OKAY. I'M DOING SOMETHING UNPRECEDENTED! I AM WRITING A ?SHERNIE? ONE SHOT! NO ONE ELSE IN THE REALM OF HAS PUBLISHED A STORY WITH THESE TWO IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. I think about how Bernie is always able to get Sheldon under control and obedient. She is the only one who forces him to be reasonable. I'm excited about this pairing and as much as I love Shenny and Shamy, I had to give it a try. I own nothing!
"C'mon, Sheldon. I need you to go out with us. Penny says she will double but I need to find someone for her friend Bernadette." Leonard pleaded, watching his roommate watch his white board
"Leonard, I have neither interest nor the desire to entertain one of Penny's remedial waitress friends." Sheldon responded, taking a step towards his board and squinting his eyes. He took his marker and amended an equation before stepping back.
"Sheldon, she is ascertaining her doctorate in Microbiology."
Sheldon paused and glanced at Leonard questioningly.
"Really? Are you telling me someone of Penny's intellect can find common interest with a burgeoning microbiologist?"
"I guess so. Are you coming or not?" Leonard asks, impatiently.
"What's in it for me?" Sheldon asked, turning his attention to his diminutive friend.
"The opportunity to befriend a brilliant young mind." Leonard quips.
"Not interested in befriending anyone. I have my quota for friends at this present time."
"Maybe you could persuade her to enter Physics as a field of study." Leonard offered.
"Hmm…Well, I guess I could use a mentee. Open her mind to the larger realm of scientific possibilities…Sure. I'd love to have dinner with y'all." Sheldon replied.
"Great. Let me call Penny."
Leonard had been in love with Penny since they first met her 2 years ago when she moved into the building, but had finally gotten the nerve to approach her with romantic prospects just this past week. She was reeling from another bad breakup with another bad boyfriend and he had taken the opportunity to ask her to a casual dinner. Her counter offer was a double date if he could find someone for her friend. Raj couldn't speak to women and since he knew Penny despised Howard, so Sheldon was his only option.
His heart beat loudly in his ears as he called Penny. He was so excited that he took out his inhaler and breathed in two deep puffs of albuterol. She answered and he could have sworn he'd never heard a more beautiful sound. His voice cracked and he began speaking.
"Hi, Penny. This is Leonard. Leonard Hofstader. From across the hall. I'm sorry to bother you but I was getting back to you about the d-d-date- our casual dinner."
"Oh yeah. You find someone to hang with my friend?"
"Yes, Sheldon." He offered. " Hello?"
"Not your roommate Sheldon?" She asked, hesitantly.
"Yes. He's the only Sheldon I know."
"Sweetie, not to rain on your parade, but Sheldon? He isn't even human, is he? My friend would be better off with a creep like Howard."
Beads of sweat pooled down Leonard's face. "Are you cancelling?" he asked, his voice raising an octave.
She sighed. "No, I guess not. Is he really the only option?"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so." He replied.
"Okay then. I guess the date is on. I'm going to have to warn my friend though. No one is ever prepared for that wackadoodle."
They disconnected and Leonard breathed a sigh of relief. He had a date with Penny. His ultimate dream girl.
"Our kids will be smart and beautiful!" he declared.
The night of the date, Leonard was sweating bullets. He changed clothes 14 times, even trying on one of his Star Trek uniforms before deciding on a blue polo and black pants. He threw a blazer over the ensemble to camouflage his sweat stains. Wiping his forehead and glancing in the mirror, he saw that his patented combo of sweat and product had coaxed his unruly hair into sleek waves. He walked out to the living room to wait on Sheldon.
The doorbell rings and he walks to open the door. On the other side, Raj and Howard are standing- dressed in preppy garb.
"Where the hell are you guys going looking like that?" he asked, stepping aside to let them in.
"We are going to a college glee/acapella competition and we want to fit in." Howard responds defensively.
"Okay… and what are you doing here? " he asks, still puzzled.
"We wanted to see if you wanted to toss on a sweater vest and head out with us." Raj responded, holding on to his suspenders.
"No, you look ridiculous. Like Steve Urkel" He laughs.
"Well, you look like David from Roseanne." Howard responds.
"Hardy har har, fellas. What's going on here? Are we cancelling this God-forsaken date and spending the night in with the boys?" Sheldon says, walking into the living room and interrupting their playful banter.
"No, we are not. I've been looking forward to this date for two years and no one, not even you, Sheldon, is going to ruin this night for me." Leonard says confidently.
"Well, looks who has grown a pair." Howard mumbles to Raj.
Raj laughs hysterically and is silenced by Penny walking into the apartment.
Penny looks stunning in her hot pink mini dress. Her blonde hair is up in a high pony tail revealing the smooth skin of her neck and emphasizing her ample cleavage on her low cut dress.
"Ready to party?" she asks.
"A party, Leonard?" Sheldon interrupts " You told me we were going to get dinner and then I could split so you could get lucky."
"Lucky?" Penny says, walking up to Leonard.
He begins to sputter.. "No-no-that's not what I actually said."
"Of course it is. I have an eidetic memory." Sheldon responds blankly.
Penny is smiling though and traces her fingers around Leonard's chest. "We'll have to see if the luck is in your favor, then…"
She grabs his hand and leads him out the door. Sheldon follows begrudgingly. Leonard pops his head back in and says to the guys
At the restaurant, a fine Italian café, they meet Bernadette: A pocket-sized curvaceous blonde with glasses and a beautiful smile. With her saccharine voice as adorable as her appearance, she seems to take a genuine liking to the peculiar Dr. Cooper.
Something happened to Sheldon that night. As he was being introduced to Bernadette, his heart skipped a beat. Then it began to race as he looked down into her large green eyes. He attempted to diagnose his arrhythmia as body confusion from being in a strange restaurant, but the more he talked to his dinner companion, the more he felt the correlation between his heart and the beautiful girl. He was smitten. For the first time in his life, he felt for a person what he felt for science. The excitement that he usually reserved for solving equations and pondering the mysteries of the universe was felt having a small conversation over dinner. The background didn't matter. The foreign food didn't matter. The other two remedial beings at the table didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was this gorgeous, intelligent creature sitting in front of him.
"I find your field of science fascinating." She told Sheldon, her small hand on his.
Leonard watches the physical interaction with apt attention. He knows how Sheldon feels about people touching him. Surprisingly, he doesn't pull away.
"Why thank you, Bernadette. And may I say that I find your interest in my field fascinating as well. I'm quite intrigued to meet someone so smart and in such a nice little package" Sheldon replied sweetly.
Penny shared a look with Leonard. Was Dr. Sheldon Cooper flirting?
Bernadette blushed. "I bet you say that to all petite microbiologists." She laughed.
Sheldon laughed his stilted laughed and smiled sweetly at the tiny grad student.
"Would you like to come visit my job sometime? I can show you some of the wonderful things I am working on." He offered, placing his other hand on top of hers.
"I'd love that. " She smiled, shyly and Sheldon felt his heart skip another beat.
Three months later, Sheldon and Bernadette still meet for an occasional hot beverage and conversation. He attended her graduation and presented her with an unsolicited gift of a journal with Dr. Bernadette Mary-Anne Rostenkowski imprinted on the cover. Sheldon has yet to discover what separates her from the rest of humanity who repulse him. Her appeal is one of intellect yet attractiveness. She reminds him of home and of home cooking. Her voice with its lyrically cartoonish timbre makes his breath catch and his heart pound. Her figure with its lush curves and petite stature drives him wild with dizzying emotions that he'd never had to fight before. He finds each day a journey of temperance and balance; trying to sustain his asexual and non-emotional status.
Today, he meets with her at the Coco-Bean Café down the street from his job. His hands sweat with anticipation and he resists the urge to stare into her ample cleavage as she talks about her newest research project. He barely hears what she says with his heart pounding in his ears. Deliberately, he interrupts her.
"Yes, Sheldon?" she takes a drink out of her mug and licks her bottom lip.
Distracted by the action of her tongue, he sighs heavily.
"Sheldon, is something the matter?' she asks, cautiously.
"Bernadette… has Penny ever spoken of my circumvention of traditional male female relations?"
"Actually yes. She told me just yesterday that she was perplexed that we still continued to meet up. She said that you were seemingly asexual. But I assured her that our friendship was platonic."
"Is that what you are in the market for? A platonic relationship?" he asks very seriously.
"Well, I went along with Penny on that date because I wanted to find romantic companionship. But as it were, this friendship we've cultivated is quite nice."
"I want more." He blurted.
"You do? Well, you have an immensely abnormal way of showing it." She said, angrily.
"Why are you angry? I thought you'd be happy."
"Happy? That the great Sheldon Cooper wishes to creep along in a Para-romantic faux relationship?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Sheldon, I know you. You mean to string me along without progress. You're afraid of touching me. Or anyone at all. How can we progress? I want it all. I want emotions, sharing, and sex. Can you give me those things?"
He sits for a moment and looks at the woman he has fallen in love with. If there is anyone he trusts to help him transition to a more physical and companionable lifestyle- it would be her.
"I can. And I will. I want to be with you Bernadette- in every way possible."
Their progress was slow but steady. Bernadette, having a short fuse for backtracking, kept Sheldon on a constant learning arch. When he attempted to get her to sign a relationship agreement, she threw it in the trash. She equated it to a pre-nuptial agreement in its offensiveness. When he hesitated on touching her, she touched him instead. The feelings she created in him were so new and so passionate, that he didn't always know how to articulate his reactions. The petite wonder was aggressive where he was passive and alive where he was previously dead. She resuscitated parts of him that he thought were lifeless and gone forever. And all this before they even could achieve coitus.
They sat, cuddling in his spot on the couch. He let his free hand gently push a stray strand of blonde hair away from her face.
"You know I've always had a thing for blondes." He mumbled.
"Is that so?" she queried, looking up into his eyes.
"Not because of the social mandates mind you, but because of the angelic look of those near white eyelashes. When you doze off, I can't help but stare. You are mesmerizing." He replied, kissing her forehead.
"When you say things like that, I find it hard to remember the socially awkward physicist I met all those months ago." She replied.
"He's gone because of you, Bernadette. You have changed me in a way so unrecognizable and so profoundly that I will never be the same."
She tilted her head and accepted his proffered kiss. Their physical relationship had been stilted at first. Sheldon had been uncomfortable initiating contact and she'd had to lead him tediously through the cuddling and kissing process. He found that after a while he forgot about germs and wanted only to please Bernadette. Their intellectual relationship alone was so stimulating, but adding the physical element only made their connection flourish.
"I love you." he said simply.
It was the most natural thing for him to say in a social world full of things that were unnaturally difficult for him to do.
OKAY. PLEASE BE NICE. I'M A SHAMY GIRL ALL DAY, BUT WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD WRITE THIS. PLEASE BE NICE.