"The Angry Video Game Nerd Reviews Total Drama!"

Rated M

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Total Drama or the Angry Video Game Nerd. Total Drama and its characters are owned by FreshTV, Teletoon, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis, and The Angry Video Game Nerd is owned by James Rolfe and Cinemassacre. If the rest of you readers haven't heard of the Angry Video Game Nerd, it's this angry nerd on YouTube that reviews horribly bad games and pretty much games that lack with poor design whatsoever. Not to mention he cusses a lot. And that's what makes it hilarious.


Chapter 1: Introduction/Mr. Coconut

The Angry Video Game Nerd sat right in his living room as the Guitar Guy began to sing his theme song, while he drinks his bottle of Rolling Rock and

"He's gonna take you back to the past/To play the shitty games that suck ass/He rather have a buffalo/Take a diarrhea dump in his ear/He rather eat the rotten asshole/Of a roadkill skunk then down it with beer/He's the angriest gamer you ever heard/He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd/He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd/He's the Angry Video Game Nerd..."

After the theme song was over, the Guitar Guy hid right behind the couch as James Rolfe a.k.a. The Angry Video Game Nerd began to speak to the camera.

"Cartoons come in all shapes and sizes. Whether is family friendly or foul mouth, these are the form of entertainment that still takes us back. From Bugs Bunny to Bart Simpson and from Scooby Doo to Peter Griffin, these characters make memorable nostalgia from generations to come." The Nerd said with a fitting nod, "But recently and lately, I came upon this cartoon from this channel I'm familiar with called Cartoon Network. And the cartoon you ask? It's called Total Drama Island. What's Total Drama Island you ask? Well, it's pretty much like an animated Survivor with 22 bitchy and wussy teenagers who end up spending night after night in an island-coated goat shit of an island! Now don't get me wrong, I like it. I like it so much that for the rest of today, I'm gonna review every character, every couple, and not to mention, every edition that's been included."

And then, The Angry Video Game Nerd starts to put on a straw hat.

"And since this is pretty much fuckin' Total Drama, I'm gonna make this island themed by putting on a straw hat. It's as itchy like a bird's asscheek, but at least it looks frickin' good!" The Nerd said as he was faking a smile and putting on the hat. He looked like a retarded Geoff with specs. Seeing that he looked stupid on camera, the Nerd started to lose it and threw his straw hat right on the ground, "RAAAAAAAGH! I can't believe you have to make me wear this poor excuse of a fucking Wheat Thins hat! I look like Scarecrow and Napoleon Dynamite having a fucking bastard child with Down Syndrome! I would rather wear Flavor Flav's Starburst-colored hat other to wear a bag of shit-covered corn on top of my head! This is ridiculous!"

Just to control his anger, The Angry Video Game Nerd downed a bottle of Rolling Rock and then calmed down a bit.

"Oh, man... that hit the spot..." The Nerd said as he put his bottle down and refocused right on the camera once again, "But enough about this fucking V.D. covered excuse of a straw hat. I'm gonna get to the first character I'm focusing on. He gets more chicks than a ShopVac and he has a warm sensation that can make a hot honey ejaculate on impact. Yes, I'm talking about the greatest character in Total Drama history..."

And then suddenly, The Nerd holds up what seems to be Mr. Coconut, but half of them is cut off and is replaced by a straw. The Nerd is holding him like a flat cup.

"Uh-huh, I'm talking about Mr. Fucking Coconut." The Nerd nodded with a smile, "What can I say about this piece of wooden ass? He's got eyes and a mouth and he's a coconut. Sounds easy when he's befriended by a fucking piece of 300-pound lard that looks like somebody chopped the fat out of the mother from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" and mixed with stem cell research! Of course, you have Owen. But I'm not talking about him until later. Right now, I wanna focus on Mr. Coconut. He's sexier than Kim Kardashian, hotter than a hand being burned off by lava and he's quite tasty than a girl's wet you-know-what! So Mr. Coconut, this is to you!"

And then, with an air toast, The Nerd started to drink Mr. Coconut right through a straw. But somehow, the Nerd's eyes bulged for some reason. he somehow let goof the straw and just spit-taked the rest of the juice right onto the floor.

"WHAT IN THE ELEPHANT-FUCKING THING HAVE I TASTED RIGHT NOW?" The Nerd yelled out angrily as he looked right at Mr. Coconut with so much disgust, "THIS AINT COCONUT MILK, THIS TASTES LIKE HORSE'S CUM THAT JUST BLENDED WITH SUGAR, ICE, CAT PISS AND A GALLON OF GASOLINE ALL ROLLED UP IN ONE! SO THAT'S WHAT OWEN'S BEEN DRINKING ALL THIS GODDAMN TIME? THAT FUCKING FOLD OF FAT WILL DRINK EVEN ANYTHING EVEN IF HE WERE TO DRINKING HIS OWN SHIT-JUICE! WELL, THIS IS UNDRINKABLE! RAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The Angry Video Game Nerd went into rage mode as he sent Mr. Coconut on the floor and the Nerd ending up grabbing an axe out of nowhere. One by one, the Nerd started hacking the holy hell out of Mr. Coconut until he was nothing but coconut shavings. Just to control his anger once again, the Nerd downed another Rolling Rock as he was catching a break.

"You know what, fuck this! I changed my mind about Mr. Coconut! Mr. Coconut sucks! He can just suck a gorilla's weiner while he gets raped by a fork for all I care!" The Nerd angrily exclaimed as he gripped his beer bottle in hand, "So far, he's not worth drinking! The only Total Drama contestant I prefer is Mr. Rolling Rock himself, so good riddance for that shit!"

And then, The Nerd downed once again another Rolling Rock down his throat just to close out the show for now.


Wow, this was interesting. The Nerd reviewing every character, every couple and every season of Total Drama to his most pissed-off extent? Sounds interesting I guess...

Next contestant will be Owen! Until then, read and review!