A/N: I know, I know. I've still got other stories that I need to work on getting updated, but I've got terrible writer's block, so as a way to burn my frustration, I wrote this. It's a O/S really. It's not even much of anything but a look into Bella's mind as she's left heartbroken years after a break-up with a certain someone. Please, let me know what your thoughts are on this. I just want some feedback while I'm stuck, so thank you. I hope you like this little drabble.
If you've got any questions, feel free to ask! I'm open to any criticism or any questions. I tell my husband this all the time: 'There are no such things as stupid questions, so ask away!'
Please, enjoy! Thank you, loves! You're wonderful!
A drawn out moan leaves my lips as I stretch my limbs under the thin sheet of my bed. The silky texture brushing against my smooth skin, feeling like Heaven. Behind my eyelids, I see the red and orange colours of the rising sun. A warmth overwhelms my body, spreading through me like wildfire, but instead of trying to cool it down, I let it burn. I welcome it.
Last night… it was amazing. He was everything I wanted and more. He's just so gentle and he knows; he gets it, unlike all of the others. Never have I been with someone like the beautiful man that graced me with his presence last night. He was such a gentleman about everything, so charming and unabashedly sensitive.
He took me out for dinner at Daniel, an elegant restaurant here in New York. We enjoyed the Oven-baked Black Sea Bass with Syrah sauce and Trio of Milk Fed Veal with a White Cosmopolitan 21 each. Everything was delightful and the cosmos were very satisfying. Everything was spectacular, truly amazing. Even after all these years, we had a wonderful night.
It's been almost three years since we went our separate ways. The whole thing was one of the most heart-breaking experiences of my life, having to go through what we did together. No matter what we agreed and disagreed about, it still caused enough pain for a lifetime.
I was sitting with him at my home down in Florida; I hadn't yet moved to New York. Maybe it was the timing or the place, but I wasn't ready. He and I were wrapped up in each other, gazing into one another's eyes, mine glistening with tears as we exchanged words of passion and heartbreak. Our voices were filled with love, but behind that love was this pain that wouldn't go away; an unbearable pain that wouldn't just fade away over time. Sitting along the beach on a quilt in the sand, his calloused hands moved up and down my arms, creating a calm effect over my body.
"Bella, I love you so much. You know that, yeah?" he asked, pleading with his eyes. Those dark orbs continue to haunt me in my sleep to this day, but at that moment, all I could do was stare right back into them without a word. "I knew from the first day I met you that I only wanted you. I only saw you, no one else. I couldn't think without you invading my thoughts. All I could do was stare into your eyes, searching for that same feeling. That was all I could do."
"Yeah," I said, finally letting out a breath I'd been holding. "I love you, too. It's always been you. And it's killing me to do this. I can see it in you, too." My eyes looked over him, memorising every single outline of his hulking figure, his defined muscles. "We're doing this together, though. It's just like before. We do everything together, right?" Even to my ears, the laugh sounded forced as it passed my lips.
"Sure, sure," he murmured, agreeing with me absentmindedly as his fingertips danced across my pale skin. "I'm going to miss you so much."
This time, the laugh came out naturally. "I think I'm going to miss you much more. You're my everything. You've always been everything to me."
For the first time, the silence between us was uncomfortable. My insides were on fire, the flames licking at my heart. More pain consumed me as I held onto him for dear life, clinging to his body as if he was going to be my last breath until I couldn't hold on anymore. My arms constricted around his neck, probably choking him, but it didn't matter to either of us. We just wanted to be able to share that last moment together.
"I love you, Bells. I love you so much."
"I love you, too." The tears were inevitable at this point. I was blubbering like a baby, my head on his shoulder with my face buried in the crook of his neck. My back was pressed against his chest; the way he held his arms around me kept me there. "I miss you already."
He placed a chaste kiss to my temple. "I miss you, too."
"I don't mean to be cliché, but I'll always love you," I whispered into his ear.
His body shook, the vibrations from his chest against my back as he chuckled lightly. "And I'll always love you. Now, we can be a cliché together."
"Yes. We can."
We separated for a few reasons, the main being the major changes happening in our lives at that time. Not with our careers, no. They were still the same as the month before when we were irrevocably in love. No, his daughter required special care in late February. She was still having trouble breathing, which was taking a huge toll on her father. Of course, his main priority was his daughter, so he was doing everything to help her. As far as I know—this all from what he told me last night—his daughter, Nala, was a considerably healthy three-year-old. Back before we broke up, though, he couldn't handle the relationship, his career, his education and his little girl all at once. He had to let one of them go, and unfortunately for us, it was our relationship.
Of course, he isn't to blame for everything—or anything really. He and I had discussed the situation and the options we had as a couple. In the end, we realised that giving up our relationship was the only reasonable answer. We were only teens, and we had no idea how things would turn out to be later. Though, neither of us knew that our separation would hurt so much when we'd talked about it before and it was mutual.
Opening my eyes for the first time, I'm greeted by the glaring sun shining through the blinds of my bedroom in the three-bedroom flat I purchased two years ago. A contented sigh leaves my lips as I reach out beside me for my best friend. My skin yearns for his touch, so compassionate and careful.
But all I feel is air—an empty bed sheet, cool to the touch. I whisper his name as I continue to feel around the sheets. A dark feeling washes over me as I sit up and turn my head to see the place where the man I love laid not too long ago now empty. This time, I call his name instead of whispering it, hoping he's in the kitchen or the living room.
Only silence replies. My vision clouds and the hole in my heart rips open again, the repaired stitching useless now. Hot tears fall, trailing down my cheeks and onto the bed. My arms automatically wrap themselves around my torso as I lay back down, my head hitting the pillow.
How could he just leave like that? We'd shared so much last night. While at the restaurant, I watched as he spoke animately about a trip he'd recently taken to northeastern New South Wales.
"Bella, I couldn't believe I won. It was awesome, yeah?" he had said while sipping from his glass. His eyes were lit up and he spoke with passion. "And Nani was there for me. She finally got to go to one of my races. She's never been to anything before, but this was the first thing she got to see and I was lucky to have won. You should've seen her face. Her smile was wide and she was clapping for me, shouting my name. It was unbelievable."
"I'm so happy for you. That's great," I replied, truly proud of him. "Did she enjoy the race?"
"Yeah. She was so excited when we arrived and after I won. I didn't think I was going to win because I was so nervous with her there. One of the best days of my life, yeah?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I'm very proud of you. You're always so successful. I think having her there made it even better, though. You had even more of a reason to win. She helped push you even further, which is great. You're an outstanding father, too. I always knew you would be."
"Thanks. That means a lot," he blushed, averting his gaze. His cheeks were tinted red and his signature half-smile was splayed across his face. Lifting his eyes to meet mine, he cleared his throat and leaned his forearms on the edge of the table. "She talks about you."
Astonished by his confession, I straightened my spine and bit my lip. "Sorry, what?"
"Nani, she talks about you."
A nervous laugh bubbled up from me and I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, crossing my legs under the table. "I don't understand. She probably doesn't remember me. The last time she probably saw me was when I… when I dropped off a few of your things at your house in L.A. Even then, she was just a baby."
Smirking to himself, he swiped his finger under his bottom lip. The light in his eyes dimmed a bit, his face now wearing a somber expression. "Um, I have a few photos of you and I in a photo album. There's a framed photo by my bed, too. She, um, she likes to look at them."
"I, um, I hope you don't find that too bizarre. We were always best friends, even before our relationship, so I kept our photos. Nani's favourite is the one of all three of us together in Florida. We went to the Super Bowl. It's her favourite because… she says we're a family."
I closed my eyes, processing his words in my head. The thought of Nani saying something that meant so much to both of us while she didn't know the importance behind it was really overwhelming. "Wow, that's really something."
"My favourite photo is of us. I have it with me." He leaned back in his seat, reaching for his wallet. In his hand, he held a photo with our names written on the back and he gave it to me. "It's a reminder that you were always the first girl I've ever loved."
The photo was in my hand, my thumb playing with the corner. When I flipped it over, a gasp left my lips and I felt like someone had cut off the oxygen to my lungs. The photo was no more than three inches tall and barely two inches wide. It was a black and white photo of us, his long arms around my waist as his lips brushed against my forehead. I was smiling at the camera while he was gazing down at me.
"It's from when we went back Down Under two weeks before we separated," he confirmed.
Everything that happened last night made my heart swell with joy. Now ripped in two, I rest my hands over it and lay back down in the bed. A sob tears through me as I bring the pillow he slept on toward me, hugging it to me and breathing in the musky scent he left on it. For an unknown amount of time, I stay in the same curled up position while the tears continue to dampen my tainted pillow. Memories of us run through my mind as I continue to sob, broken whispers leaving me once in awhile.
"Jacob, I miss you."
A/N: Alright. That's it for now. I don't know if this is going to go anywhere, so maybe… please, you know… review? That would be oh so kind of you! Just a tad bit of your time is all it takes.
To answer anyone's question since I know it would be one if I was a reader: Jacob's daughter is Nala, but he gave her a nickname—Nani. He didn't like the sound of Nana (because that doesn't fly with me). I just like Nani better, but I still love Nala. So, if you notice that switch, Nani is just the nickname.