "I think it's better that they don't know, better that they have a good memory of him, so that they don't have to think about the things you've had to think about. It's better that they don't have to think about him as a murderer, a sociopath, and a sadist."
"It is sad though, sad that they won't ever know who he was. They'll always have this completely false perception of him. 'Who was Alois Trancy?,' people will ask. And they'll say, 'he was popular, charismatic, and charming. He had blue eyes that looked like the ocean. He had this playful smile that would always make everyone happy. He was the closest thing to perfection there was.' They won't get to hear the truth. And I guess it really is better that way." Ciel looked down at the grass below his feet, apparently unaware that the funeral service had ended.
Angelina stood up. "Well, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Are you two coming? I don't want to be around these people more than I have to." She eyed the dispersing crowd, shaking her head.
"Are you alright?" Sebastian looked down at Ciel who was still staring at the ground apparently thinking about something. Whatever it is, I'm here.
"Just remembering. I'm remembering that day in the park, when we were just little kids, and Alois killed that bird. That was the day I should have run away; I should have known he was trouble, but instead I stayed by his side. And for a moment there, I was regretting it, but you know what I realized? If I stayed away from him, I would be a completely different person right now. I wouldn't be the Ciel you fell in love with."
"Your faults are what makes you," Sebastian whispered. He stood up, pulling Ciel up with him. "Miss Durless? Would you like to come to dinner with us next week? Ciel should stay in touch with you. You seem like a very nice person."
Angelina raised her eyebrows. "Good job Ciel, you needed someone with manners. I would be glad to accompany you."
Sebastian put his hand out again for her to shake. Angelina waved it off, instead, she grabbed him for a hug, holding him close. "Ciel needed someone like you," she said in his ear. "I don't really know you, but I can tell he loves you. He loves you a lot." She pulled away, ruffled Ciel's hair and walked away, across the lawn, through the cemetery, putting as much distance as she could between herself and Alois's conservative family.
One week later
Six people sat around a table in the loud, disorganized, Wo Ai Ni. Will Spears, who was obviously very annoyed at the fact that Grell had lied to him, promising that this would be a private dinner between the two of them. Grell Sutcliff, who was gazing into Will's eyes lovingly. Ciel Phantomhive, who was holding Sebastian's hand under the table and whispering into his ear. Sebastian Michaelis, who was trying his hardest not to blush or laugh. Angelina Durless, who felt very uncomfortable around a group of people half her age. And lastly, Mey-Rin, who had been invited last minute by Sebastian, much to everyone's annoyance.
"Pose for me, please. Please, Will! I won't post it anywhere, I promise! I promise!" Mey-Rin held a camera, trying to force Will and Grell into a pose. Of course, Grell had quickly obliged, whereas Will was clearly not going to budge.
He cleared his throat. "So, Ciel, tell me honestly, am I better professor now? Do you like my class?"
Ciel was not paying attention. He was making out with Sebastian, hands lost in his boyfriend's hair. "I love you," he said, taking a breath.
Mey-Rin squealed, snapping a picture. "Do it again, I want to film it this time!"
Darkness was my comforting friend. Loneliness was my lover. Misery was my world. I had nothing. Now, I have everything.
A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love all of you soooo much! Thanks for your reviews, follows, favorites, etc. You guys are absolutely fantastic. I loved writing this fic and I hope you loved reading it. Sequel? Maybe... Not sure yet, but I do definitely have plans for another SebCiel fic. That will be coming soon, so look out for it :)
I wanted to make a list of songs that I think you should listen to. These are the songs that inspired this story. Even if you don't listen to all of them, please at least listen to Everything Will Be Alright by The Killers. Especially if you're going through something tough, this song is the reason why I'm alive. Please listen to it.
Tom Odell-Another Love
Marina and the Diamonds-Teen Idle (the most depressing song I have ever listened to, mostly because it describes me)
Muse-Map of the Problematique
Arctic Monkeys-Do Me a Favour
Daesung-Baby Don't Cry (most of this song is in korean)
Tablo-Dear TV (the message is incredible)
The Killers-Everything Will Be Alright (please, please, please, listen to it)
Muse-Map of the Problematique
Miyavi-Gravity (most of this song is in japanese)
The Neighbourhood-I Love You. (full album, listen to all of it)
The Last Shadow Puppets-My Mistakes Were Made For You
Misery Loves Company is dedicated to everyone who has ever had a mental disorder.
Thanks again, I love you :)
UPDATE: My new SebastianxCiel fic is out. It's called Pretense. Go read it!
Please show it lots of love, or don't, that's fine too :)