A/N: I have had this idea for awhile that Aomine and Kagami are the only ones that don't realize they like each other. Everyone else is getting tired of their drama and some of them decide to do something about it. This is what came out. It will be split into two parts, the first from the other's perspective and the second from the idiots themselves.
It was painfully obvious to everyone except the two idiots involved.
Aomine, who hated when girls clung to him and simpered in his ear, started bringing his big-breasted girlfriends around everywhere Kagami happened to be. The fact that he changed girls as often as he changed underwear didn't escape anyone's notice, either. Even Kagami, though he was the only one who didn't know why Aomine was acting the Lothario all of a sudden. The more Aomine cuddled and cooed with a girl, the darker Kagami's face would get, and the brighter Aomine's eyes would shine with satisfaction. Why he wanted to rub Kagami's nose in his romantic affairs, and why Kagami was bothered at all, Aomine didn't even try to think too deeply about.
For his part, Kagami hauled an unenthusiastic and progressively cranky Kuroko with him to anyplace where he just might bump into Aomine. Without consciously realizing what he was doing, he would lean close to Kuroko, touch and fondle and pat his partner's pale head, much to Kuroko's rising aggravation. Kagami never noticed Kuroko's ire, however. His eyes were too busy cutting to the side, watching Aomine tense and glower and clench his fists with every touch, every laugh, every word spoken to Kuroko. Aomine was the only one, besides Kagami, who was completely in the dark regarding the red-head's sudden and out-of-character desire for skinship.
There were usually a varied number of their friends and teammates, current and former, around the pair during these childish displays, much to all of the others' disgust. Kagami and Aomine couldn't play out their lame charade alone. Oh, no, they had to inflict their ridiculousness on everyone around them. Riko threatened more than once to pile drive Kagami into the ground, and Wakamatsu had to be held back at least ten times to keep him from punching Aomine in the face. It was that bad.
It went on for months until Kuroko, Hyuuga, and Imayoshi decided enough was enough. Kuroko because he was tired of being drawn into his friends' stupidity; Imayoshi and Hyuuga because the two captains had had enough of their star players spacing out, playing unevenly, and generally being a pain in the ass to everyone else on their teams. The three agreed to meet at a place neither Kagami nor Aomine would ever set foot in, a salad and fruit bar, in order to discuss the situation.
"So, what should we do about our mutual problems?" Imayoshi asked as soon as he sat down, not even bothering with exchanging greetings or small talk.
He was on a mission, and the sooner they took care of this nonsense, the sooner he and all of Touou could get back to the things that actually mattered: basketball.
"I think we should lock them in a closet with no food or water until they cry and beg our forgiveness," a polite voice spoke immediately to Imayoshi's right.
Only the slight twitching of his eye behind his glasses gave away just how startled he was by the sudden sound. He glanced to his side and, sure enough, Seirin's number eleven was sitting in the chair next to him. Kuroko was like a phantom, he thought to himself, a bit annoyed that he hadn't noticed the smaller man before he had sat down. Imayoshi was also surprised and not scared exactly but certainly uneasy to hear something so frightening come from the calm, expressionless Kuroko.
Unfortunately, Hyuuga was already in a bad mood from that fool Kiyoshi showing up at his house at the crack of dawn and not leaving until he'd been forcefully kicked out. That made him highly susceptible to Kuroko's suggestion as he felt the driving need to punish someone. If it couldn't be Kiyoshi, Kagami, and as an extension Aomine, would have to suffice.
"Right then, that's what we'll do," he grabbed his bag and started to rise. "See you after I take care of those retards."
"Ah, hold on!" Imayoshi held a hand out. "Perhaps we should consider this a bit more carefully. We want to make sure we can fully resolve this crisis."
Disgruntled, Hyuuga grumbled but sat down anyway. Imayoshi gazed at him and silently wondered if all of Seirin's players actually had a few screws loose, though he wisely kept that thought to himself.
Clearing his throat, he continued. "Kuroko's unorthodox, and dangerous," he added under his breath, "suggestion aside, I am sure we can find a reasonable and non-criminal solution to this situation."
Kuroko just stared at him, while Hyuuga simply tsked and crossed his arms.
"Okay, then," Imayoshi pushed up his glasses, leaning back in his chair so he could keep both of them in his sight "I think we can all agree what Kagami's and Aomine's problems are."
Hyuuga rolled his eyes with a snort. "Yeah, they're inconsiderate dumbasses."
At the same moment, Kuroko baldly stated, "Sex."
Imayoshi was sipping from the drink he had brought with him when they responded. While both answers were technically correct, the insulting frankness of each caused him to choke. He had thought he was a hardass, but these two were brutal. Coughing, he sat his drink down and dabbed at his mouth with a napkin.
"Er, yes, I suppose you are both right," he took a deep breath, "but the main problem is that neither of them realizes that they have this problem. We need to get them to acknowledge it, maybe even act on it to relieve their tension and frustration, and then everything can go back to normal."
Hyuuga unfolded his arms, placing his elbows on the table with a frown. "You realize you are talking about letting them become homos. Are we really okay with that?"
With that slightly evil look he was known to wear on the court, Imayoshi gave a fatalistic shrug. "As long as Aomine can score for me on the court and keep Touou winning, I don't care if he dates a man, a woman, or even himself."
"Don't tell Aomine-kun that last one," Kuroko piped back in. "Knowing him, he might actually try it." His arms were folded in his lap and his back was straight and proper, belying the somewhat indecent words that had just come out of his mouth.
An image of Aomine doing unspeakable things to himself and leering, "The only one who can date me is me," rose unbidden in Imayoshi's mind, and he shuddered. He glanced at Kuroko. Blue eyes met his with a bland look, but they were crinkling slightly at the corner. It seemed Kuroko knew exactly what Imayoshi had been thinking and was amused by it. Imayoshi wondered if maybe the fair-haired, diminutive young man just might be the most evil one of them all.
"Right," he blatantly ignored that last statement and went on, "while locking them up somewhere might be a little too much, I do agree we need to get them alone so that they are forced to face each other without outside distractions. Therefore, here is what I suggest …"
An hour later, the three of them separated, a plan to get Kagami and Aomine's heads out of their asses and back on what was important had been firmly established. Whatever happened after, well Imayoshi and the others would deal with it when the time came.