It was another typical day in Boston and the Cheers gang was doing their regular thing in the bar, chatting and drinking, and basically having a good time.

"H-h-hey, Sam," Cliff said, coming into the bar.

"Hey there, Cliffy," Sam replied. "Boy, you don't look so good."

"And you're just realizing this now?" Carla said, walking by.

"Eh, I swear, it's gotta be below zero out there. The mail bag practically froze to my thigh this morning."

"Here, this'll warm you up," Sam said, handing him a cup of coffee.

"Aw, thanks there, Sammy."

Cliff tried to pick up the mug, but started shaking due to him being cold. He then set it down and tried to pick it up again, but failed once more.

"Uh, how about a straw, Cliff?" Sam said.

"Thanks, Sam, that might work better," he said taking the straw and drinking it in a hurry. "Ow!!"

"Uh, Cliff, I just made that a few minutes ago. You may want to let it cool a little bit."

Cliff sat there for a moment. "Yeah, I knew that."

"Good afternoon, everyone," Norm said entering.

"NORM!!" the whole bar shouted.

"What's up, Norm?" Sam said.

"The due date on my liver," Norm replied, sitting down.

"Honestly, Lilith, I don't know why you have to fret over such things," Frasier said, walking in with Lilith.

"What's wrong, Frais?" Sam asked.

"Well, this morning, I sent Frederick off to school in a heavy jacket and gloves, and now he has a slight temperature, and Lilith is saying it was because he wasn't wearing enough this morning."

"Frasier, it is a fact that most body heat escapes from the head, so therefore when it is as frigid as it is at a time such as this, one must wear a hat to trap that excess heat. Otherwise, one gets unnecessary coldness, a lot of times resulting in viruses such as our Frederick has had bestowed upon him," Lilith replied.

"For goodness sakes, woman, his temperature is 99.1! He's fine."

"Then would you care to elaborate as to why our young offspring was sent home from school today?"

"Probably faked it," Carla stated.

"Excuse me, but our child would never be involved in such behavior. We have always taught him to behave in a proper manner," Lilith explained.

Carla rolled her eyes. "Look, take it from a woman who has eight kids. They make you think that they would never do anything that wasn't appropriate, and therefore, when ya think that, then it's easier for them to fool you because you would never think that they would never do somethin' like that."

"Well our Frederick isn't like that," Lilith said. "How can you even compare our child to your kids?"

"Because, I know kids. I bet ya anything, young Frederick is layin' around at home, watching the tube and having the music blaring, pigging out on junk food."

"But how? We have a babysitter," Frasier said.

"What's their name? I've had so many of those, I might have had them once before."

"Alexandra Thomas."

"Ah, dear old Alexy."

Lilith got a worried look on her face. "You know her?"

"Ah, yeah. She had her boyfriend over once when she was sittin' once. Let's just say that I didn't have to explain the birds and the bees to my kids after that."

Lilith and Frasier's eyes grew wide and they immediately ran to and out the door.

"It's so much fun scaring them," Carla said with an evil sounding laugh.

Rebecca then walked in, looking upset. "My life is useless."

"Still?" Carla stated.

"What's wrong, honey?" Sam asked.

"Well, I was talking to my mother on the phone a little while ago, and she said that she was disappointed in me for not being married yet and wondered when the hell I was going to start living my life. And she kept going on and on about how perfect my sister was and went on and on about her wonderful children. And then I got to thinking, and realized that she's right. I mean, I'm in my forties and haven't even had a husband or children yet. I might as well just go die now. I mean, I haven't really accomplished anything in my life," Rebecca responded.

"Well sweetheart, why don't you prove your mother wrong?" Sam said.


"By going out there and finding someone. You know, go to singles bars, put an ad in the personals, go clubbing, you know, get out there and look the hard way."

"Oh, I don't know, Sam. I was thinking of just picking the first guy I see and have a useless fling."

"Well, I could test that for ya and make sure that's what you really want," he said getting close to her.

"Please, I would rather do it with Woody."

Woody turned around looking surprised. "Uh, sorry Miss Howe, but I'm kind of already involved with Kelly."

"Well what about me? I wouldn't mind giving you a little lovin' there, uh, Beck," Cliff said.

"Cliff, no offense, but I would rather do it with Norm," Rebecca said.

"Well, I got a minute, if you wanna go back there," Norm said.

"Hey, she said me, too," Woody said.

"Yeah, but you got Kelly."

"And you got Vera."

"Yeah, so what's your point?"

"Oh, just shut up, all of you!" she screamed as she went back to the office and slammed the door shut.

"Great, look what ya did, now, Woody," Norm said.

Woody looked taken aback for a second, and lowered his head. "You're right, Mr. Peterson. I'd better go apologize."

Sam stopped him and shook his head. "No, Woody, it's okay. He's was just kidding."

"Aw, thanks a lot, Mr. Peterson. I could've made a real fool out of myself."

"And when would that be something new?" Carla replied.

"You know something guys, I just got a wonderful idea," Sam said, grinning.

"Uh-oh, I see those wheels turnin'. So what's up, Sammie?" Norm asked.

"Well, as I see it we have a very vulnerable Ms. Rebecca Howe in there who's looking for a man in her life. I think it's time for the Sammie mobile to start the engine."

Everyone laughed and cheered him on as he made his way back to the office and went inside. He then found Rebecca sitting at her desk ripping pages out of a magazine and smoking a cigarette.

"Uh, Rebecca are you all right?" Sam asked.

Rebecca just glared at him and continued ripping. "Are you a man?"

"Well, yeah, I certainly hope so."

"Then get lost."

"Aw, come on you don't mean that, honey."

"Yes I do! All men are slime! That's why I'm ripping every picture that is or has to do with a man out of all these magazines."

"Rebecca, sweetheart, listen, you're just upset. Look, if you want to get over this thing with your mother, then why don't you go out on a date?"

"Yeah? And who do you suggest I go out with?"

"Well, uh, how about you give old Sammie a try?"

"Please, I would rather put my head in a bench grinder."

Sammie put his hand on his chest and shook his head. "Man, that just hurts when you say stuff like that to me. Come on, it's not like we haven't slept together before."

"Uh! You make me sick!"

"Come on Rebecca, why can't you just for once be happy? I mean, you're constantly feeling sorry for yourself and getting upset at the world."

"Well I don't care! So leave me alone you male chauvinist pig!"

Sam sighed. "Fine, then I'm going to take matters into my own hands."

He went over to where she was and grabbed her, throwing her over his shoulder.


Sam walked out with her and turned to everyone. "I'll see ya guys later."

"Where are you going?" Woody asked.

"Please, he has a woman over his shoulder and you ask where he's going? Did you just meet him or something?" Carla stated.

"No, I've known him for quite a few years. Where have YOU been?"

Carla just rolled her eyes. "See ya later Sam! And good luck!"

Sam laughed. "Please, I don't need luck. I'm Sammie, remember?"

Everyone just laughed and cheered him on as he went out the door with a shrieking Rebecca on his shoulder.